dont know what to call this

[blimboob]

I got back into my tumblr 💜💜💜 I missed you hellsite

[notnotaries]

i walk alone in the abyss and i think i've forgotten what i looked like. when i first started walking i worried about my shadow

i can feel my feet, itll take a while to forget those

i can feel my hands, my head, my hair. i could feel my heart, my breath,...my hair

but what about my shadow

it is an abyss after all

all dark and dreary if i laid down for long enough i could convince myself i was dead

it was an abyss after all

my shadow was gone and i didn't know where to look

after a while i forgot what i had forgotten and decided to keep on walking i forgot what i have forgotten and now its time to move on. but my breath was so shallow

it came like second nature

i havent stopped walking so i havent stopped breathing so

my breath was so shallow. i forgot what i was thinking when i decided to stop breathing

but i forgot what was forgotten and decided to move on.

i just kept walking

it was an abyss after all

and i havent used my hands in a while in order to not forget them id flex once or twice a day but the concept of time stopped existing after a while because

it is an abyss after all.

so my hands got forgotten and my arms got forgotten and i forgot how to forget so i forgot what was forgotten and decided to move on. one day the lights turned on

from behind me of all places

a lot of things happened at once

the shadow i had forgotten

the breath i was a'hold'in

the arms that went a'go'in

were back.

and i cant lie it scared me for a moment

so bad i forgot i closed my eyes.

i forgot what was forgotten

had to keep on walkin

it was an abyss after all.

[notnotaries]

im young, broke, and stuck

im stuck between deciding to save for my future or enjoy my present

im stuck jumping from job to job because i know deep down ill never make it in life

im stuck pretending everything is okay but in reality im on the edge. and this cliff is starting to crumble

and im stuck, because sometimes i don't even admit that im on that cliff.

im young, dumb, and free

free from overbearing parents who only want whats best for me

free from having a path that i can follow if my footsteps never pave one

free, from the thoughts of success

im young dumb and lost

lost from the moment it all began

lost from the moment that i realized that my only coping mechanism is to dream of success, but never truly try to achieve it

lost from the moment where all i knew was to pack up and move

lost from the moment where in my mind nothing mattered anymore

im young, im lost, im free

im young

i just started and i already don't know how to continue.

[notnotaries]

you ever try to walk straight but end up close to the edge?

[notnotaries]

through a night of endless rain

theres a drum no human can beat

though a night of endless rain

this music shakes my feet

i wish to dance in this world

to this this thumbing i just cant stand

in this night of endless rain

i beg, take my hand

we swiftly move out feet

drowning in this dance

till the waters to our knees

and we cant feel our hands

we take it down the streets

no one can see us coming

and when the waters to our knees

we know a floods a'comin

on this night of endless rain

theres no point in even runnin

so we dance the night away

to keep the sun from sunnin

[notnotaries]

i know my thoughts might not be heard but id love if they were

[notnotaries]

I wish to ascend past my physical burdens

Replace my restraints with broken chains

So that i can always be reminded of what was set free

[notnotaries]

some people are more content with the well than swimming in the sea

[notnotaries]

Element 1:pushing forward

Feet soaked in sweat

Caked in callouses i keep moving

My heart beats my chest

The heat steams my sweat

I keep moving

My knees buckle

My face beads

I keep moving

The fry beeps again

Heat freaks the pen

And all the chickens run headless

All except me

I know what i must do

So i do it best i can

Perfect my craft

Let go of my pen

Make others laugh

But never joke again

My feet soaked in sweat

When I shower only i can feel the calluses

I cant keep going like this

I cant keep going like this.

My feet beat the mat

The ground just like that

My fist beats the rack

But nothing changes that

I keep moving

[notnotaries]

I keep Momentos of my friends

more accurately of my friendships

little trophies that remind me of what most soon forget

the single biscoff cookies you always had laid out on the communal table that i ate so many of to the point of making me sick or the Metallica cd you bought me on my birthday honestly it was the first real gift someone has ever gotten me with my interests in mind

even fox candle you bought off whim for the cupcakes we got on your birthday is still kept on my nightstand

some days i feel like a hoarder

i keep things, obvious trash to others that i for some reason give meaning to but that's the way i deal with life

i saw a quote once something along the lines of "when i love someone i love hard" and in all honesty i thought that saying was cringey but when you sit and think about it is there any other way to love?