Being fat, actually fat, with an eating disorder is fucking hell.
People assume you have BED, and if you actually do have BED people are so gross about it. If you have a restricting disorder people get concerned when you start eating more. People get concerned if you start to like yourself. People love to see you fucking miserable, and will completely ignore your misery in the same breath. It makes them feel good. They benefit at your expense through weight stigma.
So many physicians prescribe disordered eating to us. ED specialists in many places wonβt even consider how EDs affect us. Our own community uses our bodies as inspiration to hurt themselves. Because nothing could be worse than looking like us, right? How are you supposed to love yourself when so many people actively donβt want you to?
To the fat person reading who needs to hear this, I give a shit if you recover. I give a shit that you are hurting. So many people donβt notice, so many donβt give a fuck, but I do. You deserve better. I want you to eat even if it means you gain weight. I want you to be happy in your body as it is. I want you to feel loved, I want you to feel seen.
If you are fat with BED, I see you. There is so much stigma and it is not your fault. Your weight isnβt βyour faultβ, you are sick. Itβs not a moral failing. You deserve compassion, and the extent to which people project their own issues onto you is awful. You deserve to be comfortable in your skin, and your body is wonderful.
If you are fat with purging tendencies, or with restricting ones I see you too. We get praised for hurting ourselves, or no one notices. I see you. Iβm sorry.
I wish so badly the world were more compassionate to you, but if no one else gives a shit, I do. Fight for recovery for me, even though I know that journey can be so, so lonely when you arenβt thin.
To those of you who have recovered, to those of you that may. You are worth it. You may be fat for the rest of your life, and thatβs okay. Itβs wonderful, your body is wonderful, and I see you and Iβm proud of you. Sadly I know many of us recover alone, but I hope you know you arenβt. Iβm rooting for you.
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