This is an apology. It may not be the apology that you're all hoping for, but that's because it's also my side of the story. Because there's always two sides, right? Truth be told, I just want this to stop. I'm here to roleplay with the people who want to roleplay with me. I want to feel safe and I want others to feel safe, too. But with people flooding my tag and attacking my writing partners, I feel it's not safe at all. I want to lay this to rest and hopefully find some closure for everyone involved. I just want the callout blog deleted and for this to be resolved. I'm hoping that maybe this post will be the stepping stone for that to happen.
@hakkome - we were never in the same orbit. when you started posting malicious things about me, i figured you just wanted to be in the thick of things and support your friends. when you circumvented my blocking so you could force your posts onto others on my blogs, i didn’t say anything. i don’t really see the point. i realize you’re upset now because of the link between you and the harassment i and others have been getting (or at least that’s what i’m assuming because there IS a link, between you and a lot of other blogs) and as i said before in what i’m sure you saw... there is no concrete evidence. none. never has been. it’s a rumour that got to me (a nosy anon) and i’ve never taken it seriously. but someone connected you and i couldn’t be sure. looking back, i should’ve left what wasn’t concrete out of the picture. in not doing so, i caused you stress and upset you, and for that, i’m very sorry. i read in your tags on some post that you think others are doing this to you as well, and i agree, because someone sent me that message and someone is trying to link you to this and i don’t know why or on what grounds. all i can offer to you right now is what i know for a fact and what i understand to be a rumour. i think your involvement in the harassment is probably not true, but your involvement in this public bullying and negativity blog business is clear. again, i’m so, so sorry that my lack of thinking led to you feeling like this. if you’d like to talk more and clear up misunderstandings, you can IM me, but i’d appreciate it if we could have a civil and level-headed conversation.
@skeletonsakura/@fragrantfall - you were such a good friend to me up until the very end. you even had the balls to keep texting me after your nasty public posts like nothing happened. i don’t know what to say to you. you’d been there for me through thick and thin and i’d been there for you, listening to you vent and vent about your cyclic abuse from atrxmentum, about how you hated the way she made you feel, the things she said about sakura that hurt you, about your quarrels and your feelings and the way she triggered you accidentally. i guess i’m sorry it didn’t work out. but we pick our friendships. and despite what you said about her, you picked her, and hey, if you’re happy, i’m happy. what you said about me was the most two-faced and cruel 180 i’ve ever seen anyone do, but that’s something you have to sleep with. not me. i still have the chats of me cheering you up when you were down because of bee. i know my part in our friendship and i’m sure you know yours. two-facedness isn’t a trait i appreciate so i’m glad i stepped away from you when i did. bee was involved in the resolution chat back then, and everyone there agreed to drop things and move on. i’m sad to see that she didn’t live up to that and that you have continued time and time again to say the things you said (maybe it’s because you weren’t there to see?), but, again, all i can offer is my side, what really happened, and leave it at that. i hope you find peace with yourself and your friends.
@urarenge - shi, i have literally nothing to say to you. i know you expect something (your post in my tag was very clear about that) and i’m sorry i have nothing to give but i think that’s the problem, isn’t it? that there’s nothing. because there is nothing. we AGREED really well that our friendship just wasn’t connecting anymore. you expected too much of me and i wasn’t able to give you what you wanted from a friend. that’s okay with me. people change. i think you changed and i changed. you became more negative and so clingy on my dash and it affected me (and others) negatively and i became a harder person, especially around you, and i know that’s unfair but it was also for the sake of my own health. but we resolved that. we talked it out over IM this summer and went our separate ways. you still have the screenshots i’m sure? you showed them to DG. you showed them to others too, i bet. i can’t really give you more than this. it’s just that we aren’t compatible as friends, and afaik... that happens to the best of us, and there’s nothing wrong with admitting that and moving on. i just think you have a hard time doing that. i’m sorry i wasn’t able to be the friend you wanted, but we already had this conversation and we said our goodbyes and walked off.Â
@winterace - last i heard, you wanted to talk to me and apologize and discuss what happened between us. sorry we never got around to it. it was exam season for me and i didn’t have the time, but i appreciated a lot that you wanted to apologize at all. i was surprised but it was a nice surprise. i’m glad. addressing what really happened though, it’s just that you misunderstood. because it was snapchat and you had 3-5 seconds to read the text and never let me finish and that’s as much my fault for using a poor mode of communication as it is yours for escalating it. your culturally insensitive comments before hurt me deeply as a POC and you never acknowledged or understood that and it still does hurt me, but i realize that you and i are in very different situations. i don’t know how i would react or behave if i was in yours. so, i’m sorry that things got so out of hand, and that you misunderstood, and that we never had the opportunity to clear it up. but i can’t apologize for feeling hurt when you said those things and for feeling hurt when you built on your story again and again and again and added details to make it worse every time you told the story. that’s unfair. you hid behind a shield of anxiety and claimed that you could do what you did because of anxiety and that’s not acceptable at all. anxiety isn’t a shield or a tool you can use to have your way, it’s a real thing that people suffer from and hey, if you’re suffering, i understand and i’m sorry you are and i hope you find ways to cope, but this isn’t it. you got someone to send me an anon telling me to “go fuck myself” and it’s things like that that hurt others, you know? so, i hope you understand where i’m coming from. i’m sorry things got so out of hand and that you thought i meant something i didn’t. i really didn’t. i’d never mean such a thing, and i absolutely understand why you were so upset because if i thought what you thought about me, i would be upset too. i don’t want you to think at all that i’m blaming you for that. but, overall, with the anon and the escalations, you took it too far, and that hurt me a lot.Â
to address the anon hate problem: it’s a story. so here’s the story. i’m huge on sourcing art and everyone knows it. i’ve written posts about it and posted publicly many times and i’m the only one that ever really did to that degree (which is ok, it’s my thing, not everyone’s thing). a friend of mine then, haribo (@abidingterrapin , etc) , felt the same and wanted to contribute to a community that respected fanart. so she sent an anon to a hinata blog commenting on their unsourced art, and they assumed it was me. and i guess they would since i’m the only one that talks about it publicly, right? but they published it and alluded to it being me and people joined in and had a laugh. i didn’t follow the blog so i didn’t see until haribo showed me on skype. and we both saw that they thought her message was from me. and i thought she would clear it up. and she didn’t. she just sent more anons. more and more and more and it snowballed until EVERY anon anyone got that was unpleasant was linked back to me even if i wasn’t online or wasn’t available or wasn’t anywhere near it. she never apologized to me for what she did. it’s easy to blame one person for everything when it’s as convenient as this. as a rule, i do not send anons. ever. i hate the concept. if i can’t say it off anon then i think it’s something i shouldn’t say at all, and that’s the code i’ve lived up to for years. that is the sincere truth, which, i think, is what people want to read. whether you believe me or not is absolutely your decision and i’m fine with whatever decision you make. so, no - i’ve never sent anons to anyone about anything, but i know a few people that HAVE, and at this point, i’m not afraid to drop names. so, if there’s something you want an answer to that you think i can help with, please do message me and i’ll see if i can.
there are people that have joined in on this for the sake of popularity without knowing me or my side. they have sent messages and mocked me and degraded me without knowing anything but the opposing arguments and i don’t know why, except for popularity, or to be involved (as hakkome i believe once said, anyone who joined in on this would be “part of the fam”, right?) and hey, if that’s what you want, absolutely go for it. but i believe that when you dislike someone you just leave them alone instead of trying to turn everyone in their orbit against them based on he-said-she-saids. that’s what’s been done here again and again and i’d love for it to stop. there’s so much misunderstood rumours going around about all of us. ( @deathichor​  - ??? you posted some extremely cruel things about me and i don’t... even know who you are. we followed each other for a day and you sent me a funny ask and it was awesome and i really looked forward to writing with you. @lifeichor​ said you both unfollowed for personal reasons and hey, that’s okay! so i left it at that and just moved on? but i don’t understand why you said the things you did about me, especially without speaking with me at all, or without knowing the full story, and that really hurt. i’ve never “threatened” anyone, and i’m sorry you have that misconception. you can IM me if you want to clear things up).
you want a public apology but you want it for things i haven’t done because you have bad information and there’s pieces of the puzzle missing and you aren’t letting me explain that. there ARE things i’m sorry for, especially to the people i hurt via my OWN misunderstandings and misconceptions and the rumours i stupidly believed were true. but i believe private conversation is the best way to deal with this and that’s still open if anyone wants it. but a negativity blog is still bullying, it’s still harassment, and the anons and messages i’ve received as a result (half of which are begging me to kill myself, half of which are degrading me in other ways) are unacceptable. i’m a person with feelings and those messages in my inbox are extremely hurtful. so please stop sending them. please stop telling me to kill myself and please stop harassing me like this. if you want to talk, we can talk. tell me what’s on your mind without being malicious and aggressive and i’ll talk it out with you. if you want screenshots, i’ll give those privately because not everyone in them is comfortable with them being posted publicly and i need to respect that. i WANT to resolve this more than anything but i want it to be done in a safe environment. i want my own blog to be a safe environment for both me AND my friends. and all of you have made it incredibly unsafe right now. so please stop, and please consider reaching out privately. i don’t think “resolution” means necessarily getting along. we don’t have to. i want to be able to talk with you and clear up any problems and apologize directly, to your face, for things i’ve done and explain the things i HAVEN’T done, and even if the end result is just acknowledging that we’ve talked and walking away, that’s great. i want my blog to be a safe space where i can write with people that want to write with me and not have to worry about you flooding my tag or sending me these kinds of messages or threatening my writing partners, so please, if we can stop all this, let’s. thank you.
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