Gracious pheasant

18 / he/him I write about things here sometimes. most of the time it is bad writing.

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I am composting

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I wil never understand social situations!! I will never be good!! I will always make people hate me and fundamentally misunderstand ameverything. I wish it were just he and I against the world again and no one can fucking sympathise because he’s beijg so evil to me. I ‘miss his smile and his cute face and everything about him and my life feels so fucking depressed and aimless. I miss him and no one understands because he’s so evil ajd meaj to me. I need to just be normal and hate him and I’m driving everyone away because of how much I miss hom

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I am fucking awful!! I am evil and terrible

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awman :/ saw:/

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yaooi?(?!?

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I have becone chastity from jacking off in the bathroom because I am bored and am too happy to cut myself rn what am I supposed to do because I am bored besides work on my essay that I cant focus on

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I wish I could be a dr without all the school and stuff my ideal career is dissect something and then paint the insides and then have money appear in my bank account

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I need to dissect something

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curious if I have bipolar 2 or just am depressed and every time the clouds part for a second it is so exciting that I feel on top of the world and like I can and should do anything

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I hate groupchats I hate being left out of things I hate that all my friends from highschool like my evil ex boyfriend more and I hate that he hates me so mcuh

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I went from a happy monogamous man in a normal loving relationship to a freak who fucking cuts himself and is depressed in bed all day jesus christ!!! I should have made it work!! it wouldnt have but I shpuld have stuck it out with him and been happy just a little longer even if we were miserable

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me when I fucked up my whole life for like minimal reason

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every friend I have who I will see over the summer likes my ex more than me

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me when I have friends that are nice and like me and do really cool things i get to see and I have energy to do papers and I smile on my own. It’s like the sun is coming out it’s like spring. I should read a book or something

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vanitas vanitas a knife in the bedroom

a slut in the bathroom an arbiter of life

growing roses by candlelight forcing them up

cracking stems coated in thin luster cuts

get ready classes get ready for art

hurting, a start for the self-referential masses

of water lilies naturally spinning like tops

they pity and win until everything stops

I’ll kill you, I’ll haunt you, I’ll watch you in a mirror

get ready get clearer, so hideous to flaunt

a searing pain, a passing of time

I miss him, I’d kiss him, I’m no more than a line

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I HATE HAVING OCD MY HANDS ARE SO DIRTY AND EVERYTHING IS WRONG AND I AM UPSET AND I WILL BE UPSET AT WVERYONE WHILE J LOVE WHO IS NEAR ME UNtil I FINISH MY PAPER AND PUT SHARP OBJECTS IN MY SKIN AND EST SOMEHTING AND DIE

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MY HANDS ARE TOO FUCKING DIRTY TO CUT MYSEFL I AM GOING TO FCUKIGNG KILL MYSELF