[input witticism]

[foone]

I was looking at sex toys on aliexpress (like you do) and it suggested I get a 45cm (17″) Black Tourmaline Hexagonal Obelisk. I don’t think that’s a good idea

[foone]

FINALLY, WE CAN TENTACLIZE THE CLOUDS THEMSELVES! 

[foone]

and now I found the “realistic torture/execution devices for dolls” section. 

[foone]

aliexpress is seriously the best place to look at sex toys because they can’t show nudity so they have to finding other ways to show off the use of the toys.

This results in a LOT of abused food, which is always hilarious. 

[foone]

that’s not what I was searching for and frankly at this point I can’t really remember what I was searching for 

[foone]

oh baby, slide into my chrysanthemum for some novel gameplay!

[foone]

one of my favorite things is when they decide to give you the whole hard sell.

instead of just being like “hey this is a good sex toy”, they instead try to explain why you’d even need a sex toy, from first principles. and that principle is usually “your boyfriend/husband sucks”. or doesn’t, I guess. 

they always end up looking like a r/wheredidthesodago commercial for lesbianism

[foone]

so the sound of this sex toy is between a flower and a clock! 

wait, a flower? do… do flowers make sounds? 

[foone]

I’ve posted about the Hammer Sex Toy before, but it turns out it’s not alone. There’s also… 

THE WRENCH! 

[foone]

now that is a fucking slogan

[foone]

one of my favorite things is that when they’re showing off that sex toys have a bluetooth+internet thing so people can control them remotely, they always show a world map and two points labeled with city names and they’re ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE NEAR THE ACTUAL CITIES. 

[foone]

sex toy or vulcan starship? 

[foone]

OH MEHR SPIELMÖGLICHKEITEN! 

[foone]

this will give you the biggest orgasm of your life, but your mother will die. Oh well, there’s other parents.

[foone]

In the quiet night all you can hear is your rapid breathing

[foone]

found another tool! it’s scissors this time.

I’m not sure anyone of any gender really wants scissors near their genitals, so this may not be the best design

[foone]

sometimes all I can say is “what”

[foone]

is this vaporwave?

[foone]

I don’t think that’s how that works

[foone]

your strawberries will never be safe

[foone]

finally, the first robot that can eat a flan! 

[foone]

another fun trope in aliexpress sex toys: just listing off all the rooms of your house you could use it in! 

(Unlike all those terrible dildos that don’t work in the living room or kitchen)

[foone]

finally the first sex toy designed specifically for wizards! 

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[sunderedstar]

[desolendate]

im literally in tears what the fuck

[quixoticanarchy]

[ID: the words "did trent reznor" typed into a google search, with the google search suggestion function filling in "did trent reznor ever specify which animal" below it /end ID]

[gjjuddmk2]

[faggotfungus]

[codes-and-stuffs]

i do think we should normalise being like. platonically enamoured with someone. perhaps i love and admire you dearly and there's nothing romantic about it

[mookybear12404]

I feel like the first class you played in DND tells a lot about you

Reblog and put in the tags what your first class was

[tinyyellowflowers-blog]

Irrational hatred: people believe in a pseudoscience and defend it passionately but NEVER are willing to do any science about it. My beloved friend! If you can prove that people born during a specific and predictable time have a specific and predictable trait, we will PUBLISH. If a specific rock structure results in a quantifiable effect while adjacent to the human body, we will write a BANGER paper together! If plants can form memories then let’s write a follow-up paper and get funding for a lab!! Make a survey! Generate a testable hypothesis! Don’t be so incurious about the world!

[beatrice-otter]

#this is always because science HAS been done and has shown no results#and the proponents of whatever the thing is Do Not Like This

#trust me if acupuncture or homeopathy or astrology had clear observable effects WE WOULD KNOW BY NOW

[segamascott]

[wizardarchetypes]

i exfoliated so crazy style today that if anyone tries to catch me i'll be like a sea cucumber btw

[wizardarchetypes]

reading ppl's responses to this i'm realizing that while many people know sea cucumbers can expel internal organs to evade predators (not what i meant), far fewer people on this site anyway have had to pick up and move sea cucumbers around. fair. they're slippery was my point.

[foxes-in-love]

[rosieofcorona]

sometimes you can tell how much someone loves dragon age by how much they hate dragon age

[shittysorcerer]

[apenitentialprayer]

Okay, Dorothy Parker’s poem on why suicide is inconvenient enough that it’s just not worth it is pretty funny

[apenitentialprayer]

Resumé

[queer-as-city-folk]

Sorry, Calvinism confuses me because of god already decided whether you're going to heaven or not, before you were even born, why even bother being a good person?

Like you could be the best person in the world but God said you failed the vibe check as a baby and are going to hell forever

[queer-as-city-folk]

In other news, predestination scares me

[queer-as-city-folk]

I hope Calvinism isn't real and was made up for Speaker For the Dead by Orson Scott Card, because if it was a real religion, that would suck

[knightwithahundredkings]

Went to an Oedipus Rex adaption today and my friends were debating whether the Oedipus/Jocasta age gap was problematic. Like guys…I think their relationship has bigger issues

[homeiswhere-thephobicis]

[kokoko-sir]

He is beauty he is gra-

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[curlicuecal]

Related:

I quit writing when I realized I had no desire to do all the steps to professionally publish a book. And I started writing again years later when I realized I was allowed to do things I enjoyed without a profit endgoal

You don't have to do a thing the way society says is correct

You can do it the way that is satisfying to you