I'm good

Vera Crawford, but you can call me Nurse Crawford. I might look young but I've got a world of experience under my belt. I don't believe in medical mysteries anymore. There is only science and things yet to be proven. I work the graveyard shift more often than not and the only people I have time for are the ones I call my own.

[nursecrawford]

iamnotacawp:

“Whining? Is that the clinical term?” He sighed, sinking further into the cushions. “I didn’t say everyone. Just me.” His Southie accent got a little thicker. “I’m special.” He couldn’t hold the laugh at the attempt in, giving up with a slight flail of the arms. “I tried okay?” He went quiet for a moment. “Why don’t you give it a try? Feels good. I promise. Here, I’ll start for you.” A little wink appeared in his eye. “Oh, Ryder it was awful. This douchebag kept wasting my time.” He backed off, knowing the charm offensive had failed even before it had begun. 

Wasn’t he supposed to be the profiler? He thought to himself. If he thought too long or hard about it he’d spiral a little and there was no time for that. There was never time for that. Push forward, Sullivan. “Oh generally, Occam’s is my favorite too but I think all the surveillance has made me want people to be more complex. Otherwise where’s the challenge?” Ryder was never sure when McAuliffe had gotten so selfish but he certainly was.

He viewed the phone’s fake AI with a mix of contempt and mild apprehension. “Very brave of you. Luckily my head is made of synthetic alloy so if you borrow a jumpsuit from Eliza, no one will be the wiser. What’s some motor oil between friends?”

He placed the remote on the coffee table as if it was a sacred text. “Teach me, o learned one.”

Vera rolled her eyes. “Whining is something you go to a shrink for, not a nurse.” If they were normal, that is. He couldn’t exactly see one for the crimes he committed. Those would just have to sit on his conscience, just like her work here sat on hers. His nearly flirty impression of her stopped her in her tracks. She had never once spoken that way, but it was almost charming in a boneheaded sort of way. “Very cute,” she said wryly, “but I don’t complain out loud and neither should you. It’s bad form.” 

It was rare that Vera had much of anything to contribute to the team outside of medical knowledge. Usually, she preferred for things to be that black and white. They tested her loyalties every day and the clearer she could keep things in her head, the better. But, at least on this level, she understood Ryder. “Challenges are what make life interesting.” 

Siri’s robotic voice filled the space between them. Her eyes darted between her phone and Ryder’s face, gauging his reaction. She laughed at his joke. “Not the worst bodily fluid I’ve been sprayed with.” In a hospital, that was a tired refrain. Here, however, Vera had the slow and sinking realization that her words could be misconstrued. With a tremulous smile, she met Ryder’s eyes. “Oil wouldn’t be very fun, but puke is....well, awful.” There, that was better. Hopefully he wouldn’t notice the unintentional innuend. Or if he did, maybe he wouldn’t comment on it. It was the best she could ask for. 

Vera grabbed the remote and pulled her knees up to her chest. Ever since she was little, she associated television time with her head pillowed on her knees. It was a way of self soothing. “There have been a lot of interesting dramas recently, How To Get Away With Murder and Secrets and Lies have been two of my favorites. Although, Secrets and Lies does go off the deep end towards the end. As for comedies, Parks and Recreation is pretty popular. Or, if you want something more old school, Friends is a great choice. It’s up to you. What are you up for?” 

[nursecrawford]

audrina-redford:

She smiled. It was little wins, she had forgotten about that. Little wins against her illness were always celebrated. “My concern has always outweighed my OCD, to be honest.” She thought back to Gabe and the trouble he used to get himself into. Audrina would force herself into all kinds of situations to get him safe, whether it be pulling him out of a bar or getting him sober. Her smile faded though when she saw Vera’s outstretched arms, it was all she could handle and it was pathetic. 

“That’s a good sign,” Vera replied, smile firmly in place. Framing this as a positive experience was important, especially if Audrina wanted to work on treatment. “It’s not that far of a jump from there to other circumstances where your OCD isn’t in the driver seat.” And then her patient’s smile faded and Vera worked harder to keep her smile in place. “What happened? Things were okay a second ago.” 

[nursecrawford]

audrina-redford:

“Oh.” Audrina retracted her hands fast, tucking them into her pockets as though that would protect her. “It feel awful leaving you to do this by yourself.”

“It’s no big deal.” Vera placed the last of the items back on the tray and stood up very slowly. “Honestly, there wasn’t that much left to do. I appreciate the thought though.” Maybe they were making real progress. Audrina had considered helping before she had corrected her. “I don’t know if you noticed, Audrina, but you were ready to come to my rescue without thinking of the cleanliness first. That’s a great step forward. I’m proud of you.” 

[nursecrawford]

audrina-redford:

“Well. That’s good. I’m glad you’re okay.” She smiled gently, giving Vera a small thumbs up. “I’m fine. I’ll help you.” Audrina began to reach down, helping Vera clean up the equipment. 

“Thanks,” Vera said, before resuming her work. Most of the equipment was pretty harmless but some of it would need to be dropped in a hazardous waste container. Audrina’s words took her off guard. “What,” she asked, eyebrow raised, “Oh no, it’s fine. I don’t have any gloves on hand now. I had sterilized all of this but now....” 

[nursecrawford]

audrina-redford:

Audrina bit her lip, glancing at all the equipment. “Nothing hurt you, right?” She checked over Vera carefully, making sure she hadn’t ended up with a scalpel in her foot or something like that.

“Right as rain,” she replied, holding up her hands for Audrina to see. “I’ve got good reflexes. In this case, that only managed to save me from injuring myself, but a win is a win.” Long before nursing school, Vera had adopted a practical attitude to life. “Are you okay? “ 

[nursecrawford]

audrina-redford:

Audrina heard a bang, it making her jump. While she was pretty much useless when it came to anyone bleeding, they had been living together for a while now and Audrina knew that a sound like that was never a good sign. Besides, if it was a mess, she’d probably be a good help when it came to cleaning it up. “Is - Is everything okay?”

“Um,” Vera paused, assessing the damage, “Largely, yes.” Medical equipment was scattered all over the floor, but nothing looked too damaged. She looked up at Audrina, halfheartedly smiling. “I’m just clumsy on my feet today. As long as no one ventures near the area for the next thirty seconds, we should be okay.” Dropping to her knees, she started to collect the pieces of equipment and place them back on the tray she’d been carrying before disaster struck. “All of that cleaning for nothing,” she muttered to herself. 

[nursecrawford]

iamnotacawp:

“I’ve always been annoyed that being a grown man means you’re not allowed to whine. Whining is a human right.” Ryder Sullivan was not a whiner. The impulse had been ironed out of him through admonishment and disapproval. Ryder McAuliffe, on the other hand, was a bit of an attention whore at times, especially if the real person inside him felt nervous. McAuliffe was every bad instinct Mrs. Sullivan had erased from her son, and somehow Vera found them all and made him want to fix them all over again. 

“I…never thought of it like that.” He hadn’t. Ryder wasn’t very good at self examination in general, especially when it came to his ‘quirks’ or whatever the kind word was for the fact that he had no life outside his job. “Yeah. It’s probably that.”

“You asked it to do –?” He looked at her. “That sounds like Siri.” The program’s name was more of a groan than title. “Is it Siri?” His last two targets had been Blackberry users but you never forgot that AI’s inane answers. 

Vera scoffed, shaking her head a little in the process. “If you’re interested in whining, you should go see a psychologist. A non-psychiatric nurse, which is what I am, does not get paid to hear you whine about problems.” She tapped her index finger against her chin, “And you guys do not pay me enough to take on that responsibility for everyone.” 

Her eyes widened in surprise as he spoke. She was not used to catching people off guard, especially him. “It’s the most logical explanation, and I’ve always been a fan of Occam’s razor.” 

“Good guess, RoboRyder.” Rather than explain it to him, she pulled her phone out and tapped on the circle twice. “Siri, what is zero divided by zero.” The robotic voice replied almost immediately. “Imagine that you have zero cookies and you split them evenly among zero friends. How many cookies does each person get? See, it doesn’t make sense. And Cookie Monster is sad that there are no cookies. And you are sad that you have no friends.” She smiled at him, “See, I took this risk once already. I’m not taking it again, with my luck your head would explode and I don’t think I could get that out of my scrubs.” 

[nursecrawford]

blancherogers:

“You have the same sort of face,” she commented, before realizing that she could take it the wrong way. Blanche said it as a compliment, but she was also aware that Vera wasn’t the same as the rest of them. She still had a chance. Blanche often wondered why she didn’t take it. “Good thing you don’t have to fool anyone,” she tried to cover, failing horribly. 

Vera smiled politely, not sure whether to be flattered or concerned. For the past three years, she had stayed in her own little world. When they needed her help, she gave it. The rest of her time was devoted to learning more about medicine. Their missions were of no interest to her. “Well, my fooling skills are usually reserved for patients. I have to always act calm, cool, and collected, no matter how dire the situation. It’s a form of trickery, but fairly harmless.” 

[nursecrawford]

gabrielxspencer:

“Normal people, Vera. Normal people.” Gabe wrinkled his nose right back at her. “And it’s good. Despite Russell Crowe’s singing, which, I have to say, was downright atrocious.” He shook his head in disbelief, carefully dog-earing the page he was on in his book and shutting it. “I could have been Javert. I think I’m mean enough to have played a ruthless cop, don’t you?” he asked, putting on his best stern face—he was unable to hold it for long. “Okay, no, wait, I can do better than that. I promise.”

Gabe shrugged. “I haven’t talked to my family in…years, now.” He thought about it for a moment before shaking it off. “Doesn’t matter, anyway. I’m doing just fine on my own, and I choose to believe that they’re doing fine, too,” he added, not particularly wanting to dwell on the subject of families. His family only saw him as a disappointment for going to MIT—if they could see him now, well…they wouldn’t believe how low he could stoop. Gabe took a deep breath, letting it out slowly through his nose as he tried to focus his mind towards other things, but this conversation, coupled with his phone call earlier, made his mind go fuzzy on all other subjects.

Reaching out gingerly, he took Vera’s hand, squeezing it lightly. “We all need an outlet, right?” he asked, giving her a half-smile before withdrawing his hand and reaching up to scratch the back of his head, embarrassed at the casual touch—it must have been so awkward for her. He was so awkward. And she was way out of his league, anyway. “Why does anyone write sad books? Or sad music? Or sad poems? They’re probably feeling some of that themselves.”

“If that’s normal, then I’m not interested.” Movies were fun, sure, but she could only handle short ones. Anything over two hours made her antsy to be doing something else. Years of studying made it hard for her to sit around and do anything that made her feel like she wasn’t being productive. She had a very limited frame of reference for who this Javert fellow was, but his impression made her laugh all the same. “You are very ruthless,” she said, in between giggles, “I’m quite impressed.” 

Even though she had brought the topic of families up, she hadn’t anticipated the casual way Gabe would shrug his off or how it would make her feel. Family was the reason she was here. The only reason. She couldn’t imagine being so cavalier about that. But that was probably one of the many differences between her and the rest of the group. “I’m sure they are,” she replied, half-heartedly. If he needed to believe that, she would try and go along with it. Unfortunately, lying wasn’t her strong suit. And any person that had known Gabe and no longer had him in their life, had to be upset about it. 

She gave him a small nod as he squeezed her hand. “I guess,” she conceded. Vera was normally guarded with her personal space. There was always a wall between her and the rest of them. Except Julian. But it was nice to have a casual touch of support, however fleeting it was. “Why make it public though? Are we that narcissistic as a society that we can’t grieve or mourn alone? Do we need so much validation that even our personal pain has to be consumed by the public to feel real?” Her darker emotions had always been tucked away, she couldn’t fathom people displaying them for the world to see. It didn’t sit right with her. 

[nursecrawford]

iamnotacawp:

I hide it well, Ryder thought. Always have. “Fair enough.” he said with a shrug. “Just wait til I stub my toe.” Maybe it was a bid for attention. Ryder’d never been the type to do that, but apparently McAuliffe was. It was strange, the gap between his selves. At times it seemed like Ryder McAuliffe didn’t exist and at other times he seemed to have a mind of his own. 

“My brain is fine,” he grumbled. “I rest when I sleep. Or run.” Surveillance took a lot of time. Reviewing footage alone demanded full attention for twelve hours at a stretch, if not more. Long shifts never bothered Ryder. There was a zen to it, the unity of purpose. It was a lot simpler than the socializing he’d had to do to lately. 

Ryder hated when they laughed. It was at these moments that he felt the most disconnected from himself. Ryder was a robot in a lot of ways, but being Ryder McAuliffe had proved to him that he was the king of the terrible joke. The thoughts he’d had quietly to himself his whole life were finally coming out of his mouth. It was a strange feeling. Risky. “Tell me to divide by zero, I guess.” 

She smiled at him, somewhere between sardonic and genuine. “You’re a grown man, Ryder, I’m sure you don’t need me to help with that.” Vera got enough of that at the hospital. Gross guys wanting sponge baths and people expecting her to help them with minutiae. That wasn’t her job. Her job was to help make sure people stayed alive through vigilance and action. 

“Lucky you.” Her tone was more gentle this time, teasing. Exercise had never been something she particularly enjoyed, more of a necessary evil, but it made sense that it helped him. He was more of the strong, silent type. Time alone was probably more restorative to him than monitoring social interaction. “Then again, you also watch people and places for most of your day anyways, so of course the tv wouldn’t be interesting to you.” She almost felt dumb for not realizing it earlier. 

Sometimes it was hard to tell when Ryder was being funny. His sense of humor was so subtle that had he not just impersonated a robot for her, she would have thought he was mocking her. “I’m not going to do that, I already asked one electronic to do that and I got a very depressing answer involving food and friends.” He didn’t seem like the kind of guy to understand viral jokes or memes, but maybe she could show it to him. If he was still in a mood to humor her, that is. 

[nursecrawford]

blancherogers:

She nodded in response to Vera’s words. She had said ‘thank you’ to enough of people’s condolences. A lot of people had loved her father. She still loved him. She knows she would never be where she was now if he hadn’t died. She’d still be on his track, maybe she could’ve beat him by now. That was her one goal and Blanche would never know if she completed it. This wasn’t the side of her she wanted the team to see, though. Charlie and her had one goal, and while Blanche enjoyed the others’ company, Charlie was the only one who had earned the sight of her emotions. So the smile returned to her face and her eyes brightened. “He learned his lesson,” she replied cheekily. “By myself though…” Blanche grinned, thinking how easy it used to be getting away with things. “I’m too baby faced for people to think I’m a criminal.” 

They shared a quiet moment of understanding before moving on. There was no point in dwelling on things, especially not with the team. Most of them took emotional hits and carried on like nothing had happened. Vera knew how to fake that, but it never felt genuine. “Wouldn’t that make you the perfect criminal? No one would ever suspect you.” 

[nursecrawford]

julianwhitaker:

“I thought that just took smarts and confidence.” Julian had always known he would never grow up to be a doctor; his hands were never meant for healing people. “Well, unfortunately training kids who are angry and have lost their way in the world doesn’t pay the electrical bills.” He smiled, still holding the cotton wool in his arms. “Just remember that I have an arsenal of criminals at my disposal.” He warned, playfully; a smile still playing on his lips. “Instagram with caution.”

“Maybe for some people, but the best doctors are usually pretty arrogant.” It was one of those rare instances when the stereotype was more true than not. “Normal jobs pay the bills too, y’know,” she shrugged her shoulders, a smile on her lips, “I’m just saying.” While Julian was joking around with her, she got to work sorting out her wool. She took one end of the thread and raised an eyebrow at him, silently asking permission to wrap it around his hands. “Message heard and ignored.” 

[nursecrawford]

audrina-redford:

Audrina began to set up her plate, gently drying it with a freshly laundered tea towel. With a very, very clean knife (she made sure), Audrina began to cut the brownies with a focus that most would call odd. She held the knife delicately, lining it up over and over before she took one cut. It was a slow process, cutting them into neat and equal little squares. Audrina didn’t want to have to throw them away and start over. 

“I’m not paying you.” Audrina said, her focus on the brownies and not on her filter. Her jaw dropped open as she realised what she said, her cheeks beginning to darken. “Oh. I didn’t mean… My parents, all the doctors… They were paid to help. And they never helped. I threw up on one once. He tried to make me eat a candy that had been in his pocket. It’s good that you aren’t being paid and… I’m rambling, I’m sorry. I’m not very good at this. At trusting nurses, I’m sorry if I offended you.” The breath that Audrina let out was harsh, she had made herself breathless trying to apologise. 

Vera wanted to interject, but she kept silent. It wasn’t often that she got Audrina to open up to her, and she didn’t want to jeopardize that. She watched the other girl cut little squares with the type or precision that would have made some surgeons she knew jealous. When Audrina stopped to catch her breath, Vera waited a beat to see if she still had more to say or not. Once she was sure the other girl was finished, she smiled warmly and began, “You didn’t offend me. In fact, that was the nicest way anyone’s ever said they don’t trust me.” She was surrounded by criminals, you couldn’t be the outsider in a group like that without expecting that people didn’t trust you. And she would be lying if she said that she trusted most of them. “I’m helping you, because it’s something I believe in. I became a nurse because I wanted to help people. You want help, and I can figure out enough to at least get you started on that path. So, I’m going to. It’s part of my moral code.” 

[nursecrawford]

blancherogers:

“I don’t know much about nurses or what they do,” she admitted, before taking a deep breath. “I have this memory, though, when my father died. I was old enough to realize what was going on but still young enough where I didn’t know how to handle it, you know? I remember while my mother was off making phone calls, making arrangements, there was a nurse that sat with me and let me lay my head on her shoulder. She was blonde. I liked her, but I never saw her again.” Blanche didn’t know why the story came pouring out of her, so heavy and so demanding, but she’d give that nurse a prize if she could, and Vera too. “Anyways, it isn’t his fault. We’ve tried once before. Our mistake was bringing Charlie with us. She knows my weak spots.”

Vera listened patiently. She knew next to nothing about these people, by choice, and it was strange finding out more about them. It made them more human, their actions almost understandable. Almost. “I’m sorry for your loss,” she said, quietly. Even though it had been six years since Trinity had died, she felt it still every day. It did not matter how long ago Blanche’s father died, that pain had probably never left the other girl either. And just like that, Blanche was changing subjects on her. She got it, it was easier to jump from topic to topic that stay mired in her sadness. If only her brain worked that way. Her smile was weak, but she tried to appear like she had switched gears with the other girl. “The two of you together are trouble. It’s hard to believe Julian even let you both go out at the same time.” 

[julianwhitaker-blog]

Julian didn’t know what that said for the doctors that Vera worked with at the hospital. Phillip had a reputation for not being the easiest of people to get along with as of late. “Way to maintain the arrogant doctor stereotype.” He smiled, before narrow his eyes cautiously. “This better not be some trick to fleece me of my personal belongings or draw on my face with a sharpie.”

[nursecrawford]

“In their defense, you have to be pretty arrogant to believe you can cut someone open and make their body work better than it did, or have someone tell you a little bit of information and be able to diagnose them on the spot,” Not all of the doctors she’d worked with had been terrible, but a lot of them had egos that could use a little deflating. She gave Julian a pointed look, her eyebrows raising with doubt, “I’m not the one who make a living tricking people.” It was a little harsh, but it was the truth. Not wanting him to get too uptight about her remark, she smiled and continued, “We both know the only trick I would play on you is instagramming terrible photos of you. The public needs to see the composed Julian at his goofiest.” 

[iamnotacawp-blog]

“Sick is relative.” In a different context, Ryder would have blushed at the comment, especially from someone as pretty as Vera, but instead it just felt awkward. He liked Vera. He couldn’t imagine losing Olivia. Or helping the person who may have killed her. She doesn’t know that, Sullivan he reminded himself. No one knew, aside from his small unit at the Bureau. Even Interpol didn’t know who their source on Julian Whitaker had been. Or that she may have been found out by her accomplices. What would she think, knowing that her sister could be standing next to her killer at any moment? Sometimes Ryder wished he didn’t know either. He had never been a very good actor, but he was excellent at suppressing things. Reactions. Emotions. Doubts. “Nope. I wasn’t very good at school. I had to study all the time. I just didn’t see the point in this stuff.” He gestured to the screen. Maybe it was an odd cover story but it was the truth. He always went with saying he found better compensation for his skills in the seedier parts of the private sector. Which he would have. If he’d been raised differently. He stared at Vera for a moment, then shut his eyes and flinched. He slowly opened them again. “Routine maintenance has been performed. You are safe for another…” he let his voice get particularly robotic. “Two weeks.” 

[nursecrawford]

“I’m only licensed to treat physical ailments. You don’t seem to have any of those right now.” Her smile softened up the matter of fact tone she used whenever slipping into Nurse Crawford mode. Nurses were a no fuss lot. You had to learn to deal with comebacks, sassy remarks, and seeing things you never wanted to see. It was the easiest side of her personality to use with the team. They needed her to look at them as her patients and she always had to stay a little removed from them in order to do that. And yet, she’d never had a patient that wasn’t itching to turn on the tv the second they could. “Sometimes your brain needs a break. Television is great for that.” Her eyes followed his hand as he pointed towards the screen. There was probably some ritual he had for decompressing, but she wasn’t going to press it. The two of them didn’t share heart to hearts or secrets, just superficial camaraderie. She turned back to look at him, her head tilting slightly as he started an impression of some kind. Even if she had wanted to, she wouldn’t have been able to hold back her giggles. Her laugh was loud, filling the space with energy. “Oh no, not the RoboRyder5000.” She tried for a straight face but the corners of her mouth kept twitching up. “What am I going to do in two weeks when my window is up?” 

[julianwhitaker-blog]

“Phillip doesn’t have that soft touch that you have.” He smiled in return, nodding at her request and waiting for her to lead the way. “What exactly are we setting up here?” He peered down at the knitting equipment in his hands, the different colours of cotton wool reminded him of his Grandma, she always spent hours knitting away on her worn down recliner.

[nursecrawford]

“Maybe not, but his bedside manner is actually better than a lot of the doctors I’ve met.” It was unfortunately true. Doctors rarely liked to do the work themselves. Everything was just left for the nurses. “I can’t knit if my wool if all over the place. So,” she said, her eyes shining with mirth, “I’m gonna wind it around your fist and then keep rolling it until it’s in order. Then I can knit.”