hello all. i don’t want to reblog the pertinent post out of respect for evelyn so she doesn’t have to see me in her notifications, but i wanted to address it otherwise so it doesn’t seem as if i am trying to avoid it.
to start with, i am completely and wholly embarrassed by the way i acted both the day in question (our breakup) and how i have acted recently–as well as how i acted in moments during me and evelyn’s relationship. there’s no excuse for any of it. though it’s no excuse, i was that the way i was acting (i should have realized on my own, and for this, i am sorry that it had to come to this for me to really acknowledge my own actions) was painting her out to be the villain. that is on me, 100%. i am sorry, from the bottom of my heart, but i’m not going to spend this entire post apologizing–only because i don’t want to keep circling back to an apology and filling up space when i could just be acknowledging my behavior instead.
regarding my blog hopping, it was not an attempt to run from anything or to try and weasel my way back into some people’s good graces (not that evelyn was saying i was doing that)–i go through periods where i do make multiple blogs within a short period of time, and i always have in times of duress. my remaking a blog for hannah came from a place of genuine comfort because while my internet was out recently, i started watching pretty little liars again, and felt as if being on her blog again would do well to ease my mind and for a while, it did work. when i made a blog for aloy, and changed my alias, it was for my own comfort and to ease my own paranoia which had / has a hand in the way that i acted.
regarding that, i misunderstood (constantly) evelyn’s act of putting me in her rules and the subsequent loss of followers made my separation anxiety flare up which, in turn, fed into my paranoia. it’s not an excuse, but an explanation as to why i changed my alias and made a new blog. i wanted some measure of comfort to try and quell the bad thoughts i was facing, and i apologize to anyone if it seemed as if i were trying to circumvent her rules or run from anything.
regarding suga’s points, that is something i completely take responsibility for and have no excuse for. it has happened on a consistent basis and i apologize for my behavior regarding the appropriation of AAVE and for any dodging i may have done when it has been brought to my attention via an anon. which it should not have had to come to in the first place, i shouldn’t rely on others to check me, i need to start doing it myself.
and that’s the crux of this post, really. i am going to make a conscious effort to take what was said to heart and change my behavior for the better. i am truly sorry for my actions and to anyone that i’ve hurt / made uncomfortable because of them, but more specifically, i am sorry to evelyn, i am sorry to suga, and i am sorry to sol. i am sorry that it had to come to this for me to really have a kick in the ass and realize the way i have been behaving recently was / is completely uncalled for. there was no excuse for my actions then, and there is no excuse now. thank you for reading, and please like if you have read this. (i will reblog this on other pertinent blogs (i.e. the ones in her rules) so any who follow me on one blog but not the other can see this, too).
