hi welcome to cringey poetry

I like to write and it doesn't have to be good or profound just written profile pic: AnatexD https://www.deviantart.com/anatexd/art/Undertale-Napstablook-Fanart-580009515

[novumvita]

everything all lined up into place,

but only every once in a while

this ability comes and goes

with increasing fluctuation and fracturing,

but, it could be stable in time,

at least that’s what i want to believe

[novumvita]

chasma

closed in white panels are all i can see for miles

causing my heartrate to spike and my nerves to fizzle into nothing

i can barely remember a time where it didnt cause a relapse

all there is now is a dread filled soul and blankets of uncertainty

[novumvita]

partem

drifting endlessly

hoping that somehow

something will come along

that just gives some explanation

even just a single sense of direction

[novumvita]

three days

failing to consider

precious time and

limited capacity

not remembering

or even bothering

anything beyond

knowing nothing

of expectations

or anyone else

[novumvita]

seams

when did reality become fiction

with the world falling apart at the seams

why couldn't the fictional world stay separate

and reality become the thing to escape from

the blending of the two seems unfair

with escapism collapsing indefinitely

wishing it could go back

with fiction being what's good and bright

and reality fading into grey

[verbaenim]

“Circumstance Kills” pt. 2

are all your feelings

in boxes in your attic

or are they on my screen

trust me i won’t panic

i can’t read your mind

i wish i was telepathic

i miss almost everything

but now at least i’m pragmatic

[verbaenim]

“Circumstance Kills” pt. 1

circumstance kills

but only when you let it

i still love you

after all this time regretting

i’m not gonna lie

i repressed all of it

but now it’s coming back

worse than it ever did

[verbaenim]

Space

i chipped my tooth again

god knows when

i'd like to smile so much it hurts

but now when i smile it hurts

i wanna feel everything

but everything is so much

i’d like to end my streak of apathy

but all i know how to feel is apathy

nothing will ever be as i expect

i will never get what i deserve

but maybe what i deserve is some space

[novumvita]

smaller classes

sitting awkwardly in the same seats

unsure of whether to avoid eye contact

banding together over the simplest things

like the same seats in a different room

and the nuisances that plague us all

a group united by petty motives

and a common bothersome individual

[verbaenim]

BLOODLINE

nobody promised perfection

but i half-wish they would’ve

i half-wish they’d lied

it’s days like these,

putting life in perspective,

that show me how twisted everything really is

how a scrapbook family is nothing more

than a shiny, lovable façade

my real bloodline - as for that -

i wish one day i’d wake up and it’d be untangled

so i don’t have to sit here

reminiscing of when we had everything

[verbaenim]

What brings light into your life?

last night gave me perspective

his laugh and mine were made to intertwine

it's funny how half a decade does nothing

and i'm not sure how we even got here

[verbaenim]

FEVER DREAM

tv dinners

caprisuns by the pool

2am mischief

and field day kickball

5th grade was so much simpler

5 years screwed me over

now i’m a mess and it’s something i can’t change

and it’s not like i can even take the blame

people get complicated when they grow up

they yell for no reason and blow up

and i’m sat here remembering the “good times”

were they even good?

they were better than this fever dream

[verbaenim]

Spiraling

Black and white spirals

The eye rolls from people who don’t get me

They get to me

Black and white spirals

The confusion

The illusion that I am okay

Black and white spirals

They’re all I see as I fall endlessly

Maybe it was never meant to be

Maybe all I’m ever meant to see

Are the spiraling lines

And averted eyes of the people I love

[verbaenim]

Moving and Mending

You've moved me, helped me without knowing

Been a friend, when no one else shows up

Through everything and now that you have close to no one,

I hope I can be there to move you.

Give you hope that a new normal eventually is going to arise.

You've mended me. You put me back together when everyone else was tearing me apart.

You knew what to say and how to say it. You still do.

You gave me the mother I'd never had but deep inside of me craved.

I want to help mend you, let you know that I'm not leaving.

If everyone else goes, I'm still going to be stood here beside you.

I'm not one for being a good friend - I never have been - but I need to be, for you.

[novumvita]

forward motion

too much time had passed

since the last moment together

i can't say i wasn't scared

that you'd maybe just turn away

but to see each other again

and kind of fall back into place

i still miss being around

and not being able to talk at 3am

but at least we're still in each others lives

even if there’s a bit more distance

[novumvita]

fractures

how much more will i give

before everything is gone and done

how much more hope can i lose

as this year marches on

i’ve tried my best to get through it

but everything i’ve tried to hang on to keeps slipping away

i’ll do my best to keep going

and try to not let it get to me

but i’m just so tired of hoping and then having it ripped away once again

[novumvita]

falling

how many highs and lows can happen at once

over the span of next to nothing

explain to me the reasoning behind the rising tides

and show me why chaos introduces itself

over and over again