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@ohbananapancakes
“Novembers are for softest sleep when skies are dark and grey. They do not mind the time you keep when night looks much like day. They do not mind the rain that falls so warmly down your cheek. ‘Rest easy now’ is what they’d say if months knew how to speak.”
— Ellis Nightingale
Well… since a thread blew up on twitter about me being a lesbian I thought I’d officially just reintroduce myself to those of you who don’t know. My name’s Becky. I created this blog when I was 13 with the help of a few girls. Honestly, it was a joke that kind of blew up. Somehow I brought joy to girls and boys all across the world (”justgirlythings” but literally any man or woman could laugh/relate to this blog) and that’s all I really could’ve asked for when creating this. The above picture is me and my fiancée Chelsi.
I’d like to thank you all for coming along on this journey with me for the past decade.
The best plot twist
Brb crying
THE HAUNTING OF BLY MANOR ↳ T'Nia Miller as Hannah Grose
requested by anon
THE HAUNTING OF BLY MANOR (2020)
STAPH I'M CRYING AGAIN
you said it was a ghost story. it isn’t. it’s a love story.
“You said it was a ghost story.
It isn't. It's a love story.”
I DID NOT EXPECT THIS AND I WAS SCREAMING AT EPISODE 3!!!! 😭😭❤️❤️❤️
Please, reblog! IIt’s called self defense. Apart from having here, in the US, one of the highest cases of homicide and rape in the world and high rate of GBV, think about how this could help your mother or sister
It’s a shame I have to reblog, but please do the same
A letter for you from my future self:
You know, it has been how many months and I haven’t forgotten about you. Not even once. I thought I could get over you now that we don’t talk anymore, but I guess I held on. I chose to wait for you even though I know deep inside, what I’m doing only makes me more of an idiot. I chose to remember all the hardships, and instead of forgetting about them, they became my reason to continue chasing you. I keep thinking “What if she actually did like me?” “Should I just give up?” “Why can’t I give up on you?” “Am I stupid enough to accept the truth and still fight?” “Was there never a chance?” “What if she’s actually my soulmate?”
As much as I would like to blame you and your mixed signals, I can’t. Because it’s not your fault right? It’s all my fault. It was always my fault, am I right? Wrong. If only you had never told me you liked me from the beginning, I wouldn’t have gotten close. I would have been able to stop myself from falling for you even more. I would have been able to prevent the heartache and awkwardness that came after. I would have not cried myself to sleep. I would not have bothered you and tried my best to convey my feelings. But, I admit, I am also to blame for a lot of things. I know that there was no chance ever since you told me over and over again that we can never get serious, still, I gave every ounce of effort that I can offer. I sent you dozens of post cards that admitted my feelings despite the fact that they would probably just be neglected, ignored, or even thrown away. I allowed myself to know you more. And in the end, look where that got me.
We’re both at fault. But, why do feel like I’m the only who made a mistake? Why is it that every time I talk to you, I feel like I’m annoying you? Why is that every time I try to get close, you walk farther away from me? Why is that every time I make an effort, I feel like the distance between us is just growing? Am I supposed to feel this way? Is this a punishment for breaking the hearts of others? If it were, then I guess I deserve it. Despite that, it still hurts.
It hurts to move on, and then realize that I can’t. It hurts to keep going forward, then suddenly get pulled back. It hurts to like someone who appreciates my effort, but still can’t seem to feel the same way. It hurts to see you happy even though I know that you should be. It hurts to know that you’re sad and I can’t even do anything about it. It hurts that I still want to get close even though I know it’s impossible. It freakin’ hurts, you fucking puta. And to make things worse, I still like you despite the pain that I feel. Is this pain a sign that I should just give up? Am I really ready to throw away the two years of waiting? Is it really not worth it like I thought it would be?
Idiot. No, I’m not talking about you. I’m talking about myself. I’m talking about the Bernadeth who cried and got her heart shattered, but still chooses to hold on. I’m talking about the Bernadeth who smiles whenever she sees your name, and then immediately feels sad because of the past. I’m talking about the Bernadeth who has the courage to approach you, but deep inside, fears that she’d get hurt again. I’m talking about the Bernadeth who continuously waits for the day that you would tell her you feel the same way. I’m talking about the Bernadeth who likes you so much to the point that she’s willing to initiate a conversation, post pictures, and even tag you on things just for you to notice her. Most of all, I’m talking about the Bernadeth who lost her self while chasing after you. She lost herself. I lost myself. I found myself. And now, I feel like I’m about to lose myself again. I’m about to lose my heart and everything I’ve tried so hard to keep intact.
Days, weeks, and months have passed. I still think about you, but not that often anymore. And eventually, because we’re no longer in the same vicinity, I started noticing others. I started liking someone else. But you know what? Because of you, my heart decided to shield itself. Yes, I like someone else. And to be honest, that someone else is amazing and much better than you in different aspects. But I can’t even properly say those words that I’ve just said. I feel like by saying that someone else is better than you, I’m offending you. I feel like I’m hurting in you some way. I feel like I’ve failed to defend you. When in reality, I have failed to protect myself. I do like someone else. But I no longer want to try. I no longer wish to do the things I did for you. I no longer have the determination to go an extra mile for someone else. Why? Because I’m scared. I’m tired. I’m fear that the experience I had with you will be repeated with someone else. I’m scared of trying because I don’t want to see the eyes of others. Eyes that somehow seem to be judging me for liking someone a lot. I’m scared that if I try, things would be complicated just like how it was with you and me. See? This is who I am right now. I got used to giving my best for you to the point that I don’t want to be the best person I can be for someone else. I guess I don’t want to do away with what’s constant—my effort for you.
You can tell me I’m obsessed. You can call me stupid. You can hate me all you want. But you can’t change the way I feel. And that’s what I hate the most. I’m willing to accept criticism, but why am I so against with burying the strong emotions I have for you? If you know the answer, please tell me. It would even be better if you take away these feelings and completely throw them away. I would appreciate it much more if you ignore me rather than replying to my messages. I would appreciate you saying harsh words to me rather than being kind and helpful all the time. It would even be for the best if you tell me to stay away rather than doings that make me stay. Because trust me, I’m exhausted of all this shit.
I don’t know what to say anymore because I’ve already said words that are more than a thousand. Still, words are not enough to tell you how I truly feel. Tired. Painful. Happy. Sad. Annoyed. Angry. Confused. Love. Hate. Those are not the words I’m looking for. What I’m looking for is the word NUMB. I don’t want to feel anything for you anymore, but how do I that? If you know how, tell me. So that I can finally cut the strings that connect my heart and soul to you—a bottomless, dark, and scary hole that wishes to suck what’s left of my broken self. But despite all of that, I still love you.
It pains me to watch you suffer. I’m protective of you in your current relationship because I know what you deserve, and I don’t see you receiving it. I have become protective over you because you deserve the moon and more, even if you don’t see it. You aren’t blind to the issues either. They are screaming in your face. Actually, it is me in your face, trying to convince you to move on without offending you. You are not to blame, but you do need to start thinking about what your relationship’s reality. This relationship you are in is a ticking time-bomb and that bomb will eventually explode.
His words pierce your skin, and make you bleed. He makes you feel worthless, maybe he doesn’t physically leave scars, at least not yet, but I have spent enough nights with your tear stained cheeks and your exhausted mind. I cannot stand seeing you like this. Maybe he does have a good side, but I have seen the disrespect he coats your relationship in. All I have seen is a boy hurting someone I love, all I see is some I love falling apart before my eyes. I understand how hard it is to let go.
I hope one day you have the courage to walk away.
You do not deserve a toxic relationship. You do not deserve to live like this. You do not deserve the emotional abuse. I don’t want you sitting at home, alone crying. I don’t want you questioning where he is, or who he is with. I do not want you to ever ask yourself why you are not good enough. You are more than enough.
"Love is messy and horrible and selfish... and bold." - Ellie Chu [ insp. author ]
