Not Pin Cushion Man

Independent Herman Shultz/Shocker Rp blog Tracking Tag: Notpincushionman Please read about page.

[notpincushionman]

shinosays

I have to ask…

Does anyone actually like me?

Because I feel like I’m a shit human being. The few people who I thought were my friends are slowly disappearing, or don’t want to deal with me. People I’ve been talking to for years now. Every has either disappeared, or slowly sinks into ignoring me. I miss my threads with @flowersinthemountains. I miss talking to @tealwindwitch. I miss being able to have random small threads with @murasakiirohana. I miss being able to bond with @drinkingwiththehokage. I miss @pinkhairedkunoichi and my first real ship on tumblr three years ago. I miss shooting the shit with @omotegiri. I miss my fluffy threads with @deadlydango. I miss being friends with @fragrantlykarin. I miss talking to @xhaeres before I fucked that one up.

Everyone’s either gone or beginning to lose interest in me and just ignoring me and moving on. I don’t have anyone new.

I joined the naruto fandom on tumblr four years ago now, and it was my first time on tumblr. I joined other fandoms with other blogs too. I entered fairy tail thanks to omotegiri, and met @conflxgration and @skraxseidr. Yet even there, I feel utterly alone.

I went into the dc/marvel fandom and met @harleenclownqueen and @shielddeputydirector, @amagicspellandglasses, @exsovietspy, @virtualbatgirl, @noworldnomad, @littlemissclarice @interdimensional-kickerofbutt, @crushercarlie, @hopeinthedusk, and @prefertoimprovise before having a major breakdown and fucking up my relationship with those last three in ways I still regret. I even had a long standing thread with @silvershieldmaiden that has disappeared. I fucked up with @manlierthanxyou​ because we disagreed about a persephone interpretation.

In a way, that’s all I see these days: regret. I’ve fucked up so much and ruined so many friendships for various reasons that all I see now is loss. When I’m friends in one fandom they don’t transfer over; I’m just there. And slowly people fade, or break off from me, and I’m left where I started, feeling utterly, completely alone.

I feel like a fuck up. In every fandom I’m in, from Naruto to Fairy Tail to DC/Marvel, I feel like an utter fuck up. I feel worthless and desire to be dead more than I enjoy being alive. I don’t mean that I want to kill myself; I just feel a desire to be done with this slow suffering I seem to endure. But I can’t leave; there’s nowhere else to go.

Somewhere, I lost the ability to enjoy things, to befriend people, to be happy. I just feel like death, like the absolute opposite of anything worth something. An utter failure, and utter disappointment, a waste of everything. I hate myself. I hate my weakness and my failure. I hate how I drive people off without meaning to, because I am so desperate to be friends. To connect with someone. To actually feel like I have some connection to these people behind the screen. I am filled with envy, because I do not know how to do this. I thought that I did, and I was wrong. I’m a terrible human being, a terrible friend, and so much of my life is now regret over how much I’ve failed out, how much I’ve failed to improve on.

People ask why I reply so quickly, no matter what seems to be going on, and the reason is that I’m afraid. I’m afraid to lose anyone, to make them wait, because I am afraid they will lose interest. I fear this, and it happens anyway. I honestly do not know what to do. I am writing this, on the first blog that I ever had on Tumblr. And I will reblog it on all of my blogs, all of them, for those of you in these fandoms that do in fact know me. Because I feel so much regret, and I hope that my words reach those of you, even those of you who never want to speak to me again.

Before you worry, this is not a suicide note. I am not going to off myself, for I could never do such a thing to my family, as estranged as we often are. But I detest who I am, what I am, and who I have been unable to be.

I’m sorry for all my failures.

I’m sorry I’m such a mess.

I’m sorry for being such a pain and a waste of data upon the tumblr servers for so long.

I’m sorry for wasting all your time.

I’m sorry.

[between--rage-and-serenity-deac]

Reblog if you actually like my blog (*˙︶˙*)☆*°

[ofeideticmemory-blog]

“Oh my god just look them over! Tell me if I need tweaks or not.” Which they probably didn’t most would be structurally sound when she made them. But maybe if he felt like he was helping it would get them on a better wavelength to talk on. 

[notpincushionman]

It was pretty clear that she had no idea how paranoid the Shocker was. “Alright, so... what exactly are these and what are they supposed to do?” Because he wasn’t going to offer input until he had an idea of what she wanted. 

[cellobowsandarrows]

Kate raised an eyebrow, “wow, really, what an achievement.” Yes that was sarcasm. “You do realise I had just got home and put on Netflix when I had to come back out and deal with all of this.” She was so unimpressed with the world at large right now. “Tell me you didn’t try to blow up the gas station, I hope you didn’t, because I’m going to kick someones ass for it It’s a Saturday night, why do people have to commit crimes at such an inconvenient hour.”

[notpincushionman]

“Do I look like someone who goes around blowing things up for the fun of it? What possible reason could I have for blowing up a gas station? That’s just make gas prices go up, and if you can’t tell from looking at me, I’m not exactly made of money.” 

[witheredtouch-archived-deactiva]

“I got a fee but I can design and make you a new costume that doesn’t look like you’re trying to rob a bank in fishnets.”

[notpincushionman]

“Thanks, but no thanks. The suit is specially designed. It doesn’t have to look attractive; it keeps me from turning myself to jelly.” 

[notpincushionman]

u look like a pineapple

“At least I don’t live under the sea with a laughing yellow sponge.” Though Boomerang had tried to make that a reality. 

[notpincushionman]

Independent Sean Garrison Blog from Marvel 616. Tracking Tag: Thetherapistwilluseyounow Blog will be...

So, I’m crazy and made another blog. This one for Sean Garrison, who you might remember as the x-man Wallflower’s father. Also the guy they turned into a psychopath for House of M and then never did anything with him again. 

But I made a blog for him. The Therapist is in. 

[witheredtouch-archived-deactiva]

notpincushionman

“You look ridiculous.”

[notpincushionman]

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.” 

[cellobowsandarrows]

notpincushionman

“Oh god.” Great this was all she needed to have to deal with today, one of Spideys second rate villains. “Why do I always get the shit hand me downs,  hand me down name and now one of Spideys second rate enemies. I deserve better than this.”

[notpincushionman]

“Hey... I’m not a second rate villain. I was head of the entire new york underworld once...” For like a week before he lost that job. Man, why were heroes so disrespectful to guys like him. He figured they’d want to fight him, because he wasn’t out dropping poison gas in hospitals or carving up their loved ones. 

[agentmorse]

“The first time was intentional.”

“You’ve got a pretty distinctive voice.”

[notpincushionman]

“Guess I do. Better than noticing me for the suit.” 

[velvetdesert9-deactivated202512]

Who are three tumblr users you associate me with?

[agentmorse]

“Well I’m clearly in the wrong place. Though it’s nice to see you without your mask this time.”

[notpincushionman]

“The wrong place twice? Eh, not my business. I’m surprised you even recognized me without it.” 

[riddlcr-deactivated20210112]

                       ❝ Oh dear. Oh no. You’ve hurt my pride.  Genius                            pineapple man you… Ok that’s enough of that,                            shove off. ❞

[notpincushionman]

“So what’s the goal anyway? I mean, you’re not making money, you’re just running around in circles. I mean, are you looking to be seen as smart? If so, why not spend time cracking the most diabolical heists? I mean, if you want to feel superior, nothing better than lording over other criminals who think they’re smarter than you.” 

[notpincushionman]

“Look, you’re not showing anyone you’re smarter than them by constantly getting caught. You’re just jerking off to your own ego.” 

[notpincushionman]

If I was a really bad person I’d make a Sean Garrison rp blog. 

Because who doesn’t want an emotionally manipulative mutant psychologist who is known for acquiring wealth, women, and power by exploiting others? 

Though I think that because as far as I can tell the character was ignored after Wallflower died, I think there’s a lot of room for development and character growth. 

Hm... 

Would anyone be interested in that? 

[notpincushionman]

“You could have been killed!”

“So it’s just another Tuesday.” 

[pxnchline-deactivated20151013]

Harley giggled again while shaking her head with a smile. “I’m just tryin’ to be nice. Also we’ve met before, silly! Ya didn’t believe me that I’m not doin’ this job for the money.”

[notpincushionman]

“Lady, I have no idea who you are. What do you mean we’ve met before? You’re clearly no one I’ve interacted with.” And he had no idea who did jobs for anything but money. But, at least he was able to stand now. “The hell do you want, anyway?” 

[ofeideticmemory-blog]

“You’re too modest.” She shoves another fry into her mouth, wiping her hand on a napkin. “Not many can say they’ve created tech like what you’ve made. Anyways, would you like to see what I’m trying to make next? I figured I try to make a few… weapons, if you will, for some friends.”

[notpincushionman]

“Really? Pretty sure every hero these days has either made something like it or they’ve got someone who did. Anyway, if you want me to look over your designs, I suppose I can, but you’d better not be trying to get me to build you a doomsday weapon.”