WHO: Lin Xiu ( @detectivegoldstein ) , Mo de la Luna, Knightley SUMMARY: Mo and Knightley have lunch with Xiu
Mo had bags under his eyes, still reeling from everything with Eagan lately, Xiu being arrested had just felt like cherry on an already bullshit sundae. Only cause Fox had stepped in had he even been allowed to bring in food, it felt weird to be here for one last lunch, grateful Knightley had agreed to come. Walking in he held out the small brown bag through the bars while Knightley leaned against one of the wall just listening, "Uh...hey. I um...sorry it's nothing fancy, it was my turn...it's just tacos," they mumbled.
To say Xiu was surprised was an understatement. Mo may very well have been the last person she expected to visit her cell. With his gentle and caring nature, she was certain he would have taken the news the hardest. Walking up to the bars, Xiu took the bag with some hesitation. "Thank you, De l-Mo." There was no need to be formal anymore. After all, they were no longer coworkers. "It's perfect, thank you." Opening the bag, she looked at the wrapped tacos and at the two people on the other side of the bars. "Would...you like to eat with me?"
Mo was fidgeting with his hands, blinking in surprise when she used his nickname. He glanced at Knightley who had moved over and nodded with an of course. "Yeah, I can always eat a taco," Mo replied taking one back from her to hand to Knightley and then one for himself. Slowly unwrapping it, he glanced at her again, "I'm sorry...I...this town is a lot and I...I'm just sorry you got stuck here," they said. There was still a part of them convinced if she'd never been here none of this would have happened. "If I did anything to make things harder on you here, I'm sorry."
Xiu was about to take a bite when she lowered the taco, looking at Mo in unbridled shock and confusion. She even glanced at Knightley to make sure she heard everything right. "Mo, no, you did nothing wrong. You will never know just how much your friendship meant to me. In fact, eating meals together every day was something I began looking forward to. I hadn't shared a meal with someone since my parents." Letting out a heavy sigh, she dropped her gaze to the floor. "If there is one thing I regret, it's the pain I have caused you. I'm the one that is sorry."
Mo had been chewing thoughtfully on his taco, missing the way Knightley had nodded at Xiu, the older man's face saying it all that Mo was genuine. Glancing up Mo had been listening to her, swallowed thickly, shaking his head slightly. "You don't-," cutting himself off he sighed before nodding, "I appreciate everything you taught me about nursing. You don't have to have regret...I'm not holding a grudge against you or anything. I'm not happy about it but I...I can get wanting to hurt elsewhere or wanting control."
He was truly full of surprises. Mo...understood? Even when Xiu showed her true self to Dorian, he didn't fully get why she did it. But Mo got it correct right off the bat. It was all about control, about changing the hurt. Xiu had to catch herself from nearly dropping the taco in disbelief. Perhaps she had opened up to the wrong person; not that she regretted having that connection to Dorian, but Mo made her feel seen in a way she had never experienced before. Setting the taco gently back in the bag, Xiu pressed her hands tightly against her eyes in an attempt to will away the tears. She was sick and tired of crying. "You're right," her voice waivered. She cursed sharply in Chinese, shaking her head as she lifted it up toward the ceiling, still pressing onto her eyes.
Mo had finished his taco more for something to do, their own eyes are burning and they hate whenever anyone points out that they cry when frustrated or overwhelmed. It's because of that they don't mention what she's doing. Licking their lips, hating that they're right, he's never wanted to be more wrong in his life. "If it's ok I wouldn't...," pauses because at this point he wants her to know fully how he feels about things, there's no point in being vague, "I want to keep having lunch with you, if you want to keep having lunch with me. I know it sucks feeling alone and I...I don't want that for you."
Throat tight, Xiu lowered her hands and looked at Mo through the haze of tears. "I-I'd like that," she whispered. "I don't want to be alone."
Mo nodded again, he still wasn't sure how he felt about everything, that it was likely he'd never be 100% sure. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a small wooden carving, "I'm not uh...it's not really a religious thing, more an art thing to some people. It's an alebrije, I mean some people think they're spirit guides, but uh...yeah. This one's yours," they mumbled, holding out a cat carving painted in colorful tiger stripes.
With a shaky hand she reached out to take the carving, staring at it with watery eyes. Without warning her legs gave out as Xiu curled in on herself, holding the little tiger to her chest as she let out loud wails. No one had ever given her something so thoughtful, so loving. It was too much. Her entire body wracked with each sob, a lifetime of loneliness crashing over her in waves. This tiny little trinket was her most precious belonging, and she was only now receiving it with weeks, maybe even days left to live.
Mo hadn't really been sure how it was going to be taken, whether she might have thought it illogical or childish. When she fell his eyes widened and he jumped, glancing at Knightley whose eyes had widened. The only sign he was caught off guard as Mo felt. Dropping down to his own knees he reached through bars, gently rubbing her shoulder and parts of her arm he could reach.
Normally Xiu shied away from touch, but at this moment she leaned into Mo's comforting hands as she continued to sob. "W-why?" she hiccuped. "Why are you so kind to me?"
Mo blinked, for a second unsure he even knew the answer. He'd been angry when the news broke, angry and hurt. "I'm tired...," they said after a beat of silence giving her shoulder a squeeze, "I can kind of understand it, but I can't do what you did and keep passing on the hurt. You won't get that from me, I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner."
She shook her head, not understanding why they were even apologizing. Still clutching the cat tightly in her hand, Xiu rested her hands on Mo's, arms crossed as she essentially held herself in an embrace. "Thank you...for everything," she whispered. "I'm sorry that I am who I am."
Mo wanted to say it was ok, but that wasn't completely true. "I don't think this is all you were, if there's another go around for us, I'd want to get to know all of it," maybe it was a strange idea but they were trapped in a town. Anything was possible.
Xiu nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She would like that. Another chance, an opportunity for a different life. She leaned into the cell bars, trying to be closer to Mo. To her most unlikely of friends. They had a kind heart and somehow were the one person to understand her the best, despite the darkness in her own heart. She sniffled, tears finally starting to slow down. "Thank you for the gift. I will treasure this tiger for as long as I can."
Mo nodded, his shoulders slumping as he squeezed her shoulder. He felt tired like he'd said, and more than a bit emotionally exhausted. Sitting with her for a moment when Fox came around giving them a time warning. Standing back up Mo ran a hand through his hair, "I'm gonna double check with him that it'll be ok for our lunches. Either way I'll see you again."
Knightley nodded towards Mo, "I'll meet you outside in a moment," he said, receiving his own nod. Watching Mo give Xiu a half smile and small wave before stepping out. "He's more perceptive than I had given him credit for," Knightley said giving a small sigh, "I am appreciative of you returning his kindness with your friendship."
With shaky legs Xiu managed to get up off the ground, nodding her goodbye to Mo. She watched him leave, eyes still trailing the door for a few moments after they left. "He thinks this town was the catalyst. I....have a selfish request. Please, don't let him think otherwise."
Knightley had moved closer to the bar cells tilting his head to the side as he listened. "I wouldn't call that selfish, at the very least not anymore than I am. I wouldn't take that from either of you," he said. He paused in thought before asking, "Do you have any regrets?"
Xiu opened up her hand to look at the tiger, expression soft. "Only in hurting him," she admitted quietly. "I have been doing this for too long to have any real remorse. You may think that wicked of me, but...I don't want to lie. Not anymore." With a sigh she looked back up at Knightley, a grimace on her lips. "You know, when I first came here I had determined I would use Mo as a scapegoat if I were to ever get caught. But...when the time came I couldn't bring myself to do it."
"No I don't think that's wicked of you," Knightley replied slowly shaking his head. He hummed in thought, "It wouldn't have been a bad plan, he likely would have incriminated himself out of guilt." It felt odd to have this conversation in the open now, after tip toeing around for so long. "You reminded me of my uncle when we first met," he said softly, "Though I don't believe for him it was ever about transferring hurt. I'll admit I had a slight ulterior motive to our friendship when I had my suspicions over your activities. That perhaps I could finally understand him better."
It was...nice, to be able to truly talk with Knightley about the thoughts that went on in her head. Xiu had come close to opening up to him a few times in her near year of knowing him, but never followed through. That he had an ulterior motive to their friendship didn't bother her. Afterall, weren't most relationships transactional in nature? "Were you successful?"
"No, despite what you might believe of yourself, at the very least you can be genuine. The only time I ever saw anything genuine of him was when he held a scalpel," Knightley said slowly shaking his head. He ran a hand through his hair in thought, "I also don't believe he'd have ever been capable of change. I believe you had that potential where he did not. There is a humanity to you that he lacked, something that I think if he heard me say out loud would likely have outraged him that I do find it a bit amusing to consider now."
Her expression turned thoughtful as Xiu tilted her head in consideration. "You really think I could have changed? Would I not still deserve punishment for the years of death that precluded everything?" Straightening back up, she reached tentatively with her free hand to take one of Knightley's through the bars. "I'm sorry I couldn't help with your uncle. I wish I could give you some kind of closure."
"That's not for me to decide," Knightley paused when she took his hand, though he didn't flinch, touch wasn't something he particularly enjoyed still but he wasn't opposed to it with Xiu at present. Now he lowered his voice, "He built me to be a Venus flytrap, when I was young the argument could be made of my own naivety. However I was with him for over 30 years, working alongside him." He gave her hand a small squeeze, "When I killed him, it wasn't out of revenge or some misguided need for justice. It was mercy, he'd become erratic and was making mistakes. He would have hated to see himself like that. I could have given many closure but I didn't, so you don't have to apologize, that is likely part of my punishment now." He thought back to her earlier question before he said, "I do believe you could have, when we lack connections we become stagnant, I do think if you had felt seen there's a chance you may have changed. Those in town would likely have me next to you if they'd known all I'd done, I can't undo it, I just try to make up for it now."
Xiu nodded, feeling lighter knowing that she was not the only one with dark secrets. Though Mo saw her in a way she never anticipated, Knightley was the one that likely understood her better than anyone. They were two sides of the same coin. "I hope this town never knows, and only sees you for the man I got to know." Xiu gave a rueful smile. "Not that my opinion likely matters in a place like this."
Despite himself Knightley laughed, "No but you understanding the situation does have me holding your opinion in higher regard," he admitted. When he heard Fox by the door again he let out a sigh. "I'm not completely sure what you're walking into, but would you like me to make a case for a sedative for you?"
