My partner is absolutely DELIGHTED that Xena-the-TV-show (1) uses Gabrielle's scrolls to justify its own existence, and (2) explicitly declares itself to be non-canon 😂
Kath waits for her chance and corners Vera when no one else is in the area. Vera reaches her arms out to create distance but Kath grabs her wrists and pins her arms to the wall.
"What's the meaning of this Kath?" Vera's emphasis on the name is thick with sarcasm and distrust.
Kath puts her lips beside Vera's ear. Vera can feel the warmth of the other's breath, then hears a whisper. "My name is Joan."
Vera's own breath catches in her throat, and her heart skips a beat. Her suspicions were right all along. There was no Kath. There was only Joan.
Joan faced Vera once again, staring into the smaller woman's eyes with a steady, intense gaze. She leaned in, a mere inch from making contact.
Vera tried to lean away but the wall behind her prevented it. "Are you gonna kill me, or fuck me?" she said, boldly.
After the slight raise of an eyebrow, Joan allowed the corner of her mouth to curl into a minscule smirk. She liked this bolder version of Vera. After a pause to relish in the thought, Joan responded. "Oh, Vera. You know I'd never kill you."
In celebration of it being the anniversary of the show’s final episode, and more importantly the iconic Freakytits rescue scene, I want to return to something I’ve previously touched on before – the parallels between Joan and Vera and how they have inherently changed one another – but specifically today I’m going to be talking about them saving each other in both the literal sense but also from their past selves.
Or in other words; let’s talk about how these two women have both saved one another from being choked to death.
In season 5 episode 11 Vera goes out of her way to try and save Joan from being hanged as a result from her own hubris and as retaliation for the sins of her past. Prior to this moment, Joan has spent the entire season trying to antagonise and stifle Vera’s newfound growth in her position as Governor – a position she only holds due to the path Joan put her on through their mentorship. Despite the fact that it was Joan’s efforts which helped Vera shed the timid mouse persona and put on the Governor pants, Joan can’t help but lash out and try to tear Vera down for the crime of being in the position of power which she covets. After a season of having her ex mentor actively manipulating everyone around her and antagonising them, Vera still see’s Joan being torn down from her new place of power and hanged by the (rightfully) vengeful inmates and knows she can’t let herself watch her die.
Despite her efforts she doesn’t succeed at stopping the other inmates from attempting their retribution, however she does manage to intercept and stop them from completing their attempt on Joan’s life. When it at first seems that she was too late to save Joan’s life, Vera refuses to accept this and begins an attempt to resuscitate her and succeeds – through sharing a part of herself and giving Joan the breath of life. This action is done out of selfless kindness and it’s something that Joan is unable to understand at first, but the action alone is enough for Joan to not only express gratitude to Vera but also confess her fear – an act of vulnerability which is something she never would have allowed herself to do before. Through this act of kindness Vera has already changed Joan in a way, though neither of them can really know this or acknowledge it properly yet.
In season 8 we then see this antagonistic role reversed, with Vera constantly lashing out towards Joan despite her former mentor's genuine attempts to become a better person and connect with her. This attempt at redemption by Joan is clearly influenced by her relationship with Vera; while suffering under amnesia as Kath, it’s Vera who she finds herself gravitating towards and wanting to reach out to; it’s this desire to be close to Vera that drives Kath and then Joan to continue her therapy and try to become a better person. As mentioned in my other post, Vera struggles to accept that Joan is no longer taking the antagonist role in their relationship and her refusal to see the genuine efforts of Joan is what leads to Vera taking on that role herself during this season. While this does prompt Joan to consider revenge against Vera at a point, she doesn’t follow through on it once she witnesses Ann verbally tearing Vera down in a way that’s not altogether dissimilar to how she once would have spoken to her.
Witnessing this interaction between Vera and Ann – who is both a figure of authority to Vera much like Joan used to be, but also the last remaining tie in Vera’s life to who she was before working at Wentworth – reminds Joan to not fall into her old patterns of behaviour and instead helps her put aside her anger at Vera’s recent treatment towards her, enough so that in the next episode she is willing to sacrifice her own freedom for Vera through her confession at the trial. Vera doesn’t accept that Joan’s sacrifice in the courtroom was an act of selfless kindness and instead continues to question the woman’s motivations and believe the worst of her. She is willfully ignorant to the ways in which Joan has changed and that she has done so because of her – because she treated Joan with kindness she didn’t deserve.
So in the final episode, when the bomb goes off and Joan has one final chance at freedom, instead of disappearing without a witness she instead goes and finds Vera. When Vera is being choked to death by Ann – when the one remaining remnant of her past life tries to stifle her for daring to grow out of her submissive role – , it’s Joan who saves her life. Despite all the aggression and dismissive behaviour Vera has shown her this season, Joan can’t watch Vera be killed, because to her Vera has become the most important person in her life – even more important than revenge. And so Joan kills Ann, both saving Vera’s life and cutting her free from the past which was stifling her new-found strength, and then she carries her out of the rubble of the prison which defines them. After carrying her to safety Joan sets Vera down on the ground, confesses that Vera needn’t worry about her in the future, and then walks away, allowing Vera to rise to her feet unassisted and make her own path ahead.
While both of them had nothing to gain and everything to lose by saving one another, it is these choices they made which ultimately and irrevocably changed who they are as a person. In this way though they are now free to move on from Wentworth and create their own futures as better people, they will always be a part of each other.
Anaïs Nin, The Voice // Emily Jungmin Yoon, a Cruelty Special to Our Species // Pablo Neruda, Ode to the Apple // Tory Adkisson, Anecdote of the Pig // Margaret Atwood, More and More // Franz Kafka, Letters to Milena (via x) // unknown, (via x) // ojibwa, (via x) // Hélène Cixous, Stigmata: Escaping Texts; from ‘Love of the Wolf’, tr. Keith Cohen
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