“90% of your wedding budget is on chocolate.”
“Keep in mind that this is in the middle of July.”
“I’m at Carl’s Jr and all I see is other restaurants staring at us.”
“I went to school that Friday and tripped on grass.”
“I need to find the teacher person with the hair and thing who teaches.”
“Next time I get annoyed with a coworker I’m going to say he can go suck on my six dicks.”
“Go choke on my sextudick.”
“It’s too late for this.”
“It’s too early for this.”
“You have to draw a poorly drawn dick on one though.”
“We’re talking about lettuce porn.”
“I should be a porn director. I’ll specialize in veggie porn and sometimes do collabs with fruit porn people.”
“Should I get pizza today? I think I should.”
“It was just a pillow fight, officer. What do you mean you’re not supposed to stuff a pillow with knives?”
“That meme is gonna haunt me forever.”
“We should probably both sleep.”
“That sounds like ‘I want to die’ kind of talk.”
“Can I sword you to death?”
“How come there’s no goddamn apples?”
“Don’t worry; I’ve got this.”
“You’re the only one with a penis.”
“We went from knife-fighting bears to having an assault rifle.”
“That doesn’t make sense, human meat should be juicy.”
“I will exit the plane if you keep eating pistachios.”
jacobvanloon
andulkaphoto
theartofmadeline
2087
snowghoul
tangentwithtanner
kianamaiart
romaincrisis
