A mortal cannot understand, and nor does he expect them to— everyone has their secret gardens, after all. Although his might be more a labyrinth, with how highly he guards his world away; don’t expect anything like a slip of the tongue here. It really is a shame things have to be this way, though; a feeling that might be more like pity than sympathy in the end. Even if he had access to his fullest abilities as Composer here, he doesn’t think the beings here would take too kindly to him tinkering with souls. Fair enough, he doesn’t take kindly to those tampering with his city either ( even if some of that betrayal comes from closer than you’d like to admit— that’s what you get for being such a cold deity ).
He sees some kind of realization strike in her expression: good, so she understands that much, at least. Recognize exactly what reality Shiki is dealing with here. Sorry, dear, you’ll have to get used to his personality if you expect to get anything out of him— though perhaps expecting anything in the first place might be the real mistake. How trustworthy she’ll perceive him after this, Joshua wonders. Cryptic? Avoidance comes for a reason, even if that’s not something that could be understood by just anyone.
( Well, it’s not like he can’t understand her at all— even if he proclaims the difficulty of understanding other people. He can recall what she must remember, the circumstances of being here; and even if he perhaps did not have any ‘friends’ to immediately miss, he has an entire city that no longer beckons to him. What a lonely feeling…and not quite the way he usually meant it )
“Why can’t it be true? I mean, technically it was his loss. Are you saying I should have bent the rules for Neku? I’d have no gains in doing so.” Actually, he’d bent several rules in bringing certain people back, but justified in that Joshua had already meddled in the results of his own game more than he was supposed to to begin with ( well, not that he was the only one who’d tampered more than they should have— Sanae— but that’s not really anything that’d make sense to her )
“Humans break promises all the time. You should understand that much. Or did you think you were the only one to go through that kind of suffering?” No, Shiki’s not that close minded; their beloved Hachiko knew very well of broken promises. Not that this case was a broken promise, but it is inevitable— not everything works out that nicely in reality. “You should accept it too. After all, Neku accepted his death too, not taking the shot back then. You didn’t see the acceptance in his face, knowing he’d die since he didn’t fight back. Maybe he thought you all would be safe that way?”
Friends. After he’d killed him, twice? A laughable thought. Oh no, wait, that was a real laugh that sneaks out of him. If her words hit close to home, such a feeling never shows on his face. So many questions that she poses, and most of them are met with silence— avoiding, perhaps Joshua has no good answer, but more importantly: they are not matters that concern her, so he will not give Shiki those answers. It should not make any difference to her how he feels towards anyone. “Tee hee…If Neku really thinks us to be friends after all I have put him through, then he’s far more naive than I took him to be.” And perhaps he himself is the most naive of them all.
( …And no, of course not; he had not desired to see Neku’s death any more than he’d already stolen from him. Regardless of how Composer feels towards him, he was full of potential, one that should have thrived well in Shibuya. And yet, he’d not been able to intercept in time, unfortunately; even an omniscient being as him did not know everything, and his proxy’s status following that had been one of them. Well, up until getting here, at least )
It’s your home too. Yes, he could recall those words quite well. But that is not his promise to keep, in the end; one more broken promise to stack to his misgivings.
“I don’t owe him anything.” Really, Composer is pretty sure that not destroying Shibuya and making sure four people had been brought back to life regardless of wins or losses should put Neku in his debt if anything— but he’d owed his proxy at least that much for playing the game the way it’d been meant to be played. Not according to his plans, perhaps, but Shibuya thrives once more. Some more thanks would be more fitting than an apology, really. “Really, what’s the point in apologizing? It’s thanks to Neku that everything went according to plan, after all. I don’t regret my actions in the slightest.” Maybe he regrets a few actions somewhat, maybe he doesn’t— in any case, if Neku knows what’s good for him, he’d never accept any apology coming from him, as far as Joshua was concerned.
“…Well, lying or not, it doesn’t change the fact that he is not here currently. And even if I did know, I’m under no obligation to tell you a thing.” Here being, the exact place the two of them are at, of course. Where proxy is currently isn’t exactly the highest priority on his list: really, they should be thankful that he can’t keep tabs on his former citizens anymore.
shiki had her own share of secrets, to be sure — but it was despite them that she’d made friends with neku, and maybe while shiki’s own secrets wasn’t as high stakes as joshua’s, she’d still guarded them with the best guards she could have mustered, driven by fear that neku would realize that… she wasn’t really who she said she was, after all.
( isn’t that a common point for both of them? maybe joshua couldn’t emphasize with the fear, most certainly, but not being who you said you were at the same time being yourself… isn’t that just more than a little… relatable? )
she has no idea of the burdens that laid on joshua’s shoulders. for her — he was only cryptic composer that people had kept talking about, the head honcho in charge of the game — how odd it was! to see such a person be the same age as she was. she was just starting her life and struggling for it — while he dealt with the end of many.
clenching her fists at her sides, she trembles. tears showing, her voice failing— her melody distorts, helpless anger boiling over into a crescendo. each word and non word out of the composer’s mouth strike hopelessness in her heart. and she almost feels like she has to choke for breath.
this is not anger. this is hurt. a bleeding wound that came from each sentence joshua struck down into her being — joshua did not need his powers to spear her with the truth.
to weigh a single person’s life as a profit-loss equation. each mechanical word sounds inhumane to shiki’s ears.
“he spared you! doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
voice breaking, almost pleading — can’t you see?
the pit of despair in her stomach comes up to engulf her. neku… accepting his death… no. that wasn’t it. that couldn’t be it. the tears welling up overflow and down her cheeks. she’d lost neku…? after losing eri in the worst way possible — after not hearing her out and having to go through a death game to fix it— she’d lost.. another friend?
crying, holding herself. she doesn’t want to believe it. but— she has to be strong, right? for neku… for rhyme… for beat and eri.
“of course humans break promises… we’re not perfect. we’re not … we don’t do everything right all the time, but — we’re still better than you! to say you don’t regret it… how could you? can’t you see neku trusted you?”
voice in anguish, and she doesn’t care that it’s a god that she’s speaking with.
“i don’t care about your plan! how could you just… think of him like that…? how can you just write him off…? you obviously meant something to him, so why are you pretending he meant nothing to you?!“
because human relationships … couldn’t be fake like that, right? when two people connected, when two people trusted each other, then…
neku deserved better. neku didn’t deserve this. why…?
( she doesn’t know, about coming back alive. she doesn’t know about the details of the game. how joshua might have changed — her point of view is before that, and for her, the future was a blurry uncertainty. that was why she stumbled so much, wasn’t it? unlike joshua -- it was because one didn’t know the future that one could hold fear, could be human. maybe joshua was learning. )
“you’re … you’re the worst.”
shaking. trembling. despite her need to be strong — her voice breaks.
