"Of a long, long time ago tomorrow morning..."

Eleventh Doctor rp sideblog. Private. Mutuals only. Under construction. Header and icon courtesy of emifucksshitup, an incredible human being. Extremely selective. On semi-hiatus.

[deathxproof-archive]

🔥 (ofcourseidream)

Koschei was all too quick to lean against the counter, to let his hands tangle up in his shirt to hold him close. Face entirely too hot, trailing down to his neck and under his shirt.

A laugh escaped his lips, as they were finally separating, even if it was only by a few centimeters, as if he hadn’t seen him in ages. But it really had been ages, hadn’t it? 

“I missed you too.” Koschei finally said, lips pressing against his again, quicker now. “So much, actually. You can stay like this for as long as you like. Or you can kiss me again. Just so I don’t miss you even more.”

[ofcourseidream]

He nodded into him but clutched even harder, feeling how real he was. Solid.

“Been eating. Been worried. I worry so fucking much about you, you know.”

There was nothing else he could say, really; words left him the moment Koschei came through the door, and everything happened at once.

“Please tell me you don’t have to go back.”

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🔥 (ofcourseidream)

Koschei was all too quick to lean against the counter, to let his hands tangle up in his shirt to hold him close. Face entirely too hot, trailing down to his neck and under his shirt.

A laugh escaped his lips, as they were finally separating, even if it was only by a few centimeters, as if he hadn’t seen him in ages. But it really had been ages, hadn’t it? 

“I missed you too.” Koschei finally said, lips pressing against his again, quicker now. “So much, actually. You can stay like this for as long as you like. Or you can kiss me again. Just so I don’t miss you even more.”

[ofcourseidream]

“Oh you’d like that, wouldn’t you,” John purred, lapped at his lips like it was practically nothing, pinned him against the marble with both hands at his hips. This kind of greeting was warranted, since Koschei had been working day and night in overflowing hospitals, and had to quarantine before testing negative.

He held him closer, ever closer, but suddenly felt an overwhelming relief and buried his head against the crook of his neck.

“I’m so glad you’re okay.”

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[gift] John gives a graduation gift to Koschei: a shadow box containing a small photo of them on every one of their dates to make the picture of a big heart

@ofcourseidream It was the first time Koschei had even gotten to see John in days-- too caught up in nursing exams and the last days of his internship, his boyfriend finished with his last show. Everything was-- over.  And he was so exhausted that it made him cry, a hand over his mouth, looking over each little photo all put together.  “It’s-- so- fucking cute.” he finally says, all choked, laughing softly. “When did you even have time to do this?”

[ofcourseidream]

“Oh no, I would have annoyed you into the arms of another lead,” he teased, and hooked his arms around him with a hum, enjoying the fresh air outside their flat.

“I think half the crowd was baked and the other half pissed. So it made for lots of interesting energy. Flubbed a few lines but no one cared. Anyway, stage manager’s hosting the after party if you want to come?”

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[gift] John gives a graduation gift to Koschei: a shadow box containing a small photo of them on every one of their dates to make the picture of a big heart

@ofcourseidream It was the first time Koschei had even gotten to see John in days-- too caught up in nursing exams and the last days of his internship, his boyfriend finished with his last show. Everything was-- over.  And he was so exhausted that it made him cry, a hand over his mouth, looking over each little photo all put together.  “It’s-- so- fucking cute.” he finally says, all choked, laughing softly. “When did you even have time to do this?”

[ofcourseidream]

John didn’t even try to hide his giggles, or his pleased disposition over how much Koschei liked the little thing. He was tired too - exhausted even - and his body didn’t want to cooperate, but he ran his hand through Koschei’s hair anyway and kissed his cheek especially tenderly.

“I outsourced it to a company that does this sorta thing. But I took every picture myself.”

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ofcourseidream‌:

He wouldn’t make him pull the lever - that would be so, so very cruel. So instead he brushed his lips across his temple and dropped his hand to set the calculations.

“I have you. Always.”

With one more press of a button, the TARDIS groaned, and Theta was back, standing in the kitchen, without lunch for his daughter.

Then he spotted his husband, and nearly burst into tears before throwing his arms around him just as he had done a few moments prior.

“I’m so tired of the universe’s bullshit.”

And with that, the Master was left with empty arms, in an empty TARDIS, and he couldn’t help but find himself sitting on the ship’s floor for the time being. 

“There you are, where’d you run off–” 

It had only been five minutes, but it was still unusual to come home and have Theta gone off somewhere without warning. 

“Oh? Oh, love,” he started, staggering back as his own arms wrapped around him. “I’m… I’m sorry.” he said, brows knit, a kiss placed on the top of his head. “Did something happen– is everything okay, Thete?” 

[ofcourseidream]

He just held him for a while, feeling him, listening to him, smelling him, and it was a long time before he let go to answer. But he still clutched his shoulders, his cheeks, the possibility that he could have never come back beginning to dawn on him.

“Alternate timeline sucked me in. Some- other you looking for another me. He didn’t have all this and- it broke my hearts.”

Theta breathed, and held the air, held, held... Until he calmed down and swallowed thickly.

“I love you.”

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ofcourseidream‌:

Theta knew, he could sense his thoughts, bask in them even; a breakthrough had been made that shouldn’t have been his to take pride in, and yet, it would make everything potentially that much easier for this timeline, to let them get what they both wanted in the end.

“I will. I am. I try to be, anyway.”

The fingers of his free hand slid into his hair to caress, to hold him close, to let him lose himself in the moment. All anyone needed, was to know someone cared. Especially Koschei. Especially with Theta.

“Remember to ask for my hand. She- she? She’ll know what that means.”

“Good.” 

Arguably, he had a much, much worse time than the other. But that was still a younger regeneration, and he still couldn’t help but feel protective of that. He tensed as Theta’s hand found his hair, and he held him even tighter, wishing that if anything he didn’t have to let go. But he could hear the monitor behind him, gearing up, slowly beginning to get the energy to send this Doctor back. 

And he couldn’t help but feel a bit selfish in that moment. 

“Will– Will do. I’ll ask for your hand.” he said with another nervous laugh. “I- I will.” Eventually. When they both weren’t as volatile, when this seemed like something that was possible. “Thank you, Theta.”

[ofcourseidream]

He wouldn’t make him pull the lever - that would be so, so very cruel. So instead he brushed his lips across his temple and dropped his hand to set the calculations.

“I have you. Always.”

With one more press of a button, the TARDIS groaned, and Theta was back, standing in the kitchen, without lunch for his daughter.

Then he spotted his husband, and nearly burst into tears before throwing his arms around him just as he had done a few moments prior.

“I’m so tired of the universe’s bullshit.”

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ofcourseidream‌:

He nodded into his shoulder, not expecting forgiveness in any aspect; he was just relieved the other heard a sincere apology. One that was also owed.

And Theta let it stretch a good while before pulling back to wipe at his eyes, then at Koschei’s with careful swipes of his thumb.

“I love you. Any of you, all of you. And that goes from any one of me, even if I don’t know it yet.”

The Master leaned into the way he wiped away tears. He swallowed, shivering softly still, still convincing himself that he hadn’t done anything wrong by telling him that. 

“I–” 

He choked up, deciding that maybe he couldn’t say that yet. But gods, was it good to hear. He reached for his hand, pulled him close once more, wanting to savor that closeness while he could. “Thank you, Theta.” he said again, hoping that that could get some of the point across, his forehead resting against his shoulder. “Me is… Well, he’s lucky, I suppose. Be– be good to him.” Because it was easier to focus on another, distant him than to himself in this situation. 

[ofcourseidream]

Theta knew, he could sense his thoughts, bask in them even; a breakthrough had been made that shouldn’t have been his to take pride in, and yet, it would make everything potentially that much easier for this timeline, to let them get what they both wanted in the end.

“I will. I am. I try to be, anyway.”

The fingers of his free hand slid into his hair to caress, to hold him close, to let him lose himself in the moment. All anyone needed, was to know someone cared. Especially Koschei. Especially with Theta.

“Remember to ask for my hand. She- she? She’ll know what that means.”

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ofcourseidream‌:

Theta listened, and he listened instantly, giving him every ounce of attention he had - not because it could be his own future, but because it’s what was owed, because he would listen to anything his Koschei said to him.

And then when he quieted, Theta threw his arms around him in a hug, his face hidden as tears threatened to gather and fall.

“I’m so sorry.”

It was the least he could say; whatever happened, whatever the Master had done, it shouldn’t have warranted psychological - and potentially physical - torture. No one deserved either.

“I’m so sorry, Koschei.”

When they finished, he felt as though he’d done something wrong. Like he’d given too much away, made too much from something he’d deserved. 

So when his arms wrapped around him, he staggered, froze. 

Until, finally, his arms wrapped around Theta’s, holding him tight, his own face buried against the other’s form in an awkward sort of way due to the difference in height. 

“I…” 

He was choked up. And he hated it, but he was shaking, swallowing, trying to stave off tears. 

“… Thank you, Theta.”

[ofcourseidream]

He nodded into his shoulder, not expecting forgiveness in any aspect; he was just relieved the other heard a sincere apology. One that was also owed.

And Theta let it stretch a good while before pulling back to wipe at his eyes, then at Koschei’s with careful swipes of his thumb.

“I love you. Any of you, all of you. And that goes from any one of me, even if I don’t know it yet.”

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ofcourseidream‌:

“Then tell me. We still have seven minutes.”

And the three that had passed tasted bitter, fleeting, left a cold pit in his stomach like a twist of a frozen knife; he wouldn’t be able to stay and help, this was not his place. But he could try with what he had.

So he took one step closer, with only inches separating them, and there was nothing else he could do but squeeze his hand and smile encouragingly.

“We did it to each other. Hate is easy, love is hard. Because it’s a commitment to look past the flaws and love them anyway. I’m far from perfect, and so are you, but there’s always a way.”

The Master swallowed, took another breath, worried that he’d muck it up if he spoke about all of it. But it wasn’t often, if at all, one was given opportunities like this. 

“– My- your- Your next face locks his last face in a vault for 70 years. Claims it’s… Rehabilitation. Timelines are a bit tricky there. I died, you thought I left you. Stabbed myself in the back– very me, isn’t it?” He started, aware of the lack of space between them, the way he could feel his breath mingling with Theta’s. “You… This is- this is the big one, it’s- a long story. I was hiding in Paris in World War II. And you- ah- you left me. Took my TARDIS. Took off my perception filter. Gave me up to a fleet of - of Nazis, Theta. Bloody fucking Nazis. I had to go through the whole of the 20th century after that, I…” another breath, swallowing hard.  He didn’t want to sound so vulnerable, so upset, but he was in too deep now. 

“It’s… All a long story. I suppose those are the ones that stick out. And then– you come along and you make things more difficult.”

[ofcourseidream]

Theta listened, and he listened instantly, giving him every ounce of attention he had - not because it could be his own future, but because it’s what was owed, because he would listen to anything his Koschei said to him.

And then when he quieted, Theta threw his arms around him in a hug, his face hidden as tears threatened to gather and fall.

“I’m so sorry.”

It was the least he could say; whatever happened, whatever the Master had done, it shouldn’t have warranted psychological - and potentially physical - torture. No one deserved either.

“I’m so sorry, Koschei.”

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ofcourseidream‌:

A real laugh slipped his lips, something light and surrendering.

“You’ve a point, love.”

The pet name slipped, but Theta decided he liked it, would call every single version of Koschei that he met love. Because that’s what he was.

“It’s easier to have something to focus on when you’re taking care of someone else.”

That hand on his shoulder came to rest on his cheek, cradling his face to let him know he had him even more, and meant it.

“I’m right here. Work through it, it’s all alright.”

How was he supposed to process all of this? The Master was sure he’d be thinking about it for ages, and that– that wasn’t fair. That hardly seemed fair at all. 

Theta’s hand met his cheek, and his eyes flickered back up to him. The Master’s hand reached up, finally, laid over Theta’s on his cheek. He relaxed, ever so slightly- he was still all tense muscles and shaking bones, but there was a touch of relaxation, enough to let him lean back against the console, to press into his hand. 

“There are… So many things I want to tell you that have happened. That you’ve done, or will do. I–” another breath. “I really, really want to hate you, Theta. I always do. You know, it’d be so much easier if I could just hate you. Why’d you ever do this to me?” He laughed, didn’t move away from his hand, practically clutching it to stay there.

[ofcourseidream]

“Then tell me. We still have seven minutes.”

And the three that had passed tasted bitter, fleeting, left a cold pit in his stomach like a twist of a frozen knife; he wouldn’t be able to stay and help, this was not his place. But he could try with what he had.

So he took one step closer, with only inches separating them, and there was nothing else he could do but squeeze his hand and smile encouragingly.

“We did it to each other. Hate is easy, love is hard. Because it’s a commitment to look past the flaws and love them anyway. I’m far from perfect, and so are you, but there’s always a way.”

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ofcourseidream‌:

A breath deflated from his chest, and Theta gave that hand a solidly gentle squeeze. He risked another to rest on Koschei’s shoulder as his thumb brushed over his knuckles ever so lightly. He was trying - trying to give him a taste of what he could have, if only he stopped being so bloody stubborn.

“Thank you,” he murmured, and edged just that much closer, so close that he could feel the pumping of their hearts beating in tandem across the floorboards.

“You have a daughter. She’s the most beautiful little girl we could ask for. She has your past eyes, your hair, she has my chin, my gangly shape. She hates all vegetables right now and will only eat buttered pasta and fish. I stay at home and watch her, and then when you come home, we put her to bed and watch movies and make dinner and make love until we fall asleep in each other’s arms. I couldn’t be happier. You couldn’t, either. I have you. I have you, Koschei.”

He was taking shaky, deep breaths, gasping a little at the contact. As if he hadn’t gotten that in ages, and– honestly– he probably hadn’t. The Master was still staring at his hands, their hands, at the way his was stopped from being so trembly in the other’s grasp. 

And the Master listened, listened intently, and had to hold himself back from saying anything snarky in response to all of that. To the idea of even thinking about a kid, to a spouse, to being happy. Content. 

“That… That all sounds dreadfully domestic.” he said with a hoarse laugh, voice shaking, head falling forward. Enough to be even more in his space for that second, but he’d never break that space. “Theta.” he said it, and his voice trembled even more, eyes shut for a moment. “Theta.” he said it again, and there were somewhat less nerves. “How did you ever manage to sit still for more than five minutes, Theta?”

[ofcourseidream]

A real laugh slipped his lips, something light and surrendering.

“You’ve a point, love.”

The pet name slipped, but Theta decided he liked it, would call every single version of Koschei that he met love. Because that’s what he was.

“It’s easier to have something to focus on when you’re taking care of someone else.”

That hand on his shoulder came to rest on his cheek, cradling his face to let him know he had him even more, and meant it.

“I’m right here. Work through it, it’s all alright.”

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ofcourseidream‌:

Theta took his yelling quietly; this was how Koschei coped, and he understood. To see a future just out of reach, right there like sand slipping between fingers… It was torture.

But he got up when the other seemed to be just the slightest bit calmed down, and offered his hand. A peace offering. A connection.

“It’ll be another ten minutes before she can get me back, Koschei. Pretend for five minutes. I need you to take my hand.”

He tried to ignore that name the first time he heard it. But the second time it bit into him, clawing– Koschei, Koschei, Koschei. To hear that name spoken so casually, like he’d already said it a hundred times before that day. And it probably had been. 

The Master was shaking, shivering as Theta stepped closer. He flinched,  moved, until he saw that hand. 

He stared, and stared, and stared, and tried to think of what the Doctor meant by all of that so he could prepare himself, and stared… 

And reached down, clutching his hand, voice wavering. 

“Alright then.”

[ofcourseidream]

A breath deflated from his chest, and Theta gave that hand a solidly gentle squeeze. He risked another to rest on Koschei’s shoulder as his thumb brushed over his knuckles ever so lightly. He was trying - trying to give him a taste of what he could have, if only he stopped being so bloody stubborn.

“Thank you,” he murmured, and edged just that much closer, so close that he could feel the pumping of their hearts beating in tandem across the floorboards.

“You have a daughter. She’s the most beautiful little girl we could ask for. She has your past eyes, your hair, she has my chin, my gangly shape. She hates all vegetables right now and will only eat buttered pasta and fish. I stay at home and watch her, and then when you come home, we put her to bed and watch movies and make dinner and make love until we fall asleep in each other’s arms. I couldn’t be happier. You couldn’t, either. I have you. I have you, Koschei.”

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ofcourseidream‌:

“Do not speak ill of yourself. It’s like speaking ill of the dead - it doesn’t bode well,” he replied, letting his hand rest by the plate between them. The words did sting, as were their intention, but he also knew they weren’t true. He knew, because of the ring on his finger.

“You know…” Theta continued, his voice soft and forgiving, “I never hated you. Never. I still don’t, and never will. And I know that to be true for the me you have in this time. I will never hate you, Koschei. I may be irritated, dumbfounded, disgusted, any combination - but never hateful. Because I loved you once, and so I always will. I know you can see it in my eyes, my pleads, whatever I may say. I know you see it, the future you could have. This could be it, right here. It’s not too late.”

Everything the Doctor said seemed to punch him, one after the other, trying so hard to glare despite it coming off as quiet uncertainty behind wet eyes. “This isn’t anywhere close to our future.” 

He grunted, pushed himself up, distancing himself from the situation as he headed back to his console. “And I’m sending you back. Now.” He said, starting– but everything was still lagging- crossing-timelines was always tricky- and his hand came down harshly on the monitor itself when informed of said lag. 

“Just. Shut up! Don’t try to feed me some shit from another world and expect me to take it, Doctor! I– I - I won’t. You have to go back.” his voice was muffled, trying to hide the tears that he refused to let be there before looking back at him. “That might be you, but it’s not me. And it’s certainly not my future.”

[ofcourseidream]

Theta took his yelling quietly; this was how Koschei coped, and he understood. To see a future just out of reach, right there like sand slipping between fingers... It was torture.

But he got up when the other seemed to be just the slightest bit calmed down, and offered his hand. A peace offering. A connection.

“It’ll be another ten minutes before she can get me back, Koschei. Pretend for five minutes. I need you to take my hand.”

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ofcourseidream‌:

He gave him a few seconds of silence to process the lost prospect, sliding the ring back on and snacking on another fish finger. He let him look for his own eyes, see how casually he was dressed, was at ease, and let him make his own conclusions - which would most likely be correct, if not for the denial.

“In my life, it does,” he added quietly, and reached across the void between them to gently hold his hand.

“I’m sorry it doesn’t in yours.”

His hand almost immediately retracts– almost, but there was a moment of hesitation. Nothing about that would make sense to him, he knew– everything, really. That meant- they had a kid. They had a kid, and they were married, and– that didn’t make sense to him at all. He wondered if it ever would. 

“I’m– I’m not.” he said, voice broken, staring back at the Doctor. “Why would I ever marry you? I hate you. I would never forgive you like that. Do you hear me, Doctor? Never. Whoever- whoever I am there must be a poor fucking fool.”

[ofcourseidream]

“Do not speak ill of yourself. It’s like speaking ill of the dead - it doesn’t bode well,” he replied, letting his hand rest by the plate between them. The words did sting, as were their intention, but he also knew they weren’t true. He knew, because of the ring on his finger.

“You know...” Theta continued, his voice soft and forgiving, “I never hated you. Never. I still don’t, and never will. And I know that to be true for the me you have in this time. I will never hate you, Koschei. I may be irritated, dumbfounded, disgusted, any combination - but never hateful. Because I loved you once, and so I always will. I know you can see it in my eyes, my pleads, whatever I may say. I know you see it, the future you could have. This could be it, right here. It’s not too late.”

[deathxproof-archive]

ofcourseidream‌:

“You don’t know?”

Theta could never, ever, in a million years, forget the time they spent together, regardless of if they ever split or wind up on different paths; he would cherish it, embrace it for all the peace and love it gave him.

And he would expect Koschei to do the same.

So then his shoulders relaxed a bit, his gaze softened, and he set down the plate between them to fold his hands in his lap.

“Oh. Shenanigans in a different bubble. Of course you don’t know. Well then.”

This was very sad.

Theta slid the ring off his finger and displayed it in his palm, letting him get a good look at its Gallifreyan inscriptions on its inside so he could know for himself.

And the look on his face said it all– brows furrowed, confusion- trying to figure out just what he didn’t know. 

The Master tensed, practically curling into a defense mode as Theta moved, until the ring was displayed to him. 

And he looked at it, read the Gallifreyan, his eyes widening, softening– and there was a wave that hit him. A great, big wave of stuff that seemed to crash down all at once as he looked back at Theta. 

“Nngh- No- no, no no no – we wouldn’t, that- that never happened. That would never happen.” he said, voice dissolving into a broken little laugh, because he wasn’t offended at the idea– confused, disbelieving, remorse, if anything else. 

“Shut up.”

[ofcourseidream]

He gave him a few seconds of silence to process the lost prospect, sliding the ring back on and snacking on another fish finger. He let him look for his own eyes, see how casually he was dressed, was at ease, and let him make his own conclusions - which would most likely be correct, if not for the denial.

“In my life, it does,” he added quietly, and reached across the void between them to gently hold his hand.

“I’m sorry it doesn’t in yours.”

[deathxproof-archive]

ofcourseidream‌:

He waved a hand in answer to confirm his suspicions, and stuffed his mouth with another fish finger before offering the Master one.

The action was non-chalant, but of course it would spark a deeper analysis - from either. One couldn’t care less - as long as he got back to his family - and the other seemed to care way too much.

“Well what the fuck are you waiting for? Sit down, grab a bite. Sounds like we’re in for a story then. I don’t mind.”

“– No. Why should I?” 

But he took the fish finger anyways, and moved to sit down, one leg propped up. The nonchalance was absolutely infuriating, and he was desperate to try and tap into it. He was staring at his hand, at the band on it, trying to make sense of everything that he didn’t know about. 

“Where the hell are you from, anyways? Where are you in the timeline?” 

[ofcourseidream]

“You don’t know?”

Theta could never, ever, in a million years, forget the time they spent together, regardless of if they ever split or wind up on different paths; he would cherish it, embrace it for all the peace and love it gave him.

And he would expect Koschei to do the same.

So then his shoulders relaxed a bit, his gaze softened, and he set down the plate between them to fold his hands in his lap.

“Oh. Shenanigans in a different bubble. Of course you don’t know. Well then.”

This was very sad.

Theta slid the ring off his finger and displayed it in his palm, letting him get a good look at its Gallifreyan inscriptions on its inside so he could know for himself.

[deathxproof-archive]

ofcourseidream‌:

Theta looked across to him with a deadpan, flat expression, eyes peeking out from under his overbitten brow.

“You make an elaborate speech about how much I’ve wronged you or our people, then explain your big, ‘masterful’ plan about destroying the humans I so dearly love, and then it goes wrong one way or another and then life goes on. So make it quick, I have a five-year-old to feed and a mouth to kiss. Please, Master, or whatever you’re going by these days. Good look on you though, little better than thinking of a companion every other day.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

He was quiet when he said that, trying to piece that together while not staying stagnant. Right, of course he was talking about his other face, but it’s not like he spent much time with him. 

“I was actually going to tell you all about everything you have to look forward to in the next, oh, handful of regenerations. Lots to come up. Some of it already has, for me. Most of it has for me, actually. Not like I was ever going to let you keep your memories of this, that wouldn’t be very helpful for me. Something… Tells me I’ve plucked you up from the wrong timeline, though.” 

What was the first giveaway, after all? 

“So, I take it the fobwatch has already opened.”

[ofcourseidream]

He waved a hand in answer to confirm his suspicions, and stuffed his mouth with another fish finger before offering the Master one.

The action was non-chalant, but of course it would spark a deeper analysis - from either. One couldn’t care less - as long as he got back to his family - and the other seemed to care way too much.

“Well what the fuck are you waiting for? Sit down, grab a bite. Sounds like we’re in for a story then. I don’t mind.”