I can be loved and I can blog
Life has been so good. So crazy, messed up, scary, but just good! No matter what my story has been so far i'm no where near the end of my book. There are so many unknown chapters. I'm just finally on a good chapter.
I know it's been a while but if you recall I had been on this whole search for faith. I watched paster Bob's podcast every Monday. After his 8 truths I sorta stopped listening to him. I think I needed some of it to settle in and take place into my life. I wanted to love and be loved and had no idea how. After many nights with Tonna we've come to the hard fact that when your not exposed to love it's hard to let love into your life, let alone love back.
It's actually a struggle for me. A struggle I had never realized. I never knew that I felt so awkward saying goodnight to people or receiving hugs. I knew how easy it was for me to get angry and shut people out. I never knew how much I blew people off, who tried to want to know me and love me even when they haven't done anything to hurt me. I think i've always told myself it was me being shy, not realizing It was me shutting out the chance to be loved
Especially having my own place! I've never felt so independent... so free! I made myself so scared to go into it. I also felt if I took the chance of having my own place it'd mean I'd loose Tonna who has been such a mentor. Instead she comes as much as she can and brings me yummy treats just for an excuse to hug me and tell me how incredible I am, which is just so amazing. I wish she could have been my foster mom years ago. I'm so glad i'm inspiring her to sign up to be a foster parent. She has truly been a blessing in my life.
I lost my urge to blog because I felt like it was so unimportant to others. After an angry foster mom left me some mean messages I felt like my journaling wasn't any good. I let her get to me. However, just like her I have another view point to speak on. One point from which is usually ignored in the foster system, the child. I'm an adult now. I'm a survivor now. I will blog because there has been one hater and 6 people who've shown love after hearing my words. 2 of which are foster children so scared to let there own voices be heard. I'm sorry if my words hurt you. I'm sorry if my story sits funny with you. It's a story thats set on my heart and been untold for years because of the shame I felt by it. Someones chapters in there book shouldn't be shamed. It shouldn't be judged. It should be read. It should teach you another view to life. We all have chapters. we are all just one book from the time we are born till the time we die. I want to choose to share my chapters, the good and bad.
















