So it’s been while since I’ve posted. It’s been a difficult few months. I have had several flares resulting in two hospital stays. During the last my GI wants me to have a second colostomy. I had one 20 years ago. I know this have changed but I have I said that I would never have a second even if it killed me. I talked to my wife and am looking for anything but that. However if it’s that or die I need to be here for 9 more years until my youngest is in college. Also discuss was having a pain pump put in. In the us states are really making it hard for anyone with chronic pain. I not crazy about it but I think it many be the best. Do any of you have or know someone that has one? At the hospital I asked for help with my crushing depression and crippling anxiety(have had since I was a kid). I was then deemed a sucked risk. Crazy, they took me to the mental hospital in a police in and handcuffs as is state law. I spent 8 days there. It may be a great thing. The last four years have been hard. I loved my work, I worked hard to get were I was very hard. 8 years of college and 20 years busting butt gone. Disability sucks, not just the little money but it is lonely. I’m not sure how much the staff did to help but the people I meet did. I met normal people like me going through things like me. I got to see and meet people who have it worse. I met people that understood and were really helpful and supportive. People that don’t have a chronic illness the guilt that comes with it. My wife is amazing and does so much. She is the bread winner, helps with all the kids activities and is there when I need to go to the hospital, doctor, or gills in for me when I’m the hospital. I feel so bad that I can’t be what I want to be for her. Mental heath is forgotten I think. Doctors rarely ask. I have always had panic attacks but they are getting worse. I have hard time making phone calls or ordering at a drive-thru. I will post soon, I get more info soon
