A feigned pout pulled at his lips as he finally moved to put down his pen and paper. “Sleeping’s what we do best when we’re together- no wait, that came out wrong.” Gene let out a breath as he leaned back to lay down. He patted the space in between Alistair and him to draw the feline closer, and when the cat was close enough he moved the feline to sit on his chest. Gene reasoned that his back was starting to kill him from how he had been slouched, but there was an ulterior motive to it as well. This way he had Alistair block Caelin’s face from his vision. Maybe this way he could be, well, himself without having to deal with the swell of insecurities and negativity.
A long sigh was drawn out as he rubbed behind Alistair’s head. The vibrations felt pleasant against his palms and he tried to ease his ever worrying mind with that sensation. He didn’t want to say that he was about to disassociate, but he just felt so.. tired. “Thanks, but, uh, kind of,” he admitted with his eyes fixed on the cat’s fur instead of his friend’s direction. Gene licked his lips and tried to figure out if he really wanted to throw a confession out here during a time like this. The whole discussion with Travis had been a wild thing to go through, and the both of them were hardly able to keep their eyes open, much less talk about feelings. Except there was that irritating and stubborn part of him that wanted to be out with it, because if he was being honest with himself this sort of thing was long past due.
Then again, maybe it’s because he’s been sober for more than a week that had him thinking about breaching the subject. Yeah, that was probably it. “Or not really. Maybe?” He was rattling at this point to stall until he would inevitably blurt it all out anyways. So he took another deep breath and told himself to shape up and not be an ass about it. “You remember how Nancy and Jill always blabbered about us being a thing like four Christmases ago?” He couldn’t ever forget that. Caelin’s neighbors were nosy bitches that like to gossip anytime someone breathed around them. It just so happened that the sisters had seen both of them coming back from running errands that holiday and flat out asked if they were dating. “You ever think about that?” Gene wasn’t sure where the hell he was going with this since he had no idea what he was saying, but there was a general idea of what he wanted to achieve and he’s going to fucking do it somehow.
Caelin didn't say anything at first, the comment was true. Even though Gene said it came out wrong. It seemed like that was what they truly were best at, sleeping together and not talking about their feelings. He didn't honestly expect this time to be much different. The nurse watched silently as Gene situated himself on the floor, pulling Alistair to him.
He was prepared to climb off of the couch and head to bed if Gene didn't want to talk. It would be yet another failed attempt to bring up the tension between them and he'd go to sleep with a heavy heart. He was used to that by now. Caelin tensed as Gene spoke, blue eyes growing wide in surprise. "You ever think about that?" The better question would be, when did he not think about it? When did he not agonize if every little moment between them that felt like more than friendship was indeed more. The flowers, the late nights, the unexpected visits, the hand holding, the i love yous. He thought about it everytime they were together.
Caelin scratched the bloodhound currently snoozing, sprawled across his lap, behind the ears as he thought of what to say. The blunt way was always the better way, especially with Gene. "Gene, of course I do. When do I not think about it?" He said quietly, "But- does that matter if I'm the only one who wants more? Who.. wants what they said to be true? I don't.. I don't want to get in the middle of anythin' you might feel for someone else, I don't want to be second best."
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