omg wtf I'm a parent?

I'm queer, I'm here, doing this thing I thought was impossible. I'm old by tumblr standards, young according to most of my friends.

[omgwtfparenthood]

when ur a nerd mom and ur kid had to go to the er

[omgwtfparenthood]

I'm tired of having to reclassify people I thought were "friends," into the category of "people who don't want to actually hang out with me but are too nice to stop inviting me to things as long as they know I can't attend." I guess that's what having kids is all about, tho.

[omgwtfparenthood]

Wtf is even the deal tho with "allies" that recognize gender exists outside the binary yet aggressively gender and gender-role and dress-to-gender their children from conception?

[omgwtfparenthood]

Is it normal for a just-turned-2-year-old to pick up two crayons, see them cross over each other, and say, "X!" like actually recognizing the letter? I worry about their intelligence. Being intelligent has gotten me nowhere besides severely depressed.

[omgwtfparenthood]

Everyone: omg! Can you even believe your child is two??? Didn't it go by so fast!!!?!?!

Me: *force smile* haaaa, yeahhhh.... I knowwww....

Inner dialogue: stfu this has been the longest two years of my life and they are not growing fast enough I want to sleep in I want a day off I want to do nothing all day I want a weekend more than once a year I want to afford to pay someone to raise my kid so I don't have to do this anymore

[omgwtfparenthood]

Lately been finding myself jealous of people in their early-to-mid 20s with money to spend on all kinds of shit I never got to do because I was too busy managing mental illness largely without helpful guidance from my healthcare providers, plus being in an emotionally abusive relationship/eventual marriage while also trying to navigate my relationship as an adult with parents that were emotionally unavailable at best throughout my childhood.

Which is like whatever, I know it’s not anyone’s fault, I don’t take it out on these poor kids and I let those feelings go when I recognize them… but now I have a kid, which for me as a physically and emotionally disabled criminal basically means I gave up the idea of ever having a job again because the cost of childcare would never be covered by a job that’s within my reach. So that means I will never again have income of my own, ever. So I will never again know the luxury of doing something for myself. I will never take a trip to Australia or get another tattoo or spend a week alone in the woods. I will never again buy a nice pair of boots or go to a show on a whim or own expensive lingerie. I will never even have a chance to remember what it’s like to not give one single fuck about anything in the world, not even for one second.

And you know. I just have to suck it up because I didn’t choose abortion. This is supposedly what I wanted.

There are no existing support groups in my area for parents that don’t want to be parents. I don’t know if they really exist at all. How could you trust someone with that information?

[omgwtfparenthood]

Parenthood is literally the worst thing, idk what I was thinking.

[omgwtfparenthood]

Actually the worst thing is coparenting.

[omgwtfparenthood]

Parenthood is literally the worst thing, idk what I was thinking.

[omgwtfparenthood]

I started my period at 3am and I'm sick with a cold that my toddler kindly caught from their sister and turned into something with a fever for me, they also refused to stay in bed for nap time so I spent 45 minutes crying with my face covered to prevent book corners from entering my eyes, but my best friend brought me Wendy's with a giant Dr. Pepper with no ice (caffeine for cramps, always, but coffee messes with my stomach) and I at least managed to fry some eggs with weed up this morning so hopefully once I find a second to take a drag off this vape pen the shrieking and crying and hitting will be a lot more tolerable.

[omgwtfparenthood]

lmfaoooo having a child was the worst decision I've ever made in my life

[omgwtfparenthood]

Everyone keeps telling me raising my kid is "the most important job of all" when my not being employed is merely even mentioned. I never really believed them and the longer I'm a mom the more I feel like it's preparing me for a different role. It's just another one of those things that well-meaning people say thinking it'll make you feel better about their perception of a situation, when the comment actually ends up serving only to demonstrate how little they understand about your experience and your perception of that. So basically just another element of my life that everyone knows more about than I do. I guess I shouldn't mind since I get that all the time about being a poc/queer/nb/non-monogamous/neurodivergent/generally myself. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

[omgwtfparenthood]

"Newpeeper" = zookeeper

[omgwtfparenthood]

at the thrift store

5yo: oh these cups are so tiny and cute!

me: yeah, but what would you put in them? They're not big enough to drink from.

5yo: little treasures.

me: ...that's legit.

[omgwtfparenthood]

This tiny person has been playing pretend for awhile, now. At 2.5 years old, their sister was speaking complete paragraphs, but I wasn't prepared for mine to be like that. At nearly 21 months we're getting four syllables regularly, 3-syllable words, many phrases in context and many more being practiced without really knowing the meaning yet. Obvious remorse when they accidentally hurt someone, and acts to comfort/apologize (including recently saying "sorry" in context!). Human brains, man. Now if I could just stop the fucking biting and thrashing. I suspect they may have broken my nose with a 'love tap' at the beginning of the month, and just a few days ago, knocked it again (not as hard, but it's still tender). I need a vacation.

[dinuguan]

[decaflesbian]

Me as a parent tbh

[omgwtfparenthood]

My kid just used the potty for the first time. Poop and pee. Yup I'm bragging. Which is the weirdest fucking thing???

[omgwtfparenthood]

a future conversation

kid: mama, why don't we have an elf on the shelf?

me: it was a concession to have Christmas, but I draw the line at surveillance culture.