[ofchiralium]

G A M E O V E R.

18+ independent and selective portrayal of Death Stranding's Higgs Monaghan, The Particle of God. a study in childhood trauma, corruption, godliness, and the acceptance of death.

Resurrected by Bunny.

Bio and Headcanons to be added (September 2025)

Rules | Verses | Playlist | Pinterest Board

personal: @angelofchiralium

mains: @vuulpecula @beastbitten / @chaoticwithin @tcrrifiesall @magflora / @tomorrowls

[ofchiralium]

oh also I found out content from my main account was being stolen and reuploaded. I don’t think I need to say this here since you’re all good company, but… no. *bonk* don’t do that.

[ofchiralium]

hello my friends, I wanted to give a brief little update about my activity and why I’ve been gone. I ended a relationship / friendship with someone (not in the rpc) abusive who decided to follow me to tumblr to harass me, verbally abuse and degrade me, and now stalk me. this person even went as far as saying Higgs would not want me because I’m too emotionally needy, which is just bizarre fucking behavior about a fictional character. the last time I came here to post I thought I would come back but it has become clear to me (and confirmed last night) that this person is watching all of my accounts. to the point that I made a new blog to get away from it and she somehow found me within a couple hours even though I’ve hard blocked her everywhere and had her account that I knew of blocked on that new blog. this goes way beyond her harassment towards me about shipping with “her character” (Higgs), there have been vague but graphic and violent threats, I can no longer trust new followers because I don’t know if it’s one of her new accounts, and I’ve deactivated my personal socials. I am concerned about the fact that she knows personal information about me and we were intimate and close for a long time so god knows what she will do with that.

on top of all of this, there’s been a whole bunch of bullshit in fandom and social interactions that have made me feel like shit, so I just haven’t had a great time on this hellsite. this year is already bad enough irl, I had two deaths in the family, my dad was in the hospital on suicide watch for two months, I had to leave my job, and now the fallout from a relationship I left so I could find peace.

I love Higgs, I’m not gonna let her or anyone else ruin that for me so you can expect me to be back here once the situation is over. I may leave my multi muse accounts though, as I have had no interest in them even before this happened. I’ll have to think about that. when I am ready to write again I will be open to discord roleplay! until then, know that Higgs and I love all of you so much. it is possible that she doesn’t know about this account since I blocked her here way before the breakup when she started getting weird and possessive over Higgs, so this may be my one corner of safety! time will tell.

please accept this Higg as a consolation.

[ofchiralium]

“Do you guys hate me? Yes or no?”

[tcrrifiesall]

"....."

[ofchiralium]

“Oh come on, a man can’t go to the grocery store and go missin’ for two months anymore? What kind of world do we live in?”

[ofchiralium]

I’m never gonna let this blog die, I just thought yall should know that. I may randomly disappear off the face of the earth following a crash out, but I always return. Like Higgs. Always comin back to clock yall. Even when the fandom has been dead and will be again in the future, I will be. Here. Higgs will never leave. You’re all locked into a soul contract with him now.

[ofchiralium]

“Do you guys hate me? Yes or no?”

[ofchiralium]

*looks longingly at all of you* I will return, I promise. For now… look at A Higg.

[m0cktails-deactivated20250516]

OG Higgs with his hair from DS2? :3 either in the process of dyeing/styling or whatever you'd like

[ofchiralium]

Whenever I log out for a long time and then come back to see one of my favorite mutuals deactivated, I cry inside. Friends where are you going?

[skitskatdacat63]

pretty boy ...

(gifing Death Stranding 2 5/?)

[ecneir]

"The eyes are the mirror of the soul."

[ofchiralium]

I keep involving my Higgs in cults. This is the way?

[tcrrifiesall]

Her hands rests against his chest as he shifts her onto his lap properly. There was a moment of silence before she closes the gap between them. A kiss to his lips. Comforting, almost hungry. But she breaks it just for a moment. Her forehead rests against his. "We can take our time.. There is no need to rush this."

A hand slips upward to around his shoulders. Holding onto him to adjust herself further onto his lap, getting more comfortable. She moves back in another kiss to his lips. Something more gentle as her long raven hair slips along her exposed shoulder.

Her free hand slipped back to his chest. Feeling his heart drum beneath her fingertips. "Tell me.. Tell me to stop and I will." Death whispered softly to his lips.

[ofchiralium]

Time slows and the world narrows down to this moment between them. His heart beats a steady rhythm beneath her palm, his air now her own. When she pulls away from the kiss, his eyes remain closed. He savors this moment.

“Don’t stop,” his voice is a low, reverent hush against her lips, “never stop. I need your love. Always.”

He closes the space between them again, his kiss deeper and more confident this time as he sits upright to help her adjust her position. His hands rest gently on her lower back, guiding her closer to him.

“I don’t feel so damaged when you’re kissin’ me like this. Makes me feel… worth somethin’.”

[madeofstxrs]

At "something ain't right with me" she immediately had to bite back a snide comment about how she just absolutely couldn't tell; clearly something was wrong with him. But at the indication that it was something more mechanical that he had complaints about, it sparked her interest.

During their conversation, how unnervingly close he kept trying to get, she'd forgotten that he was wearing a Ghost Mech. Was "wearing" even a proper term for it? Inhabiting? How did this even work?

"...could you elaborate?" Her mismatched eyes flicked over his face, catching the brief gaps in the hologram, wondering if that was the only issue he was facing. Unlikely, a voice whispered in her head. Målingen. Together forever but separated. "Damaged emitters," she whispered, receiving an affirmative hum from Målingen in return. "Some cracked. Faulty internal power source, too? Maybe. Won't know until we take a closer look. Is the issue purely physical--mechanical--or could there be a coding malfunction? Original programming trying to boot him from the system, triggering virus protection? Ask him? I don't know."

Falling quiet again, she found herself staring. Flustered. Her friends never seemed to be bothered when she and her sister held conversations aloud, but this was someone that she...wasn't exactly sure could be trusted any further than she could throw him.

It wouldn't have been very far.

"What sort of...I guess "symptoms" have you been experiencing. Maybe if I come at this like a doctor and less like a mechanic it might seem...less weird."

[ofchiralium]

His hologram gives the illusion of his brow furrowing, eyes narrow as he listens to her back and forth conversation with herself? Odd, but not entirely off putting compared to some of the shit he’s seen in his life, some of the shit he’s done.

She asks for his symptoms, presents herself as his doctor, and his expression ripples to one of amusement.

“Well, other than havin’ a bad case of the glitches? I suppose I’ve been strugglin’ with whatever the equivalent to brain fog would be for a machine. I sometimes find myself… goin’ offline.”

He shifts his weight from left to right, loosening his hips and assessing how the movement feels. The metal creaks, his artificial joints hardly providing any give, the spine of his suit stiff.

“Feel a little tense too, doc. But that’s probably unrelated.”

[madeofstxrs]

"...I'm trouble and you're unstable. Not exactly a good mix, is it? Scientifically speaking...or mentally." It was very difficult for Lockne not to flinch at his close proximity, immediately tensing at the touch to her hair. He was too close, too unpredictable, and too dangerous to risk pissing him off too terribly hard.

Like a rogue, messy bit of code. There was no telling if there was any way to correct this deviance in his code, too many variables to consider. Too much damage done.

He was fascinating. Fascinating and deadly, erratic, and the reason she nearly wasn't able to say goodbye to her sister. To Målingen.

"....what do you even want? You're hard to read. I....I've never really been good with people. Even before isolation."

@ofchiralium

[ofchiralium]

Her words give him pause, the honesty and vulnerability in her tone taking him by surprise. He’s used to people being defensive, aggressive, even terrified. Never has anyone been so real with him.

“What I want?”

Does he even know what he wants? He came here on business, and yet the way she stills at his close proximity, the way she tenses at the slight touch of his hand— now that thrills him.

“Well, I heard you were Bridges’ little genius when it comes to the sorta thing I need help with.”

He reaches up, slow and steady to avoid scaring her again, and knocks on his head, allowing her to see the hologram flicker with each beat.

“Somethin’ ain’t right with me. I ain’t been workin’ properly.”

[killjoysnoisemoved]

🎀  ⸻⠀⠀He tries to envision what that might be like, a deep sense of dread forming in the pit of his stomach. It feels similar to the eternity he feels like he's lived since his family passed, locked in a limbo of grief.

Patients spoke of feeling like they were trapped in purgatory when it came to their conditions, but the real thing has never been achieved quite like Higgs' experience on the Beach. That sort of isolation could drive anyone mad, Dollman thinks—but he was doing these things before that.

❝ Fragile told me about that whole mess with Amelie… she was an EE, correct? ❞  Dollman won't pretend to be knowledgeable about them. He knows the basic gist from Sam, but the truth is that he has no clue about their inner machinations. How they work. How culpable they are for their prerogatives.  ❝ So, you're saying she used you? ❞

It occurred to him before, as someone who lost his Ha and had it resituated, that perhaps Higgs' actions weren't entirely his own. However, the stakes had been so high that the origin of his behaviour hadn't been all that important. Now that they're not all trying to evade certain death, there's space for him to sit and consider Higgs as a human being again.

❝ I see. So you want to be understood. Felt. ❞  Dollman reaches up to pull himself loose from the string suspending him from the ceiling. He falls to the seat below with practised poise, wooden legs sticking out the moment he collides with the chair, protecting them from the impact.  ❝ Why else would you want to reflect your pain onto those you feel hurt you? I understand, to an extent… but Higgs, that will never fix anything. Your feelings would still have been there even if you succeeded in killing Sam perpetually. In killing all of us. Surely you see that now. ❞

[ofchiralium]

Higgs doesn’t speak, letting the doll’s words sink in, eyes trained on that fascinating spot on the floor. It is only when he hears the rattling of wooden legs and the soft little thump of Dollman seating himself that he snaps out of his fixation with the baseboard.

“Used me,” he echoes, letting the words resound, trying to test if they ring true. “She promised me a lot of things, notions and fantasies she knew I wouldn’t resist. I ate those breadcrumbs right out the fuckin’ palm of her hand.”

He crouches in front of Dollman’s chair, bringing himself as level as he can with the doll. His artificial joints ache with something almost painfully human, a puff of air from his internal cooling system catching in his hollow throat. He is reminded in this moment that he and the doll are not too different.

“I got lost in the role she wanted me to play.”

A frown curves his features and his eyes cast down once more— impossibly expressive for being nothing but porcelain and hologram. Anger dissolves into a quiet pain, memories unfurling like a dusty film reel.

“I don’t know where that version of me ends and where I start. I don’t know when I left behind who I was before her.”

[ofchiralium]

The Rules and Verses on my pinned post have been updated! I will be working on a proper bio including important information and headcanons. That one may take me a minute because I wanna go super in depth with it.