australian trash

Oliver Ryan. Ol and Ollie are acceptable nicknames; Ozzie is not. The title explains it all.

[gatewaytoglimmer]

There it was, Spyro’s dreaded confrontation: just ahead of him stood the door to the General Science classroom, where he would without a doubt have to face words he had no idea how to spell. He was picking up fast, what with his vocabulary list expanding everyday and his determination to be fluent by the end of the school year. Still, General Science was his pet peeve. He would no doubt need to look at his classmates’ notes later on, unless…

“Ah, hm, O-Ollie?”

Zeroing in on his roommate, Spyro walked up to the other student as fast as he could. Ollie was somewhat taller than him and much, much more relaxed. For some reason though, the greek student was still a little shy around the other guy.

“Hi, hm, say, I am wondering right now, because science words are very hard for me, I can sit next from you to look how you write them? Please?”

Hopefully he managed to look expectant, but not completely desperate. It was hard enough being taken seriously when you were a first year and sort of short, adding to that his broken English and he probably gave the impression of a lost puppy. He didn’t need to add any fuel to the pity fire.

[ollieryans-blog]

          the truth was that ollie totally fucking sucked at science. 

          okay, so he sucked at everything and anything academic-related. but science---at least, the mathy, big wordy part---was so out of his grasp that ollie was never sure how to approach it. geography and ecology and biology, he liked. cutting up things? even better. but the periodic table? hell no.

          he wasn’t exactly sure why spyro had thought he, oliver ryan, would be able to help him. of course, ollie was very much a fluent english speaker, but.... there was something about hearing aluminium being pronounced as “a-loooooo-min-um” and that was hard getting used to, even as he listened to his old man steven prattle on about things and all the american cop shows he used to watch with his mother. (god bless csi.) they might all be speaking english, but american english was confusing him just as much as his english was confusing the shit out of the others, with their blank stares. (as if they didn’t know what being shouted for meant. what the fuck.)

          and that was without the weird fucking spelling. did americans hate the letter u? he’d like to know.

          “you can sit next to me,” ollie said with a little shrug, because really, he didn’t mind spyro. he was a pretty decent guy, even if he didn’t know how to chill. plus, if ollie was being honest, he was ollie’s closest (and only) friend.

          sure, ollie been here a few weeks but he still didn’t feel like he got along with his fellow freshmen (year nines, ollie kept reflexively reminding himself) that well. “but my spelling is going to fucking suck too, if they keep leaving out all these letters in the place. and we did some science classes back home, and i don’t know if they spell science shit differently---wait. sulphur. they spell sulphur with a f. like, why would they do that?” 

[elxflanagan-blog]

“You totally should. It was really gory at one point but it was strangely satisfying,” she nodded and tilted her head in confusion. “Wow really? I’ve never heard of either of those. But it’s cool that Australia is big into that stuff you know?” She pursed her lips and nodded slowly, “I totally agree with you. I couldn’t even read The Diary of Anne Frank in seventh grade without almost crying in class.” She nodded, “Yeah an older half brother. He’s not that much older though. But we’re really close which is really good. It never gets lonely with a sibling!”  Elsa bit her lip and twirled her hair around her finger as she watched him. “I don’t know. Well, I mean it would be and it would stop some idiots from saying I was being racist for dressing as Pocahontas for Halloween.” She laughed. “I can’t say I know a lot about Australians but it sounds interesting. But I have no idea what VB is. And I know kangaroos are actually terrifying. I can thank the internet for that.” ”Are both of your parents tall then,” Elsa raised an eyebrow. “People make it hard for people to accept themselves but when you do accept yourselves, people think you’re full of yourself! You just can’t win, man.” She had to resist the urge to reach out and punch his shoulder. “Yeah, I’ve been one since I was about 7. I eat veggie burgers a lot though so I can relate. Those things are good as hell.” She giggled and tapped her fingers on her desk. “I go sometimes with my brother and my friends. It’s really relaxing.” She smiled and wrinkled her nose, “Well I try. You seem rather healthy yourself despite the whole eating burgers a lot thing.” ”Very true. So can we both agree our countries can do better?” Elsa tilted her head and bit her tongue, “The last name doesn’t sound familiar but I can mention it to my dad and see if he recognizes it. But your name is nice! I like it.” She raised an eyebrow, “And are you a womanisizing office man type in training?”

[ollieryans-blog]

“I don’t mind gore that much,” Ollie said with a shrug. It wasn’t his favourite thing but he’d gotten used to it, since his favourite genre was action films. “I guess I’ll check it out when I have time.” He couldn’t help but laugh. “Big into that stuff? They like to say World War I was where Australia formed its national identity. That’s probably the only reason why it’s mentioned so much. But--shit, we watched that in history. That was the worst.”

The revelation about Elsa’s older brother almost triggered a warning response in him: don’t mess up, because there’s an older brother. Ollie had no idea what he’d be like, but guessing from Elsa’s athleticism he was either a bodybuilder or a dancer. There was no in between. “I’m sure your dad is pleased by that,” he said, not being as subtle as he would’ve liked it. “Aw, fuck, they do that? Us white folk are such know-it-alls. And not good ones.” He couldn’t help but lean over with a laugh. “VB is Victorian Bitter--it’s beer,” he explained. “It’s not great, but it’s Australian as hell. And yes, yes they are. I’m so glad people are being educated!”

Ollie had to pause to think about that for a little while. “My mum’s not short, exactly... at least, I don’t think she is. She’s at least above average. But my dad’s tall though.” He couldn’t help but snort, “Fuck those people then. They either love themselves they could eat out of their own asses or they hate themselves so much they take it out on other people.” Ollie whistled. “Seven? That’s a long time. But I approve of your burger love. And enjoying the beach. The beach is great. And I surf, a lot. That’s why there’s no beer gut--yet.”

“As long as we get to give them a gold ‘you tried’ sticker, I’m game,” he said with a grin. “I wouldn’t hold my breath. My dad’s a decent guy but I found out he can kind of be a dickhead when he’s working. But thanks! My mum has a nice name.” Ollie snorted so loud he saw people turning to face him, so all he could do was say, “First of all, I wouldn’t be caught dead having my own office.”

[elxflanagan-blog]

“There’s no arguing that,” Elsa agreed with him. “But I mean all the books and everything about it are pretty startling but it’s so much more real than anything? Plus I kind of like Inglourious Basterds. It was one hell of a movie.”  She tilted her head and nodded slowly, shrugging a little, “All world wars are generally really shitty in nature but you know, to each his own.” Elsa nodded her head, “Well, my mom moved to Michigan after college and she met my dad and he already had my older brother. But then I was born a few months later!” She smiled a little bit and laughed. “You know, most people haven’t. They’re all originally from this area, but if they don’t live on a reserve then they don’t really know.” She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, “Yeah I know. But holy shit, you’re really tanned then, huh? A lot of time in the sun?” ”A lot of the time it’s genetically impossible too, you know that?” She smiled a little bit, “I know. I mean…I can’t see it.” She raised an eyebrow when she caught him looking her over, but she didn’t say anything. Her cheeks were a little redder when she went to answer him though, “I mean I  can’t stomach a burger but I love the beach. I’m a vegetarian. But I do yoga pretty much every day before school and after.” She beamed at him, “Well thanks I’m glad you think I look healthy.” She snorted and flicked her hair over her shoulder, “join the Obama complaining party.” She nodded slowly and pursed her lips. “Maybe my dad knows him. He does construction.” She tilted her head to the side, “What’s your last name?”

[ollieryans-blog]

“I haven’t seen Inglorious Basterds,” Ollie admitted. “Heard of it, sure, but I guess I never got around to seeing it. But I’ve watched Beneath Hill 60 though. And Gallipoli. The movie and TV show. Australia’s big on the war movies and shit.” He raised his hands up, eyes widening as he added, “I’m not saying one war was less shitty than the other. They were both shitty, for different reasons. But World War Two was fucked, and the shit that happened... it freaks me out. It wasn’t just about bombs and all that, you know?”

Ollie nodded. “Righto, that makes sense. So you have a half brother then? That’s pretty cool.” He paused for a moment, tousling his hair as he thought. “But it would be nice for you if people knew, right? That way you wouldn’t have to explain it too much?” He grinned. “That’s right. I’m like... your stereotypical Aussie. I like beer--but I only like VB when I’m drunk. I swear a lot. I live near a beach. I surf. A lot. And I’ve seen and nearly gotten hit by a kangaroo.”

“As genetically impossible as it is for me to be short,” he said with a little grin. “I mean, you have to do you. And if you is totally curvy--and okay, if you are stick thin, work it! Don’t try to be anything you’re not.” He saw her cheeks redden slightly and he couldn’t help the grin that slid onto his face. “A vegetarian? Well, shit. Good on you! Seems like a burger is all I want to stomach these days. The beach though--now you’re speaking my language. I love the beach.” He winked at her, his grin growing wider. “You’re welcome. You seem bloody healthy too!”

He couldn’t help but snort a little. “He’s not perfect, but you don’t know the dipshit of a man who’s running my country,” Ollie said, shaking his head. “Well... maybe. He’s the womanising office man type.” Rubbing his nose, he added, “Ryan. My name’s Ollie Ryan.”

[elxflanagan-blog]

She can’t help but let out a snort of laughter. “I’d like to see you try. I mean, not all of history is boring. The world wars are pretty interesting. I like watching World War 2 documentaries sometimes!” It was true. She hadn’t liked history before, but Finn’s influence had rubbed off on her and her ability to tolerate it had grown to the point where old movies about wars slowly became her favorites. Elsa smiled at him and played with her hair. “Seems it! More interesting than here, probably More interesting than Michigan for sure.” She nodded her head quickly, “yeah it seems like that’s always the case, doesn’t it? It’s insane!” She smiled bigger at him and nodded again, “Well, my mom’s whole family is from this are originally. All the way back so she’s full Ohlone, you know? But my dad’s Italian and Irish so I guess that I’m about half Native American?” She realized she’d been squinting at him, and the fact that he seemed to accept what she’d said made her relax slightly. “Well, listen. I don’t know either. Last time I was a size zero, I was about 11 years old. I’m happy being a size eight, you know? Doesn’t mean I’m fat. I’m just…I got hips that’s all!” Elsa nudged him slightly. “You should keep it in mind. You never know when that information could be useful!” She sighed and leaned back in her chair slightly, “I wish I knew why they did that but sadly I can tell you nothing to help you!” She honestly did feel bad because even going to Italy to visit her family for a month or so could be confusing at times. Her eyes widened slightly and she let out a low whistle, “So who’s your dad? Does he live around here? Maybe I know him.”

[ollieryans-blog]

“World War Two was fucked up,” Ollie said flatly, trying to repress a shudder. He’d had to study The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas for English when he was tiny little guy in year eight. While it had taken him a while to understand what was going on in the book, it became a lot clearer when they watched the movie afterwards. It had freaked the shit out of him--which he understood was the point. He just didn’t understand how anyone could be so cold and fucked up. “Like World War One was really shitty... but I can stomach movies and shit about that one. But World War Two? Yeah, nah.”

Ollie tilted his head in confusion. “So... you’re from Michigan, but your mom’s from here--so your dad’s from Michigan, then? I’ve never heard of the Ohlone people, but I guess you learn something new everyday. But I can understand why you’d take offence to that. I mean, if they were dragging my culture through the mud, I’d be pissed too.” He paused for a minute and added, “But they probably wouldn’t. You know, because I’m white as they come. At least, ethnically--wait that’s not the right word, whatever--wise. I’m just tanned as fuck.”

“Size zero is such an unattainable goal for most people,” he said, shaking his head. “And like, it’s not even sexy to be a stick figure, you know?” His eyes did a quick once-over, going from head-to-toe. Hopefully she didn’t find it too creepy, but he was couldn’t help but smile. “Like I said, I’m all about girls who are healthy. Can stomach a burger and run across a beach, you know? I like to be active. Skinny girls are generally hungry girls who usually have zero energy. That’s not fun. I don’t know what a US eight is compared to an Australian size, but you look healthy. That’s the important thing, right?”

He rubbed his face with a sigh. “Unfortunately. I might send a letter to Obama as a complaint or something.” Not that he’d actually do that--he was too lazy for that shit. He raised an eyebrow. “Doubt it; he’s not really the kid type, surprisingly enough. His name is Steven. Steven Vance. I have my mum’s name.” He didn’t have much of his father in him, if he was being honest; at least he hoped so. The most obvious trait they probably shared was the fact they were a bit hotheaded, and the same nose, but that was about it. 

[elxflanagan-blog]

Elsa sighed and rubbed her face, “I know several people who would fight you on history being a boring subject. You’re lucky she’s not here right now.” Elsa looked over at her friends, who were happily chatting in the front of the room. One of them turned and smiled at her and Elsa stuck her tongue out at him. Her friends abandoned her and they had the nerve to smile at her. Rude. Turning her attention back to her partner, she raised an eyebrow and smiled. “Wow. Australia? Nice.” She nodded in appreciation because, honestly, it was probably one of the most interesting things she was going to hear all week. “I mean they could’ve been secret pirates. History books already lie about how they treated the Native Americans, you know? I take personal offense to that shit. But I guess it would be more interesting if they were secret pirates, but they would be nowhere as interesting as real pirates.” She made a face at him and rolled her eyes, “Flaunting your sexuality is trying to seduce people now? Try being comfortable with your body when everyone wants you to be a size zero, dude. Then I’ll listen to that bullshit.” She snorted, “You really think that would fly back then? Nah she’d probably be killed or something.” Elsa nodded her head and laughed, “Maybe I like being precious. Who knows.” ”Well I mean we call cash money by the real names. Like five dollars and twenty dollars. All the coins have different names though! I have no idea how any of that stuff works. I just call it what I call it.” Elsa squinted and tilted her head. “Hm…Okay. Well, you know what. Let’s start with this. Why did you come to America?”

[ollieryans-blog]

“I’d take them on,” Ollie said, waving his hand as if swatting a fly. “I have plenty of arguments as to why history is so boring.” As Elsa grabbed her friends’ attention, Ollie thought about all the stupid history classes he’s been through over the years. It’s as if history teachers went out of their way to make the subject entirely boring. They rambled on about stupid people who ‘changed the nation forever’ but really had done jack shit. He hated that.

Snapping out of his thoughts, he smiled. “Yeah, it’s pretty rad.” Ollie nodded slowly. “Yeah, they always do that. It’s like back at home when they talk about Indigenous Australians and all that kind of stuff. It’s almost like they don’t exist.” He looked over at her. “Personal insult? So you’re Native American then?” 

The girl’s comments actually made Ollie stop for a moment and ponder what he had just said. “Touche,” he finally allowed, looking at her. “I don’t even know how you Americans have size zero. It doesn’t even make any sense. That’s not even a size. Besides, girls look hot when they’re healthy.” The conversation had gotten serious, so he cleared his throat and shrugged. “Probably. Sucks for her though.” He couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, right. I’ll keep that in mind.”

“It’s the coins that really fuck me up,” he admitted. “Like, I don’t understand why you guys make things so complicated.” Wasn’t that the question of the day? Everything over here so complicated... and so different. It was funny that she’d asked why he’d come here. Sometimes he barely remembered himself. “My dad’s American,” he explained. “So I came here to visit him. We hadn’t met before then.”

[elxflanagan-blog]

She sort of regretted zoning out for the better part of their lesson now that she realized their group was made up of two people who couldn’t be more lost. The smile on her face fell a little as she chewed on her bottom lip in thought. “Oh well I only heard the part about splitting into pairs. Whoops.” ”I can always ask someone what the question was if you want? I mean that would probably be our best bet at this point.” She raised an eyebrow and wrinkled her nose, “Really, you didn’t know that? Where are you from, anyway.” Elsa nodded her head, “Yeah, he wrote most of it so I guess he was a pretty cool guy even though he did some messed up stuff but who hasn’t at some point. Also, I’m pretty sure that the whole plot of National Treasure was a lie but who’s to say there really isn’t a secret treasure map on the back of the old thing.” She smirked at him. ”Ah what a shame, I could probably write a lot of stuff about the pros and cons of that. But yeah. Typical old stuffy white guy getting bored with his wife and cheating on her with someone. Wives always get the short end of the stick don’t they.” Elsa smiles at him and tried to keep her gaze focused on his face as he stretched. “Yeah that’s right.” She let out a giggle and nodded her head, “Slowly becoming the nation’s precious year by year, huh?” “…Oh! A nickel is only worth 5 cents but it’s bigger than a penny and a dime and it’s silver and…I have one in my purse but I’m too lazy to show you. Sorry.”  Elsa waved a hand in the air, dismissing what he’d just said. “Oh it’s fine. You know, people can see money every day and not recognize the person who’s face is on it!” She flashed him a bright smile and batted her eyelashes at him, “Nice to meet you, too. And don’t worry about being clueless about all this. At least you have an excuse.”

[ollieryans-blog]

Ollie shrugged. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try. But I doubt anyone was listening though. Seems like this entire subject is boring as fuck.” He cast a glance at the people on either side of them. The pairs were talking animatedly, and no one looked that happy talking about a former president. Well, at least he didn’t think so--America was always surprising him. Honestly, if he’d learnt anything during his time here, it was that Americans were the weird ones. 

“I’m from Australia,” he said with a little smirk, resting his hands behind his head. “I’ve only been here for a few weeks, and I know basically jack shit about everything. But I have watched that movie, as luck would’ve had it. Does that mean your Founding Fathers or whatever the hell were secretly pirates? That could spice things up a little.”

“I could argue that women seduce dudes all the time, married or not, but I suppose it’s more a modern thing to do, flaunting your sexuality and all that. So I don’t think we can talk about how Mrs Jefferson had someone on the side. You know what I mean?” Ollie could help but chuckle. Sometimes he was hilarious. “Yeah, totally. You better watch your back!”

Ollie stared blankly at his partner. He had thought it impossible for him to get more confused than he already was, but it seemed that he was wrong. “Don’t you actually call your money by it’s actual name? You know, like five cents or twenty bucks or something? Jeez.” Running a hand through his hair, he added, “You know, instead of figuring out what the hell we should be talking about, maybe we can talk about ourselves. Or something.”

[elxflanagan-blog]

Elsa had spent the past five minutes playing with the ends of her hair thinking about how much she needed a trim and how cool her hair would look if she dyed it bubblegum pink, not paying attention to the end of the lecture. Honestly, American History had been the same since she was 12 and all that changed was each year they went into slightly more detail than the last. If she really wanted to, she could lecture a class on World War 2 by herself at that point. She vaguely understood that Jefferson’s name was being tossed around again and she repressed the urge to roll her eyes because how much else could they really learn about one old dead guy. Elsa wasn’t even particularly interested in it, so she started twirling her hair around her pen and trying half-heartedly to get it to respond and fall into some sort of curl. History was by no means her worst subject, but she knew her brother’s girlfriend would give her a powerful side eye if she actually fell asleep in class. The scraping of chairs snapped her out of her almost trance and she looked around to see the few friends she had in that class had already paired off into their own group. “Traitors” she mumbled to herself. Trying to hide the fact that she was a bit lost at the moment, she scanned the room until finally turning and raising an eyebrow at the boy who was sitting next to her as he rubbed his eyes. Apparently she hadn’t been the only one on their own planet for half the class. Before answering, she set her pencil down, yawned, and rolled her shoulders back. “Well it all depends on what the question was because Jefferson did a lot. But he’s on Mount Rushmore, his face is on the nickel which is pretty rad but probably not relevant.” She wrinkled her nose and ruffled her hair. “But he wrote the Declaration of Independence. Or most of it, whatever. He was the third president. Oh! And I know he had kids with one of his slaves which was surprisingly common back then I think.” She flashed him a toothy grin. “Nice to meet you, Ollie. I’m Elsa.”

[ollieryans-blog]

Ollie felt himself almost sigh with relief as he heard the girl talk. He still didn’t totally understand everything she was talking about--honestly, it sounded like another language--but he was glad that she seemed to know something. He noted that she looked like she had tuned out half the lesson too.

“I have no idea what the question was,” he admitted with a shrug. “Something about advantages and disadvantages of something.” After a pause he said, “I don’t think it’s about the Declaration of Independence, though. He wrote most of it? Holy shit.” The only thing he knew about the Declaration of Independence was that it was a literal declaration of independence from the good ol’ motherland, Great Britain (God save the Queen), and that Nicholas Cage had tried to steal it once. Good times.

“I don’t think it’s about slaves either, although of course some stuffy old white guy would be doing something like that, right? I feel sorry for his wife,” Ollie continued, stretching his arms out behind his back. “And Mount Rushmore--that’s the mountain with faces on it, right?” There were so many names being thrown around that he was struggling to keep up with them. “Definite pro, except for when your face erodes and you look more like Gollum than an honoured president. Or something.”

The thing that really stumped him, however, was the mention of the nickel. He had tried so hard to learn the slang that people used for money (he didn’t understand why there was slang), but it was extremely difficult for him to remember. “Nickel... yeah, I don’t have any clue which one that is, so I can’t say I’ve seen him.” Sheepishly rubbing his neck, he added, “Nice to meet you, Elsa.”

[ollieryans-blog]

elxflanagan​

“... if you think Jefferson was right in doing so. Please break up into pairs to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of his decision.”

Goddammit, pairs. Ollie looked around him with bleary eyes, having just woken up from a twenty minute nap. He actually felt really bad for his discussion partner and hoped that they wouldn’t have to discuss this in front of the class, because he couldn’t remember if Thomas Jefferson was a president, let alone what the guy had done. American History sucked.

Australian History was a compulsory subject that he had taken the semester before, but it was never expected to cover more than a semester. It had covered pre-settlement and some Indigenous History before going into colonisation and Federation. By going on exchange he was missing the 20th Century history module; and even that had more of a focus on Europe than anything really interesting happening in Australia. American History was an entirely other matter. Who knew the land of the free became that way because of some fucking tea?

In any case, Ollie found the subject extremely boring and felt out of his depth every time he was in the classroom. Unlike his (American) classmates, he had no background information on any of these dudes, and nothing really made sense. So naturally, he just slept in class. It was the easiest way to kill time. 

He turned to the girl next to her, realising she didn’t have a partner yet. “Hi, I’m Ollie,” he said, rubbing his eyes as he did so. “I have no fucking clue who Jefferson did or who he really was, so you might need to give me a crash course on it first before I can start talking about pros and cons.” 

[elxflanagan-blog]

She reaches over and pinches his cheeks, talking in a baby-ish voice. “That’s right, you’re very sorry aren’t you.”

Elsa sticks her tongue out at him. “You’re totally being a suck up. I know it. You know it. They know it! Even my baby, Hamilton, knows it and he’s a pig.” She rolls her eyes and bites her lip to keep the grin from creeping onto her face. “Go on. Do it if you want.” Because hell, who doesn’t like compliments every now and again.

“And why does it matter so much to you, huh?” She can’t keep the teasing tone out of her voice. But she knows that if she edited anything like that out, her viewers would be on her like a pack of hyenas on a wounded animal. “Aw, don’t be sad, pretty boy. I can always edit it out.”

[ollieryans-blog]

Ollie pouted when Elsa pinched his cheeks, but he wasn’t as annoyed about it as he could’ve been. He liked it quite a bit--it was weird. In order to dispel the odd feeling, he puffed his cheeks out to make it difficult to her to get a hold of them. 

“Your pig is wrong,” Ollie said flatly. “Everyone knows all I’m doing is being truthful--not doing this whole being modest shit, or whatever.” He grinned when he realised she wanted the compliments, merely saying, “Hit her inbox up, guys!”

Ollie stuck his tongue out. “Why can’t it be important? Is it not acceptable for a guy to see how attractive people think he is?” He reckoned she was having too much fun toying with him, but he didn’t know how to make her stop--and it was her video, after all. He was entirely at her mercy. At that particular moment, he didn’t like it. “You better.”

[elxflanagan-blog]

“I don’t know how I’m taking it! I’m just saying that some of my viewers my take offense and lower your arms, drama king.” she rolls her eyes and smiles a little at him.

Elsa just squints at him, crossing her arms over her chest. Honestly, she’s confident in herself but there are days when she really feels like she should pile on more makeup than usual. Her face rapidly turns redder that there’s no way to ignore it. “Oh, please. You’re being a suck up.” She turns and faces the camera, “He’s lying, dear followers.”

She tries not to look satisfied at the look on his face. It’s pretty amusing. “Since I’m a female subscriber, I’m personally reassuring you that other followers may think you’re attractive. It may be because of that too.” She smirks a little at him and slaps him on the side of the head and turns towards the camera. “I think that was pretty amazing.”

[ollieryans-blog]

“Well, I’m sorry, Elsa’s followers.” Ollie lowered his arms. “I didn’t mean to offend anyone. Although I look like I am.”

Ollie thought Elsa looked really pretty when she was blushing--but really, should be surprised?--and he smiled as he watched her blush. “I’m not being a suck up! If I was, you’d know about it. You know I’m not lying viewers! Tell how pretty Elsa is in the comment section below.” 

“The question is whether or not you think I’m attractive.” He couldn’t help but be curious. Did she think he was hot or what? “Come on, don’t be shy. You can edit it out.” He winces at the slap, jumping a little in his chair. “What the hell was that for?”

[elxflanagan-blog]

“That’s what you say but people may take it differently!” She wrinkles her nose and shakes her head before clicking her tongue in mock disappointment. Raising an eyebrow right back at him, she makes a face before turning back to the camera.

“That’s only because it’s expected of me! I love makeup but some days I only spend five minutes and get a bunch of ‘oh honey you look so tired’s from strangers. It does have it’s downfalls!” Resisting the urge to slap him on the side of the head, she just rolls her eyes again.

She narrows her eyes at him, all traces of laughter gone except for the slight twitch of her lip caused by trying too hard not to smile. “I think that other people may find you attractive. After all, aren’t half your subscribers females? Science doesn’t lie.” She blushes a little more. “It’s not a plot twist, Oliver.”

[ollieryans-blog]

“How can anyone take it differently? How are you taking it, Elsa?” He rose his arms for dramatic effect. 

Ollie listened to her with an unamused expression on his face. He didn’t believe her. Of course, he didn’t get to see her every single day, but as a subscriber--and as a fan who saw her at VidCon--he didn’t believe anything she was saying for a second. There was absolutely no way she didn’t look good ever. “Viewers, we all know she’s lying and being modest,” he said, looking in the camera, nodding. “That’s the truth.”

He couldn’t help but do a double take as he heard Elsa talk. His jaw went slack and his eyes were wide. “So, since you’re a female subscriber, are you personally reassuring me that I’m attractive and it’s not just because about roughly half the world is female? Guys, this is amazing. It’s almost too much.”

[elxflanagan-blog]

“You should be careful about the people you insult, Oliver.” She rolls her eyes ad can’t help but blush a little bit as he wiggles his eyebrows at her camera. And honestly, she has every right to be flustered. 

“It is exactly like that!” She scoffs and her cheeks get a little hotter. “I do not look great every single day, Oliver. I promise. It’s not witchcraft.” And any retort she can muster up is lost as she tosses back her head and lets out a loud laugh.

“I wouldn’t lose my chill after looking like that! You still look attractive, no amount of make up can ruin that.”

[ollieryans-blog]

“I’m not insulting anyone. I’m just pointing something out.” Ollie had to repress a sigh; he wasn’t sure if Elsa fully understood how distressed he truly was. He did raise an eyebrow, however, when he noticed she was blushing.

“Is not,” He said, shaking his head for further emphasis. “And that’s bullshit, you look great everyday. And I refuse to believe that I’m ugly, so something went wrong here. Does the make-up not work on me, or...?” 

He decided to ignore her laugh, even though it was a nice laugh. However, her next comment had him looking up at her, a smirk creeping across his face. “You think I’m attractive? You think I’m attractive enough my face isn’t ruined by this?” He quickly turned his gaze toward the camera, if only for a brief moment. “Talk about a plot twist, folks!”

[elxflanagan-blog]

“I wear that color all the time and it looks just fine on me I don’t see what the problem is.” She tries to sound sincere but the corner of her mouth twitches up into a little smile. 

Elsa manages to fight back the urge to roll her eyes because, yes, he is surpassing overdramatic at the moment and it’s getting funnier by the second.

“I did your makeup which is exactly what the challenge told me to do, Ol. Do you understand the pain I go through almost daily now?” She rolls her eyes and pinches the bridge of her nose before facing the camera as well. “All they see right now is you being a total drama queen. Should we put up another video searching for your lost chill?”

[ollieryans-blog]

“The problem is, my dear Elsa, is that I am wearing it and it makes me look like a serial killer. Some people aren’t as lucky as you are to be able to pull this off.” He turned towards the camera and wiggled his (very lush) eyebrows. 

Ollie couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He actually pretended to clean out an ear before responding.

“No. This isn’t like that because, you see, you look great on a daily basis, and I look like you’ve styled this based on some water-damaged photocopy of a brilliant drag queen! They would be ashamed, Elsa!” 

He almost refused to comment on his lost chill, but all he said was, “Anyone would lose their chill after looking like this. Obviously.” 

[elxflanagan-blog]

“Technically it’s your mouth doing the speaking, Oliver.” She smirks and shakes her head.

She honestly doesn’t think that it looks that bad, even though the red lipstick admittedly goes better with her skin tone than his. If it weren’t for the fact that she was so amused by it, she might actually feel bad about it. But the faces he was pulling were getting funnier by the minute.

She actually let out a snort of laughter and reaches out to pinch his cheek. “Aw, don’t be over-dramatic, gorgeous.” She giggles and claps her hands together. “Honestly I wasn’t trying to do anything! I’m insulted that you would think I would purposely do anything to make you look ugly!”

[ollieryans-blog]

With a snort, he pointed at his mouth and the lipstick on top of it. “Sure is, isn’t it? It’s doing a lot of talking.”

It was the type of red that promised to be in his future nightmares--which was to say, absolutely fucking terrifying. It was like he’d just finished eating some people or something. Good grief.

“I’m not being overdramatic here, I’m telling you the truth!” He sighed as he watched her giggle, and then looked back into the mirror to check out his face again. He honestly couldn’t help himself. “Well you did something!” He turned back to the camera, gesturing wildly to his face. “Look what she did to me!”

[elxflanagan-blog]

“Maybe. I never said that, don’t put words in my mouth. And I would never purposely make anyone ugly! Who do you think I am?” Elsa stared at him with a blank expression as she waited for him to say something.

It had been a little harder for her to pick things that matched his skin tone but she’d tried her best. She didn’t think she did that bad of a job, but obviously some people can think otherwise. It wasn’t like most guys wore makeup like this on a daily basis, anyway. That was what made the currently modified challenge, that Elsa had decided to lovingly call ‘I do my guy-friends makeup’, so interesting and a real attention getter.

Elsa does her best to hold back a laugh as she just shrugs. “I don’t know! Personally, I don’t think your cheekbones have ever looked better, sunshine.” It only took a few more seconds of her seeing the horrified look on his face before she dissolved  into giggles and covered her mouth with her hand to try and stifle the sound. 

[ollieryans-blog]

“You don’t need to say anything. My face speaks for itself.”

He should’ve asked her to use a nude lipstick or something, because his mouth made him look like the joker. Good lord, he didn’t even know what to do about it all. The fact that this was going to be uploaded on the interview made Ollie pull another face. Unfortunately, it made the make-up look even more ridiculous. 

He was a bit torn on the cheekbones, though. It was nice having such chiselled features, but... “They’re a fucking hazard, El. Someone will impale themselves on these bad boys and we’re all going to be traumatised.” Hearing her giggles, Ollie turned and scowled. “See? You were trying to uglify me!”

[elxflanagan-blog]

The whole reason she’d taken the right to a mirror away from him before they even started was because she didn’t want him freaking out about the way his face was starting to look. It wasn’t that he looked bad, just that she knew to expect some pretty drastic reactions from guys seeing themselves with make up on.

There had been a few times when she’d had to lean back and scold him, telling him that if he didn’t stop fidgeting she might accidentally jab him in the eye and yes she knew some of the brushes tickled but that didn’t make any difference. Trying not to laugh at some of the faces he pulled was pretty impossible at times but she was trying to go easy on him. It might not seem like it to him, but she could have done much worse.

She purses her lips and tilts her head, taking in the work she’d just done. “Well you could look worse. But I can’t have you looking prettier than me otherwise I would have to destroy you.” She laughs and turns the mirror around so he can see himself and she chews on her bottom lip to keep from laughing even more.

[ollieryans-blog]

“So I’m a threat, huh? For all I know you purposefully uglified--” He fell silent as he took his appearance in the mirror. There were no words. 

Ollie wasn’t exactly pale, but there was still quite a difference between his and Elsa’s skin tones--which made that heavy but nicely-brushed foundation on his face look like a trainwreck. He had smokey eyes, a little bit of eyeliner that gave him quite the cat eye, and his lashes were so long he could see them. So obviously she’d put on a good coat of mascara.

Everything looked particularly horrifying, but Ollie couldn’t help but noticed how chiselled his features were. His nose was sharp and elongated, and his jaw and cheekbones looked like they could cut glass. Touching his cheeks, he looked at Elsa. “What the fuck happened to my face?”

[ollieryans-blog]

elxflanagan

Ollie had been denied a mirror for the last twenty minutes or so while Elsa perfected whatever the hell she was doing on his face. He’d tried to wait patiently, but it was hard; there was only so long he could sit down without moving. 

The make-up hadn’t been so bad--well, some of it, anyway. Foundation and powder was okay. It felt heavy and he felt it on his face, but the brushes were great. Eyeshadow, filling in brows and blush was ticklish and he still didn’t understand contouring. Lipstick and gloss had felt gross, but eyeliner and mascara had probably scarred him for life. He had no idea why girls did that to themselves without flinching everyday--and how they got it so good. He’d been too afraid to ask about those fake eyelashes in her bag.

“I better look hot,” he said, raising an eyebrow at her. “I mean, after all this pampering I should look hot. Right?”