I want to be thin @notthinenoughbitch - Tumblr Blog

Du bist nicht du wenn du gegessen hast, iss’ nichts und das Problem ist gelöst.

—

Am I good enough?No, for nothing, I'm good enough. My boss told me I'm not good enough for an apprenticeship. I'm too impulsive. I'm not good enough for love. I'm pretty but not good enough. OK. where am i good enough Count calories, lose weight and have discipline. So let's go... Back to the old shit

Hello everyone, I haven't been online for almost a year now.unfortunately my weight has gone up. now that I see my old posts, and privately or professionally I realize that I have completely lost control. i want to start over I want to get away, away from over 60kg, I want to get back to 55kg. I want to be able to look at myself again, in the mirror, I want to step on the scales in the morning and be in a good mood and good days again. I don't want to get Fred's attacks again in the evening. and have to be embarrassed on the scales in the morning I want to have discipline again, persevere, gain strength and reach my perfection again. I want to eat, declare war. I just want to be happy again when I put on my favorite pair of pants and see how nicely they fit and sit and not look in the mirror and keep criticizing myself.

Update after three months

Nothing has changed anymore, I keep my weight no matter what I do. It is now the case that I live with the consequences of my eating disorders. I get heavy water retention, my periods are stronger than ever, I have more and more pain, my circulation and my heart are weakening. I slipped from anorexia to bull chemistry. I keep my weight, have binge eating.

Now that my body is on strike and is screaming very loudly and for help, I'm starting again. Counting calories, starving, refusing to eat, ultimately having binge eating again And the guilty conscience is getting stronger again, the scales and the measuring tape become friends again. Control and discipline return to gods to be worshiped. I've been back to my job for almost two months. Of course, I'm under pressure to perform again to want to do everything perfectly. If I can't do this, I know what gives me security, my control, my calories or not to eat at all. Many of my fellow human beings notice that something is wrong, I am just as aware of it myself. But addiction becomes passion again.

thiniest

We love food and we hate food.

There are days when we have discipline, eat very little or nothing at all, are afraid of the calories, can easily shop without buying "bad" groceries.

And then the days come when we go shopping, we don't care what it says on the packaging, we have an appetite, want to satisfy cravings and stuff everything unrestrainedly and shamelessly into our mouths. We love to eat, eating doesn't ask questions. There are no objections to eating. Eating makes us happy and makes us forget everything.

And then, we become aware of what we've done to ourselves. We see the mountain of rubbish on packaging. We become aware of the calories. Discipline and ambition destroyed within a few minutes.

What to do? A lot of water is drunk and then the finger is stuck down their throat, exercised excisively, in the hope that all the calories will disappear again ... Soul hunger, Boredom, hunger, for what? The most unnecessary vicious circle there is in losing weight and in an eating disorder ...

Food will always be friend and foe alike. You just have to learn to be stronger than the food. It is only a matter of opinion, a matter of the head and strength of will, how you act and think about it, stick to your decision ...

skinny9dreams

Is this too much to ask for?

starving-trash

My ED to me after realizing I weigh the exact same as I did a year ago

brokenfrombirth

“I smile, I try, but truth is I want to die”

quotemadness

“My only relief is to sleep. When I’m sleeping I’m not sad, I’m not angry, I’m not lonely, I’m nothing.”

— Jillian Medoff

Fuck you recovery, I feel so ugly and fat, whether it's muscle mass or not, I want my old body back. I want to see my ribs again, feel my pelvis again, be light and free, not be hungry, not worry about food anymore. I want to go back. I feel so disgusting, disgusting, not good enough.

How nice it was to stand on the scales a few months ago and see how the weight kept going down. And now it's stinging and it's frustrating.

The sayings, even if they are meant to be funny, to my body, it hurts, I could cry.