be weary of the ways of the world ;

just one shot left of this drink in this glass, don't make me break it. ✩ tallulah lemay. 22. mother. law student. ✩

[ohtally]

umcassius​:

Cash had watched her as she stood up from the chair, listening to her words. The way that she was going and what she was saying made his heart thump hard in his chest. He sat up a little taller, his own eyes starting to water as she kept talking. He couldn’t believe that he was so lucky. His gaze followed her as she knelt in front of him, laughing slightly, but only out of shock. Ever since he had proposed, the two of them hadn’t talked about it. It was something that had stung, but it hadn’t changed anything between them, so he never brought it up or pushed it again. But now, she was the one proposing to him and he couldn’t believe it. When his hand was taken into hers, he scooted to the edge of the seat and leaned forward, letting his elbows rest on his knees as he placed his other hand on top of hers, bringing it close to his lips while he tried to sniff and will away the tears and snot, his eyes never leaving hers now that they were level. But everything that Tally was saying to him made him more emotional. He brought his forehead to hers and he smiled. “Is that even a question, Tal? Of course I wanna marry you,” he said just before he brought his lips to hers. He stood up then, keep his hands in hers and pulled her up so they were both standing, his arms wrapping around her as he buried his head into her hair. “You have no idea how much I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he said quietly. 

Tally waited anxiously for Cash’s reply, seeing the tears in his eyes, knowing that this was right. Nothing had ever felt more right than keeping their baby and getting married. It was like a fairytale. When he said yes Tally grinned, but her tears were falling down, and a watery laugh followed. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck when he pulled her to her feet, on her tip toes. “Me too,” she whispered in reply, before she pulled back a little bit. Her hands moved to Cash’s face to pull him down slightly so she could kiss him. It was a slow, meaningful kiss, saying everything she wanted to and needed to. Maybe Tally wasn’t so bad with her words, afterall. When they broke apart, tears were still slowly falling down her cheeks, but she was smiling. “That was never even an option. You’re stuck with me forever,” she told him, her thumbs running along his cheeks. She couldn’t stop smiling at Cash, just so incredibly happy tonight. “We’re having a baby,” she whispered, still a bit in shock. She never thought she’d have any more kids after Ingrid, but now that she was, she was excited. Especially one that was half Cash - it was going to be cutest, sweetest baby she’d ever seen. 

[ohtally]

shenaniganzz​:

Lily just hummed in response to how she talked about her boyfriend, but she was happy that Tally was happy. That’s all that mattered. At her question, Lily looked at her with some sort of confusion. “Is it so crazy that I want to know what’s going on with you?” She flipped her hair over her shoulder. It was obvious that it wasn’t just that. Lily sighed. “It might be surprising to you, but I don’t want my future to end up like theirs,” she said, gesturing to their parents. How much she kissed their asses was self-preservation. It was easy to just do what they wanted- especially when they were putting money in her pocket to do so. After years of allowing it and pretending that it was right, she wanted to change. “I know… How I can be.” She’s known that she’s hurt and belittled people just because she could. Former biases were hard to break, but she was wanting to be different. Starting with her sister was the best way to do it. “Look, I really just don’t want to end up in a huge mansion, old, alone and one day my maid finds half my body has been eaten by a cat. My funeral needs to be elegant and I just can’t have that happen if my face is gone.” She shrugged her shoulders, though there was light joking tone to her words. It was half true. 

Tally listened to Lily’s words, and although she didn’t know if she fully believed them, she nodded her head. “You might have some work to do if you want me to plan you an elegant funeral,” she finally said, a teasing tone to her words. She was about to say more, when she heard their mom’s shrill voice. “Girls - dinner’s on the table.” Tally sighed, pushing herself up from the counter she had been leaning against. “Happy Birthday, Lil. Now let’s get this over with.” She playfully bumped her sister’s shoulder with her own as she walked by her, going to find Cash so she could have a comforting hand to hold while her parents no doubt peppered her with questions that she didn’t want to answer. Lily was right when she said that her parents life wasn’t something to look up to - the opposite, actually. It was cold, loveless, and focused on only money. Tally was done caring about what her parents thought - and once they sent that last cheque into her university to finish paying for her law degree, she was done coming to things like this. She was tired of trying to live up to impossible expectations. 

[ohtally]

umcassius​:

Before Cassius could respond to Tally’s question, he watched her get up from her seat and he laughed along with her until she placed herself in his lap. His arms had moved around her, holding her close as she talked to him. He heard her words and the love he had felt coming from her was overwhelming. They were going to have a kid together. He was going to be a father. “I love you. And I love Ingrid. Of course I want this,” he finally said after he could clear his throat from the emotions that were threatening to fall out. None of this was planned, but Cassius was forever all in when it came to Tally. That’s just how he was and with Tally, it was easy to be like that. “And now I get to love another part of you,” he said, leaning down and kissing her on the cheek. “Thank you for allowing me into your daughter’s and your life, Tally.” He was forever grateful of it. 

Tally felt herself tear up with Cash’s words, getting overwhelmed with emotion. He was so good to her, she didn’t deserve it. “You have no idea how much better you’ve made our lives, Cash,” she told him, her voice a little watery. There was so much more she wanted to say, so many things she wanted to tell him, but this wasn’t the way she wanted to do it. She had to do something first. Slowly she stood up, pushing herself off of Cash’s lap, and stood beside his chair, just looking at him for a moment. She took a breath before speaking. “I have spent my whole life planning out every moment. It’s been full of 5 year and 10 year plans. But you, and Ingrid, and this new baby were never part of any of those plans. And you’re the best things to ever happen to me.” Slowly, Tally lowered herself down onto one knee, reaching over to take hold of Cash’s hands. “I love you, Cash. I love that you show Ingrid what a real father should be like. And you show me what a real partner should be like. There’s nothing I want more than to be your wife. So, Cassius Vale, will you marry me?” She was nervous, her hands visibly shaking, but she knew that she had to do this. She hadn’t reacted the way she should have when he asked her, and it was up to her to make it up to him. 

[ohtally]

shenaniganzz​:

Lily listened to her and saw the worry on her sister’s face. Pretending to zip her lips, lock them, and throwing away the invisible key was all she could do. It was going to be hard for her not to want to talk about it, but if that’s what Tally wanted right now, she could do that. “You’re a good mom, Tal, whatever you choose, I know you’ll make the right decision,” she said with a smile. Lily leaned in again. “It’s Cash’s, right?” she asked with a whisper, looking over her shoulder in the direction he had walked out of moments before. Lily didn’t know much about him, but he seemed like a decent guy. And was very cute. “He must be way better than the last baby daddy, huh?” 

Tally was surprised by Lily calling her a good mom - it might have been the first compliment she was given that wasn’t back handed. But then her next question made her roll her eyes. “Yes, obviously it’s his,” she replied. As if the thought of any other man had even crossed her mind since she’d met Cash. He was the love of her life. “Yeah, that’s an understatement.” She nodded, looking toward the doorway as if she could summon him back to her. “He’s amazing, he-he loves Ingrid like she’s his own. He would be an amazing dad if we - if I decide that I want this.” She shrugged her shoulders, before looking back at her sister. “So what’s with this sudden change of heart, Lil? The birthday magic getting to you?” 

[ohtally]

umcassius​:

A wave of fear washed over him as she looked at him with confusion. Cassius ran through his mind, trying to remember if today was something special to celebrate, but when she quickly told him she was kidding, he felt relief immediately and laughed in response. “Well, it is,” he responded as he followed her to the table and sat down where she placed him. He kept his eyes on her as she poured the drinks then sat down. Cassius took his own drink and was about to sip it when she spoke up about it. Pausing, he looked at her with a small raise of his brows before finishing his sip. He knew that her telling him that was significant, but he didn’t want to once again assume anything. He didn’t want to pressure anything. He was here to support her with any decision she made. Placing his glass down, he moved his chair so that he was sitting better at the table. Usually, he would know what to say, but right now, he didn’t. Cash couldn’t help but think maybe that comment was her telling him something. All he could do what smile knowingly in response to it. 

Tally sat down her glass after taking a sip, and then folded her hands in front of her. She knew that she would have to initiate this conversation, but she was scared. She didn’t know what to say or how to articulate her feelings. She looked at her boyfriend across the table, seeing the knowing smile, the love in his gaze, and she smiled back at him. “Cash..” She started, adjusting in her chair, her gaze falling down to the table. “Do you.. want to have a baby with me?” She laughed - that wasn’t how she meant to word things. Deciding that this was going poorly, she stood up and walked around the table, sitting down on Cash’s lap, her legs crossed where they dangled off the side of his chair. “I’m not easy to love, but you make it look easy. You’re kind, generous, endlessly patient.. I would be crazy to not want to have your baby. You’re the best man I’ve ever met.” She was looking at his chest as she spoke, but she flickered her gaze up to try to find his. She wanted him to know that she was trying to be as vulnerable as she knew how. “I love you. You and Ingrid are everything to me. I want to grow our family.” 

[ohtally]

shenaniganzz​:

Tally was quick to fix her words, but Lily had caught on immediately at what she had just said. Her eyes widened at the realization, looking at her before looking down at her sister’s stomach. “You’re pregnant?” she asked a little too loud, her hand lightly catching her sister’s wrist before looking around the room to make sure that no one had heard. “You’re pregnant?” she whispered more quietly, leaning slightly into her sister more like they were gossiping at a tea party. She smiled widely at her sister, almost bouncing on her feet. “This is exciting!” she said. Not only could it be obviously exciting for Tally, but also Lily. She really could use this to show that she was going to be a better sister. 

“Lily!” Tally hissed at her raised volume, not wanting her whole family to know. Not wanting anyone to know, actually - she hadn’t even given it enough thought yet. “Calm down, I don’t even know if - if I’m gonna keep it.” Saying the words out loud make her feel a way she couldn’t describe. It didn’t feel good, though. “Like, Jesus, I have enough going on, and the way everyone reacted last time, and like I don’t want - we don’t need...” She ran a hand through her hair, getting overwhelmed just talking about it. She had no idea what she was going to do about this situation, but the longer she ignored it, the less options it gave her. “Anyway, just - keep your mouth shut, okay?” 

[ohtally]

umcassius​:

Cash’s face had immediately lit up when he saw Tally walk towards him. He took the few steps towards her to close the distance between them as she spoke, looking down at her and the outfit she was wearing. “Less sexy? I don’t think that there’s anything possible.” She could wear a garbage bag and he’d still find her the most beautiful woman in the world. He leaned down and kissed her as a greeting, finally, before pulling away and looking at her. He moved his hand and brushed a piece of her hair out of her face, admiring her new hair once again. “Well, maybe if you were wearing a Montreal jersey it would be a problem. But I think I can push past it,” he teased. His nose then noticed a smell coming from the kitchen and he glanced up and saw the food set up on the table. “This looks amazing,” he stated just as he looked back at her. “Any special occasion?”

Tally loosely wrapped her arms around Cash’s neck when he leaned down to kiss her, smiling against his lips for a moment. “Noted,” she replied jokingly at his jersey comment. She couldn’t help but just smile up at him. Ever since he had proposed, Tally couldn’t stop thinking about their future together. “Yes, of course - you don’t remember?” Tally asked in reply, raising her eyebrows with confusion on her face. She couldn’t pretend for too long though, and her face cracked into a smile. “I’m kidding. I just wanted to do something nice.” She pulled away from him to take his hand, pulling him over to the dining room table. With her hands on his shoulders, she playfully pushed him down into one of the chairs, before grabbing the bottle of wine and pouring some into both of their glasses. Tally was a perfectionist, there was no way she couldn’t be with the need for perfection being driven into her brain since the day she was born, and she needed this night to be especially perfect. She wasn’t good at being emotional, at saying how she feels, so she needed to make sure she could make sure at least everything else was perfect, if she messed up the words. After she removed her apron and sat down across from her boyfriend, she raised her wine glass to her lips. “It’s non-alcoholic,” she offered, referencing being pregnant for really the first time since he had found out. She was scared, she didn’t know what to do, and she needed the time to herself to process it - especially when she didn’t have it at the beginning - so she would try to change the conversation whenever it was brought up. But she was ready now, and she just hoped she hadn’t waited too long to get on the same page as him. 

[ohtally]

shenaniganzz​:

Lily flinched only just barely when Tally asked her question. She knew that she deserved it, even if she didn’t want to admit it to anyone. Lily just backed up a bit, giving her sister some space before she opened her mouth to say anything, using the time to think of a good response. But Tally had beat her to it, answering her question. Lily frowned, but nodded her head. She could tell that her sister was upset about the fact that Ingrid was with her dad, but she couldn’t place the why. She was starting to realize just how much she didn’t know her own sister and her life. “Look, Tal,” she started, pushing a piece of her hair behind her ear before looking down at the ground for a moment. “I know I’ve never been the best older sister to you and I didn’t exactly give you any good reason to think anything else, but I… I’ve been wanting to do better by you. And Ingrid.” She remembered when she found out that Tally was pregnant and her response to it was terrible, but ever since, she’s regretted it. The way their parents had treated Tally over it, she knew that it wasn’t right. She saw the way that Tally and Ingrid were, how good of a mom that her sister was, and she respected it more than anything. Tally was her younger sister, but Lily had found herself over the years wanting to look up to her. She even found herself sticking up to their parents over the years when Tally wasn’t around. It wasn’t much, but it was something. She saw how Tally was living her own life, one that her family hadn’t planned out for them and she looked… happy. It wasn’t until recently that Lily had realized that it was something that she wanted for her own self. “I just… I’m sorry. I’m sure that’s not enough to fix things,” that could be an overstatement with years of the two of them against each other, “but I want to do what I can to make it up to you.” 

Tally dropped her hands to her sides as Lily began talking again, never sure what exactly her sister was going to say or how she was going to try to one up her this time. But her words surprised her. “You treated Ingrid like she was the worst thing that ever could have happened to me,” she said in response, not harshly, but just as if she were stating a fact. Her whole family had shunned her for getting pregnant, and she didn’t even want to think about how they were going to react this time. But - she didn’t care anymore. She was tired of looking for families opinions and approval. “You were wrong.” She heard her sister’s apology, but she was hesitant to accept it. It had been over two decades of this, it wasn’t going to be over this quickly. “But maybe you can act differently this time - uh, I mean, next time.” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them, and then her gaze quickly went to the kitchen entryway to see if anyone else was within hearing distance. She wasn’t a good liar, so now that it was out, there was no taking that back. 

[ohtally]

With the stress of not having Ingrid and being pregnant, Tally didn’t know what to do with herself lately. She was sick, exhausted, and couldn’t even fathom going another day without her daughter. But the one thing that was making it all easier was having Cash. He had been so steady and unwavering in his love for her, and she never wanted to take that for granted. After he had proposed to her, she had done a lot of thinking about everything - and realized that if everything hadn’t happened with Ingrid’s father that day, she would have said yes. She would have been ecstatic. And although Cash hadn’t said anything, hadn’t acted any differently - she knew that she had hurt him by saying no, and by telling him that she didn’t want this baby. But the thing was, she really did want this baby - that was just really scary to admit. Especially when she didn’t have Ingrid right now, and a part of her felt like she was just replacing her. But having a baby with Cash, having the rest of her life with him.. that honestly sounded like a dream. Which is why she knew she had to make it up to him. She had to be honest about everything she was feeling, and make sure that he knew that she was on the same page with him when it came to their future. She just needed a little bit of time to get there. She had asked Cash to come over when he was done work, and in the mean time she had set up a dinner for the two of them. Like the one Cash had set up when he proposed. He did so many things for her to make her feel loved, and while Tally wasn’t good with her emotions, she wanted to make sure that Cash knew how much she loved him, too. She smiled to herself in the kitchen when she heard the front door open and Cash was here earlier than she expected. She walked out of the kitchen, still clad in an apron that her mother had gotten her for Christmas one year and looked like it was right out of a 94 year old woman’s closet. “You’re early,” she greeted with a smile, feeling happier and more like herself than she had in a while. “I meant to change into something a little less sexy for dinner first,” she teased as she stepped toward her boyfriend. 

[ohtally]

shenaniganzz​:

It was her birthday and one would think that Lily would be excited to have a day fully for herself. In her own mind, every day was her day, and her birthday had always seemed to be less about her and more about their family, how they’re presented to look by others, or just like how history has shown itself, to be a night where things could go wrong. There was a small weight in her stomach that something could go wrong and she didn’t like the unknown. The only thing that usually would make her feel better was that Sage would be coming over tonight, but lately something seemed to be… off. Something that she didn’t want to address in fear of it going bad and she definitely wasn’t going to be bringing it up tonight if she could help it. Another thing, was that Tally was coming over. It shouldn’t be a surprise that her younger sister would be joining her birthday dinner, but years and years of fighting and not talking, of having their own parents pit them against each other, she always yearned to have that relationship with her sister, but before never wanted to be the one to make amends. Now, it was all she wanted to do. Of course, in her own way. “Hello, Tallulah,” she spoke in a sing song voice, joining her in the kitchen when her boyfriend, Cash had walked out. Lily looked over her sister and immediately noticed things that she would point out that could be better, her hair, her make up, her outfit. Their mother’s words. But that wasn’t what she was going to do, she was trying to grow, to be better. “You know, I think I had that same outfit last year before I went on that diet. It looks amazing on you,” she commented. Yes, that was a compliment. It was better than what could’ve been. She was proud. One thing she noticed, something that disappointed her, was that she didn’t see Ingrid running around or in her sister’s arms. “Where’s Ingrid?” she asked. It was a topic that Lily wanted to fix with her sister, to be a better aunt and her sister’s supporter where she failed at years ago. 

A family dinner was definitely something that Tally dreaded more than grew excited for. She knew it wasn’t going to be pleasant, she was going to leave in a bad mood, and with everything she already had on her plate, it was the last thing she wanted to focus on right now. But she showed up like the good daughter she wanted be. Having Cash with her this time though was making a big difference - she felt like for once she had someone in her corner. Which might have been why she decided to hide in the kitchen with her boyfriend since she’d arrived. But the second that he left to go to the washroom, her sister swooped in immediately. Tally looked up with a weary expression when she heard her full name from her sister’s lips, trying not to sigh audibly. “Lilliana,” she greeted in reply, without nearly as much enthusiasm. It was the next “compliment” that left Lily’s lips which resulted in her never being excited to see her older sister. She looked down at herself, noticing that she was starting to gain a little weight, her stomach slightly more pronounced that it usually was. It made her nervous, being reminded of the.. situation going on inside of her body that she was trying not to deal with or think about right now. Her hand went to her stomach for just a moment, before she dropped her arm back down to her side. “That is such a kind thing to say,” she said sarcastically - too overwhelmed by her life right now to focus on biting back at her sister. Besides, it was her birthday. She could try to be nice. But then Lily reminded her of the one thing that she really didn’t want to think about, and her tolerance for sisterly bonding lowered significantly. “Do you really care, Lily?” She asked, her tone exasperated. She sighed, not wanting to start anything, running a hand through her hair. “She’s with her.. dad.” 

[ohtally]

umcassius​:

Cassius’s head was shaking as soon as Tally started speaking. He didn’t believe any of those words of her being awful. Not one bit. “Don’t say any of that, Tally. You’re not ruining Ingrid or anything else. You’ve been an amazing mom- you are an amazing mother.” He wouldn’t be able to begin to really understand where she was coming from, having your child taken from you. Cassius was upset himself hearing the words she said of what Ingrid’s father was doing. He had grown to love Ingrid more than anything, but she wasn’t his and hasn’t raised her. But he knew for sure that he believed everything he was telling Tally. “You’ve been doing the best you can with what you have and that’s more than enough.” He reached out and took her hand, softly running his thumb over her skin soothingly. 

Tally tried to listen to Cash’s words, tried to take it to heart, to believe what he was saying, but she couldn’t. She was so mad at this whole situation, but the person she was the most upset with wasn’t her ex, it was herself. She was the stupid one in this situation, she had fucked up. She looked down at her hand in Cash’s, frowning. “I’m not having this baby, Cash. I’m not doing this again.” She was tired, she wasn’t good at this to begin with, and she didn’t want a second baby daddy that was probably just going to leave her and the kid like the first one did. She wasn’t going to be a single mom to two children. She wasn’t going to get even more attached to Cash than she already was. This whole thing was already way too difficult, and she knew this wasn’t right. How could it be, when things were a complete disaster right now? It was like a sign from the universe to not have this baby. 

[ohtally]

umcassius​:

He started grabbing containers to put the food away as she spoke, but he stopped when he finished. Cassius turned and looked at the back of her head, hearing the anger, frustration, and sadness. Placing the items on the counter, he quietly stepped over towards her until he was standing in front of her. Not reaching out, wanting to keep his distance, he shook his head. “You’re not an idiot, Tally,” he stated calmly. After a moment, he knelt in front of her to be eye level and looked at her. “We’ll figure this out, all of it. We’ll get your daughter back,” he promised. He felt his own anger towards the man that pretended to be Ingrid’s father, never liking him since the moment they met. If she asked, Cassius knew that he’d go over there right now, knowing the outcome wouldn’t be pretty. But he would fight for the both of them. “There’s no way that this is going to be allowed, not when your her parent and he never was.” 

Tally raised her head to look at Cash after he knelt in front of her, a frown on her face as she listened to his words. She didn’t have a lot of faith that things were going to go back to normal anytime soon, that she was going to be able to see her daughter anytime soon, and the thought was crushing her. She swallowed hard, realizing all of the things she had done wrong and feeling like this was all her fault and could have been avoided if she tried harder. “I’m an awful mother, Cash. I was never cut out for any of this,” she said. She didn’t even mean to be self deprecating - it was just how she felt. She had never been able to give Ingrid the best, and maybe this was all happening because of that. She had messed up. “I want my kid back and that’s it. I don’t want to ruin another one.” 

[ohtally]

umcassius​:

“I don’t want to do this just be-” He cut himself off just in time for her to keep talking, saying how much she didn’t want the kid and only her own. Cash listened to her, hearing the other words she was speaking about Ingrid and her father, but despite that, he still felt the sting. He nodded his head. “Okay, forget it,” he said as he backed even more away from her. Cassius turned towards the table, quiet, as he started picking up the food on the table. He didn’t want to see it anymore, to have this conversation anymore. He took a deep breathe, doing what he could to calm himself down. “What happened with Ingrid?” he asked after a moment, far away from her and not able to look at the blonde. He didn’t want to make tonight a thing, to fight with her. 

Tally would have felt bad if she was able to regulate her emotions right now, if she could feel anything other than anger at this situation. She moved over to sit on the couch, her face falling into her hands as she heard Cash clean up the dinner he had made behind her. At his question she didn’t answer for a few long moments, before lifting her head, propping her chin on her fists. Her back was to the kitchen, the way they were having this conversation clearly strained and uncomfortable. “We don’t have a custody agreement, he doesn’t have to give her back. And he doesn’t want to,” she spat out, gritting her teeth together. “I’m such a fucking idiot.” She was for more than one reason, treating Cash the way she was tonight, but that wasn’t at the forefront of her mind right now. There was just so much fear, so much concern with having another baby, having Cash in her life permanently like this, even though he already was. The commitment of having another baby with someone else was an overwhelming thought, especially when it all was so hard the first time. 

[ohtally]

umcassius​:

The words that came out of Tally’s mouth didn’t register in time, his smile slowly fading until she repeated herself. When her hand left his, he instantly felt his chest ache. Cassius quietly got up, feeling awkward and vulnerable in a way he never liked. He felt embarrassed and heartbroken by the tone of her voice. “I-” He stopped himself, not knowing how to answer her question. In the end, all he could say was, “I’m sorry.” He dropped his head and turned to set the flower down, seeing the food and the set up, it made everything worse. “I just thought-” He couldn’t even end what he wanted to say, feeling like an idiot. He definitely was feeling confused, thinking that she was on the same page as him. “You’re right, I shouldn’t have done this.” Cassius backed away from her, feeling the rejection hit him as he admitted it out loud. He didn’t know what to do with himself in this moment. By how she seemed, it was as if the two of them were never on the same page of where they were in their relationship. 

Tally was so overwhelmed and taken aback by this whole thing, not being able to believe that Cash just did this. She didn’t intend for him to even know about this, let alone have this kind of reaction that she didn’t know how to take. Especially not after the events of the day she just had. “This isn’t 1950, Cash. You don’t marry someone just because you got them pregnant,” she told him, her tone cold. She could tell that he was hurt, that this wasn’t the reaction he had expected from her. “And I don’t - I don’t want this kid. I want my kid, and her dad won’t - he won’t give her back and this legal battle is going to take months and I don’t want to fucking replace her with a kid I didn’t ask for. I want Ingrid. That’s it.” Her hands were in her hair, yanking at the roots, feeling panicked and frantic. Her eyes went to the romantic dinner that Cash had set up for them, and back at her boyfriend. “You weren’t even supposed to know.” 

[ohtally]

umcassius​:

Cassius saw the look on Tally’s face, but tried not to let that determine what he was feeling right now. He noticed that Ingrid wasn’t with her, thinking that maybe the two of them decided that she was going to stay a little longer with the dad. The question caught him by surprise, he even awkwardly shifted his stance a little by the tone. He cleared his throat, all of a sudden feeling as nervous as he could be. He stepped forward, his smile turning small, but now it was shy. “i heard the news,” he told her, walking over to her. He reached out and took hold of one of her hands. While time had passed, he thought about it, that she must’ve known that she was pregnant. This was Tally, always on top of everything. “I love you, Tally. And this only just proved even more of how much I am in love with you, more than I’ve ever thought I could feel. Both you and Ingrid.” He paused and he could feel his heart racing in his chest. “I never thought that I would have this in my life, to be a dad, it just seemed like a thought that I could never comprehend until I heard that we’re going to have a baby. And I wanted to do this right, but then I realized that there could never be the perfect right way when it comes to you.” He looked at her before kneeling on the ground. He didn’t have a ring, but he held out the flower to her as he said shyly, his eyes watering slightly, “Tally, will you marry me?” 

Tally couldn’t even speak as Cash stepped toward her and took her hand. She just stared, even when he mentioned her pregnancy, something that she definitely didn’t want to think about right now. When she had first found out, she didn’t know how to feel. She loved Ingrid more than anything, being a mom was never something that she particularly wanted, but she loved being Ingrid’s mom. She was going to tell Cash eventually, once she gave herself the chance to think about it in the way she did, made a pros and cons list and that. But now he knew, and she didn’t get the opportunity to think about it herself. And after everything that happened today, and the knowledge that she would be without her daughter for god knows how long, she couldn’t do all this. And then he was down on one knee, and asking her a question that did not want to hear right now. “Get off the floor,” she told him, her voice serious, her tone a little panicked. “Cash, get up right now.” This wasn’t right. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go, and she couldn’t do this with him right now. She pulled her hand away from him, letting her arm fall to her side. “What,” she started, her tone clearly upset, “makes you think that I want this? That I want another baby?” 

[ohtally]

umcassius​:

Cassius heard Tally’s phone go off in the kitchen while he watching Ingrid as she studied. “I’ll be right back,” he said, taking the little girl off his lap to leave her watching some animal characters singing on the tv. She was playfully singing along and he smiled at her before he moved onto to grab the phone off the counter. “Ta-” he was about to call out to her to let her know, but he also didn’t want to disturb her studying. Looking down at the phone, it said a doctor’s name. For a moment, he thought to silence the ring and let it go to voicemail, but then he thought it could be important. Picking it up, the doctor asked if Tally was available and Cassius replied no, but if it was important, he could give the message along. After the conversation moved to let her know that he was her boyfriend, the doctor gave him the news. Tally was pregnant. The conversation didn’t last long after that, Cassius hung up the phone. He stayed quiet, moving his eyes over to the door of Tally’s room. He was growing anxious. He didn’t know what he was going to do with this information. 

The first thing he did was call his mom and talk to her about it. He paced as he talked between the living room and the kitchen, his eyes falling on Ingrid every time. Cash smiled at her just as his mom mentioned the little girl. He loved Ingrid and he loved Tally. They were already his family, why not make it bigger? At the end of the call, the fear and anxiety he had for having a baby turned into happiness and excitement. He was going to be a dad. His feelings of being a father were bittersweet, having never have met his own, there was a part of him that never thought he’d given himself the opportunity to become one. 

That night, Tally had taken Ingrid over to her father’s house. Cassius took this time by himself to go to the store and get a few things. He wanted to make tonight special. He wasn’t sure if she knew for sure or not about the pregnancy yet, but he wanted to make sure that she knew he was all in. He was all in with her and Ingrid from the start. Cash made dinner, once again calling his mom for getting a recipe exactly right, wanting everything to be perfect. He lit the candles, placed the flowers in the middle of the table, and had the food set out for them. He even put on some music in the background. At the moment he heard keys dangling outside the door, Cassius quickly grabbed one of the flowers and held it in his hand, facing the door. He realized he couldn’t stop smiling and even as she walked through the door, it never stopped.

It was just supposed to be a visit. A couple hours. That’s all. Tally never wanted to keep Ingrid from her father, never wanted to get in the way of them having a relationship, but he wasn’t always on the same page with that. Especially not now that he had a new girlfriend, and was a lot more focused on her kids than his own. It broke Tally’s heart to see Ingrid want her dad, and he not want anything to do with her. She deserved a million times better, and Tally wished she could save her from her own father breaking her heart. But that was up until her ex had saw her with Cash, had seen Ingrid get affection from another man, and had gotten possessive. It was a sick game that he was playing where there were going to be no winners. 

He had called and asked to see Ingrid tonight, which surprised Tally, but she wasn’t going to question it too much. She wanted them to have a relationship. She agreed to bring her over, to drop her off for a few hours while she ran errands, and then pick her back up. But when Tally showed up again to pick up her daughter, she was told she couldn’t. She was hit with the law, reminded of when he had convinced her that they didn’t need an official custody agreement, and told her that he would see her in court. Until then, he had custody of Ingrid. Tally was slack jawed, wanted to rip the little girl out of that house and take her home, but there was nothing she could do. She left there feeling every emotion - fury, pain, sadness, hopelessness. She didn’t know what she could do aside from wait until they could get a court date to work out a custody agreement. The worst part was she knew this was just him trying to control her - he didn’t have any interest in Ingrid, he just didn’t want her to allow another man into Ingrid’s life. 

The way Tally processed emotions wasn’t exactly healthy. She wasn’t a crier, had never been one to feel her sadness - it only came out of her in anger, and sometimes she took that out on everyone around her. As she was driving home, stuck in traffic, a scream ripped out of her, slamming her hands against the steering wheel. She was so angry. So upset, devastated that she didn’t have her daughter right now, in disbelief that someone she once thought she loved could act this way. By the time she got home, she just wanted to be alone, to scream into a pillow, punch a wall, but instead when she walked in she was met with her boyfriend standing in front of her, holding a flower. The look on her face was definitely not a pleased expression, as she looked at the flower and back up at his face. She smelled that food, assuming that he had cooked her dinner, and the fact that he was here and did this for her was making her even more upset. “What are you doing?”

[lifeinpoetry]

the addictions / that were killing me fastest were the ones I loved best

Kaveh Akbar, from “Unburnable the Cold is Flooding Our Lives,” Portrait of the Alcoholic (via lifeinpoetry)