Tired and well caffeinated and drunk. Iāve worked so hard just to meet deadlines and Iām so exhausted and unwell. Today I woke up, did my religion lesson, wrote out all of my history homework, did history lesson, came home and cooked a curry for dinner. I then worked until midnight.
THIS SUCKS! Itās kinda fun to do work, but not this much. I need a break otherwise I will end up really unwell again.
The snow has been interesting recently though. I wish I could have a snow day.
So now that midnight hit, I gave up and just started drinking. I thank God for being descended from vikings, it means I can drink at this time and still get up in 4 hours for school just fine.
My friend got a gf recently, and while heās really chill about it, he still does just talk about her so much. Iām glad heās happy and all that, but it just starts to make me feel lonely. I think itās been seven-ish months since I broke it off with my gf of 2 years and honestly while I donāt miss her at all, I miss having someone to talk to (kinda).
I didnāt really have any bad feelings about the relationship, since I felt it had run its course (and she was honestly just horrible), but I still felt lasting damage emotionally in the form of lingering loneliness and awkwardness. I hadnāt really ever had trouble talking to women before (as in just regular conversation), but all of a sudden found myself awkward around them because I had been fucked with by my gf for so long. This all kinda culminated into a trip I went on with the local university, where we stayed in dorms for a few days.
During the trip, I had made some friends and on one night, I had ended up pretty bad emotionally because of the general stress the trip had placed on me. So I was sat on a bench with a friend I had made, and a girl I had been friends with comes up to the stage where theyāre doing karaoke and starts to sing, and she has a very beautiful voice. But once she was done, I couldnāt even compliment her on it, I just found myself feeling awkward. I donāt know why I did. It just felt so weird. Then the next day we had a formal dinner and I was sat next to her, and chatted with her and some friends the entire time, but could hardly look at her because I felt so awkward.
I think that it was such a shock because Iāve never been a loud person, but Iāve not been shy or awkward before. But because I had spent so long under such scrutiny by a toxic gf, it kinda fucked with me for a bit.
Wellā¦ little dump of feelings. But thatās the point of this I suppose.
Another thing I miss about a gf is boobs. But not because Iām all āhorny objectifying maleā. I just live in a country with -4 Celsius temperatures and boobs are the PERFECT hand warmers. That is not fair bro :(. Iām stuck with just having to curl into a ball.
