[ charlize theron, cisfemale, she/her ] - was that NICOLA SLOANE i saw by the lighthouse today? i heard that the FORTY-THREE year old who has been in nightrest for 1 WEEK and works as a/an SELF-DEFENSE / FIGHT INSTRUCTOR has a reputation of being OPEN MINDED, but also MATERIALISTIC. they reside in STOUGHTON ESTATES & people in town usually associate them with A HALF-EMPTY GLASS OF MOJITO, HEALED SCARS ON HER KNUCKLES, A LOT OF SUITS . let’s hope the killer doesn’t go after them next.
[ charlize theron, cisfemale, she/her ] - was that NICOLA SLOANE i saw by the lighthouse today? i heard that the FORTY-THREE year old who has been in nightrest for 1 WEEK and works as a/an SELF-DEFENSE / FIGHT INSTRUCTOR FIREFIGHTER has a reputation of being OPEN MINDED, but also MATERIALISTIC. they reside in STOUGHTON ESTATES & people in town usually associate them with A HALF-EMPTY GLASS OF MOJITO, HEALED SCARS ON HER KNUCKLES, A LOT OF SUITS. let’s hope the killer doesn’t go after them next.
nicola pierce sloane belonged to a simple family, her father, an accountant and her mother was a housewife. she was the epitome of a straight A (the only straight thing about her by the way) student. she had a huge dream, she wanted to have more than where she was for her and her family. but she wasn’t able to achieve that, due to the sudden death of her father when she was supposed to go to college. her mother was devastated the most, not knowing what to do.
she worked a lot of different jobs (yes babes she’s flexible), she was a cashier and a waitress, but she knew that wouldn’t do much for her and her mother. that’s when she got tangled with the bad part of her town. she started off small, pick-pocketing, stealing mobile phones and stuff that she is demanded to. she did earn a lot than the most two jobs combined, without her mother’s knowledge of what she really does. she got big, doing heists, stealing lots of what costs a fortune. and she became one of the best. until one day, the unexpected happens.
while they were stealing a small bag of diamonds one of their members did a mistake, which caused for everything not going according to plan anymore and the alarms went off. she saved most of her friends but she was left there alone, getting herself caught. she did not speak of their names and took the blame. this was when she met one of the officers who were determined of getting her shit straight again. officer lauren sloane. even in handcuffs, nicola was in awe the second she saw her. two unlikely women became friends and without anyone seeing it coming, have developed feelings for each other. while that happened, nicola has thought about serving the people, close to something that lauren did, so she prepared herself for the fire academy and eventually, with some time and hardwork, became a firefighter.
a year or two later, the two married through a civil wedding, and some people didn’t support it, but they didn’t care. both of them were happy, for the first time in forever, nicola was actually happy. there was nothing else she could ask for. she knew it was fast, but she was also sure that was indeed love between the two of them. she felt unstoppable. detective lauren sloane and firefighter nicola sloane. there was nothing that could break them apart, right?
wrong. lauren was in this another operation to uncover and make an arrest that was also a part of robberies and heist, which resulted to a gunfight and her unfortunate death. it was supposed to be lauren’s last day and that she was going to pursue something else, a dream that she and nicola had talked about, settling down, having a business of their own, starting a family…and now, it was all thrown away. nicola was left with nothing but money in her name, and properties which she didn’t have a clue about. she wasn’t aware of lauren having her last will and testament, most especially the fact that it was all changed just almost two weeks before her death. it was like she knew, and that, she was doing things that nicola wasn’t aware of.
it was as if lauren was telling nicola, asking her to keep herself away from the place that was once their home, she did move away, but never did she move on. the woman planned revenge during her time away from the field (as she was given to properly grieve for lauren), as she was also trying to live her life as normally as she could, or use it as a cover up. it was somehow a cover up, an alibi she has, or maybe a choice, if she chooses to back down. along the way, she met this woman who had her almost have a change of heart, due to the fact that she had found herself falling for the other, but the hatred living in that same place was stronger. without marissa harrison seeing it coming, nicola disappeared from her life like she doesn’t exist, and was it all worth it?
that was the question that lived in her head still to this day, blood in her hands, blood of the people who had taken her future away from her, which also had her almost lose her own, it was something she couldn’t believe, clinging on her life after her state of rage went away, and for years she used her wife’s money to be away from any watchful eye as she recovered, until recently, she had resurfaced and she finds herself in this small town called nightrest, where she has chosen to settle down and maybe, just maybe, live that normal life she had once dreamt about with lauren.
closed \ @nsloanefms
location : rhee’s bar and grill
“what, you’re feeling well enough to come to a party but you didn’t come to see me?” their anger was false, and it fell away as they marched up to the older woman, pulling her into a hug. “thank god you’re okay.”
“it wasn’t my decision to make, you know?” nicola laughs in response to ruby’s words. marissa had been strict when it came to her resting ever since she came home from the hospital but she has let the woman go out for march madness, regardless of the fact that she never really had any interest in sports. “i’m doing alright, still limited to do a few things...but you know how it goes.”
It feels like a weight off her chest to finally tell her, to finally tell someone what had happened before she moved up here from New York. But, she also felt like she wanted to fucking run. Run away from the chance that it might happen again. Maybe it would be a relapse with Delilah, or maybe– maybe Nic wouldn’t get so luckily next time she brushed against death. And death seemed to be around every corner these days. Then Nicola wrapped her arms around her and the storm inside calmed to a dull ache. “I just– I can’t do it again, I can’t get bad again, Nicola…” She whispered against her shoulder as she allowed herself to be held - to be vulnerable.
They stayed like that for a while, tangled together, the only noise breaking over the sound of the distant waves was her every-now-and-then sniffles. After a while, Riss pulled back slightly so she could look at the other. “And the– other stuff,” she knew Nic had noticed her pupils, “I just…” Riss sighed, and glanced back into their bedroom, to the bed. “I don’t get such bad dreams when I, er, pass out instead of falling asleep normally… I know it’s not great. I’m sorry… Sometimes it just feels like the only way to get a decent sleep these days.”
--
nicola wished she knew what would make it better, to at least lighten the feeling marissa was carrying, though she doesn’t know the right words to say either. that’s all she knew, to hold marissa while she weathers through the storm that is her life for the past number of years they’ve been away from each other. “you have me now, riss.” nicola whispers against marissa’s ear before kissing the side of her head whilst she held her close, taking in the silence the night brings, along the hushed waves in the distance, wordlessly letting the younger woman know that whatever happens, nicola is here to stay, and that she isn’t alone in this again. she has her now, and unlike before, nicola isn’t even going to go anywhere anymore, not without the woman in her arms.
marissa pulls away to speak once more and upon instinct, nicola’s hand is on her cheek as she listens, wiping the tears that were falling from her eyes. “my love...” nicola lets out a deep breath, the way her pupils were dilated are still noticeable. of course, she hasn’t missed the way the bar owner would fall asleep the past nights, and she has just chosen not to bring it up, until now. “we look for better ways that wouldn’t have you.” she leans close to rest her forehead against hers. “i don’t want to lose you, i can’t lose you, riss, not in any way, not...not in that way.” she murmurs, not being able to hide the fear in her voice. “let me help...okay?”
“You know we can’t wait,” he smiled, he felt calmer now when he could see she was okay. He knew she’d be back in the house in no time, and everything could go back to the little normality they have left. At the mention of Mama’s his jaw clenched, he kept saying he was fine, the last thing he wanted to be a burden to people who already had too much to deal with. It was easier to fake a smile and focus on everything but himself. “We were there…” he paused for a second, his emotions making a lump in his throat as he thought how Amoni felt in her last moments. “I don’t even think we checked the bathrooms. If I did maybe she’d be alive right now.”
--
“hugo...” nicola sighs, sitting up in her hospital bed so she could get a better look at hugo, and him at her. she knew that look too well, the feeling...it wasn’t just a little similar to the one she was having right now, with not being able to save the things that are important to marissa, but also the feeling she had back in new york when they had those calls that went beyond their control. “it’s not your fault.” she holds out her hand for the man to hold. “this...this was beyond our control, and we did the best that we could. what happened isn’t your fault, alright?”
She wasn’t sure whether it was the amount of substances running through her blood stream right now, or the desperate plea from the older woman for her to stop saying I’m fine and actually talk, but something made her realise that holding it in was hurting them both more. We talk, Marissa. Nicola was right, as she always tended to be. She needed to tell her, if for no other reason than to warn her. I can’t fucking lose you. Riss felt that guilt knife twist further into her heart, because did either of them have a choice anymore? Did anyone in this town have a choice whether they would survive the killer? Did she had a choice whether or not she was going to snap again?
“I, um–” Where did she even start with it? How does she begin to explain everything without sounding fucking crazy? “I slightly lied when I said I chose to move here to get out of the city,” she admitted as she backed up and sat on the edge of the balcony lounge bed. “I mean, I chose to come here but– it wasn’t my choice to leave the city, or Lucky,” Riss glanced up at Nic before bringing her eyes down to her own hands, rotating the ring around her middle finger. “When Delilah,” a lump in her throat forced her to pause and swallow it down, “when she died I had no way to deal with it, I– pushed everyone away, even Hayden, and I, um, I ended up convincing myself that it didn’t happen, that she didn’t die.” She felt the tear roll out of the corner of her eye. “I started seeing her in crowds and across the bars and– on the subway…” Riss wiped her hand under her nose as her eyes moved out onto the distant blackened water. “I know a lot of people who lose people unexpectedly have that, but um, for me it just got worse and worse and… Eventually, a few months after she died I– I was locked in my own reality, and I just began living this life with someone who was never actually there, and the hallucination would break every few days– I was just in this cycle of having her and losing her and I couldn’t get out of it…” She shook her head a little bit, eyes moving back down her hands, more tears pushing out. “Lucky didn’t want the press attention, a CEO losing their mind isn’t exactly good for the brand so, um, they paid me out of my tenure and took care of everything so it never got out there, but… I lost everything I had back then, everything except her and her stuff,” Riss glanced inside, to the slightly charred photo, the only thing she had left. Back then she felt like she had nothing left, now she really did have nothing left.
“I just ended up getting worse after that… At one point I– I had a whole family with her, two kids and a dog that were never real, but they… They felt real… And I just, um, I just stayed like that for months. Hayden eventually came back and forced me into a hospital, gave me no choice really and, um, I stayed there for almost nine months trying not to be fucking crazy…” She wiped her cheeks as she shook her head slightly. “I got discharged but I, um, I still had to do outpatient therapy and stuff but the, er, my Doctor moved to Salem… So I moved here too, because I was fucking terrified of getting bad again… I– I still am, and with everything it just–” she felt the weight around her heart drop, the tears begin to fall. “Losing everything in the fire feels like losing her all over again and I– I feel like I did at the start back then and I can’t… I can’t go through that again, Nic… But I don’t know how to stop it… When I close my eyes all I can see is the fire and every dream I have ends with me stood on that fucking subway platform… And then I wake up and everything– everything’s gone.”
--
and that was it. no matter how hard it felt like, especially right now, when they were both at their lowest, it felt like the right and only time for them to talk about this now. nicola has been nothing but curious about the aftermath of lauren’s death, and for a while she only wondered, while she was greeted by what remains of delilah all over marissa’s place whenever she stays, she could barely piece them together and assume, to be even more curious about the pain marissa went through. and her gut was surely telling her it was nothing short of the worst.
nicola finally turned to face marissa and she listened, all the wondering of how the younger woman could’ve gone through the death of the love of her life, where nicola believed herself that the only way was down when lauren passed, when people took her life without any choice. as marissa was blinded by the denial of it all and eventually succumbed to her lost of delilah, nicola let rage blind her, turn into the very person who ended the life of her love, though was almost saved by it by marissa without her knowledge, nicola has chosen what she thought what could heal her, only wanting the taste of revenge and people involved to have the taste of their own medicine. as she welcome herself in her hell, marissa was going through her own, losing lucky, the very thing people have known her for for as long as nicola could remember, along with it was her love. the day you lose your love you love is the day you start losing everything else, words nicola could only say in her head to herself, and she and the bar owner were prime examples of it. and now...they find each other, aftermaths of different tragedies, shattered pieces but at the same time has been slowly filling each other’s cracks, holding each other making their pain at least bearable, at least something one could share to the other.
what she tells her next, living in her own reality with delilah being alive and having a family together...it was a thought nicola would never stop aching for, she was supposed to start a new chapter in her life with lauren. the woman was supposed to leave the force and focus on the family she and nicola had envisioned together, somehow a little close to what marissa has told her. losing everything in the fire feels like losing her all over again. nicola knew before marissa has even said that to her, she knew the second she laid her eyes on the flames eating her home. not one person would understand why she ran into the fire instead away from it, because nicola knew the pain of losing what’s left of your love feels like. she lets out a deep sigh once marissa finishes and walks up to her, wrapping an arm around her waist as she pulls her close for a hug, her other hand holding the back of her head. “i’m sorry, riss...” was all she could say, knowing there’s exactly no right words to say. “i’m sorry...”
—Starter for @nsloanefms
Location: Griggs General Emergency Room
“Ms Sloane?” Cam asked, looking down at her chart to confirm he had the right name. “I’m Dr. Russell. I understand you had quite a scare, how are you feeling?” Scare seemed like such an understatement given the terror that seemed to be sweeping through town, but he didn’t know how else to describe it.
--
nicola has had her head buried in the book that marissa has left her the night before, which served as a little distraction from how she’s never really fancied being stuck where she is, a place nicola has vowed never to be in again. her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door, and his greeting words make her chuckle. “quite a scare is a way to describe it, doctor.” she puts her phone down to have her full attention on the man. “am i finally getting out?”
Of course the older woman knew. She knew because it wasn’t just luck that brought them back together again in this small town. It was fate. She knew because the two were tied to one another on much deeper level than the material. Nicola knew because she’d always known, even from day one back in New York. Marissa had seen Nicola’s pain without understanding it, and Nicola had seen beneath Marissa’s stone cold businesswoman exterior she’d had to put up during that time of her life. Without words, without the need for time passing by, the two women understood each other because they were meant for each other. So, despite all the other clues, of course Nicola knew.
Her heart sank, a stabbing feeling of guilt when the other pointed out the hypocrisy. “I–” she hesitated, knowing that she owed Nicola nothing short of the truth. She had no idea how to tell her, no idea how to do anything at the moment really. No idea how to do anything sober, at least. “I just– don’t know how to process any of this sober… Or at all, actually,” Riss admitted. “And I don’t want to make you feel worse, and I don’t want you to end back up in hospital, Nic,” she said as she picked up the unopened carton of cigarettes and slid them into her own pocket. “It’s not the same… I wasn’t–” she stopped herself from saying almost dead.
I shouldn’t even be this way. Riss sighed softly, taking a step forward and leaning against the balcony next to her. “There’s no playbook on this… And there’s nothing that says you shouldn’t be feeling like this… It’s okay, Nic. Stop beating yourself up for having feelings, it’s okay.”
--
it was evident that for two intelligent women, both nicola and marissa struggled to know the right words to say, to convey how they feel and how to deal with their situation right now. nicola had been stubborn to show that she was weak and hurting, that she isn’t back to her one hundred percent, and she knew marissa was struggling to how to cope with the situation, of losing almost everything, only to be left with a photo that nicola has woken up to a couple of times whilst she was still staying at marissa’s. they were smart, but they were also two women who went through things that are agonizing beyond words, in their own different ways, and they’ve survived that, and still surviving, not much of a whole person that they were before. what they have is beyond love, it was also one filling the other’s cracks.
“we talk, marissa. no matter how hard it is.” and nicola was evidently struggling herself, but she was trying, even though it wasn’t something she’s used to do, she was willing to do anything to not lose the younger brunette again. she was so used to having her walls up, even during the times before she left the other, marissa only knew parts of nicola’s life, and she doesn’t want to have a repeat of that, and lose marissa for good this time, regardless if it was the lingering murderer in town, or with the vices the bar owner has chosen to help her deal with everything. “i can take it, riss...” she looks back at her pleadingly in the eyes this time. “i can fucking take it--the pain...give me everything. just not...this....whatever this is. don’t let it take you away from me.”
nicola sighs, a huge part of her desperate for her lungs to be filled with smoke, or the feeling of alcohol running down her throat, just enough to numb the aching feeling in her chest when she looks at marissa and not be able to do anything to help. “no...it’s not that...” she shakes her head. “i can’t fucking stand not being able to do anything, riss. i can’t stand watching you clearly in your own head and not being able to at least be there for you because i’ve got no clue what’s going on. i can’t fucking lose you too, riss.”
“Don’t — don’t say you’re sorry.” He sighed and took a seat in the empty chair, his leg bouncing as nerves kept his body on edge. “Just don’t do it again.” Hugo has been a firefighter long enough to understand the adrenaline when you step on scene, let alone a place that held significance in your life. He couldn’t blame her, but he couldn’t enable it. “Get better and get back to the station before it falls apart without you.” He didn’t hide how he felt about his colleagues, most days he spent longer time with them and they slowly became family to him and he’d anything for them even as far to give his own life to protect them.
--
no promises. nicola held herself back from responding to hugo’s words, her knowing that if she could ever go back in time, she’d never change a thing, except, perhaps...save more than just a photo, more than just a little of what’s left of delilah’s existence on this earth. “i promise to get well quicker, hugo, and you and the boys wouldn’t be missing my meals anymore.” she says in attempt to lighten up the situation. “i’ve heard about mama’s...hugo, you can talk to me about it, if you need to.” given that she’s witnessed death herself many times, she knew what he could’ve felt like.”
Riss had been thinking about her conversation with Ruby, about how the other had told her how Nic just needed her to be there for her right now. It sounded so simple, didn’t it? Just be okay. Just be there. But how could she be there for someone else when she wasn’t even there for herself? How could she make Nicola feel better when every day that went by she got closer and closer to the edge? It seemed like another breakdown was no longer an if but a when. For now, it seemed her usual coping mechanism of booze was working - a gentle helping hand from Enzo didn’t hurt either… Although, that’s subjective I suppose - Nic would probably argue it was hurting… A lot.
She instantly felt the energy of the older woman, the self hate inner monolouge and overthinking aura like a dark cloud over them both. Then she clocked the cigarettes and she sighed. She knew what she was about to say was hypocritcal, and she also knew that Nicola had already clocked that she wasn’t sober - but she’d pretend like everything was fine until the other spoke up about it. “You know you can’t yet…” She spoke softly, hands going to Nicola’s and wrapping around them, gently taking the lighter. “I know they help– but you still have smoke in your lungs, my love… Doctor’s orders…” Riss tried not to let her words slur, or her tone alter from anything but soft.
--
at times like this, nicola isn’t actually the best with communicating her feelings, given how it is a war in her head, though the conflict in her eyes would be very noticeable, she knew it wouldn’t take long for marissa to know, in fact, she may have had already, her not being able to explain herself as she was previously gripping on the lighter before it eventually softens with the bar owner’s touch, along with her restraint to keep it together, her walls slowly crumbling down as she stared at her, knowing she’s going through something on her own, something that hasn’t been brought up in any conversation they’ve had ever since they’ve reunited. but with the way marissa is, nicola just knew, and she was just waiting patiently.
“you can’t say that.” nicola mutters, glancing between the lighter which is now is marissa’s hand and her eyes, not missing how she’s nothing close to sober, and part of her was aware it wasn’t just drinks that the younger brunette had in her office. “you can’t say that to me and--do whatever you’re doing, marissa.” she softly snatches her lighter back and stands closer to the railing, toying with her lighter and flicking it on and off whilst she stares in the distance, at the remnants left of the fire this time, where marissa almost lost her, too. “it shouldn’t even be this way...i shouldn’t even be this way.”
charlizeafrica: WOW this did make my day thank you. “90% middle aged women doing hand to hand combat and 10% queer romance” killed me 😂 Be damn sure I’ll keep it up :)
A few more days went by and Nicola was finally discharged from the hospital, able to be back home, though doctor’s orders were to rest as much as possible. Neither of them were particularly good at resting, at staying still and quiet and letting the world pass them by. Marissa especially struggled with not doing anything, and while she by no means needed the money, having Queen’s closed for the entire weekend and more made her feel like she was missing out - running at a loss. She needed to close up, she knew that, but she couldn’t help but itch to get back in there. So, once Nic was settled, and they’d spent a day or two catching up on all the missed time, she decided to reopen and go back to work. She tried not to think about it, or talk about it, but the truth was she desperately needed the distraction… She wasn’t okay.
So, that’s where she’d been for most of the afternoon, through into the late hours of the night. She’d stayed a little late after close, finding a deeper distraction in something Enzo provided, a few drinks to wash it down. She fired off a text ‘finishing up some paperwork, be home soon’, so Nic perhaps wouldn’t worry as much. It wasn’t a whole lie - she did do some paperwork. Eventually, she got home, walking through the door and dropping her bag and coat by the hanger, locking up immediately. She never used to do that. But paranoia was a wise trait to have these days.
Riss thought about calling out, but she didn’t want to wake Nic if the older woman had fallen asleep. So she moved through the house quietly, checking first the gym (though she’d be pissed if that’s where she found her), then the deck, then up into the bedroom before finally finding her out of their bedroom balcony. “Hey…” She greeted softly, walking over and wrapping her hand around her waist. “I missed you,” Riss whispered as she kissed her cheek.
--
nicola understood that marissa had a lot in her plate, that besides herself, the woman had queens to take care of, that was why she immediately agreed to the woman working and watching over the bar as she promised to stay home only to recover, to finally rest since she is now out of the hospital, something she honestly would prefer being along in the hospital room, with the sound of her machine beeping being the only thing she could hear endlessly. the firefighter didn’t really have much sleep, that’s why it was the first thing she had prioritized the second she’s gotten out. it was something she’s still struggled with ever since lauren’s passing, but it was something her body was desperate for at this point, resulting to her shutting down the second she laid on bed, and has omly been doing for the past two days and not even awake whenever marissa left for work in the morning.
she busied herself at home, looking for things to do and be in the kitchen, cook for them easy meals during those nights, yet she hadn’t been the same, nicola was a little bit quieter than usual, as if she wasn’t quiet already, and would only talk whenever she’d be asked something, or whenever marissa would talk to her. it was obvious that she may be physically recovering fast, yet she was still in her own head.
especially now that she was alone in the balcony as she was waiting for marissa to come home, eyeing the pack of unopened cigarettes on the table whilst she was playing with an old zippo lighter in her hand. smoking used to be something she’s always leaned on to when she was in a restless state, yet now that it was advised against it, she couldn’t really do anything about it. her thoughts were cut off with the feeling of marissa’s lips on her cheeks, and she immediately catches her eyes, noticing how she wasn’t any close to sober, with how her pupils are larger than usual, it was one of so many little things she’s kept in mind and never forgotten, no matter how many years it has been. she just hummed at her words and looks down, eyes returning to the lighter in her hand.
