When you're aware, important life moments hit differently
Since meditating and hitting new levels of spiritual growth, awareness for me hits differently than it did before. Awareness in the memory, the moment, the mindfulness, the present. All of it. Tapping into all of the details comes easier and tapping into memories comes easier because of practicing meditation.
So when my dad started to be in the hospital in 2023, and I started making the drive all the way from Newark to Antioch just to spend 2 hours or so with him at a time, nearly every possible weekend, my body started to remember the details. The drive, the music, the doors I entered to get into his room, the hallways and smells.
His first surgery was in January and everything was going well, and then comes February and things started to slowly crumble. Every visit I made, I saw my dad's body go more and more. I saw his spirit latch on and try but his body just couldn't hang on. I saw his eyes go in pain and sorrow. And this is when I started to tell my Dad how special I was. And how I can help heal him. It would work, and then something again would happen. Not to mention something would almost happen to me as well, telling me that something more was going on with my dad spiritually.
Every visit I tried to keep his spirits up. And every visit, he just kept telling us he was done. And we just kept fighting for more. To see your dad go and how his eyes were the only way to talk to you, and how you just knew we were at the end. It was hard. It hurt. It took my every being to continue. It truly was showing me how the eyes are he windows for your spirit.
It was sometime after my dad passed, possibly a week after or a couple of days after, where I had gone to meditate to just try and center. I hadn't had time to really process everything so I've been meditating often to process everything. Usually when I meditate, I go somewhere and I trust whatever is happening. This time though, my meditation took me to my dad's hospital where we said good bye. I walked down the empty hallways that I became so familiar with, turned left and into room 212. What normally would be the old vision of my dad in his hospital bed, turned into a bright empty room. Nothing inside. And there stood my dad, the way I remembered him in his jeans, white shoes, and green polo, and green cardigan with your warriors hat. I ran to him crying both physically and mentally as I was in the meditation. Remembering how your arms felt and recalling every detail of previous moments of our hugs. You explained that you were okay and better. Not in pain anymore, so there wasn't anything I needed to cry about. You told me to tell mom that you were okay and that you'd see her again soon. That was the defining moment I needed. To embrace the new change of a life without you. You telling me that you're okay and everything is okay.
I would continue to see you in my meditations, but slowly less and less and only when you knew I needed it, because I was moving forward. Embracing the grief and processing the next chapter. But I don't regret remembering every detail of memories. I enjoy tapping into those details of how the air felt, what song I was listening to, and how everything was.
It took a year and a half to realize what was happening to me energetically. How it affected my work, my identity for a long time. And then when I finally figured it out, the universe delivered on things I had been requesting.
Life truly is different when your awareness and your spirit is awakened to how everything is connected. Being able to tap into all of the past, present, and future when meditating is powerful. And I think that is why I like taking people through meditations.
Just imagine what you can do if you only knew yourself and your spirit more.
germansingergirl
stormborns
yousharknotpass
theartofmadeline
origamiaround
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
titsay
