this really happened

Sometimes I have to send out emails at work. And sometimes, I just post my thoughts here, so I do not get fired.

[officebabies]

it has been a while

and I have a lot of things to say.

[officebabies]

Spillage

Hi,

If you spill water or any liquids on the floor, please clean it up.

You are creating a slip and fall hazard for everyone.

And it is common courtesy to clean up after yourself in any environment.

Thank you

The MGMT

[officebabies]

Event tomorrow - Clean up today

Hi

We have a XXX tomorrow AM. Please, Marie Kondo your area today.

Have a ton of boxes that are under your desk? Take them to the recycling area today.

Flowers that have seen better days? Toss them today.

Cups from last week? Please clean that up. It is not sanitary.

All the papers that you do not need? The shredder bins are empty and would love to take your paper.

All the clutter? You know it does not bring you joy.

Thank you

The MGMT

[officebabies]

Fridge Finds - a new series

Hello,

Today in Fridge Finds we have:

Unwrapped pizza - it is on the counter (paper plates are not an acceptable “wrapper” for our shared fridge- there is saran wrap and a plethora of Tupperware.)

Please claim it and properly wrap it up.

Old Blueberries- up for grabs on the counter from 7/6

Old TJ’s Salad- tossed it. Sell by date was 7/1

1/8th full quart container of couscous.- on the counter please claim it.

Moldy ½ Sandwich- tossed it

Please make an effort to take your items home at the end of the day/week or use them during the week.

It is really getting out of hand.

Thank you

The MGMT

[officebabies]

FYI- please do not be stupid today

I really do not have the patience for “nothing to work for you today.” 

Or to discover you have no idea how to use a toaster.

In the immortal words of Tim Gunn “make it work!”

[officebabies]

XXth floor fridge - get your food alert

Come get your food/ or label it.

Because there is a bunch of half avocados, a rotting peach, ½ eaten burritos, old salads, etc.

They will not be spending the weekend in our communal fridge.

[officebabies]

New Receptionist: “They seem a little scared of you?”

She asks about the staff.

Me: If they are not, I am doing something wrong.

[officebabies]

Reminder - Do not be “the problem”

Good Morning,

This is a friendly reminder to please pick up after yourself.

So far, this morning, I have thrown out

a broken plastic knife

several crumbled-up napkins

used plates

empty cream cheese containers

All of this was left on the counter.

All before 10:17am.

I really do get it, you are busy or get distracted.

But it is really not ok to leave garbage around the office.

Or to expect others to clean up after you or to think it is “not my problem.”

It is your problem, and it becomes my problem, XXX’s problem, your co-worker’s problem.

It is disrespectful to us, your co-workers and the office we all share.

Please do not be the problem.

Thank you

[officebabies]

Your Peas and Hotdogs.....

Good Morning,

Please remember that recycling is in full effect starting today.

Your plastic containers need to go in the proper bins. 

Please dump out your food/liquids in the trash bin and put the plastic containers in the correct recycle bin.

I took care of your peas and hotdogs from this AM. 

Let’s not have me have to do that again.

Thank you

The MGMT

[officebabies]

I just sent an email about recycling yesterday

Re: Recycling at X0X- Your Order from The XXXX

Hello,

I am not sure who ordered from The XXXX today, but you recycled poorly.

Your yogurt, salad bowl, and paper bag are all recyclable.  

For clarity:

Your emptied salad bowl and yogurt container go in the blue bins.

The paper bag goes in the green bin

Plasticware and soiled paper in the silver trash bins. 

I fixed it for you. You’re welcome.

[officebabies]

what is that noise?

Hello,

It is a leaf blower.

If you happen to hear a noise- reminiscent of a leaf blower, you are not hearing things.

It is really a leaf blower.

If anyone wants to volunteer to get their face blown, please let me know.

thank you

[officebabies]

Hey, do you think you could provide your expenses in a different way?

Like in a way where we do not have to scan everything since you can only print and write out on them?

Have you ever made a pdf? You know you can do that there too?

Oh, you will see? If you can try to assist us and do it our way? 

[officebabies]

I hope you enjoyed your Millet* Lunch

But would you please clean it out of the sink.

It is kind of gross.

And no one enjoys looking at it.

Use the sink strainer and dump it in the garbage.

Do not run it down the drain. We do not have a garbage disposal.

And if the sink clogs, it is on you and your millet.

And again, no one should have to clean up after you.

Thank you

The MGMT

*Might not be millet. Could be brown rice or barley or whatever, but you get my drift, it is a grain.

Clean it up, please.

Again, thank you!

[officebabies]

You really should particpate

The morning is going to be like this: Any help you can offer as I try to assist you would be greatly appreciated.

[officebabies]

When you ask for access to someone’s personal email....

So you can do their expense reports

[officebabies]

this is why I stopped bday celebrations involving candle blowing at the office

[officebabies]

your regular stall?

needs the toilet seat tightened? 

It is sliding around?

it is your go-to?

ok.

Very impressed that you had the nerve to tell me with that much detail. 

You could have just said, “hey, the toilet seats need tightening,” and left it at that.

have you been holding it this whole time?