These words are all I have to hide behind.

The only meaning something has is what you give to it.

[understands]

[infected]

Amalfi, Italy, photo by Silvia Soares

[arcanewraith]

Émile-Antoine Bayard’s Illustrations for Around the Moon by Jules Verne 

[compulsive]

[lumiink]

I needed to draw something chill while watching this week’s stream, so back to my insatiable multishipping ways we go!

[danger]

[nowthatimalive]

I need to lose weight

[nowthatimalive]

something i will not miss about college:

ugly white dudes yelling their points at professors using bizarre vernacular in order to sound intelligent. you’re not smarter than anyone because you use the word “mayhaps,” Zach.

[seashellronan]

You know when dogs sit outside with their face turned towards the sun and their eyes closed and they look so relaxed and when you pet them they’re warm that’s how I want to feel always

[touika]

I perhaps owe becoming a painter to flowers. — Claude Monet.

[thegoodvybe]

[bob-belcher]

[thegoodvybe]

[jonahsimms]

#healthylove

[nowthatimalive]

I am incredibly thankful for growth.

reflecting on my years, I do not remember most of them. I remember good pieces. but mostly, upon reflection of the person I’ve been, I see really awful and terrible moments.

moments where I was toxic. when I lied. doing dangerous things that I had no business doing. hurting people with good hearts. when I was pretending to be something - because I was searching and so ashamed to be the person I truly was underneath the weight of it all.

there are reasons that might have made me this way. circumstances that might have turned me into a villain. an ignorance that maintained my blissful state. but I didn’t feel like I was really there. I was never awake to the person I was.

Growing was not an easy process. I lost so many people. So many good and true friends that I think about daily, wondering if they could ever enjoy the person I am now knowing the person I was then. I stumbled. Often. More often than not, honestly. 

I feel ashamed of her - my former self. I feel like she is a removed part of me that I still feel guilty for. But truly, she is me. The people I’ve wronged may never forgive me.

When I hit rock bottom, when things could not possibly become worse, I started to feel... awake.

Suddenly, my actions had consequences - and even sometimes, rewards. I feel like I’m really here now.

But I do not feel like the person I was dying to become.

Maybe I am vulnerable, sensitive, and clumsy. But I am also filled with love for this world. I don’t have to try to be myself. I just am. My flaws are not fatal. I realize I don’t have to hurt anyone, not even myself to truly be free.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I can clearly remember. Like after 22 years of sleep... I am aware of everything around me. I am aware of who I am. I like being me. 

I am not always perfect. But I am present. I remember. Those people may never forgive me for the things I have done, but I will show them love from afar and treat every person the way they should be treated. 

There is beauty in vulnerability. Because that is where I found my authenticity. 

And now, I can finally remember.

[nowthatimalive]

I’ve been feeling: anxious

[stametsculberr]

to quote the icon that is john mulaney: “i have had a very long day, i am very small and i have no money so you can imagine the kind of stress i am under”