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goodbye.

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Trust me when I say the thought of never having to do a damn thing ever again outweighs missing a single thing.

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It took me years to decide how I was going to end it. However, when I found out, holy fuck was that the best present I've ever given myself.

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Since I have finally decided I’m doing this and have methodically chosen my route, anything and everything that reminds me of you and this all finally being over gives me short bursts of adrenaline. I like it. I like the pain of our memories and I’m so excited to put out my light.

Family & Friends;

I’m not sorry, I know this will hurt a lot of you but I have never really felt okay. I’ve wanted to die for as long as I can remember. Some of you knew that. I have finally lost my will to live and I just don’t want anything anymore. I don’t want to do anything anymore. Sure, material shit can be “fun” but it’s all meaningless. You live, you die. I’m choosing now, I’m done. I am free. I don’t feel the pain anymore. I don’t feel it clawing away at me anymore. I opened the door and let him in. I wasn’t even a real person. There were real things wrong with me, things that couldn’t be explained or treated. Just go on about your days, I was never really there.

Kylie;

You’ll never really understand what you meant to me. You were everything to me. You were my soul mate. You took all of that away from me within seconds. I cannot come back from this. You think that I’ll be okay like this is a normal thing but it’s not. This is something entirely different. I am mourning the loss of you and you’re still alive. I cannot and will not be happy ever again. I am halved. I am lost. I am not okay. You were the only thing in this world that I had. You were the only thing that I wanted to live for. Everything I did was for you and I and I just don’t have anything holding me back anymore I’m not sorry. I love you. My life insurance money, I don’t know if it pays because I did this but if there is, you’re my beneficiary. If there is, do with it what you will. Pay off your car. Buy a house. Buy your mom a house. Whoever wants my stuff can have it, I don’t care. I don’t care anymore. I don’t.

Just know that once upon a time, you were loved like you’ll never be loved again. Goodbye.

todayinemohistory

May 23, 2005

Helena, the third single off of My Chemical Romance’s Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge album, is released.

Notes: (there’s a lot)

The song is about about Gerard and Mikey Way’s late grandmother, Elena Rush. Apparently a lot of people called her Helen, so the song title is actually a combination of her nickname of her actual name.

The music video was shot at a real church, the Immanuel Presbyterian church on Wilshire Boulevard in Los Angeles, California. So yes, you can get married or have your funeral service in the same place the music video was filmed.

The rain at the end of the music was real, and unscheduled.

Frank Iero, the rhythm guitarist of the band, was too short to help carry the casket, so you don’t see him doing that in the music video. He’s actually standing by it for visual purposes, but not actually carrying it.

Majority of the mourners are fans who responded to an email about appearing in the music video. This also includes the pallbearer who replaced Frank.

Helena was the last song ever preformed by the band live on May 19, 2011. Making the band’s famous last words: “So Long and Goodnight.”