Pain and loss, they define us as much as happiness or love.

Indie AU Sarah Jane Smith . Mun 21+. Everything has its time. And everything ends. The same goes for the Doctor.

[ask-xi]

Official Hiatus

Hello, hello. So I’ve been on/off, emphasis on the off for a while and putting off the inevitable. I adore XI and the world I’ve built for him with all of you over the years: the loyal followers, the ‘inner circle’, old friends, people who’ve parted ways in whatever way that panned out, and he’s a muse I’ll be keeping wherever I happen to go, but right now Tumblr’s not the place for him while I’m so heavily involved in the Marvel fandom. Thank you for your patience and apologies to those who were waiting on plots that never came to pass ‘on-screen’.

So for the indefinite future I regretfully put XI and his related DW blogs on hiatus. This includes his Missy, his darker AU self Notchy, his Sarah Jane and his daughter Laila. 

I’ve had so many amazing memories being on this blog for what must be 5 or 6 years and I may yet one day come back, but for now it’s time to geronimo properly through another wormhole.

If you would like to keep in touch, feel free to follow me over at @benevolentgodloki.

Love,

Pirate xxx

[notyouroldgirl]

petrichormemory:

Amy’s eyebrows knitted a bit closer together at the questions Sarah Jane had this time. Her tension and hesitations in speech were either a sign of her feeling a bit more than awkward at the topic or she really had an uncomfortable history. Perhaps with one or both of the Doctors? They both had a bumpy past so it wasn’t without grounds.

“We didn’t go out on dates, if that’s what you mean. By the time I met him, he and the other were already a solid couple of sorts but they weren’t married yet. The three of us had an arrangement that worked for everyone.” Her cheeks flushed a little and she couldn’t help but laugh at the memory. “Those were wild times. When I found out I was pregnant I wasn’t sure which of them was the father at first, if that helps you understand.” She paused, weighing her words. “They’re both precious to me in their own way. And they’ve come so far from the almost creatures that they were. I’m not saying all this to try and convince you of anything. It’s just the truth of how things are now. I hope that helps in some way.”

This was the mistake she had made, Sarah Jane realised, and she was hardly to blame. Nearly every companion had been suckered into the grandiose beliefs in the Doctor, placed him upon a pedestal and painted out the possibility that he could be anything but perfect. And what, really, was perfection? A perspective, an expectation, built up in someone’s mind, invisible, unachievable.

These things she learned about him made her feel as though he had always been a child, or contrarily an old father, sexless and forever the teacher. She had not expected him to have needs, to be flawed, to become more human and somehow more alien in so doing. A denied part of her was also envious of these new friends who had lived through these changes from the start, had seen the Doctor’s return to grace.

“I think it will do,” she said, “eventually. I might even come to know the person he is now. His husband, I’m less certain. He said some.. frightful things. Quite why he’d choose someone so abhorrent I can’t fathom, but if you call him precious then I suppose he saves those better faces for those he likes.”

[notyouroldgirl]

spoilersandguns:

Looking back and forth between them in confusion at just what had transpired between them. There seemed to have been a lot of information that River just wasn’t quite quick enough or informed enough about to keep up with, though she really wasn’t sure that she was supposed to.

As Sarah Jane stormed out, River watched after her a moment before giving the Doctor a look consisting of ‘we’ll talk about this later’, before shuffling after the woman as best she could to catch up.

River was quiet a moment before finally deciding to speak.

“I take it the two of you don’t have a good history. Why did you want to see him?”

Sarah Jane had stopped out in the corridor, not yet returning to the outside world. She kept her back to River for a while, her emotions pulled in every direction. When she did turn around, she wiped her eyes first, her face still puffy and threatening more tears.

“I thought I needed to? I don’t know – I don’t know what I thought. I don’t know what I wanted. He’s not the man I knew, but he doesn’t – he doesn’t seem the same monster either. He’s just...” she caught a breath before it could become a full sob, “not my Doctor anymore.”

Maybe she had wanted him to pull her into his arms, tell her not to be so silly, be condescending in that old way he had been when they had first met. Would she have allowed that? She had changed so much, become so much more volatile. He must have been too guilty, but it felt like cowardice. He’s really gone.

[notyouroldgirl]

petrichormemory:

With Sarah Jane’s admission Amy began to understand a bit better. The vision she saw in the Doctor’s mind, the creature his younger self had been, wasn’t something she’d forget anytime soon. How cold and callous he was, how he enjoyed causing pain and distress; it was no wonder the woman sitting nearby was a bit reluctant to be anywhere near Doctors or Time Lords ever again.

“It’s absolutely possible.” She kept her tone gentle and caring. It was a delicate thing indeed. “I saw that side of him once. It was in a dream or coma or somethin but I saw that darkness in him and he laughed. But I didn’t have ta see it in the real world. When I met the Doctor from here he had already changed faces and ways. I’ve seen a lot of who he is now, though. Lord President, sure. But more than that he’s my best friend. He’s the father of my child. Spoils her every waking day, too.” She sighed, unable to keep a faint smile from her face. “He’s found the good in himself and even if he’s not perfect, he’s tryin ta do better. I trust him with everything I have and am.”

At first Sarah Jane was comforted, and to some extent she remained so even when Amy was finished, but a horror rooted itself in her gut when she learned that the Doctor had a child. She did not let herself show an adverse reaction, only seeming surprised and a little more tense. It ate at her, though, for reasons that had made the Doctor’s husband savage toward her, seeing her as a threat.

“I see,” she said quietly, grasping for her next path of inquiry. “Well, that’s very - very good for him. If it’s not too much of a personal question, were you.. with him once? I mean, you say he fathered your child. He might be different with you but I don’t see the other Doctor handling that well.”

[notyouroldgirl]

spoilersandguns:

Flinching slightly at Sarah Jane’s outburst, River moved a hand to her stomach, running her palm over it soothingly as the argument in front of her carried on. She felt no inkling of danger for herself or her child, and if Sarah Jane was there for revenge against the Doctor, it certainly wouldn’t be physical as her best chance escaped the moment he woke up. Still, the argument carrying on – especially since it seemed to have nothing to do to her – wasn’t exactly pleasant to listen to.

She felt like she was invading on personal business that she shouldn’t have been there for, but escape wasn’t particularly an option – at least not without further interrupting their argument.

Though listening in at least gave her an inkling on why the woman was so insistent on seeing him. River was sure she’d be much the same way, too, if not more violent, if her home was gone. She could somewhat understand – being pulled away from her family and universe in the manner she was.

As his attention finally moved to her, River sighed lightly, glancing toward the door. “Perhaps I should go. This seems to be rather personal business that I shouldn’t be here for. I can always visit later.” She paused, looking between the two of them. “Unless either of you need a witness or a safeguard against doing anything stupid.”

Once she had mustered enough courage to meet the Doctor’s eyes without wanting to do exactly something stupid, Sarah Jane made another firm decision.

“No. That’s quite enough personal business today. I need to think.”

Without waiting for a response from him, she walked out again, leaving XI to give River a look of exasperation.

[notyouroldgirl]

theta-x:

Had he not assured himself that she must feel the opposite, Sarah’s comments, coupled with the gesture, gave him the beginnings of thoughts he should not be entertaining. He stuck his tongue out in mock insolence but set his bag down carefully and followed her suggestion. Determined to tough it out and swallow his nerves, the young Gallifreyan opted to sprawl out beside her as though he owned the place, eyeing the screen and its titles with arched brows.

When was the last time he had watched anything? The barn didn’t exactly make access to any technology particularly easy and his time on this Gallifrey had often been…busy. Truly Theta wondered if he would be able to sit still and focus through the entire thing, but it had been a long enough day and he was curious enough. The company wasn’t exactly to be sniffed at, either.

Few if any of the titles meant anything to Theta, but that didn’t stop him from offering his opinion regardless of whether his newfound friend wanted it. “Well that one sounds like shit, worse’n the last…That’s not as bad. Psht, pretentious…”

She rolled her eyes at his rejection of each film though found it amusing. Regardless of his opinion, she settled on one that came with a recommendation of ‘not what it seems’. A little way into The Princess Bride, after several wry comments from each of them, the nature of the film became clear.

Throughout it, Sarah Jane laughed and leant against Theta, enthralled with it.

“I think that was a marvellous choice,” she giggled once it was done.

[notyouroldgirl]

petrichormemory:

A faint sigh of relief relaxed her shoulders and Amy nodded. There was a measure in trust to know someone’s name and she was glad Sarah finally decided to give hers in return. 

“Pleased to meet you officially, Sarah Jane. And yes, I think sitting would be a lovely idea.”

Taking a spot at the end of the bench, she left plenty of room to share. Pushing boundaries wasn’t on her to do list today. Especially now that she had made a tentative step forward. 

“It’s so beautiful here. You can almost imagine them fussin over the little details to make it just right.” A soft laugh. “So wrapped up in their little worlds of always havin to be right they can’t see that what they made is brilliant enough. But it’s getting better I think. Slowly, but it’s going.”

Sarah Jane took her own seat and tried to take in this moment of peace. There was nowhere she needed to be, no obligations but her own. Secretly, she puzzled over Amy’s commentary, wondering if ‘they’ meant the Doctors or the Time Lords themselves. She had to open up, to hear more of Amy’s perspective for herself.

“I used to know the Doctor,” she confessed. “The one from here. I knew two of him, even. He left me behind to go to Gallifrey and I thought I’d never see him again. When I did, he’d changed. He became something I could never have wished on anyone.” Not feeling comfortable enough to look Amy in the face, Sarah Jane swallowed and looked at her fingers, toying with them. “Is it really possible he’s changed again? Even if it’s not back to what he was, can I really believe he’s better?”

[drwhoboards]

Doctor Who moodboard: Sarah Jane Smith (requested by:@adventuresonearth)

[notyouroldgirl]

virtualizedcyberplannermrclever:

“I don’t know about this doctor timeline. But, the doctor in the universe timeline I live in…long story short, I was created technically after what went on in what seemed to be cybermen located in a once existing abandoned theme park planet. But, I was created in the past timeline before Mondas was destroyed. So, it’s not linear time so to speak. Events much after Mondas being gone and then suddenly in a past timeline…it’s still confusing for me honestly whenever I time travel,” he confessed.

“I mean, I don’t think it’s required to refer to presidents by “president” or fancy titles. I usually thought that was for monarchs and dictators,” he gave a shrug. “Then again, Gallifreyans of some prestige rank have titles. Not just the president. I never studied Gallifreyan politics so hard to say.”

He was a very funny little character to Sarah Jane, but that was not to say she did not take him seriously. She smiled at his direct and analytical comments, and felt safer.

“That’s quite all right. I just wanted to be sure you hadn’t been sent to escort me back to the Citadel. I’m not a prisoner as such but they keep an annoying watch on me I’d like to avoid as long as possible.” Something struck her about what he had told her. She licked her lips and spoke cautiously. “You mentioned Cybermen. I’ve seen them before. You don’t work for them, do you?”

[romanovanatalia]

[mizgnomer]

David Tennant’s Contributions to Doctor Who Episodes “Sarah Jane Smith” Edition

Excerpt from Benjamin Cook’s interview with David Tennant from DWM 440:

He stops mid-sentence, and smiles.  “I got to call her Sarah. Everyone else had to call her Sarah Jane. When we did School Reunion, she was very much written as Sarah Jane, and that’s how she referred to herself. It was Lis who came to me and said, ‘It’s a wonderful script, but the Doctor always used to call her Sarah, back in the day.’  I said, ‘You’re absolutely right. Of course! I remember that vividly.’  It was Lis’ idea, although I was very happy to go along with it.”

“What almost never happened when I worked on Doctor Who was, the scripts just never needed tinkering with,” he continues.  “If there were anything to change, Russell and I might have a brief chat, but once the cameras had started rolling, the scripts basically remained unchanged. That name thing was an exception. Lis and I just did it. It was a little tribute to the days of old. A couple of times, people queried it, and we’d just go, ‘Ah, no, that’s just… that’s what it’s meant to be.’  We were kind of stubborn about it. Until, in the end, a line or two was put in to slightly explain why I was calling Sarah something different to everyone else,” he laughs.

Orig.Poster’s note: This post is part of a series on some of the contributions that David made to episodes of Doctor Who, because he sometimes gets questions about ad-libs or input he may have had to episodes, but he tends to not take credit for his various additions/suggestions - so I figured I’d list some for him.  Most of the credit for this one actually goes to the lovely Elisabeth Sladen for bringing it to David’s attention.  I love his telling of the story above, with he and Lis conspiring together to go off-script and being “kind of stubborn about it”. 

Other David’s Contributions Posts: Bigger on the Inside Edition Walking on Theatre Chairs Edition Scanning a Planet Edition Shakespeare Code Bedroom Edition Interrupting Jackie Edition Stone Arm Edition Hand in a Jar Edition

[notyouroldgirl]

theta-x:

Ever cautious that Sarah Jane could change her mind at a moment’s notice, Theta followed her inside without hesitation. He was mindful not to appear too nosy about the style of her room, but it was hard to deny natural curiosity: not only did peoples’ private quarters speak volumes about their personalities, but she was human. He was intrigued to see what parallels he could draw between her and the people of Earth he knew, or if she had anything new for him to investigate.

The films were a good start. He lingered a little awkwardly by the bed, pretending instead to be interested in the television as he listened. “Yeah, leave adventure to real life,” he replied, “more fun watchin’ stuff further away from reality, right? Okay, so mystery-crime-thriller it is. Got somethin’ in mind or should we pick something new? Or pick somethin’ actually terrible - isn’t that something people do intentionally?”

“Yes, sometimes.” Sarah Jane gave a shrewd smile, noticing his awkwardness. It was mean, but it made her feel more comfortable. “That might also depend on how much people want to pay attention to it.” She propped herself up on her elbows and patted the bed with one hand. “Come on, I don’t bite.”

Thumbing the buttons on the control, she flicked down the list of film categories she had found. The tip of her tongue poked out of her mouth as she concentrated, judging films by their title more than anything. There was so much she hadn’t seen, so many stories that had been made since she left Earth.

[notyouroldgirl]

petrichormemory:

A spot in her heart ached to see the pain nearly leaking out of this woman from every pore. In all her own years she knew how hard it had been to let people in. It was easier to keep a distance. But her Doctors had proven to her that it wasn’t the kind of life she wanted. She needed a family, even if it was of her own making. Maybe Sarah did, too.

Putting the orange in her pocket, she made a choice. An open, hopeful smile lit up her face. “Friends are important, yeah. I’ve met a good amount of nice people here, some not so much, too. If you’re not plannin ta leave, then why not make it worth the stay. This place is like a new start for a lot of us.” Her smile twitched at the corner. “Even women who find themselves lost in orange trees.”

Maybe it would be worth daring to trust someone again. Even if this Amy was far more closely woven into the goings-on with the Doctors than Sarah Jane was at this time, the woman did not seem meek. She could allow a little trust for now.

She managed a smile. “I’m Sarah Jane. Sarah Jane Smith.”

A quick glance around revealed a bench a little further into the garden as well as a path that led on through the many courtyards.

“Would you like to sit down?” she offered, thinking of her acquaintance’s extra weight. “Or we could walk, if you like?”

[notyouroldgirl]

spoilersandguns:

River glanced at the other woman as she spoke, somewhat understanding her more serious tone past the rather blase words it hid behind. On the surface, it was the mere agreement over the genealogy and homeland of the man before them. But past that, it was the underlying mixture of awe and fear at just how much power an individual with that title could hold – especially if one was on the wrong side of their wrath.

She had yet to determine if the woman she had guided in was one of those unfortunate souls.

The unexpected response from the man on the sofa caused her to turn her attention towards him, the slightest bit of surprise showing on her face.

“Now that’s just rubbish, sweetie,” River murmured, watching and waiting as he seemed to come to his senses. He must have been deep asleep for it to take him so long to recognize his surroundings and the people unexpectedly in them, and River felt a bit guilty for disturbing him.

Smiling softly at his rather weak attempt to cover herself – it was nothing she hadn’t seen before – the Doctor caught her off guard at his rather different means of addressing the woman next to her. The woman beside her did much the same at her response, River looking between them for a moment.

“An apology? Now Doctor, I know you’re not always the most careful of men, but what did you do this time to need to apologize – especially if she actually needed to chase you down to get one?”

Internally Sarah Jane panicked. Why on earth had she asked for this? She knew maybe it was something she needed but what good would it do and really just what was he supposed to do that would be good enough?

That doesn’t matter, a vicious part of her thought. He deserves to be in agony over this. Look at him, sleeping away in some mockery of Earth fashion, lolling about like he’s never had a care. All of this monstrous history and you people make him your ruler! How is that justice?

XI sat up slowly. He didn’t even think to ask them to sit, even with River so pregnant. It wasn’t as though he knew whether they both intended to stay. He looked almost despairingly between them, pushing down any desire to grow angry and defensive.

“Where would I even start?”

“You could bloody well try!” Sarah Jane blurted.

“I did!” Maybe a little bit defensive. “I’ve sent you messages, I picked you up when you called, I gave you... gave you things I thought might make you happy.”

“You’ve never come to see me in person.”

“No, I haven’t. I didn’t think you wanted me to. You hated me. You attacked the Doctor when we first got here because you thought he was me!”

“I was angry!”

“I know.” XI rubbed his face. “What did you expect me to say?” He continued, bitter but genuine. “I’m sorry I stole you away with me and said the things I said, for what I almost did. I’m sorry for leaving the universe to destruction because I wasn’t strong enough or sane enough to save it. I’m sorry about Earth and that you’re stuck on my planet where your home should rightfully be. I’m sorry I’ve spoiled the memories you had of me.” Hardly able to look at Sarah Jane, his gaze drifted to River, conscious of her having to witness this. “If either of you would like to sit, please...”

Sarah Jane didn’t for the moment, not meeting his eyes either. Everything was too raw and her emotions ran high.

[notyouroldgirl]

theta-x:

Although she was by all accounts a human, Sarah Jane felt undoubtedly closer to his own age than many of the friends he had made on Gallifrey. The both of them were no strangers to Gallifrey but had, for various reasons, experienced it from a perspective which left them feeling slightly outside of the usual bubble. It was immensely liberating to spend time with someone who didn’t mother him: as a matter of fact, she seemed perfectly amenable to his attempts to get her to loosen up. Seeing her enjoy herself had, in turn, only encouraged him to greater antics and made the day thoroughly enjoyable.

By the time they were back in the Citadel, however, the youthful Gallifreyan had convinced himself beneath the cheeky comments and chatter that she would disappear. He had never managed to maintain a friendship and home and as fun as it had been he held no expectations that Sarah would want to see him again, content that she would retire to her room and likely fizzle into polite acquaintance. It was understandable, then, that it took Theta a second to respond when she suggested spending even more time with him. Voluntarily.

“Yeah!” shit, too enthusiastic. Theta did his best to tone down the grin. “Uhm. Yeah, that’d be good. I mean…not really watched a lot myself so it’ll be new for us both. What sort’ve stuff you like?”

She sauntered further into her quarters, giving him room to enter. Unlike the rooms of some of the residents on Gallifrey, Sarah Jane’s was more the size of a hotel suite at present. The entrance led straight to the combined bed-and-living-room where she tugged off her shoes and hopped onto the bed, grabbing for the remote control of a flat-screen TV. Even that was more advanced technology than she was used to, but it was more homely than something non-human.

“I rather like a good mystery or a crime story. Horror’s a bit silly and gruesome for my tastes but I don’t mind some thrillers. You’d think I’d like adventure stories but I think I get quite enough of that on my own.”

[notyouroldgirl]

Needless to say Sarah Jane couldn’t remember the last time she had had so much fun. It was almost like being a teenager again. No, better. Like being at university, but with more experience under the belt and a greater appreciation for letting go and knowing what she was avoiding. With so much regret and loss in her life she had forgotten to be young, and this idiot Gallifreyan was teaching that to her again.

After whiling away the hours on a few little adventures and cheeky exploits, they had eventually returned to her quarters in the Citadel, neither of them wanting to be away so long that they would have to be corralled back. They were both watched and for reasons neither had yet shared with the other.

“You know, if you don’t have somewhere else to be, you could stay for a while if you like? We could, I don’t know, watch something? I’ve got tons of films I’ve never seen. They sent them to me.” By they she meant the Time Lords in general, more specifically it would have been the Doctor. “They’d be more fun with someone else.”

[notyouroldgirl]

spoilersandguns:

A small hum was the only response River gave to the other woman. She had no idea about the other’s situation. For all she knew, while the building was nothing but a safe home for her, it could be a painful trap for anyone else who didn’t have the relationship with the boys like she did.

She had no right to do anything more than lead the other woman in and stay out of it, if something negative were to occur. But the building had let her inside in the first place, so it couldn’t have been a trap – or so River hoped.

Though the other woman’s surprise was at entering the room and finding her friend, of all things, asleep. She hadn’t seen him asleep in a longer time than she could remember - always busy with one thing or another and with more excuses than she could count. True, he wasn’t as bad as his husband, but it still wasn’t good.

River crossed her arms at the sight of him, sighing lightly and shaking her head. He really was hopeless, but at least he was getting some rest. He could have made himself just a bit more presentable in the case of accidental guests – or at least locked the door – but he wouldn’t be the hopeless idiot she loved if he did.

“Yes, well, it’s not very often. The damned idiot is too stubborn to sleep most of the time, hiding behind excuses of too much work or that ‘Time Lords don’t need that much sleep.’ Idiot.” Sighing lightly, she moved closer. “The work must have finally caught up with him. At least enough that he somehow didn’t hear us come in.”

The way River spoke of him made Sarah Jane hesitant. How much she sounded like another young woman talking of her strange and endearing man who had taken her on adventures. How fondly chastising and quietly loving. She found herself murmuring almost the same words she had once mocked him with so many years ago.

“Oh yes, I know he’s a Time Lord.” It wasn’t a response to River, that much was clear, more an agreement with her about how silly these ancient creatures were. If you didn’t laugh at them, they’d terrify you.

“I walk in eternity,” came a muffled, sleepy answer from the sofa. 

XI’s eyes opened slowly, oblivious. He brought the two women into focus and jumped inside his skin, flattening back against the sofa. “River?” Panicked, he tugged his dressing gown together more decently, not yet sitting up. “S-Sarah? What -? Can I... help you with something?”

Sarah Jane was spooked enough by his waking, folding her arms at once to mask her surprise. How ordinary he seemed compared to the mad, clawing figure he had once been.

“Well, a- as a matter of fact, yes. I want... I think I want an apology.”