Who's Blog?

Almost A Senior Citizen & Writing From The POV Of An American On Benefits

[oldmaidwhovian]

Not feeling well, sinus issues methinks. Couldn’t stomach my intended dinner---tikka masala, so I ordered a tuna sub from a local pizza joint which has been a staple of the main street here since the 70′s....and hasn’t changed at all. 

Can’t get to a doctor, and no medical offices here. This is a tourist trap village---mainly motels, souvenirs and other tourist dross--albeit a bit posher here and there than when I was a child, but still basically the same in 40% of it--restaurants, arcades, wee mom and pop hardware store, churches, boat cruises, the haunted wax museum---one now instead of three, etc.

The bank on the main drag is being torn down, the petrol station has become a restaurant-bar, shops have been torn down and a posh new mountain-themed big chain hotel with parking garage has been built, the amusement park in the village is gone, replaced by a park / concert venue. The grocery store is the smallest in all the chain, and unchanged in 40 years...and HUGELY over-priced compared to it’s big stores elsewhere in NY state.

 The biggest hot button issues facing the village aren’t covid or the economy, it’s whether to fence in the village’s public beach, require licences for cats, getting enough workers for tourist season, dissolving the village and incorporating it into the town and finally fixing the sewage system to keep the lake--source of our drinking water---pristine..while ignoring the fact that runoff from the adjacent 3 lane motorway freely drains into the lake. DUH---that’s the small town republican brain for you. Ban horse racing from the ice for fear of manure, but allow motor vesicles to race and travel across the lake in winter which leak gas, oil, anti-freeze etc. on it every winter. Brilliant! 

[oldmaidwhovian]

So I patched things up with my sister and she’s insisted on driving me down to the state capital to see if I can find a way to get an ID card without a state ID or birth certificate. I don’t have much hope there, knowing NY state as I do. And an hour’s drive down to Albany and back with my volatile, bossy, intolerant, far right-wing and life-long narcissistic sister while holding my tongue, nodding and making passive, non-committal noises is not going to be a joy. But needs must. 

I can’t really spare a day at the moment, as I must line up a mover, find a storage locker at Stella’s Storage in Hudson Falls or perhaps a storage place in Glens Falls---doubt I can fit much more into my present storage shed, ‘tho I haven’t got the funds to rent a second one or a bigger one, at the moment.

Also I need to begin packing as soon as my box / tape order arrives from Amazon, as well as find stuff to sell at my yard sale on the 1st. Not that I want to sell things, or have much to sell, but I can’t take everything---books, clothes, odds and ends, stuff I’m not really using. Lake George is holding its annual town and village wide garage sale event on the weekend of the first----just hoping it’s not going to rain, so I can participate, lotsaluck. I’m also working the Internet and phone to try and get help---not much to be had here, alas. No homeless shelters for adult women, just youths and men. And they won’t help at all until you’re actually out on the street--if then, even. 

And, despite the current housing crises, the republicans who run senior housing in my area have chosen NOW to renovate all the buildings, thus extening wait times for housing from 1 year to up to 3 years. Brilliant! That’s right-wing ‘brains’ for you. 

No idea how I’ll manage being homeless with Maisie, she’s my one reason for being, and my feline security blanket. I’d be falling apart without her. I only hope her harness still fits---she’s blossomed from a starving lost kitten into a rotund little tubbo.She doesn’t know what’s happening, of course. Still, she senses my depression and anxiety and hardly leaves my side.

Talking about depression, it’s taking its toll on me. Sleeping overmuch, loss of appetite, stomach issues that I’m too polite to mention. Not good. 

At least Larry loaned me an old PC of his. Takes literally a good 20 minutes to warm up and start working, but something is better than nothing at all. He’s ignoring the situation he’s put me in, his ‘Christian’ sensibilities do not acknowlege his own wrongs...God will forgive him, so anything he does to others is meaningless to him. 

[oldmaidwhovian]

I do love my sister---but she’s pretty much the LAST person I would ever turn to for help. She’s met Larry all of once, spent 45 min. with him ans chatted with him on Facebook occasionally, but she said she doesn’t believe he acted the way I described, or could EVER be violent or angry. 

She has not changed from 1982, when told my dad had a weird and disturbing nervous break down during one of my parent’s regular argy-bargy’s, and lay on the hallway floor of my parents home, kicking and screaming like a bratty 5 year old. She denied that it ever happened---even ‘tho she was never there, and mom and myself were within feet of him at the time. 

Anyway, I hang up on her. I have way, way too much emotional stuff going on, I can’t deal with her nonsense on top of all that. She can believe what she wants. Sis has spent her whole life running away from reality; from age 12, possibly earlier, whether literally running away, or getting married in her teens and again in her 20′s,  getting into drinking and drugs for decades, or simply being---like tonight, in total denial of the truth. 

 Whereas I always had to stay put and deal with things, she’s always fouind a way of escaping reality and/or responsibility. And I was done with her BS several decades ago. So no, I won’t be turning to her for help. It would be like drowning woman asking a sailor to throw her an anchor, quite honestly. 

[oldmaidwhovian]

Maisie The Wondercat

Thank god my cat Maisie---who's also my very loving ESA, has never been aggressive, even 'tho, as an abandoned stray and starving kitten she was...and still is,  scared of strangers, she's never bitten or scratched in fear or anger...and even in play she's very careful not to hurt me. Her dad, a local bi-polar semi-feral cat, would want petting...but then turn on you and attack without warning. She's 3 1/2 a half now, and I'd be lost without her. Since my shockingly out of the blue eviction notice on Tuesday, I admit to having sunk into borderline severe depression, and Maisie has refused to leave my side for long--even following me to the toilet. She is the only comfort I have. 

Dunno' what I'll do when we become homeless in May, but this depressed old fart will either find a way to keep Maisie with me, or have her euthanized, because I'm the only mom she has ever known, and because she is so easily scared...people used to chase her away when she was lost and alone as a kitten I suspect---there was a cat-hating mean drunk living nearby at the time. I doubt re-homing would go well with her. I'm scared and sad for both of us, but either way, I'll be with her to the very end.

[oldmaidwhovian]

Laptop went kaput. Keyboard ceased working. Using a borrowed PC, So I’ll have Internet till the 3rd of May, at least

[oldmaidwhovian]

GRET NO THE LEFT IDE OF MY KEYBORD TOPPED ORKING ND CNT GET OFF CP LOCK EITHER

[oldmaidwhovian]

So far, I cannot get ANY assistance until I'm actually homeless...by which time I will have no phone, no Internet, no transportation and no way to receive mail. I might as well be dead, for all the world cares.Only 1 friend has even said a word to me. I am as alone now as when I was when mom died. 

 I can’t believe Larry is doing this to me. I knew he had an underlying mean streak, but until now he’s always kept it in check. He writes these long posts on Facebook about Biblical scriptures...but it’s all lies. I did NOTHING to deserve this. He has something going on in his personal life, and instead of growing up and dealing with it like a man, he’s suddenly decided to lash out at me for no good reason. 

I would have apologized yesterday--not sure what for exactly, just to settle him down and keep the peace, but since he’s literally tossing me on to the street with little notice,  no way that’s gonna’ happen now. Our friendship is well and truly over. And I’m not sure I’m gonna’ survive this...nor even want to. I do not matter to the rest of the world. There’s over half a million homeless people in America, and none of us matters. It’s like Larry endangering me with his road rage on Sunday and thinking nothing of it. I do not matter. 

[oldmaidwhovian]

Just found out Lake George town and village is having their community garage sale first weekend in May, so I’ll be able to unload some extra things I have here---books, clothing, odds and ends, to earn a wee bit of extra cash while having a bit less stuff to move. I don’t have a lot, but every bit less will help. 

[oldmaidwhovian]

Christianity is merely a crutch, an addiction, a way for others to feel good about themselves, or to make themselves seem superior to others

[oldmaidwhovian]

Larry’s tantrum remains unabated. First, he had a road rage incident on the way to Walmart on Sunday. I let it slide, as I had no control over his rage or the situation. Then last night, he was on the cusp of hitting me over literally nothing--I was trying to untangle wet jeans and wasn’t even speaking to him at all, when he suddenly acted like he was about to hit me, then went past me and charged into his room.

 Later he made totally irrational comments to me---I asked if it was OK for me to put clothes in the dryer, he said yes...then he complained about me putting clothes in the dryer. Larry is occasionally a bit irrational---he’s a covid denier, but for the past few days he’s been absolutely bonkers and I’ve been increasingly worried for my own safety.  

Now HIS feelings are hurt, so this morning I have been given ‘till the 3rd to move---which is illegal, the state requires 30 days notice. So I have to scramble to find a place, and may end up putting Maisie to sleep if I cannot find a place for both of us. Spending my days mostly in my room, crying part of the time. I might need to take him to court, or even have him arrested if he turns violent. He was a good friend, but obviously that has abruptly ended. He has his problems, but unti recently never took them out on me. 

I COULD make life harder for him, by reporting certain things to the county. But that’s not my M.O. So I’m doing my level best cope--need to buy boxes and other moving supplies, find a mover-driver, rent a truck and a storage shed, etc. Am down to less than 100.00 after paying rent plus money I owed him---NOW I know why he insisted I pay him ALL the money I owed him for partial rent while my food stamps were gone...he HAD said I could repay him a little bit each month, but over a week after my stimulus check arrived, he suddenly demanded all of it---so he got almost 600.00 from me. AFTER I bought my new desk chair, DVD shelving and other items. So 200.00 I was going to put aside for moving is gone. 

So I’m screwed up the ‘ol wazoo. Seriously depressed and almost suicidal---thankfully I still have Maisie to prevent that. No where to go, no one to turn to. All because Larry had some illogical baby tantrum. 

There are no homeless shelters for adult women in my county---only 2 are one for youths and one for men. None for women for 50 miles around. Still searching. 

[oldmaidwhovian]

Well, I am trying to cope with this situation. Larry is set on being a jerk, so I guess I’m out of here in May and off to a homeless shelter. 

[oldmaidwhovian]

I am alone. No one is talking to me online or on the phone. They want no part of this or me. So be it. I accept that. And I am isolating myself from Larry. I no longer feel safe here. I shall manage without him as best I can, and keep any contact minimal, sheltering in my room whenever possible.  I am truly alone in the world, except for my Maisie kitty. So be it. 

[oldmaidwhovian]

OK---I'm DONE living like this. Sorry, but putting Maisie to sleep, hiring someone to put the rest of my stuff in storage in May and bugging out. I don't need L's crap anymore and he doesn't need mine. We've come to a parting of the ways. Come May 3rd, I'm outta'here. Signing out, done.

He’s been in a snit all day, taking his problems out on me. I do not feel well, I’m also fighting depression, and Larry’s been a jerk to me for no reason all day and into the night. I don’t believe we’ll patch things up. He just threw a baby tantrum at me for putting stuff in the dryer at 3am----but he is wide awake, and I ASKED first....AND I cannot put stuff in the dryer when he’s got clothes in it...he doesn’t like me touching his clothes. So what was I supposed to do? He could’ve just said ‘no.’ Instead he yells at me and pitches a tantrum. I can’t deal with his nonsense any longer, it’s too upsetting. Living alone on the street is better than being literally trapped with a man-baby 24/7/365. 

[oldmaidwhovian]

Having bad arthritis pain lately. I’ve had it since 1980. Larry was supposed to drive me down to the capitol 50 miles south, so  my sis and I could take care of some personal business. However, my body can’t withstand an hour drive right now, so I asked Larry if I could put the trip off to May. But he’s being a jerk about it,  and insisting that I’ll be fine in 2 weeks. Maybe, but likely not until the weather is warmer in blinking May. I know my body, and March and April are always my worst months for arthritis pain, for the past 20 odd years. Ugh---sometimes life with Larry is frustrating. 

I WANT to go to Albany, I just want to wait until I’m more mobile. I had NO idea he’d be such a big baby about the postponement. I mean, I always quietly and readily accept HIS often sudden changes of plan---like this past weekend, waiting ‘till Saturday afternoon to say he’s going to take me shopping on Sunday instead, for instance. I cannot wait for June, when the tourist’s trolley buses begin running again...freedom! 

[oldmaidwhovian]

Day’s not starting off well. Every time his granddaughter comes over, they literally hog the bathroom for as much as 45 min.! Not taking a bath 3/4 of the time, mind you, but PLAYING. And with a diabetic in the house. I actually HAVE to wear adult nappies every time she comes over. Jeez, we kids used to play in our bath water, but never used the bathroom as a play area.It’s after noon time. Why doesn’t he take her outside, it’s not raining? I gotta’ go! 

[oldmaidwhovian]

Cartoon Madness: The Fantastic Max Fleischer Cartoons Leonard Maltin com...

Not a huge fan of cartoons--at my age anyway, but this is fantastic! Makes me wonder what they’d have come up with, if they had today’s technology. 

[fracturedmind]

Laughter is an instant vacation.-Milton Berle