hello clef.. wat inspired you to go into music if i may ask
" Well, barely. He was more interested in teaching me a few songs so he could show off to his friends that his little sister could play Megalovania.
Still, he really influenced me to pursue music. He was crazy passionate about his work, he stayed up until like 3am composing stuff! I even remember he used to brag to me about how he was going to fly to America and become world famous, lol. "
astrobiology fic so bad and so plotless im writing it directly in tumblr
im making this to cope with tpot 21. uh. classic minor hurt/comfort black hole nightmare. very vaguely inspired off of a dialogue prompt. yay!!!
Black Hole jolted up, what an all-too-familiar feeling. He took sharp breathes in, frantically looking around and pulling at his hair. All that remained in his mind was bloodied bodies, death, mutilated corpses of his team. He could’ve been convinced that it was real, that the dark of night was deep red blood stained and seeped into the ground and trees.
Black Hole pulled at the yellow grass, forcing himself backwards. He had no goal, no escape plan, he just needed to be away. He kept scooting back before being frozen in his tracks by stirring nearby.
“Black Hole?”
Oh. Right. He had been asleep. He knew that. Sorta. What he had definitely forgotten about, Tree was out with him. He was helping Black Hole out with this new sleeping through the night thing. Black Hole slept outside, not having his own room in the hotel. He could sleep inside, and had before, but he hadn’t been given a room at the start of the game, so he never asked. Tree had decided to camp out with him (In despite of his protests.) They had watched the stars as he murmured some non-sensical story to put Black Hole to sleep.
“Black Hole.” Tree repeated, yawning.
“Y-Yes, Yes!” His voice shook much more than he would’ve preferred.
Tree cocked his head, smiling at him sleepily.
“What are you doing over there?”
“Uhm, i’m— it’s .. just. Uh.”
Tree blinked, he didn’t get any closer, not yet at least. Something his team had to get used to was Black Hole panicking. Ever since TPOT 10, hell maybe even TPOT 7, he’d gotten increasingly on edge. He could be sent into a tail-spin but seemingly random things. He run, refuse to talk, pull at his hair, overall be extremely skittish. Black Hole found it embarrassing. He hadn’t a clue why he got so scared. It’s just— sometimes the whole world was terrifying, irrationally, he knew, but it never processed at the time.
Tree was the best at dealing with these outbursts. He’d sit a few feet away, talk to Black Hole, even if he didn’t say anything back. He was good about questions, too.
“Something happen?”
Black Hole would’ve laughed if he wasn’t being minor-ly crushed by fear. Of course something happened.
“It’s nothing! I’m so so sorry for waking you.”
Tree looked him up and down, his smile had faltered, instead a simple look of soft concern covered his face.
“Was it a nightmare?”
Black Hole looked away and nodded. Embarrassing. This was embarrassing.
“I’m sorry.” He hummed. “When i have nightmares i try to focus on something around me, some external stimuli to keep me grounded.”
Black Hole looked back. Tree was looking at him with his stupidly pretty eyes.
“Oh, yeah.” Dumb response.
He scooted slightly closer.
“Uhm— Do you think I could. Uhm. Hold your hand— I’m sorry that’s so dumb, i just cant really feel wind, y’know, and my hearing isn’t great, it’s just-“ Black Hole stuttered through every word. This was so awkward. Why would he even ask that???
Tree took his hand. “It’s no problem.”
Black Hole thought if he had a face it would be redder than a sunset. He forced his eyes up at the sky, refusing to look at Tree.
He felt his hand entwined with Tree’s. As the other’s hand twitched and settled. He didn’t squeeze his hand, but held it firmly where it grounded Black Hole well. He felt himself calm down. His focus unstuck from his dream and his mind slowly quieted down. This felt safe, familiar.
“I can hear your heartbeat.”
“Huh—”
“Well, I could. Your heart was pounding.” He paused. “I’m glad you could calm down. I hate when you’re scared.”
“Really?” Black Hole felt another wave of embarrassment fill him and he almost apologized again.
“Yeah. I don’t like when anyone is scared, obviously, but it feels like some kind of crime when you. Just.. you don’t deserve to feel like that.”
Tree snickered, “Gosh your heart is beating fast again! My bad.”
Tree brought the back of his hand to Black Hole’s chest to check his pulse properly.
“Sorry- I appreciate that you’re here, Tree.”
Black Hole wanted to savor his comfort forever, never let it go. Tree yawned again.
“Don’t stay awake for me.” Black Hole said, too quickly.
He hesitantly brought his other hand around to nudge Tree back to lying down.
Black Hole lie next to him. They were close. Closer than before. He was disgustingly aware of it, their hands still together, but otherwise completely separate.
Before Black Hole could, Tree inched closer, pressing himself against the other. Tree brought a hand to rest on Black Hole’s chest.
“Good night, Black Hole.”
Black Hole stared up at the sky. He focused on every inch of the two that touched, every atom that intertwined.
“Good night, Tree.”
.
why did i do this im so tired i almost fell asleep like 4 times while writing yhis. goodnight.
we're in the same boat .. also if you need clarification on the tag itself from someone who uses ao3 every now and then it's basically just angst (the 'hurt' part) but without any hopeful resolution like there isn't another character helping whoever's getting angsted or nothing gets better for the character getting angsted (the 'no comfort' part)
bestiary is a rain world/bfdi crossover au , where each team gets a slugcat to assist them in challenges . hosts also get a slugcat :] these are the four vanilla slugcats (will draw watcher and downpour gang some other time)
i didn't actually expect to get 2 likes for a yaoi ramble but idid so i must deliver to the people. i think i'll just explain their relationship dynamic, as much as it confuses me myself because i don't know if it's actually a dyanmic or not.
neither of them are people who fare very well alone, so of course being that type they have somebody they're extremely codependent on. for tsp narrator, it's stanley; for the other narrator, it's indigo. (that isn't his name anymore but i haven't introduced his revamp yet so i see no point in revealing his new name right now) eventually it shifts towards each other, but before it does, it requires them having to move on from their previous attatchments. this is just what their entire relationship is built off of and why they even met in the first place
narrator hasn't seen indigo in ages becausw indigo isn't even a part of his life any more and hasn't been since he lost him, but he still clings onto the memory of him like he still is. he's terrified of letting go because in reality it's been so long since their days together that's he's actually forgotten them and those photos / journal logs of him are the only things of indigo narrator has left, and if he does let go, he'll forget indigo just like indigo forgot him. their past friendship and all the mourning narrator's done will mean nothing, but he already knows that it does, because it doesn't matter now that the two of them are strangers to each other, narrator just doesn't want to accept it. and because he won't let himself into the acceptance stage, narrator basically is just trapping himself in his grief. and just to further cement himself into it, he shuts himself off from most, if not all, the possibly meaningful connections he could have with people. he avoids forming relationships because he's terrified it'll just end the same way as it did with his and indigo's. and also out of a horrific guilt that he's somehow replacing him if he becomes close with somebody new
narrator's conclusion: he always leaves people before they can with him due to him never actually getting over his grief regarding indigo
(this is my interpretation of what tsp is for tsp narrator and how he's really like don't @ me about it if it may be completely different from yours)
tsp narrator's attachment to stanley isn't any healthier than narrator's attachment to indigo's, even though it seems like it does because unlike how indigo isn't in narrator's life anymore, stanley is still very much present in his. however this is exactly the problem with tsp narrator's attachment to stanley, it's that he is overrelying on him being there. he is really only attached to stanley because he is using stanley to cope with his depression (this is canon in the figurines ending) that comes from the fact that he has nobody else. as much as i love him, tsp narrator isn't a very pleasant person to be around cause of how much he struggles to maintain his emotions (mostly his anger) and how it affects the way other people view him. i don't imagine him to have any friends outside of stanley, who isn't actually 'real' in the sense that he wants him to be / pretends that he is. and the worst part about it is that he's the one who's dug himself into this hole, and now he can't get out because nobody will accept or try to help him do so. it's very clear that tsp narrator wants to leave it, and that he really does want to change, but nothing is in his favor for him to. people will always doubt his efforts to change because every time he feels as if his attempts have been rejected, he just undoes all his work and lashes out again each time. it's a repeating cycle that just makes himself look worse every single time he redoes it, so to cope with the insanity that cycle causes, he turns towards stanley and the parable as a whole as an extreme form of escapism. where his retrying doesn't always make everything 10x worse. tsp narrator doesn't have to change in the parable, because the parable will change for him if he wants it to. he'll be accepted and listened to there just because in there, he should be. and since he's spending so much time in the parable and stanley with that mindset, it affects the one he has outside of tsp too which is bad enough already and further ruining his relationships more. and i'd say more but tsp narrator's section is long enough so i wont
conclusion: tsp narrator is bpdnpd final boss which people and himself don't like and he can't get help for it since he doesn't wanna think he isn't 'normal' and both disorders are so stigmatized he wouldn't be able to get any help anyways so most of his relationships end up badly
tsp narrator's and narrator's unhealthy attatchments before they meet each other are similar but also somewhat opposite of each other Kind Of. they're similar in the way they won't let go of the other but the cause of why are different for both. stanley plays too much of a part in tsp narrator's life which is very detrimental for him because of it, as he's relied so much on stanley that now he isn't very functional without him. indigo being gone almost entirely from narrator's life without him resolving his grief for him haunts him so much that because of it he'll never try bonding with anybody else again.
tsp narrator won't let go of stanley because he thinks he needs him to function properly (stanley is there too much) / narrator won't let go of indigo because he feels as if he's betraying his memory of him if he does (and indigo isn't even there at all) tsp narrator thinks he doesn’t want to change, but deep down he does / narrator wants to change, but deep down he’s too afraid to
so how does this play out into their dynamic. well. Find out in part ii because i dont feel like continuing this since its 3 am hope you enjoyed part i of my first yaoi ramble ever
i didn't actually expect to get 2 likes for a yaoi ramble but idid so i must deliver to the people. i think i'll just explain their relationship dynamic, as much as it confuses me myself because i don't know if it's actually a dyanmic or not.
neither of them are people who fare very well alone, so of course being that type they have somebody they're extremely codependent on. for tsp narrator, it's stanley; for the other narrator, it's indigo. (that isn't his name anymore but i haven't introduced his revamp yet so i see no point in revealing his new name right now) eventually it shifts towards each other, but before it does, it requires them having to move on from their previous attatchments. this is just what their entire relationship is built off of and why they even met in the first place
narrator hasn't seen indigo in ages becausw indigo isn't even a part of his life any more and hasn't been since he lost him, but he still clings onto the memory of him like he still is. he's terrified of letting go because in reality it's been so long since their days together that's he's actually forgotten them and those photos / journal logs of him are the only things of indigo narrator has left, and if he does let go, he'll forget indigo just like indigo forgot him. their past friendship and all the mourning narrator's done will mean nothing, but he already knows that it does, because it doesn't matter now that the two of them are strangers to each other, narrator just doesn't want to accept it. and because he won't let himself into the acceptance stage, narrator basically is just trapping himself in his grief. and just to further cement himself into it, he shuts himself off from most, if not all, the possibly meaningful connections he could have with people. he avoids forming relationships because he's terrified it'll just end the same way as it did with his and indigo's. and also out of a horrific guilt that he's somehow replacing him if he becomes close with somebody new
narrator's conclusion: he always leaves people before they can with him due to him never actually getting over his grief regarding indigo
(this is my interpretation of what tsp is for tsp narrator and how he's really like don't @ me about it if it may be completely different from yours)
tsp narrator's attachment to stanley isn't any healthier than narrator's attachment to indigo's, even though it seems like it does because unlike how indigo isn't in narrator's life anymore, stanley is still very much present in his. however this is exactly the problem with tsp narrator's attachment to stanley, it's that he is overrelying on him being there. he is really only attached to stanley because he is using stanley to cope with his depression (this is canon in the figurines ending) that comes from the fact that he has nobody else. as much as i love him, tsp narrator isn't a very pleasant person to be around cause of how much he struggles to maintain his emotions (mostly his anger) and how it affects the way other people view him. i don't imagine him to have any friends outside of stanley, who isn't actually 'real' in the sense that he wants him to be / pretends that he is. and the worst part about it is that he's the one who's dug himself into this hole, and now he can't get out because nobody will accept or try to help him do so. it's very clear that tsp narrator wants to leave it, and that he really does want to change, but nothing is in his favor for him to. people will always doubt his efforts to change because every time he feels as if his attempts have been rejected, he just undoes all his work and lashes out again each time. it's a repeating cycle that just makes himself look worse every single time he redoes it, so to cope with the insanity that cycle causes, he turns towards stanley and the parable as a whole as an extreme form of escapism. where his retrying doesn't always make everything 10x worse. tsp narrator doesn't have to change in the parable, because the parable will change for him if he wants it to. he'll be accepted and listened to there just because in there, he should be. and since he's spending so much time in the parable and stanley with that mindset, it affects the one he has outside of tsp too which is bad enough already and further ruining his relationships more. and i'd say more but tsp narrator's section is long enough so i wont
conclusion: tsp narrator is bpdnpd final boss which people and himself don't like and he can't get help for it since he doesn't wanna think he isn't 'normal' and both disorders are so stigmatized he wouldn't be able to get any help anyways so most of his relationships end up badly
tsp narrator's and narrator's unhealthy attatchments before they meet each other are similar but also somewhat opposite of each other Kind Of. they're similar in the way they won't let go of the other but the cause of why are different for both. stanley plays too much of a part in tsp narrator's life which is very detrimental for him because of it, as he's relied so much on stanley that now he isn't very functional without him. indigo being gone almost entirely from narrator's life without him resolving his grief for him haunts him so much that because of it he'll never try bonding with anybody else again.
tsp narrator won't let go of stanley because he thinks he needs him to function properly (stanley is there too much) / narrator won't let go of indigo because he feels as if he's betraying his memory of him if he does (and indigo isn't even there at all) tsp narrator thinks he doesn’t want to change, but deep down he does / narrator wants to change, but deep down he’s too afraid to
so how does this play out into their dynamic. well. Find out in part ii because i dont feel like continuing this since its 3 am hope you enjoyed part i of my first yaoi ramble ever
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