for lazy tarot readings on hot june nights right next to that bodega's a neon sign. they'll tell you you were famous in some past life, but now you're just a regular joe whose cover is blown.
⌠ evan mock , 24, GENDERQUEER, HE/THEY ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, ALEXANDER “LEX” BACHMANN! according to their records, they’re a SECOND year, specializing in “MACGYVER” SURVIVAL SKILLS + NAVIGATION & LINGUISTICS, CULTURE, & ASSIMILATION; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (tattered jeans with custom sharpie designs, dazed eyes, and worn in and thrifted doc martens). when it’s the (taurus)’s birthday on 5/7/1996, they always request their GYRO from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. @gallagherintro
tw drugs and torture
BACKSTORY
grew up in moscow, russia. his parents have always been very controlling of him, which is something he resented from a young age. instead of falling to their side and doing as they pleased, lex instead began acting out a bit more. a part of him wanted to make them angry on purpose, just because he liked their reactions when they were pushed over the edge.
he was 14 when he started dealing. at first it was just weed- something he would do to get extra money to move out early. in his neighborhood specifically, it was pretty easy to move things around. people were afraid of carrying too much on them in order to avoid russia’s weird weed laws, so he was happy to make weekly deliveries. at an extra fee. which most of his customers paid for the convenience.
when he was 16 he was able to get emancipated with the money he had saved, getting his vw bus (which he lovingly named mom) and going out on his own with his group of friends. the further along on his own he got, however, the more difficult he realized life was, and how unjust his country was specifically. he was known for getting himself into trouble, especially when it came to protests regarding his sexuality, but always was able to sweet talk himself out of most situations.
that was, until he began dealing harder and harder drugs in order to get by. it was in this line of work that he began talking to some...higher ups in the drug world in russia. they assumed he was stupid, because of his general carefree personality, and would talk about things that they would not typically talk about with others around. lex, being in fact an idiot, blabbed about knowing some “cool top secret shit” to his friends, which proceeded to getting all of them in trouble. while koa ended up in a juvenile detention center due to something else lex fucked up, he, olive, and ryan were kidnapped by opposing forces in russia. each seeking to get information out of them, to break them. and, again, because lex is an idiot, he didn’t even have the courtesy of not giving olive the information that would save her.
after days of torture, lex managed to free himself using a mix of the combat he’d learned when he was living on the streets on his own, and his charm. this was when gallagher took note. he and olive met up again months later when lex thought she had died. koa and ryan however, he had no idea about. and neither did olive. it was a year or so later of aimless driving around europe in search of koa and ryan with olive that gallagher got in contact with them. figuring a life of spyhood was easier than one of being a massive drug dealer constantly on the run, lex accepted, and was on his way to gallagher.
PERSONALITY / CURRENT INFO
he still deals light things like weed and shrooms, so ur chars prob buy from him if they don’t have another dealer
def a hippie, and tho he’s rly been thru it, he’s still a happy nd thankful person. he tends to look on the bright side of all situations
will befriend anyone w a pulse who wants him around. he doesn’t waste his time w people who don’t want him there unless it’s to get a rise out of them on purpose
“When you don’t come from a spy family it hits you like a ton of bricks.” Orion offers, not necessarily to comfort or for any reason other than that they believe this to be the truth. People who come from spy families are better accustomed, their response to this is less intense, or so they assume. “Next thing we know someone’s gonna start hacking into our computers talking to us in a fucking Jigsaw mask.” They would actually enjoy that, it’d be pretty funny. Someone already thought they were fucking Anonymous by hacking into the school system. “Dude, duh.” Orion has nothing better to do, plus, they’re one of the few people they enjoy being around.
“the hackings already done, so it’s only a matter of time.” they sit down on the ground to take out the weed box under their bed. something tells them gallagher wont be strict about students smoking and drinking today. the halls already smelled like weed when they walked in to the dorm building. “do you come from a spy family?”
Wilder’s been doing the same three things on rotation: baking, smoking, and avoiding people. Most of the faces he’s seen lately are people close to him, those he’s checked in on, those he doesn’t want to start feeling distant from again. Lex, of course, makes the cut. Kind of hopes Lex won’t ask, but knows them well enough to know they will, so the sigh he exalts is low, blows out smoke to cover it. “I know you won’t.” Has to say that first, it’s important to him. “I just…don’t really know what talking is gonna do?” Not sounding like himself.
it felt like lex had just begun seeing light return to wilder’s eyes. they remembered the first day they went to see them in their room, dragged them out of bed to talk about clouds. it felt like that again, but heavier this time. something ripped from him that they didn’t know if they could help patch up this time. they couldn’t put a superhero bandaid on this. “i guess...for me saying shit out loud is what stops it from repeating in my head over and over.” they take the joint from him to take a hit themself, then hand it back over to him. gallagher has never felt more silent than it does right now. “but if you wanna talk about other shit, like if you wanna be distracted, i have an entire brain bank of conversation starters ready to go.”
“It’s a spy school, isn’t that like, what people are training to do anyway?” Just cause they had a degree or something that made it legal didn’t mean that it would morally be any less fucked up for them to do it after graduating. “Just like getting my own fucking welcome back party.” They weren’t in the book, though, which meant Martina and anyone else they cared about would never have to know the things they didn’t want them to know. Including where they had been for the last two weeks. “This isn’t a fucking coming of age movie where we all learn each other’s secrets and suddenly we’re all friends. More like a horror movie, if you ask me.”
“i mean...yeah, that’s fair. i don’t know why i didn’t think it happened before spy school.” this was the first time lex thought about not wanting to be a spy in the long term. “that’s exactly how i feel. especially with everything that went down this year it’s just like...too fucking much.” they were overwhelmed, to say the least. “wanna smoke before you go?”
Orion has never known how to interact with anyone so they’re currently in the same boat. The book being released was naturally a big thing, especially since they’d been gone for a bit and that was what they came back to. In their life they’d witnessed a lot of fucked up things and they’re not sure how they should even react to anything anymore. Seeing Lex made them feel a bit more at ease, or like at least they’d soon be at ease, they took their stuff from him and shoved into the front pocket of their backpack. “I got my own personal shit, so like, I kind of don’t give a fuck about who here is an assassin or who is stalking who.” They were only at Gallagher because their aunt and uncle forced them to be. “Uh, how about you, though? You doing alright?” If the words sound forced coming out, it’s because they are, Orion is still trying to manage asking others about themselves and genuinely caring although Lex is pretty cool so caring about him couldn’t be that hard.
“yeah, fair. kinda weird to be walking around people who like, literally killed people though.” cyrus included. they made note to check in with zane. “welcome back to gallagher though, amiright?” they nudged them a bit. “i’m fine. it’s whatever. just happy i can help people who feel overwhelmed right now. i would hate if my shit was publicized for the whole school to see. not that all of it is true, cause like, there’s no way.”
they remembered wilder’s shift in december, after everything happened. and they wondered if it was their place now to talk about this with him, to see if he was okay. so they disguised a casual hangout as a way to check in, and as they passed a joint back and forth with each other, as they normally do at this time of day, they managed to get the courage to ask the question they’d been thinking about that entire day. “do you wanna talk about...everything? we don’t have to. just want you to know i’m like, here. and i won’t judge you.”
“hey...i brought you something.” they walked in to zane’s room, which was unlocked. not the best idea when they were pretty sure most of the school wanted to k word him, but he didn’t mention it. “can i come in?” you’re already in, lex.
truth be told, lex had no clue how to interact with anyone anymore. the second they read up on someone and moved to the next person, they immediately forgot what was said about the person before. that means lex had information about people being murderers in their head, but no knowledge of who those titles belonged to. pretty jarring stuff. they walked around the school not knowing who did what, but knowing there was some pretty fucked up shit that was going on at the school. still, everything was heavy, and lex was in the business of making people happy. and they were really fucking busy since everything went down. not only that, but it was a national holiday ! happy 4/20 everyone. “how you holding up with all this shit?” he asked as he handed them their order.
“I love it when we do events outside.” Asher comments from his spot reclined on the grass. “Especially now the weather’s getting warmer.” // @oflex
“i missed the sun so much,” he smiled, arms stretched out in the grass as if he were a plant absorbing nutrition. “is this place’s weather different from florida by much? i wanna go to disney this summer.”
“ Are there any without alcohol ? ” He questioned then, scrunching up a bit when the other said artificial, like that was supposed to be a good sounding thing. “If I want to try grass, there’s a lot of it on the floor.”
“it’s sweeter than grass.” he rolls his eyes. “and this is alcohol free, it’s just milk tea. i promise they won’t take your man card away for drinking something pink.”
“Glitter’s gonna get everywhere. I’m in.” @wildandwilder·
“Did you eat a lot of the treats? Try not to puke.” This is him saying yes but also being thoughtful. @oflex
“i just had some of the cake that looks like fish...” it looked like it was pretty popular ! “should i wait? oh ! maybe we can sit in a patch of sun. i’ll probably get sweaty enough doing that.” @martinaw
He turned his head a bit, placing a small kiss against the male’s forehead before nodding. “Well, either way - I’m not letting them catch you. It’s the cutie secruity system,” he joked, nudging him a bit reassuringly. If anything, Zane had noticed in jail that even criminals had good hearts. Some, at least. “Yeah, I’d only use my own. I’d never have to worry about supporting an asshole founded company anymore.” Though - he wasn’t really sure if there were any ceramic companies that had dicks as bosses .. but probably.
“i’m sure that security system is top of the line, if you’re running it,” they smiled. they always felt comfortable with zane. like they could be 100% themself without worry of judgement. there was something natural about the way they fell into each other. “i wonder if like...crate & barrel has an asshole ceo. probably, right?” he’s stolen so many forks from there.
Wilder doesn’t even get a word in at Lex’s spiel, but he glances up here and there to catch their face as they ramble, a small smile on his lips and a light laugh to show he’s listening. “I love that guy.” Is his takeaway. “Wasn’t he in Shrek?” And naturally he’d remember the film where Antonio Banderas isn’t even human. “I feel like Twitter is always mad about something.” Wilder doesn’t keep up on celebrities so he never knows what’s going on, he’s here for the memes not the drama. “Yeah?” Can’t help the way he gets soft at that; Wilder is so good to his friends that he has to work a little harder to give his best friends a special experience. “Good then, yeah. I like having the best friend price. Feeling special.” Less so for the bud and more to just spend time with Lex, realizing he doesn’t really care if they’re smoking or not. “You’ve dodged my knife this time.” He jokes, though he would never. He smiles, “Okay. Close ‘em, no peeking.”
he was right. twitter was always mad about something, though lex chose to find their truth in the anger of people online. when it was valid, at least, and didn’t come from psycho q*nons. “oh my god, he totally was. honestly the role of a lifetime. oh, and he was the hot dad in spy kids. i wanted one of those microwaves so bad growing up,” he sighed. they noticed the soft smile when they called him their best friend, and it made lex sit a bit taller in pride that they were able to tears down the friend to best friend brick wall that stood between so many of his friendships. “no peaking. promise. make it good or i’ll revoke your best friend card.”
Brows raise at his words, not sure if he was being sarcastic or not. “ Do they think you’re a cutie and that’s why ? ” Yeah, it was definitely the weed that was hitting him .. and well the fact that he needed to desensitise it in order to not feel threatened .. and turned on. “Just like do something nice and relaxing. Open a pottery store where you can have tea or something.” Though, he was barely creative enough to do anything along those lines.
a smile lights up lex’s feature’s, their heart soft for zane’s gentleness. “yeah, that’s exactly why.” they didn’t feel like getting into the details of the nitty gritty, leaning back instead, and resting their head on zane’s shoulder as they let their eyes close naturally. “that sounds nice. would you drink the tea with the mug that you make?”
“ Are these cocktails even any good ? ” The male questioned as he watched Lex take a sip, his brows knitting together into a frown. “There’s a reason nature made colorful things poisonous, you know.” / @oflex
god, grey had to be the most boring person he’d ever met in his life. how landon copes he’ll never know. “they taste floral, and sweet.” he offers him his drink. “try it. the pink is artificial, if that helps.”
