alright dweebs it’s derek malik nurse’s fuckin birthday (!!!!!) and i’m on overnights which means i’m home during the day today and i’m also pathetically single so i have no plans so. time for some nursey headcanons (@nurseyweek )
nursey has never once in his entire life eaten a lima bean
he has fallen down, on average, 81 staircases per year
this statistic is actually inaccurate; 2009 was a bad year in which he tripped down almost 3 staircases a week because he experienced a growth spurt and was getting accustomed to it, and it shouldn’t have been counted
he enjoys playing defense but if he could choose to play any other position on the team it would be goalie
if his teammates could choose any other position on the team for nursey to never be allowed to play ever, even in scrimmages, even in practices, even as a joke, it would be goalie
he’s uncoordinated, folks, this is a fact
nursey once wore flip-flops to a SMH bbq and shitty just about burst into tears, exclaiming how proud he was of him for forgoing his hipster ways and embracing the carefree lifestyle flip-flops can give a person
nursey promptly left and returned an hr later wearing a pair of doc martens he went out and bought for the express purpose of being a troll
nursey wishes he was a troll, like he really enjoys harmless practical pranks too, and he’s very perceptive of people and figures out very easily how to make them crack, but the guy can’t keep a straight face to save his life and always always every single time bursts out laughing prematurely
he ruins the punchline to almost every joke he tries to tell
he has a pair of winnie the pooh slippers his sister got him for his 18th birthday as a joke, which he wears around his dorm every single day until he wears through the soles, at which time he goes and orders another pair online
when she visits him during winter break of his junior year at samwell and sees them, he just says they’re the same pair she had given him, and he wears them all the time and she tries not to make it into a big thing and he tries to just shrug it off but she screams internally over how much she loves her goofy-ass little brother
