[weloveshortvideos]

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[yyunglame]

jail

[healingisneeded]

l;daksnfhjkbjafhbsa

[remaded-deactivated20190301]

LEGENDARY

[dalishpariah]

we opened at 11 this morning. i watched an old man literally pry the fucking sliding doors open at 10:43 and stand there just staring into the empty store and my coworker & i were like sir. for the love of fuck

[institute-for-thermal-research]

I’m real? I’m gotdamn alive?

[puppycastiel]

[cosmic-noir]

When your dad is a twin This is so cute!

[c-bassmeow]

how r kids gonna differentiate dads when white twinks adopt ?

[onlytwitterpics]

[sherlck-deactivated20140622]

wear a different perfume when you commit murder fuckin amateurs 

[feathery-soul-deactivated201408]

also wear shoes that aren’t your actual size and use gloves if you have to touch anything

[agnosticwitch]

what the hell is this here? A how-to-commit-the-perfect-crime??

[moontideempress]

[artifuls]

Things I have learned since becoming an Adult™

-don’t tell ur coworkers jack shit. You might think they’re your friends but they will sell you out for a paperclip -everything men tell you is a lie -store brand vanilla ice cream is better than name brand -pregnancy tests from the dollar store work just as well as $20 ones -don’t lie to your doctor -seriously don’t -at some point your card will get declined for $6 and nobody but you will care. It happens to everyone at some point in their life -you will become bffs with your mom (unless she’s a mean person, then skip this one) -you’ll wish you took the advice adults gave you when you were younger, even though it annoyed you at the time -people you went to high school with will become teachers, doctors, etc but they will still do drugs and it will be weird. That’s life, my dude -never underestimate the power of new underwear

[theshitneyspears]

friend: bitch lets not get sloppy tonight in the club

me: totally! one drink max

*one hour later*

[dwelldreamer]

I never understood why a girl is always suppose to be that ride or die chick that stays with a man and helps him build and become the man she deserves but a guy is never told to stay with a woman while she finds herself. A guy will always look for that perfect woman but we are suppose to settle for a building project?! Fuck that.

[stolentweets]

[garkgatiss]

#have you seem michelles arms #she dont need no help carrying a mini fridge 

[evnw-deactivated20230112]

Honestly? Today is Wednesday and tomorrow is Thursday ☕️💯

[evnw-deactivated20230112]

Your weekly cup of tea…….

[evnw-deactivated20230112]

Go ahead and have a fucking sip babes……..

[beefandcorn]

are you worried

About what? But yeah

[bummrd]

what if grass licked your feet when you stepped on it

[ulyssee]

i would do a split

[theeeprotagonist]

every day we stray further from God’s grace…

[funniest-stuff]

[mielparaoshun]

I wish this was longer

[pantherisfat]

[totalariana]

Me with my friends

[saiasus]

oh

[dogsuggest]

Baby dog has huge feets!? Born With so much love for you already, has to be stored in The Toes