I recently decided to try digital art for the first time ever. I like to hand draw my OCD because journaling gets too dark. Anyway here are some OCD self portraits.
The thing i dont understand about those who fake disorders online is why would you want this?
Its not fun. The insane guilt and shame i have for simply talking outloud about my ocd, admitting my intrusive thoughts, and the sense that i am not worth anything as a human (and therefor wont make friends/relationships as they deserve more as people) hurt my soul.
But if you really want it, you can have mine for free.
- “Worst possible intrusive thoughts” better spend the next 1000 years of my life over thinking the meaning of the thought, deciding i am a psycopath and accepting that my magical thoughts can make things actually happen.
-Dont contaminate people - yay handwashing and avoidant behaviours
-Everything is a sexual innuendo
-You killed your Dad because you sung an Eminem song.
-Better check everyone in the house is breathing and wake them up if i cannot convince myself they are.
But my OCD is also:
- Better look at ever inch of the walls and floors for all the horrific damage i have done (NONE THERE IS NONE) because i cant even stand the fact ive left a mark that can only been seen in a particular light. Better start cleaning that spot to the point i actually damage it. Also i better check inbetween the strands of carpet for carpet moth (again there is NONE, there never was). Hmm finding none didnt help my axiety, i better now obsess over the thought that “what if the skirting boards are now going soft because of all the water from washing the walls!? What if the carpet is going bad? Better start checking that too..
-Better close the blinds fully so a ghost train/t rex doesnt get inside (?????).Okay these ones started when i was like 8 but bitch im 33 now whyyyy.
-Better rip the cuticle off/ rip that hair out/ pick at that wound on my body because it doesnt ‘feel right’
i LOVE OCD because any time i see a post about OCD that doesn’t fit 100% of my experience my brain goes “WHOOPS HAHA I GUESS YOU DON’T REALLY HAVE OCD :/ THAT SUCKS MAN YOU’RE ACTUALLY JUST THE WORST PERSON ALIVE IT TURNS OUT DAMN :/ THAT SUCKS FOR YOU MAN”
I DONT KNOW WHO NEEDS TO HEAR THIS BUT GROINAL RESPONSE (tingling, warmth, etc) TO INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS IS A NORMAL AND STUDIED TRAIT OF INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS.
(these are DIRECT quotes from this great psychology today article)
So, you just encountered, or thought about, someone, when suddenly, something “down there” tingles or moves.
The problem is that this person would be an inappropriate sexual partner—a minor, a religious figure, an authority figure, a same-sex partner if you’re straight, an opposite-sex partner if you're gay, etc.
Panic sets in, and you’re flooded with unwanted, repugnant, intrusive thoughts and images about having sex with this person.
You ask yourself, “What does this mean?”
What if it means I am a pervert? A pedophile? A monster? What if I am lying to myself and my partner about my sexual orientation? What if I am bad? What if I lose control one day and do something awful?
You begin to peel back from the things you once enjoyed, from people you love, desperately trying to keep a lid on everything. What started as a meaningless spasm has turned your life into a nightmare.
Many such OCD sufferers also experience unwanted genital sensations that activate a cascade of “what if” questions, over-interpretations, and compulsive monitoring. In the OCD community, this sensation is referred to as the groinal response.
It’s a mismatch between our real desires and our body’s response. However, just like any intrusive thought that a person may have, a groinal response is not confirmation that your fears are real.
//Why does this happen?
[Every surface of your skin and organs] are all wired to neurons or nerves that send sensory information to your brain. These signals are live at all times, even when you don’t notice them. Attention is what drives sensation most of the time. Focus on your hands, feet, or shoulders for a few seconds, and you’ll become aware of a low-grade tingle that is always present, constantly firing. Focus on your genitals, and you’ll notice the same. In other words, there is always a sensation in your genitals waiting to be detected.
The genitals are super densely represented in the nervous system. They are like 24/7 signal stations firing haptic data to your brain. You are more likely to feel meaningless sensations there than other body parts, like the top of your head.
Not all genital sensation is sexual. [Some genital] nerves go to the somatosensory cortex, which processes neutral touch sensation. Others go to the deep center of your brain (the limbic system) which processes pleasure and displeasure, excitement and fear. These two regions communicate both when you are turned on and when you are not. Therefore, it is very common to experience sensation (somatosensory cortex) without sexual arousal, depending on how your limbic system interacts with the sensory cortex.
According to some estimates, there is only a 10 to 50 percent concordance between sensation in the genitals and actual sexual pleasure. This means that 50 to 90 percent of the time, any tingling, moving, flushing, or hardening down there is non-sexual, be it neutral or fear-based.
Anxiety is a form of arousal, and all forms of arousal make your blood flow. Sexual arousal and fear arousal have many of the same bodily symptoms.
6. Arousal drives attention to the source of danger. But what happens when the threat is the groinal response?
Fear (and excitement) cause a narrowing of attention. Some people call this tunnel vision. It is very difficult to think about anything other than the perceived threat when you are afraid. So, if fear-arousal causes a groinal response, they are unlikely to notice it.
But what happens when the threat is the groinal response? Where is your attention going to go in triggering situations? That’s right. It goes directly to the groin and the anxious-arousal symptoms that may be occurring there. Before you know it, you quickly get caught in a loop of increased anxiety, → increased fear-arousal, → increased attention → increased sensation.
// What can you do instead?
Accept the groinal response as normal. Cease compulsive checking and analyzing of the region. Learn how to do body scan meditations (this will help you reverse your attention bias). Practice exposure and response prevention (ERP) by going into everyday situations that you are now avoiding without performing rituals (i.e., no checking, analyzing, reassurance-seeking, etc.).
As always, seek out the support of a qualified therapist to help you through these steps. Many sufferers get better with the right therapeutic support from someone who gets it.
People don't talk enough about how sometimes, mental illness feels fucking good when you're in it. It feels good to give in to OCD compulsions. You just feel worse after. It's a seductive lie of a high.
REMINDER THAT FIGHTING OCD WORKS!!!! REMINDER THAT ITS FUCKING WORTH IT!!! REMINDER THAT YOU CAN BE HAPPY!!!!! REMINDER THAT IT PAYS OFF!!!!! KEEP FIGHTING!!!! PLEASE KEEP FIGHTING!!!!!! I LOVE YOU AND IM SO SO SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!!
people with sexual, violent, or otherwise taboo intrusive thoughts… I hope you know that your thoughts don’t define you. I hope you know that you deserve love, respect, and kindness. and I hope you have a good day
- avoid reblogging guilt trippy posts (if you don’t reblog x you’re a bad person) and chain mail (if you dont reblog x your mom will die)
- ask your friends with ocd what accommodations they might need due to their specific rituals, and try to be understanding even if it doesn’t make sense to you
- also understand that having ocd can make it difficult to reach out and talk about your problems, so make sure to check up on ur ocd-having friends if they seem down or haven’t spoken to you in a while
- don’t force people with ocd to do exposures. we can do it on our own time if/when we’re ready. you should never force someone with ocd to do something in order to “face their fears”
While i mostly agree with everything. For my OCD specifically option two is a gateway drug to a mini relapse. After multiple years of therapy I question at what point do accommodations support the obsessive compulsive cycle.
My OCD would love it if my whanau helped me with my compulsive behaviours. Like it makes me excited to think about it haha. But no, not helpful.
Like a simple “hey friend my ocd is a bit loud today can you do blah blah this one time” is helpful. But that same friend doing that thing every time is not really that supportive of recovery. Same for family as well.
gummygunk
theartofmadeline
origamiaround
discoholicmusic
dededos
dailybridgerton
jacobvanloon
areudirty
2087
izzy806
jbbartram-illu
