[onceuponadisneymovie]

AU in which Arianna finds the tower and the whole adventure with Rapunzel is just her going "How dare that woman treat Rapunzel in such way?! If she were MY daughter-"

[onceuponadisneymovie]

Lizt of the most important characters in Frozen 2, in order:

1.

[onceuponadisneymovie]

what if we held hands and raised a lizard together and we were both girls 😳😳

[youarejustintime]

I was thinking about the lyrics I’ve had my adventure, I don’t need something new the other day and

the fact that Elsa categorizes a situation that was wildly traumatizing and not at all consensual as an “adventure”.

Like ah yes, that adventure where a prince from the nearby isles attempted to murder both her and her sister. Good times. 

[onceuponadisneymovie]

No wonder she doesn't want anything new

[onceuponadisneymovie]

I mean honestly, if you think about it, it was kind of obvious that Frederic and Arianna were the ones who named Rapunzel even before the series confirmed it.

I mean, if it were up to Gothel her name would've ended up being Flower or sumn

[kazoosandfannypacks]

Ah yes, because lettuce is a much better than flower.

[onceuponadisneymovie]

I mean fair, but at least her parents put in the effort to google translate it

[onceuponadisneymovie]

Ok but this is probably the first timr Gothel has met Pascal, right?

So imagine: you're about to kidnap the lost princess of Corona (again) when suddenly this fucking reptile attacks you.

And what's worse, it is that same reptile that trips you and makes you fall out of a fucking tower.

Like, she doesn't know Pascal. She doesn't know he's Rapunzel's best friend and the only one who witnessed your shitty parenting techniques. For her it's all just so random

[onceuponadisneymovie]

I mean honestly, if you think about it, it was kind of obvious that Frederic and Arianna were the ones who named Rapunzel even before the series confirmed it.

I mean, if it were up to Gothel her name would've ended up being Flower or sumn

[toriburger]

she’s gunna get ya

[lucydacusgirl]

Nothing will make you evil like trying to find a specific tumblr post

[gayteensupreme]

*remembers the url on the post*

oh damn a deactivated account.

*remembers a unique tag on the post and puts it in the tumblr search*

whAT DO YOU MEAN THERES NO POSTS WITH THIS TAG??

*remember tumblr search is broken beyond repair*

*give up*

*the post you were looking for floats across your dash a week later*

[onceuponadisneymovie]

If you remember a specific phrasing in that post you can just google it

[221turtlesinthetardis]

Five asexuals are playing cards.

One starts to explain the rules: 

I’d say no cheating, but there are already five aces at the table.

[wetfag-deactivated20170404]

just a reminder that apparently anybody who isn’t ace cheats

[exemplarybehaviour]

this literally says the aces are cheating…………. because… you can’t have five aces in a deck………….it’s the Opposite of the second comment…

[lostoldplanet]

Reading comprehension on this site is piss-poor

[mystrothedefender]

How dare you say aces piss on the poor

[onceuponadisneymovie]

How dare you judge piss for being poor

[glumshoe]

hey do you guys know about the uncomfortably horny BDSM song cut from Disney’s Aladdin

[argumate]

no but I wanna

[glumshoe]

it’s called “Humiliate The Boy” and it’s just line after line of Jafar making it Weird™️

including the very real lyrics “oh, we’ll emasculate him slowly/all the better to enjoy/how delicious to humiliate the boy”

Disney why

Disney I can’t kinkshame fast enough to keep up with this shit

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

after learning Ursula’s character design was based on a (truly splendid) drag queen, I just sort of got lazy with assuming she would always be the most salacious disney villain. 

but apparently Jafar is a dom with a thing for twinks & humiliation play so what do i know

[glumshoe]

I don’t think I’d call Ursula especially salacious–she makes jokes implying that men only want sex, and she moves like a theatre major at the grocery store with their friends, but I wouldn’t describe her as horny.

I guess Frollo has a whole song about how horny he is, and both Gaston and Jafar also have “marry the heroine but in an evil way” as motives. 

[smokyquartz323]

Ursula is comfortable in her sexuality. Frollo is horny on main but trying to deny it. Gaston and, apparently, Jafar are horny period, with Gaston being mysoginistc and Jafar having a humiliation kink

[virgil-is-a-cutie]

Oh dear

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

ok someone do an alignment chart

[bemusedlybespectacled]

I made an alignment chart because I needed something to occupy my time. no one but frollo is on the “conflicted” bar because no other disney villain is anything but 100% comfortable with their sexuality and that’s that about that. gaston is evilly sexy, not evilly horny, because the only person gaston is horny for is gaston.

also, did we NOT already know jafar was kinky? was the slave girl outfit and hypnokink not a huge giveaway?

[crispydumbass]

I love tumblr coz where else would I read a serious analysis of Disney villains in terms of them being sexy/kinky/horny while listening to a very disturbing kinky Jafar song

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

someone replace “but conflicted” with “but a creep” and add scar and hades

[wee-tiny]

[pixie-mage]

Perfect

[counterpunches]

#the real reason i’ll stay forever on this godforsaken website#truly groundbreaking analysis just like this  @fiddleabout

[whatdoyoumeanitsnotawesome]

i’m glad Rattigan is getting the rep he’s due, A+ 10/10, solid reading of the character

[whatdoyoumeanitsnotawesome]

the kids are confused about Rattigan

@bemusedlybespectacled are you happy with the chaos you have caused?

[bemusedlybespectacled]

@whatdoyoumeanitsnotawesome​

[papenathys]

"there is no reason why homophobia should be a thing in your fictional universe" actually a) I grew up in a homophobic family in a homophobic country and can only explore my struggles and my identity through my writing b) I'm not about to be schooled by Tumblr activists as to what constitutes "good queer rep", most of you all don't seem to realise there are cultures outside those of Europe and USA and "good" is not a universal parameter.

[onceuponadisneymovie]

There are stories and stories. Sure, I understand seeing fiction as a form of escapism and not wanting to have to put up with homophobia in it too, but you also have to understand that for some people, seeing such subjects and watching characters deal with and overcome them is catarthic.

Ultimately, this too comes down to taste, and saying that it's bad writing or that the author is a bad person for writing such themes is being narrow minded.

And that's not even talking about the impact fiction has upon reality, and the impact that stories that tackle sensitive topics can have

[congratulotions]

imagine being a normal citizen of arendelle. you’re just minding your goddamn business when the queen plunges your kingdom into eternal winter, very nearly killing you. she then somehow recovers from that absolute PR nightmare by building a cool ice rink. then three years later you’re forced to evacuate because that bitch decided to Awaken The Spirits of the Enchanted Forest and you almost die AGAIN when the kingdom almost floods– but wait, she saves the day! so it’s Fine!

then she hands the kingdom over to her normal well-adjusted sister and peaces out to the scandinavian wilderness to become a full-time forest cryptid. she can occasionally be spotted riding her magical water horse across the sea like lesbian jesus. you have no idea what the fuck just happened. you’re just trying to sell some lutefisk. how do you explain this to your children

[onceuponadisneymovie]

If I was a normal Arendellian citizen and I saw that my queen could curse entire kingdoms and create giant ice monsters with a wave of her hand I would just shut up and pray the power won't go to her head

[onceuponadisneymovie]

Elsa takes everything in a literal sense, unfortunately

[writing-prompt-s]

You’ve decided to sell your soul for immortality, since its cheaper than health insurance.

[onceuponadisneymovie]

You come to regret it after the 3rd badly healed bone

[writing-prompt-s]

You are the God of Darkness and Destruction but you hate your domain. You have created a new thing for the humans to help bring peace and prosperity. You hope humanity will love the Internet.

[onceuponadisneymovie]

"Roll."

"It's a 9."

"Hmm." The DM tapped his chin and narrowed his eyes at the table. "Alright. You got hacked and now all your devices show only cute pet videos. You remain ignorant to how much you failed in your attempt."

[writing-prompt-s]

Your mother admits to you that you have some ‘supernatural’ blood in your veins… but she’s not sure what kind, since she played the field a lot.

[onceuponadisneymovie]

"Well I'm a succubus darling, what were you expecting?" Mom sent me a smirk over her shoulder before turning her attention back to the dishes she was washing.

I sighed and looked up at the ceiling, with half a mind to send a prayer to a god - whichever god was listening. But then, as a general rule gods tended to ignore demonic beings' prayers.

"Oh if you're going to pray, do make sure it's to Hedylogos. Flattery got him everywhere."

"I hate you."

Mom gasped, putting one wet hand over her chest and fluttering her eyelashes at me. "Oh how you wound me, dear! Speaking of, do make sure to add Magur the Wrathful to the list. What that dwarf didn't have in height he sure made up for in ki-"

"Nope!" I swung my legs over to the other side of the counter and jumped, scrambling out of the kitchen as fast as possible. Mom's laughter resonated through the entire appartment, even as I closed the door to my bedroom. "Paternity test it is, then."