A Sleepless Mind

A gold mine, a ghost mind.

[no-longer-another-bondi-blonde]

Everyone should know the international sign for Help Me. Let’s make this famous!!

[amanda-bakes]

Interesting; I didn't know this was a thing.

[hopefulmisanthrope]

It’s apparently a thing, but it’s a very new thing, so it may need some help being known.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Signal_for_Help

[thatwitchrevan]

I personally wanna see less 'you are not a burden/it's not work to love you' and more 'you are worth the work it takes to love you.' I KNOW I'm a burden sometimes. that isn't such a terrible thing! humans are strong. we can carry burdens. and it is work for me to be there for my friends, but it's work I'm willing to do.

we need to acknowledge this because pretending love isn't work will never make people like me feel less guilty for accepting love. we need to talk about it so people don't feel bad for having boundaries and not always being up to do the work. we need to accept it so we can properly appreciate what others do for us and what we're doing for them.

yes it does take work to love you. but guess what? you still deserve love, and you deserve people who are willing to do the work to love you. it doesn't make you bad. all love take work. and everyone is worth it.

[once-in-a-blue-mind]

It gives me a strange feeling knowing that you were ahead of the world. You began wearing a mask long before the rest of us. I must admit that you played your role masterfully, darling. I could almost applaud. I tried to pour love into a friendship, but that love only bought me tickets to a show. Bravo.

My soul was sold to a stage

@once-in-a-blue-mind

[rainsnires]

I don’t think anyone talks about the specific trauma of growing up autistic and not being able to read social signals tbh - at least it’s not something I’ve seen talked about.

It’s talked about sometimes in the context of abuse trauma that people who have it feel like they’re walking on eggshells because they grew up with unpredictable people who could go off at any moment(and I’m in this group as well), but what has to be understood is that for many autistic people, the entire *world* is like that. All people are unpredictable to us - we can’t read social cues. It’s not just a matter of being awkward, we can’t do it. We have no way of reading the signs that someone’s getting annoyed, or wants us to leave, or is “just being polite”, so as kids, we push and push past every signal because we can’t see them, and then, seemingly out of the blue, we’re getting snapped/shouted at and we have no way of understanding why or how to avoid it next time.

It’s traumatic, and it stays with you - there’s a reason some autistic people tend to be shy and withdrawn, or develop social anxiety. We learn at a very early age that everyone is unpredictable and could snap at any moment, and we don’t know how to feel it out at all, so eventually, it becomes safer just to not interact at all. We can’t see the boundaries, and we don’t want to get our hearts broken, so we pull back, we don’t message first, we wait for others to make the first move, we follow, we copy, we mask, but we never assume. And that weight carries into adulthood - it carries to friendships, romantic relationships, professional relationships, and every other form of interaction we have. Those times we’ve been startled by anger or caught off guard by irritation stick so deep in us and it’s not just something you shake off and forget.

[once-in-a-blue-mind]

Wow... it's in words. This is bang on for me.

[once-in-a-blue-mind]

You claimed to care for me and yet you hurt me over and over while being indifferent towards my pain. Such a non sequitur of sorts, your words versus your actions.

You killed me not-so-softly

[once-in-a-blue-mind]

You gave me fake love that I thought was real. I took your "love" like a pill, believing that it was curing my sadness, my loneliness, my feelings of being misunderstood and not belonging anywhere. It felt like the earth stopped spinning when I realized that the pill I was taking was a placebo.

Was nothing better than something?

[together-translations]

If she does this to you or if you recognize you doing this, stop immediately.

[luniapoetry]

“They turned her into a weapon and then complained when she learned to defend herself.”

—unintended consequences

[once-in-a-blue-mind]

I've had nightmares disguised as dreams. I have drunk poison disguised as water after a long period of dehydration. I have entered mazes disguised as straight lines. Most of all, I have believed distortions disguised as realities.

Illusions sing to me

@once-in-a-blue-mind

[freezingbeach]

today is good day to support trans authors

[brightephemera]

The current usage of “a few bad apples” bothers me.

A few bad apples spoil the barrel. If you put a rotting apple in with three dozen good ones, every adjacent apple will be rotting within days. “A few bad apples” does NOT mean “we have a good barrel but, oh well, sometimes bad things happen.” “A few bad apples” means “Our entire organism is rotting from the inside out, triggered by the actions of a few and perpetuated by the natural processing of the whole.” When you say “we had a few bad apples” your next words had BETTER be “we excised them, quickly and permanently, and checked the remaining ones to make sure they’re still good.”

This has been my rant, thank you.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

OH MY GOSH. I NEVER KNEW THE FULL QUOTE: 

holy oh my goodness vanilla scented MOTHERFCUKER

The actual meaning of ‘don’t let one apple spoil the bunch’ is:  “REMOVE THE FEW BAD APPLES BEFORE THEY SPOIL THE BUNCH.” 

The idiom was never meant to defend the bad apples. You absolutely can judge a barrel by its few bad apples. There is no room for bad apples. 

This is literally the opposite of what they’ve been telling us.

[once-in-a-blue-mind]

You taught me many things. I was, in a sense, your pupil. But I misunderstood. I saw myself not as a student kind of pupil, but as a pupil among an iris. I thought that you were the iris that brought colour to the world around me. Of all the lessons I learned from you, I will always remember the final one- that I cannot let myself feel that way about someone ever again.

Scars don't forget

@once-in-a-blue-mind

[once-in-a-blue-mind]

It is like I am stuck in winter solstice. The light of day is brief and does not warm me, and the darkness of night reigns. I am desperate for my spirit to know summer again.

Where is the liberty of light?

@once-in-a-blue-mind

[once-in-a-blue-mind]

Our hearts have always run parallel to each other, haven't they? I should have seen that before. I should have realized that they would stay side by side but never meet. These red drums in our chests will never embrace. They will never really understand one another.

A sea and shore never to touch

@once-in-a-blue-mind

[once-in-a-blue-mind]

I loved you and I called out this love, thinking that there would be an echo. I broke when I received only your silence in return.

Disquieting quiet

@once-in-a-blue-mind

[once-in-a-blue-mind]

I am ink requiring a pen. I have the words to say what must be said, but somehow they won't come out.

A lion that roars like a mouse

@once-in-a-blue-mind

[once-in-a-blue-mind]

I've learned that you can't put your trust in the sun and expect it never to set.

'Til dusk do us part

@once-in-a-blue-mind