because he’d never give up on me. slowly, as if the subtlest movements could break this fragile air between them, roxas takes a glimpse back, just enough to see cloud’s expression. as inexperienced as he is with the world around him, roxas recognizes the despondency in those eyes: cloud misses this person he’s been searching for, this person he keeps close despite the aching distance.
but, just as quickly as he had looked, roxas makes himself turn away & settles for what seems to be a stain on the sofa. is that the same look roxas wears right now, too? these similarities between them, along with cloud’s words shakes roxas to his very core in an almost violent manner. is that anger to the world / disappointment in himself / guilty for him ( oh, do you even deserve to think his name? ) that resonates so profoundly into his soul?
❛ do you get… i don’t know—scared? ❜ roxas hugs his knees closer, closer to his chest. it is difficult to fill an empty space that roxas himself cannot even touch, no matter how desperately he tries to close in on himself. even if he could, the only reason why a gaping hole exists in his heart at all is because this is a part of roxas’ heart meant to be filled by only one person. only by he who makes the meeting of stars & sea possible. but with the history between roxas & him, it makes roxas stop & think—maybe this search for a person he knows nothing & everything about is a mistake. ❛ what makes you so sure that he hasn’t given up on you, even ‘till now? ❜
roxas turns to face him & it takes all of cloud’s willpower ——— tapping into the newfound resolve that’d only formed with the addition of the little boy who now lived in his household ; the addition of a son , of denzel , & learning what it meant to be a selfless father ——— to not look elsewhere as their eyes met . it was instinct , to turn away . to cast his eyes to the side ... because the truth was never easy to handle . he’d stuck it out however & soon roxas was the one to turn away . had he found whatever he’d been searching for ?
inquiries boar into him like a flame burning through plastic , eroding a hole & leaving what remained molten & deformed ——— these were questions , the exact questions ——— cloud had been avoiding asking himself like some form of plague . it was amazing though what one could endure for another ; right now he wasn’t doing this for himself , nor for zack , he had someone here who looked , sounded , felt , just as lost & alone & confused as he still was had been . he wouldn’t run away from this .
cloud feels a nervous laugh bubble in the back of his throat , but it doesn’t slip free . his mind pricks alight with warnings , sirens blaring , as something deep sets off . he suddenly feels ill but swallows the alarmingly forming bile & pushes through that paranoia with nothing more than an outward sigh & the shift of achy bones . ❛ ... yeah , ❜ he admits it & it’s shattering , like his world breaks a little ; this safe & secure bubble he’d constructed for himself made now of only a thin glass . ❛ real scared . ❜ a pause , he’s staring off into the far side of the room now . scanning the old & worn wallpaper for an answer . ❛ ... don’t know . whatever he’d seen in me , i definitely don’t see it . was never the kind to give up though , once his mind was made that was it . ❜ cloud struggles , words taking slightly longer to form than he’d wanted them to ——— speaking was never his strong suit , doubly so when it was about himself . ❛ i guess ... i believe in who he is more than i believe in what i’m worth to him . ❜
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