My open Diary

yeah a fucking desperate scream for attention as a description? not here. I'm just 19, gay and study in heidelberg

[notsoaverageboy1]

Like, did I really think that I’m special just because of my sexuality? I was such an idiot back then when I lived on the countryside. Since I live here in the city and i see gay people literally EVERYWHERE I feel kind of more average than my dumb name let you might think. VIVA LA CIUDAD

[notsoaverageboy1]

okay basic bitches, I’m back, stronger than ever. I know no one’s reading that shit here so I can just use it as a fucking diary that I’m never going to read again bc I hate reading my own stuff. I study philology so that’s pretty contraproductive but who the fuck cares? ah yeah. The guy from Kuwait ca go fuck himself bc he didnt reply when i asked which problem he had and I know for a fact that he’s still alive because of his activity on league of legends. I have evolved aswell.... I mean I’m in love with Marina’s & Lana’s great music, which doesn’t make me depressive- I’ve heard that a lot. So if you’re still interested in following me, which you aren’t because I have 0 followers and retweets and stuff, go ahead, have fun or nah and yeah. 

[notsoaverageboy1]

I think every gay person has been in love with his straight best friend at least once. Since I’m pretty obviously in love with mine and everyone says we would be the perfect couple, it came to the point that even my mom asked me if I’m in love with him. I know they would accept it, but i did not come out yet. And i will ever do so. Not because I will forever live a lie but rather because they should accept me if i come home with a boy or a girl, like everyone should. Love is love and coming out makes me feel as if i am different. But I just want to love. 

[notsoaverageboy1]

Tedding. A word I’ve never thought could describe a situation in my life. But now it fits perfectly. I mean, I’ve been chatting with this guy for like a month straight and today he told me that he loved me. We have never seen each other and I only heard his voice once. In movies or serieses I always think “Why doesn’t she tell him that she loves him too?” But since that moment I know that it isn’t that simple. It also doesn’t feel like any kind of compliment to me, rather pressure but I don’t wanna say it. Oh boy, and I always thought that I would be the Ted in this story who uses the L-word way too soon. But being a Robun isn’t the worst thing in the world, right?

[notsoaverageboy1]

maybe I’m not like Amy from Faking it. I mean did she have something like a distant relationship? I do’t think so. To make it clear, I’ve never met this guy, but he’s adorable. He lives in a land far away and can’t come out because it’s an arabic one. So we need to keep our relatonship on snapchat, kik and stuff. Probably we’ll never meet and this whole stuff is just senseless but he gives me the feeling to be worthy- and except for my parents no one did this to me before. The feeling to him don’t keep me away from also loving my friend. Am I a bad person or just confused?

[notsoaverageboy1]

Normal day

Today was just one of those days. My whole family went shopping- ‘cept for me of course, none of my friends even tried to text me and I’m home alone making noodles with a sauce i don’t even like. i know, my life’s hella boring but i feel the need to blog it. Maybe i become a new Jenna or something like that. As we’re just talking about MTV-shows, I also have the “Faking It”-Problem. Not that I’m faking being gay to become popular in school but I, as a gay boy, am in love with my straight best friend. But unlike Amy I’m already done with school for like a week and only one oral exam is in my way to live freely. So guys-if anyone is even reading this- feel free to comment my life and stay tuned because I will post anything new that’s happening in my life. If not, I will stay alone here, writing about m average or not so average teen problems.