sheepfilms
Xuebing Du
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
pixel skylines
Janaina Medeiros
Discoholic 🪩
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JVL
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Jules of Nature
hello vonnie
Keni
★
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⁂
Claire Keane
will byers stan first human second
if i look back, i am lost
we're not kids anymore.
ojovivo
seen from Sri Lanka
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seen from Germany
seen from Malaysia
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@nxalati
I used to write.
Words would pour out of me like a symphony
Now i sot with so many more words.
Choked up in the cracks of my fingers.
As they struggle to make their way through the creases to the tips.
One by one
In different rhythms
An avalanche of chaos looking for its place
Bit by bit
They will trickle down to sense
To peace
To soulful naming
For now...
I will put down what I can as I gather all my words
and find the rather at is the New me
The pain ive been through in this life...the trauma... . It allows me now, in safety, to see the beauty within the chaos of the world...the chaos of life.
I live in the inbetween.
Its crazy that we created little humans who are just as fascinated by the above as we are
Sometimes my reality looks layered....All the time, everything is layered.
And then this happens, right after I wrote that piece... Then I am reminded of myself that I had forgotten, the one who rights to the universe and the universe responds in kind through poetry...literature.
And just by the way, I'm a little freaked out.
Working through my trauma in real time
I think maybe, sometimes its not an addictive personality.
I think that maybe the pull isn’t to the substance or the chaos it brings itself — it’s to the emotional landscape one learns to survive in. Maybe that’s your nervous system...your heart...your brain, finding safety in something they’ve practiced for so long.
Maybe, sometimes, its just looking for safety in self destruction because peace is so foreign, that it feels unsafe.
I don't know man, trauma just messes with peoples minds so much...so so so much!!!
Maybe we should have the conversation of how trauma and sexual assault to children, even once....rewires everything. The way you see the world. The way you feel the world. The way you respond to the world. The way you raise the next world.
Working on it, in real time, in every moment, in every thought, in every word....while working, mothering, wife'ing, living in this world, is something of SUPER HERODOM of its own, unto itself.
Life is fleeting and preciouse...no one day is like any other...and yet, here i am, feeling things from my past as though they are alive today. Understanding why and how...and still life is precious and fleeting. It took a unique space and time and moment for us to be created from space dust...so what does that say about Trauma and Sexual Abuse.
I need to go cook for my family now. I have people who love me and i love them and they would move mountains for me as i would them....and yet, my past runs through me along side all the good feelings and love....so foreign in its purity.
Had such a tough morning with the babies and drop off wasn't any easier. Came home to this and it's all worth it. Babies are so pure man.
Oh sweet misery
How you have come to visit me again
Seems like i cannot go far enough nor can i hide from you
You find a way to come to me and wrap me in your warm blanket of self-pity and whisper devastation in the most sweetest of ways
Oh Loving misery how you have captivated me and taken me hostage
You have built a solid foundation and have created a compound with walls as high as the great wall of china
Like a lover who has nothing but bad intentions, you have convinced me that without you i cannot live
You have sunk your roots deep within my soul never to be uprooted. How i think of you when you are no longer with me and dread your return
And as sure the sun rises and sets, you are sure to make me your home Changing and undoing all the good
All the pieces i have had to pick up in your absence your visits are the most chaotic
Sending me into a downward spiral deep within a pit so dark
I die with every breath i take as i see the light grow smaller
I am in this place and all i have are words
Comfort seems like a distant dream only for those worthy
i look for solace in scripture seeking a God i heard would know what to do with this brokenness that i am
I find a vacuum where all there is is my voice with questions of why and no answers
I seek you in the warm arms of the one im convinced i love
Yet all i find is confusion, clutter, brokenness and caring eyes with shackled hands of intention
Oh how im married to misery and am convinced that there cannot be anything without you
How i now become accustomed to the doom and the darkness
How i find comfort in the end of a dream i once was so growing to love
How i see that without you i am nothing As i find comfort in your cold, dark embrace and accept the bitter warmth you offer
As light becomes a distant memory
And i close my eyes with hope of not awaking
I will whimper one last cry for the hope that is deep within me and lay my head in your bosom
What a broken heart looks like...
