Oh Sh*t, I'm a Bride!

Here comes the f*cking bride. This is my blog about all the planning and fussing and decision making from the perspective of a bride who isn't very bride-y. I'm a little type-A, curse a lot, and have been known to eat a non-breakfast burrito for breakfast. I would like unicorns more if they had fangs and some sort of rage issue. I'm also a comedian and musician living in Brooklyn, NY. Click the icons below to ask me a question, or find me on Twitter and facebook! Otherwise: www.jenkwok.com

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I think I wanna marry you...

THE BAR HAS BEEN RAISED BITCHES!!!

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I thought I'd seen it all - this is so amazing.  TEARS!! LAUGHTER!!  Congrats to the lovely couple! ;D

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OK, I know I already got married, but this just caught my eye!  It'd be the perfect dress for the right lady....so pretty!!! :D

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The cake toppers in action!!! 

I will do another step by step post later describing how to make these cake toppers.  I think it's sacrilege that Etsy shops charge $100-$300 for these things, when you can very well make it yourself - and have fun doing it!

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The dress!  The dress!!  Actually it was a top with two different skirts - ingenious! :D

Look # 1 - In the long dress with my good friend, the designer, Johnny Vendiola.

Look #2 - Singing in the short poufy skirt!

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WE DID IT!!! WE'RE MARRIED!!!!!!!!! :D

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First cab ride as a married couple from City Hall on 5/11!!!! :D

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The DIY cake topper made by my sister and me!  Take that, $300 Etsy cake toppers!!!!!

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Hello, Thanks for writing! I'm getting married this week, and will be answering emails on a limited basis - no offense ;) Please call or text if it's an urgent - otherwise, I will respond to all messages after I am a married woman!!! Thanks, Jen

The "Out of Office" email you will get if you attempt to email me between May 8-May 14, 2012.

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The dress just arrived at my house...

...and it barely fits in my closet ;)  YEAHHHHHH!!!!!  Marriage time! :D

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My friend Juliet Jeske is making her amazingly delicious - and beautiful - cookies for our wedding!  But in the meantime, here's a lil cookie porn...

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When a man marries a woman, they become one--the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

CROFT M. PENTZ, The Complete Book of Zingers

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All the things that WON'T be happening at my bachelorette party.   Notice the theme?

FYI that is a Twitpic of pregnant Jessica Simpson wearing a penis mask at a bachelorette party.

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It's..THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!!!  Getting married in 1 week as of today!! :D

Here's Gob bringing the magic:

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Four pieces of wedding advice I have received

People who have gotten married are wonderful - and full of advice (mainly four pieces of the same advice)!  Here are the main things that married people have said to me in one variation or another:

1.  Things are not going to be perfect. i.e. Don't turn into a freaking out, raging b****.

One of my friends said that prior to her wedding, she had been very insistent about having the fireplace lit for her indoor ceremony.  However, she was so busy - and happy! - that she never even realized it had never been lit until way afterward - when it absolutely did not matter.  

Lesson: Things WILL go wrong (as they do), but if you are happy, THAT is the point - not the thing being on another thing so it can look cool, thereby causing you to be happy.

2.  It will go by quickly. i.e.  Be totally "there". Think about how long a day is spent waking up, commuting, going to work, maybe grabbing drinks, having dinner and watching TV later that night?  A day is still a day no matter how you spend it.

Lesson:  You don't get this day again, and you choose the quality of your day at every moment, so focus on the things that matter.

3.  It's only one day. i.e.  Don't spend so much money because you have the rest of your lives to live!  

I can tell how much a married woman spent on her wedding by how exasperatedly she says, "And you know what?  It doesn't even matter...." in reference to her own wedding.  Someone excitedly told me about the wedding dress she found on Craigslist on the cheap.  Others, I'm sure, either still regret the thousands they spent on a dress that they'll never wear again. Lesson:  It's only one day in the beginning of a new life together.  Don't blow your load.

4.  Take time for you and your husband. i.e.  Oh yeah - that guy!  

This is a very public day for the both of you.  It's important to remember that at the end of the day - and every day - that it is just going to be you two, and that's why you're doing this thang :)

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Making my own guestbook alternative with heart cutouts!

Traditional guestbooks are great, but people feel like they just need to write "Best wishes" over and over again - there are only so many ways to convey that in person, in a wedding card AND in the guestbook.  I think the thumbprint idea is cute, but a liiiittle weird (not to mention messy).

The coolest guestbook alternative I've seen in person was a custom beanbag game (I forgot the traditional name for it) that was custom made by a family member that everyone signed.  Fun and full of memories! :D

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Conversation at Ikea

Me: Oh, I forgot! I wanted to get a frame for the bar menu!

Him: (pointing) Those are frames right there.

Me: No, it needs to be bigger.

Him: (gesturing with head) Well, what about those frames?

Me: No, those are too big.

Him: Well...

Me: Just stay in line. I'll be right back!

Him: (shakes head in disbelief)

Me: (walks halfway back to frame section before giving up and turning around)

Him: What happened?

Me: I got tired and then I gave up...

Him: Teehee

Me: ..but I found these COOL STRAWS!!!! :D

Him: Cool!!