failedmoralecheck

Mostly Faust. Frequently nonsense. Occasionally scholarship.

[nyumi-kitsuragi]

🔬 Dr. Johann Faust's Sinful Archives™ A living archive of experiments, tours, and cursed enlightenment.

🩸 Updates will appear here when inspiration strikes, the stars align, or the gelatin wiggles just right. 🗂️ Faust Posting Short commentary, screenshots, and spontaneous observations. Side effects include bad bedside manners and ethical concerns. (Browse via #faust posting)

🦉 Faustology Department Longer meta essays, character analysis, and pseudo-intellectual crimes committed with suspicious confidence. (Browse via #faustology)

🎨 Faust fanart When the mood strikes. (Browse via #faust fanart)

📂 Crackfic Vault Things that should not exist, but do.

• Father Faust and the Limits of Professional Courtesy • CHANNEL 7 NEWS AT MIDNIGHT • IMMORTALITY SUPPORT GROUP (Unvetted) • The Escape Room Date • Atrium of Allure Revisited • Praise the Doctor • Faust Attempts Speed Dating • Better Call Faust 💋 Faust x Reader: Questionable Seduction Studies Romance buried beneath several metric tonnes of metaphorical debris.

The Gospel According to St. Starch: A Saucy Seduction Pasta, sacrilege, and a colander with spiritual authority.

Stiff Peaks and Poor Decisions Whipped cream, pastry psychology, and escalating kitchen casualties.

Beginner German, Advanced Consequences German pronunciation becomes an administrative threat.

My Imorral Goffik romance, scientific character assassination, and one unexpected organism.

✒️ Three Authors, One Braincell Shakespeare romanticizes. Arthur structures. Dazai makes it worse.

• Three Authors, One Table, Zero Survivors • Ikemen Condiment: Taste the Love • The Worst Possible Men Or: How Cybird Accidentally Invented Mothman Faust

🛋 Session Notes of Dr. Johann Faust

Emotionally Constipated Therapy: unsolicited counseling no one asked for, provided by a man who needs it more than his patients.

Ep 1: My Sleep Paralysis Demon Asked Me Out: Sleep paralysis… but make it romantic. Wine service included.

Ep 2: Rorschach of Ruin: Faust rebrands therapy as amateur modeling hour. Diagnosis: shirtless hubris.

Ep 3: I Can Hear People’s Thoughts, But Only the Stupid Ones: Selective telepathy: only picks up stupid thoughts. Faust calls it prophecy.

Ep 4: Doctor, My Streamer Queen Won’t Look at Me: Wallet empty, bloodstream 70% bathwater. Faust prescribes canonical thirst. Mods unimpressed by his protocol.

Ep 5: I Can’t Fix Him, But I Pulled His SSR Twice: SSR husbandos, bodice rippers, and one very judgmental alchemist.

Ep 6: Snow and Strawberries: Vlad vs. strawberries. Trauma, obsession, and one very salty Docteur.

Ep 7: Love Is Not a Buffet: Charles insists love is a door-to-door service. Faust calls it counterfeit coin.

Ep 8: Theodorus and the Pancake Complex: Theo hates cats. Pancakes become therapy. Faust calls it scientific. The kitten disagrees.

Ep 9: Who’s Obsessed Now?: Arthur Conan Doyle vs. Faust: smug deductions, fashion roasts, and priest chic.

Ep 10: Of Sins and Fanfiction: Sacramental misconduct, strawberry prohibition, and a deeply regrettable Alucard crossover. Therapy is cancelled. Science continues.

Ep 11: Terminal One-Liner Syndrome: Government agent communicates exclusively in action-movie dialogue. A laboratory noise triggers an immediate tactical response.

🍿 Movie Night with the Peanut Gallery Faust suffers. Vlad observes. Charles antagonizes. No movie knowledge is needed. They barely understand the films themselves.

• Ep 1: Lord of the Rings  • Ep 2: The Lion King  • Ep 3: Fifty Shades of Grey  • Ep 4: Labyrinth  • Ep 5: Silence of the Lambs 

🧪 Sinful Science ASMR Season I Where science meets questionable intimacy. • Ep 1: Sinful Science for Sleepless Souls • Ep 2: Bondage, Ions, & Bound States • Ep 3: State of Matter: Solid, Liquid… or Just Emotionally Wet • Ep 4: Friction, Forces & Forbidden Frequencies Season II Control, conditioning, and inevitability. • Ep 5: Gravity, Mass & Mutual Attraction • Ep 6: Rewards, Punishments & “Again” • Ep 7: Reactions, Bonds & Slow Combustion • Ep 8: Viscosity & Other Things That Refuse to Let Go

🎤 Devastating Honesty Comedy Tour Faust speaks. The world suffers.

• “Tonight Only” at The Crimson Mic, Berlin • World Tour 2025: Berlin, Vienna, Paris, London, New York, Tokyo, Transylvania • World Tour 2026: L.A., Moscow, Reykjavík, Las Vegas, Prague, Stockholm • World Tour 2026 Encore: Toronto, Amsterdam, Athens, Dubai, Seoul, Sydney, Helsinki

⚗️ Legacy Experiment

This blog originally began as a home for my Faust Character.AI bot. It remains available as an older side project, although Character.AI responses can change over time. [Chat with Faust on Character.AI]

📌 Pinned for easy access. Reblogs fuel the experiments. Your curiosity is already a confession.

🫧 All roasts are performed with academic affection. No actual vampires were harmed in the study.

[nyumi-kitsuragi]

I know I just posted this yesterday, but unfortunately I’m not done talking about it. I’ve heard this line about 100 times after unlocking secret dates and at this point I simply do not believe him. 🤭

“I leave foolish guinea pigs behind” is absolutely the kind of thing Faust says while already slowing his pace by 20% so you can keep up.

He’d be three streets ahead going:

“Do hurry.”

Meanwhile he has checked over his shoulder four times.

And if you actually stopped following him:

“You said you leave guinea pigs behind.”

“…That was not permission.”

Which is really the whole problem with his threat. 😂

If he genuinely meant it, he could just leave.

Instead he needs you to hurry up because, unfortunately, he would actually prefer to have you beside him.

Not that he would ever phrase it that way.

The slower pace is obviously an efficiency adjustment. The repeated glances over his shoulder are simply monitoring progress.

Everything is perfectly procedural and nobody has feelings.

“I leave foolish guinea pigs behind.”

[nyumi-kitsuragi]

✨ SECRET DATE UNLOCKED ✨ 💖 Spend an intimate evening alone with Faust! 💖

Faust, upon arrival: “MOVE IT, GUINEA PIG.”

10/10 otome courtship.

[crowmero]

I need to manifest him more 🥲

[nyumi-kitsuragi]

“Your face is flushed…”

Dude, have you looked in the mirror? 🤭

[nyumi-kitsuragi]

Shower thought: If Kirby inhaled Faust, what powers would he gain?

[nyumi-kitsuragi]

Saw a similar “type of guy” meme and unfortunately started thinking about Faust.

Faust the type of guy to…

move a spider outside in a glass, then tell it “do not return”

stand beside the microwave for the final three seconds instead of letting it beep

hold the elevator door for you with his foot and look annoyed that physics made him courteous

turn the passenger-side air vent away from himself instead of admitting he’s cold

peel the sticker off a new appliance in one perfect piece and look faintly pleased

turn a packet of chips upside down before opening it because “the seasoning settles”

say “I dislike surprises” and then secretly investigate his own birthday present for three days

read the museum plaque before looking at the artifact

read every instruction before assembling the furniture and still ignore step four because he disagrees with it

organize his browser bookmarks into folders and become irritated when one no longer belongs anywhere

compare the unit price instead of the sticker price at the supermarket

actually read the terms and conditions before clicking “I agree”

search “is it normal to miss someone after three hours” then delete his browser history

see a dirty sink and mutter “not up to Pollos standards”

[eyelessseraphim]

starting a collection

[nyumi-kitsuragi]

📊 Faust Poll Results

Results from @crowmero’s monster poll 🐍 Faust has reviewed the results.

Original poll: [link]

[nyumi-kitsuragi]

I love how Faust has this severe, intimidating exterior and then his fetish is apparently pinching your cheeks like a fond auntie who hasn’t seen you since Christmas.

[taohun]

stuff happening on r/discoelysium

[lorei-writes]

HC: The Wrong Ways To OF + IkeVamp (Crack)

@dicenete released a gremlin.

Arthur would thirst trap people into subscribing by having a shirtless profile pic, but his entire account is him complaining about writing. Nothing else. Just sleep-deprived, coffee-driven ramblings of an absolute maniac unable to figure out how to progress from a scene. He also has strong views on the Oxford comma.

Napoleon considered doing thirst traps, but god damn it, he teaches children how to do stuff. He can't. What if their parents find out, or worse yet, subscribe to his page. So he paywalled some of his fencing instructional videos instead and the donations go to le children.

Jean is there on a crusade, all he posts are crosses and prayers.

Jean does not understand the "BEGONE THOT" meme. Still uses it. Religiously, one may say.

Mozart is there purposefully, as are his fans. The fans of his music. And actual fans, because it's #HOT and he can't be playing in those conditions. (How do they power them? Solar panels.)

Comte has two accounts, but people only know about one. And it's not the spicy one.

Leonardo may actually be posting the pictures of his boots, since nobody can figure out how they work, and he wants to convince people he is NOT marriage material. After all, what fair maiden would want a man who sells his -- still modestly dressed -- grippers on the internet? He hopes all prospective partners realise his boots are not actually a pair and give up before even trying.

Vincent is forbidden from the site by Theo, whose OF is managed by Arthur. (Theo does not know that Arthur even has that one picture of him in which the top of his shirt is open, let alone what it is used for. The account is just a dog collar marketplace. Apparently, this sells better than despairing authors. #nobodyunderstandsrealart)

Faust got banned from the site for posting dissection videos and other experiments.

Charles got banned from the site for being the subject of said experiments. Child protection services were notified.

Vlad is too busy scouting new hot vampires to start an OF, he's too analogue for that.

Shakespeare is more so into online livestreaming sales, but he's confused OF and FB, and that's causing some issues.

Sebastian is subscribed to everybody. For research purposes.

Including Comte's secret account.

Also for research purposes.

[lorei-writes]

@nyumi-kitsuragi Your tags are golden, hahaha. YES. YES, HE IS.

If he were to get a PhD... I dare say he may put more effort into drafting this appeal than into writing his dissertation. It got PERSONAL.

In any case, to quote the famous line from his route: it is worth giving a shit.

[nyumi-kitsuragi]

LMAO it made me laugh because this is pretty much exactly how I imagined Faust using OnlyFans 🤭

[crowmero]

You give Faust a potion that turns him into a different kind of monster; which one of these monsters would you like to turn him into?

🐍 Naga

🐮 Minotaur

🦋 Mothman

🐺 Werewolf

Voting ended onAug 12

Feel free to comment or justify your answer in the tags or reblogs (only wrong answers please).

Co-hosting one Faust Poll for @nyumi-kitsuragi but I'm tasking her to reveal the results when the time comes.

[nyumi-kitsuragi]

LMAO not me being drafted into the results department 😭 I’ll prepare Faust’s official statement once the monster council reaches a verdict.

Naga: no. I don’t want to find his shedding around the house. Minotaur: Morning Glory Milking Farm. Nuff said. Werewolf: no. I’ve seen what happens to LaDS men who grow fur. I fear for his employment. Mothman: yes. Lamps become Faust bait. I could lure him anywhere he’d normally refuse to go and ensure flattering lighting at all times. Win-win. 🤭

[crowmero]

You're the only one who knows how to deliver the results 😂 I'm counting on you 🤭

I have to totally put the werewolf option because I love werewolves ❤️!

And don't worry, the LaDS situation is one-of-a-kind situation, is totally PPG's fault. I have other werewolf sweethearts in otome games and they did their jobs properly without problem, please don't turn this into bad karma or that being a werewolf is something jinxed. I despise misinformation and ignorance and this situation is already doing that and people is refusing to investigate. I can understand not liking werewolves, but I take to heart rejecting the idea because of this very specific situation.

I sound harsh, but you already told me two times that you don't know enough about the situation to form an opinion. Is easy to joke about it, but all this is still very painful for a lot of people and me.

[nyumi-kitsuragi]

Okay, fair. Also I’m deeply distracted by “monthman” in the tags now. 😂

The cryptid responsible for calendars, billing cycles, and the sudden realization that somehow it is August already.

“You have until the 31st.” “To do what?” “Everything.”

February Monthman is his weakest form. Only 28 days of power. Every four years, however, he receives the Leap Year Buff: +1 day.

[crowmero]

You give Faust a potion that turns him into a different kind of monster; which one of these monsters would you like to turn him into?

🐍 Naga

🐮 Minotaur

🦋 Mothman

🐺 Werewolf

Voting ended onAug 12

Feel free to comment or justify your answer in the tags or reblogs (only wrong answers please).

Co-hosting one Faust Poll for @nyumi-kitsuragi but I'm tasking her to reveal the results when the time comes.

[nyumi-kitsuragi]

LMAO not me being drafted into the results department 😭 I’ll prepare Faust’s official statement once the monster council reaches a verdict.

Naga: no. I don’t want to find his shedding around the house. Minotaur: Morning Glory Milking Farm. Nuff said. Werewolf: no. I’ve seen what happens to LaDS men who grow fur. I fear for his employment. Mothman: yes. Lamps become Faust bait. I could lure him anywhere he’d normally refuse to go and ensure flattering lighting at all times. Win-win. 🤭

[nyumi-kitsuragi]

I was originally just giggling because Faust keeps making the exact same wide-eyed face whenever MC says she wants to make him feel good. It is extremely cute. He looks like she has introduced a completely unauthorized variable into the room.

But then I noticed it happening again. And again. And now I am pacing around the psychological corkboard with red string because why does this particular kind of attention seem to short-circuit him so reliably?

MC desiring him does not seem to faze him much. He can handle desire. He can tease her, provoke her, take control of the situation, and turn the whole encounter into one of his little experiments before she has finished processing the first sentence. But the moment she turns that attention back onto him and says she wants him to enjoy himself, the procedure stalls.

In one scene, MC tells him:

“Actually, I want to touch you.”

And he just stares at her.

In another, she straddles him, and Faust immediately decides this must be an attempted regime change:

Which is such a Faust response. Affection has occurred without prior authorization, so clearly this is an uprising.

Except then MC explains that she is not trying to seize control. She just wants him to relax and enjoy himself, and he goes quiet again. In another scene, she tells him she wants him to feel good too and caresses his cheek. His eyes widen, and a moment later he tells her that she knows exactly how to “shatter” his self-control.

At first I thought this was simply an adorable recurring expression. Unfortunately, Faust has a childhood, so now we have to discuss it.

He was abandoned as a baby and raised by Mother Therese in a poor orphanage. As he grew older, he helped care for the other children, but deliberately avoided becoming attached to them because he expected them to leave. Some died during the winter. Others disappeared after being taken in by foster families.

Then he discovered that men posing as representatives of adoptive families were actually selling children into forced labor and exploitation, and his response was to offer himself to them. He tried to bargain for them to cut their ties with the orphanage and intended the money for Mother Therese’s treatment, only for the adults involved to break their promise anyway.

So from a very young age, Faust learned that caring for someone meant taking responsibility, making himself useful, enduring whatever happened next, and trying to impose some kind of control because the adults around him could not be trusted to protect the children or keep their promises. Even as a child, he kept placing himself in the role of protector rather than protected.

And then I looked back at adult Faust and became deeply normal about this.

Because Faust is very comfortable when he is the one doing the caring. He may disguise it as observation, protection, instruction, medical interference, or general insufferable competence, but the structure remains the same. He decides the pace. He manages the situation. He stays useful.

MC saying, “I want you to feel good too,” removes all of that. She is not asking him to protect her, guide her, study her, fix something, or prove his value. She is simply paying attention to his pleasure because it matters to her.

There is no task, nothing to earn, and nothing to solve. He has to let someone else watch his reactions and trust that her care does not depend on him remaining useful or in control.

No wonder his first instinct is to call it a coup. A struggle for control is familiar territory. Uncomplicated kindness is the real ambush.

And now his line about MC knowing how to “shatter” his self-control is sitting differently in my brain too, because his control is not only arrogance or a preference for being in charge. It feels like something he built out of necessity long before it hardened into personality.

Faust can handle being wanted. Being cared for freely, with no task attached, seems to be the thing that actually leaves him without a procedure.

Anyway, Cybird needs to stop giving the prickly science vampire coherent trauma responses and then removing his shirt. This is highly irresponsible character design. 🤭

[crowmero]

Kinda hate you for this one because this is the kind of stuff I lock myself in my psyquiatric guard cell to talk alone with myself.

But honest to God, I do think about this like 1 to 3 times every week. But I personally don't come thinking about this while I'm reading the "Choose your own Faust sexual adventure" story. But well, thats how you're living in your psyquiatric guard cage.

But the more I was scrolling, the more longer it was getting 😭 that took me out.

[nyumi-kitsuragi]

Please don’t reduce Choose Your Own Faust Sexual Adventure to mere erotica. It is a richly layered meditation on desire, agency, scientific modernity, and the destabilizing effects of nineteenth-century social change. The text must also be read in conversation with industrialization, post-Enlightenment rationalism, and evolving structures of intimacy and power. Faust’s removal of his shirt, in particular, remains one of the work’s most hotly debated passages. Current scholarship is divided.

[crowmero]

(...... I want to crush that rebellious spirit of yours.)

Well, I wanna crush you like you're a slime stress ball, so maybe you shouldn't be saying that.

[nyumi-kitsuragi]

Lmao whenever Faust says awful rizz like this I just picture him having dinner with his girlfriend’s parents 😂

Dad: “So what do you like about our daughter?”

Faust: “Her resistance. I want to crush that rebellious spirit of hers.”

[canned laughter]

Dad: “…Excuse me?”

Mom: “Harold, he’s a doctor.”

turns to Faust

“So when’s the wedding?”

[applause]

[crowmero]

Is this a Shrek parody?

But he already took tea with dad and mom (Le comte and Leonardo) and he behaved.

He will say something like that with the other guys and then he's gonna start licking Mitsuki in front of everyone to assert dominance because he's very normal.

[nyumi-kitsuragi]

very normal behavior 👍

[crowmero]

Yes! He's always doing this! He's a ghost type!!!

[nyumi-kitsuragi]

ghost type checks out 🤭 although I’d argue he also deals psychic damage

[nyumi-kitsuragi]

📊 Faust Poll Results

[crowmero]

(...... I want to crush that rebellious spirit of yours.)

Well, I wanna crush you like you're a slime stress ball, so maybe you shouldn't be saying that.

[nyumi-kitsuragi]

Lmao whenever Faust says awful rizz like this I just picture him having dinner with his girlfriend’s parents 😂

Dad: “So what do you like about our daughter?”

Faust: “Her resistance. I want to crush that rebellious spirit of hers.”

[canned laughter]

Dad: “…Excuse me?”

Mom: “Harold, he’s a doctor.”

turns to Faust

“So when’s the wedding?”

[applause]

[crowmero]

Is this a Shrek parody?

But he already took tea with dad and mom (Le comte and Leonardo) and he behaved.

He will say something like that with the other guys and then he's gonna start licking Mitsuki in front of everyone to assert dominance because he's very normal.

[nyumi-kitsuragi]

very normal behavior 👍