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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

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Not today Justin
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AnasAbdin
One Nice Bug Per Day

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@ofphilcps
ofxemmett:
âLook, Iâm obviously not who you think I am. Never in my life have I used tinder or grinder or whatever you just mentioned so Iâm sorry to disappoint. Either your date stood you up or they tricked you, and again, Iâm sorry. Should be a federal offense but itâs not.â It was an awkward place to be in. Just because he had been alone, sitting at a bar, and looked somewhat like someone else? It was the most ironic turn of events. âYou look distraught enough and hey, Iâm a good guy sometimes. If you want, Iâll keep you company until your date arrives.â
âDate? Oh wow. Thatâs so cute, if I wanted to have a date Iâd just scroll down the list of chicks and hunks I met in Rio this January. Let me tell you, gorgeous jawlines, right? Bright eyes, can will you to go kaching for extra hours together with âem and a few more ---- assets. No, sweets, I thought you were the cook I was supposed to meet for some good old brainstorming.â Phillip ran his index finger and thumb along his jaw. âThough Iâd say you arenât bad looking at all. Certainly could make my waiting more tolerable just by looking at that face of yours. Pick your poison, itâs on me.â
fire-and-bronze:
âLast I checked, youâre doing most of the talking. And secondly, if you canât do it yourself then Iâm not gonna fucking bother.â She folded her arms over her chest. âTwenty-four. Give or take. How do you think I should be acting, out of curiosity? Do you expect women to immediately follow your orders with a smile and their shirts off?â
He waved off most of the womanâs barking and pointed to her folded arms. âLook at that, youâre throwing a tantrum like a six year old. Need me to get a mirror? Iâll do that for you. Gladly.â Phillip continued with a laugh. âNot like this, definitely. Did you just pull out your woman card out of nowhere to defend yourself? Like your last statement sounds awfully off context, so random. Honey, I treat everyone exactly like this. Itâs nothing to do with gender. Get your head out of your ass, you arenât special and you sound as ignorant as a child with their diaper in a bunch.âÂ
fire-and-bronze:
She glared at him. âOK now youâre trying to be a condescending prick. You donât get to boss around randos off the street like youâre the king or something, got it?â She considered him a moment. âHow old do you think I am, exactly? I havenât had a âboy issueâ since I was five.â
âSweetheart, I am a condescending prick. Iâve gone way past the phase of trying and Iâm not the only one. That guy over there is poisoning people with his stuff and something needs to be done. Got it?â He parroted. âTwelve. Fourteen. Fifteen, at most. You certainly do yap like a tween.â
queenskaren:
Karen was once again appointed as a guard and told to make sure that no one would go off the rails during the bonfire party. It was annoying here to see so many people around but the money was good so it was an offer she couldnât refuse. As she strutted around, she noticed something amiss was happening and she decided to follow the suspicious person. âHey. What in the fuck do you think youâre doing? Get back here.â
âIâm trying to have a great time. Obviously this place is so coated with teenagers and Iâm trying my best not to overpush my stress button. So lo behold, Iâm having a drink and potentially going into the deep sea.â Phillip responded, shrugging his shoulders. He had always been careless. âWhat are you doing hot stuff? Ruining peopleâs fun?â Â
desert-rain:
Hattan blanched. âIâŚwhat the fuck are you smoking?â he asked. âFirst of all, if not for me heâd have bashed your face in. Second of all Iâm not the coward. You are, trying to get some stranger off the street to do your dirty work for you.â He folded his arms across his chest. âThirdly, the word you want is âbodyguardâ, and itâs my decision to have him around, anyway.â
âHold up. Hold up. Why donât we run that sentence again since obviously you have some sort of eleven year old-type of comprehension, right? If not for me heâd have bashed your face. If not for me heâd have bashed your face in. If thatâs your attempt to sound heroic, you need a lot of work. Iâm certain you and I are the ones having beef here so why, exactly do we have to involve him? Least I asked, your buddy just went straight to tossing me off of you.â Phillip quipped with a shrug. âBodyguard, oooh, frightening. I have two. Mark and Jeffrey, nice dudes, a bit sloppy. Left them at home since I didnât need anyone watching over me while I was just having a walk. Does he handle your fight? Get your sippy cups? Iâm jelly.â
fckhough:
âwhat? are you serious?â gabriel asks with his eyebrows arched up to meet his forehead wrinkles, the agent had to hold back his response and flip the man over after the physical touch. itâs not like he doesnât enjoy being touched but the motion was so abrupt he had to hold back years of combative reaction. âi had one yesterday. it was fine and i complimented him. iâm not going to backtrack.âÂ
âNever been this serious my entire life. This is an absolute rare moment which Iâd recommend you cherish for the rest of yours.â He raised his brows. âI had one this afternoon and it was god awful. You need some assistance? Yin-yang angel and the devil coming up to him? Good cop, bad cop? We can do that.â
princessleiakurkovic:
âYou sure hate my school for someone who doesnât go there. I mean, youâre not wrong, but still. I donât drink coffee, but I do hate creme brulee. The french make such good deserts and yet they make that.â
âI loathe school in general. The system is getting worse and worse. How much longer until the big ole graduation? Itâll either be the best or worst moment of your life, depends on your view on well, life. Correct. Petit gâteau triumphs over any french desserts though Iâm relieved they donât serve those here. Theyâll ruin the whole thing.â
eleanor--perez:
Eleanor was happy to see the crotchety old man and until he man-handled her. Normally, she wouldâve gotten a lot more angry and defensive but it was just Phillip and honestly, she didnât think he knew any better than to act like that. âAnd what exactly are you digging out of your pocket? Are you going to pay me? Exactly how much is passing on a dumb ass complaint worth to you?â Sheâd met Phillip her freshman year. Some of her older friends who were art majors had a show at his gallery and when she met him, she thought he was just a mean, angry manâand he was, at least from what Ellie had seen. But he had his momentsâthis wasnât one of them, though. âPhillip, thereâs an ice cream cart practically on every street corner. Why canât you just go get ice cream from someone else?â
âIâm about to pul out my pen so you and I can brainstorm the things weâll say to that ice cream boy over there. I knew you werenât just going to agree with me, Perez. Youâre a hardass woman which I respect but I really need to deliver this guy the message. Short, quick and straightforward so maybe this time heâll learn.â
He pulled out the pen and then a paper from the inside of his jacket, his notepad. âYou get what Iâm saying? I own a restaurant and this is how I run my bussiness. Leaving him alone would only prompt him to resume his lethargy. This is a small pinch, flick to his wrist. Itâll do him good.â He finished and didnât wait around for her answer. âSo. Should we go with harsh or sassy?âÂ
finneganinqueens:
Finn was a bit startled at the sudden pull. People generally moved out of his way on the street due to his size. It seemed bold that someone would grab his shirt. One glance resolved his confusion. It was Philip. Philip from the bar that one time. Finnâs blue eyes settled on the man and widened as he took in the friendly suggestion. âPhilip, Jesus Christ man, Iâm not going to do that. Leave them a bad Yelp review or something.â Finn shook his head, but his eyes flashed to Philipâs shirt pocket.Â
Phillip quickly retracted his hand. He might act like a douchesack but he knew exactly when to stop when someone as big armed as Finnegan was involved. Physical quarrels with him would bring nothing good ---------- not to mention a waste of his time. âHey. I could use a little bit of entertainment today. Yelp isnât going to do anything to satiate it.â He said, pulling out his leather wallet. âIâll get you a drink after. You and me. Some great booze and quality time.â
kellan-routh:
âNo. The fuck, man?â Kellan didnât hesitate to pull his arm away and give the man a deep scowl. He was not and would never be one to be ordered around like he was someone elseâs pet. âWhy donât you do it yourself, you prissy boy? You ainât gonna get me to do shit out of the fucking blue like that. What, you scared of that ice cream or somethinâ? Walking up to me and demanding me around just like that, ridiculous. Learn to get some fucking manners first.âÂ
âOkay, bring it back. If you for a second think that acting all enraged and tough over an easy as pie requisition is going to make me leash my desire to roast that piss poor ice cream booth over there then my god, youâll get nothing coming out for you. Store all you energy and blast it toward those who deserve it. Aka Mr. Ice Cream over there and not me.
--- Good? Now take a deep breath and be buddies with me instead. We can either critique him together or stay here quipping all day. Come on. Be smart.âÂ
desert-rain:
Omar closed in about the same time this whatâs-his-name grabbed Hattan by the shirt and pulled him off. Hattan shook himself free and held up a hand, so that Omar didnât go too far off the handle. He still hovered close by, in case this guy wanted to try anything else funny. âI just remembered why I have a bodyguard,â he said, half to himself. âWhy donât you just write a review on Yelp or whatever?â he asked the man. âYou donât have to accost random strangers to get them to help you withâŚâ
Phillip was shocked by the physical defense for a second. âHoly jeez, tell your nanny to tone it down next time, will you? This is just.. this is just embarrassing.â He didnât need a lapdog around even if he was one of the most well known owners around here. âWhy donât we just go up and there and have a face to face? Whatâs up with the world these days, people are so blinded by cowardice that they canât even do a proper conversation or in this case complaining anymore. Itâs better to just get things settled right here.âÂ
fire-and-bronze:
Talia confessed, her first impulse was to slug the guy. No, she reminded herself. Assault bad. Assault bad. Even so, she shook his hands off her shirt. âAre you fucking insane?â she asked. And then she heard him out. ââŚYou are fucking insane, apparently. Why the hell canât you do it yourself?â
Quick reaction. Definitely jerky. Wonders why. Not his bussiness. He smiled as if what he had just done was a trivial matter. âWow, letâs give it all for the most attentive individual on Earth. Didnât you listen to what I said? No? Iâm too old and therefor un-fun to you? Nevermind, kid. Letâs just forget about my order. You alright? Spacing out? Boys issues?â
flynn-davidson:
Flynn was completely minding his own business when he felt another pair of hands on him. How rude could a person be? Especially if they didnât know the human they were grabbing. Flynn staggered back a tad, repositioning himself. âYou think if they wonât listen to you then theyâll listen to me?â He scoffed with a mix of a chuckle. âDo you do this to everyone? Make other people do your bidding? Is that normal for you?â He cocked up a curious brow.
âRight, buddy. Where should I start? You have that slick early 2000â˛s Westlife âdo, blinding teeth, giving me those charming bedroom eyes and pristine as hell get up like Jesus fuck me, you look like a walking bowtie. See a hot young man around and theyâre gonna start calling you daddy in their heads and listen to whatever the heck you say.â Phillip commented bluntly. âNo. Youâre one of the chosen ones amongst all of these city goers, of course. Which is why you need to do this. Donât disappoint me, chop-chop!â He continued on while patting his back.
âAlright, hey. Look; I need you to do me a favor,â Phillip was pulling aside the other person by their top, not even hiding his abrupt and unequivocal advance. His other hand went into his breast pocket, fishing for something. âWalk to that ice cream van over there and tell them their stuff are absolute abomination. Bought their cookie dough ice cream, it tasted like a dog with diarrhea just pooped in my mouth. They wonât listen to me if I go up there myself. Idiots. Back an old pal up on this one, will you?âÂ
princessleiakurkovic:
âNo, youâre right, Iâm not listening to you. Iâm running on four hours of sleep because of my homework. Itâs driving me insane. I promise, Iâll listen now. Tell me all about what just happened to you or whatever you were talking about.â
âSomething a lot more important than that indolence excuse of a school, for sure. I was telling you the weather looked quite breezy today and how some spanking espresso could kick that drownsiness pronto. Unless of course, caffeine isnât your thing. In that case I would suggest listening to my short rant about how horrifying this creme brulee is.â
zacharyconnor:
the coffee shop was too packed for his liking, but zack barely had sufficient time this morning to look for another one. he would have to go to the office in about two hours yet his migraine was killing him from the inside. he tried to move around as rapidly as he could with a tall cup of latte in his hand, alas he had been a second too late. all seats were taken except for one and much as he dreaded it, he knew he would most likely to have share the table. slowly, he approached with a careful smile on his face. âiâm sorry to bother you. is this seat taken?â
Phillipâs fingers were intertwined tight, surveying the crowd that meant but a clean pile of earnings to the man. To see him blending with them was quite the unique sight, his purpose unpredicable even to his own employees. In reality he wanted to perceive things from a costumerâs perspective. He desired to be more aware of their every move and perhaps disclose potential flaws as if they were a bunch of mechanical toys. It would be safe to assume Phillip was the outgoing type of guy but that didnât imply lack of oversight; If anything, he was a perfectionist and wanted his bussiness to run as smoothly as possible. The man tsk-ed under his breath, âYeah? Yes, yes. Sure. By all means take a seat, dear.â He waved his hand, his voice gruff. âBusy ânoon, eh? Gonna keep going on like this âtil eight, earliest, unless some random bucka-go decides to order something big and juicy, then youâll have to be stuck with me âtil thatâs all done.âÂ