the old guard + cards against humanity (1/?)
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the old guard + cards against humanity (1/?)
The Old Guard saw the “action movies need a male lead”-stereotype, and just decided to say “Fuck that. Charlize Theron and KiKi Layne kick ass.”
The Old Guard saw the “people won’t watch movies if the main cast isn’t white or American”-stereotype, and just decided to say “Fuck that. The 6 main actors are South African, American, Belgian, Dutch, Italian and British.”
The Old Guard saw the “men aren’t supposed to talk about their feelings”-stereotype, and just decided to say “Fuck that. All main male characters have scenes talking about their feelings and emotions, which are relevant to the plot and the character’s motivations.”
Hell, The Old Guard saw all the stereotypical gay tropes, and just said “Fuck ‘em all.”
“Bury your gays”-trope? Fuck that. Immortal gays.
“Gay men are fragile”-trope? Fuck that. The gays kick ass.
“The film will loose money if a character is explicitly gay, so it will just be implied through subtext”-stupidity? Fuck that. They flirt, they kiss, there is an entire monologue dedicated to the love these gays have for each other.
And on top of all of that, The Old Guard has a great and clever plot, amazing action scenes, good pacing, great music, emotional beats that don’t drag the story down, and a well-executed setup for a sequel.
The Old Guard is a fantastic movie, and it is a great example of diversity that isn’t “forced”, but feels natural and makes a lot of sense in the story. This is diversity done right.
Joe and Nicky in the transport van be like
If you won’t let us have snuggles, then we will give you struggles
any spare joe/nicky headcanons ma'am.... I love your old guard shitposting keep it up
thx bby 🥺🥺 and yes, I do have a bunch of headcanons about them!
decided to ditch the crusades together after they found out they were immortal and essentially went touring North Africa and the Maghrib as they grew to understand each other and fell in love
settled in Norman Balarm/Palermo for like a century because it was the first place that came to mind when thinking of somewhere both of them could still keep their faiths while being together
Andy and Quynh found them sometime in the early 1200s, which is how they ended up at the court of Federico II trying to avoid another crusade and partly succeeding
Yusuf was 100% a poet in the Middle Ages (the poetic scene of Arab Sicilian poets at the court of Ruggero was lowkey lit, not to mention the Scuola Siciliana) and a painter in the Renaissance because that boy sure does love art in all its forms!!!
speaking of, they are both very much humanists and want to give back to humanity, but do so in quite different ways, aside from their work with the old guard -- Nicky is far more practical and material, he is definitely a protector/healer type and is more preoccupied with the immediate wellbeing of a person, while Joe is a believer in the power of the arts and thinks they can be just as healing to the spirit as a doctor is to the body, and they very much complement each other in that sense
they're both still religious, but Joe does strike me as more practicing than Nicky, who's probably the type of Catholic to only remember he should have gone to mass at Sunday night and tell himself "oh well, next time lol" and lowkey believe more in the saints than in God Himself
they have a truly ungodly amount of pet names for each other. Booker doesn't even speak Arabic but he probably has acquired more pet names through sheer osmosis than the average speaker would ever know
Joe has entire sketchbooks dedicated to Nicky I'm 🥺🥺🥺 there's probably drawings dating back to the 1300s in there and solely because the earlier paper has deteriorated so much I love these sappy husbands
they have religious/superstitious trinkets EVERYWHERE, Andy once tries to tell them those things aren't real before an amulet against the Malocchio falls off the wall and Nicky rushes to touch iron and cross himself. they never bring this up again
excuse you, those are my emotional support immortal gays
When Nile has a nightmare and wakes everyone up, Nicky is tired and sleepy but says “Tell us”
How do I even begin to explain Kylo Ren?
Kylo Ren is flawless.
He has six Knights of Ren and a crossguard lightsaber.
I hear he’s shredded.
I hear he’s the new Supreme Leader… of the First Order!
His favorite hobby is daydreaming that Rey will take his hand.
One time, he met Rey through Force FaceTiming.
And she told him he was a monster.
One time, he force choked me. It was awesome.
Adam driver though🤤
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 3/? Fandom: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Original Female Character(s), bellamy blake/cassiana miles Characters: Bellamy Blake, Octavia Blake, Clarke Griffin, Abby Griffin, Marcus Kane, Cassiana Miles, Original Female Character(s), Jasper Jordan, Monty Green, Lincoln (The 100), Jackson (The 100), Lexa (The 100) Additional Tags: Arranged Marriage, alternative universe, AU, population control Summary:
Let me start this story by telling you about the program the ark has put into place to maintain it’s healthy population. When a person turns 18 on the ark they are subjected to several tests- blood, DNA, fertility, aptitude, personality and so on. Then the results are taken and compared to the results of all single people who have been deemed healthy enough to contribute to the population. If you get a match of 85% or higher you are paired with that person.
This story is amazing!!! Plus I get to beta so check it out <3
*remembers im attracted to men* unfortunate
Some of y'all have never been told to shut up and it shows.
His eyes *_*
let’s stop seeing sex as the biggest thing you can do to show someone you love them
everyone knows that the real way to show someone you love them is to find them a really cool rock. not a diamond. just a neat rock that you think they will enjoy
honestly ? you’re so right
It kind of baffles me that a lot of people never got to experience the Mishapocalypse. Not like it was something that was good, more like, it was something you’d only see on this website in like…10 years.
Imagine you wake up on April Fool’s day. You log into tumblr. Immediately your dash is encompassed with Misha’s face. Everyone’s icon has been changed to that same, staring, blank face. You check your followers. Every single one of them has that face. You try going into your normal tags. Even those are filled with Misha’s face. Nowhere is safe. Misha is everywhere. You go to Twitter to complain about it. Misha’s face is there too.
Within hours of the event starting, there’s already a wiki entry and an urban dictionary entry for it. Gifs that you may have recognized of being popular at that time have Misha’s face photoshopped over them. Repeating patterns of Misha’s face. Misha illusions. Misha’s face OVER MISHA’S FACE.
Eventually, even Misha is like, “Yeah, this is fucking weird. What the fuck are you guys doing.” But it doesn’t stop. People hit post limit. They can’t post anymore. Suddenly, you notice that your dash is starting to thin out, slowly, one by one. There’s a hypothetical tumbleweed bouncing across your dash by 10pm that night.
Anyone who tried to blacklist the Mishapocalypse suddenly found that their dashboard was sent into the shadow realm. Nothing is there. They tried to unfollow people who were participating in it. They had no blog content at the end of the day.
The next day, we all wake up and continue on with our lives like nothing ever happened. It was like a fever dream. What the fucked happened. Where did our lives go for that day.
That was the Mishapocalypse.
It looked a little something like this
and it was absolute hell
It was over within like a day though that was he weird part. There were stragglers through the following weeks but the main bit was over within hours it was the weirdest shit I’ve ever seen
I think the most baffling thing is that whoever set this up did it without it leaking. and it originated from a fandom that had all the subtlety of a foghorn. this was the fandom that used to put those REBLOG IF U SUPPORT GAY MARRIAGE posts on your dash with 5000 flashing rainbow gifs and superwholock edits. A wide variety of image macros were premade for the occasion. it was literally the single slickest moment this website has ever and probably will ever pull off and so of fucking course it was wasted on this nonsense