I didn't see anything in the index for it and I was wondering if you had any advice on moving in with your s/o (it'll be my first time living where i have to pay rent, living with an s/o, and i would be in a state 10 hours from my current one) I've been trying to move out for a while so I have some savings and some other necessities (furniture, dishes) but I'm not entirely sure what to expect
Moving in With Your So
Moving list. I’ve gotten to the stage of my life where I’ll freely admit that I love lists. Anytime my boyfriend and I have a big project to do you know I’m sitting down for five minutes and putting together an itemized list. Before moving in with your SO, make a list of all of the furniture/supplies you will need for your new home. I would recommend that you do this at least a month in advance, because you will think of things after the fact and should add them to the list. Here is a good supplies list to get you started.
Furniture. You and your SO will have accumulated some amount of furniture or “stuff” over the years of living at your parent’s homes. Sit down and work together to decide what should be kept. It’s my opinion that (sentimental feelings aside) the piece of furniture that is in better condition should be the one kept, because it will last longer. There will be things you need to buy together, and it’s 100% fine to have placeholder furniture if you need it. For example, we took some ugly lamps from my boyfriend’s grandmother’s 70′s-inspired house, and threw them out when we could afford to buy our own lamps. On the other hand, if you’re going for a more minimalist look, now is the time to get rid of all that extra clutter. Get rid of all those doohickeys and chachkis! Here is a post on furnishing your apartment.
Bills. Before moving, decide how you and your SO will pay for bills. It may be best to just split everything 50/50 for a least a little while. Speaking of bills, only one person’s name can be on the account for your cable/internet and electric bills. I do not recommend getting a joint bank account until you’ve lived together for at least a few years. Just, don’t do it. Instead, have the internet/cable is in your name and taken out of your account, then have the electric in your SO’s name.
As a side bar to this, if you are splitting 50/50, making a monthly expense list will be super helpful for you (I told you I love lists lol). Both you and your SO should write down all of the expenses that come directly out of your accounts. At the end of the month, add up your expenses and your SO’s expenses, and if someone spent more, the other person writes a check for the difference.
Another sidebar, if one of you is better about paying bills than the other, you may just want to take on the entire responsibility of it. Paying bills is done online now for the most part, so paying them literally takes two seconds. I love my boyfriend, but I do our bills because he literally will wait until the last minute to pay and I’m not trying to lose sleep.
Apartments. I wrote an extremely thorough apartment hunting post already, so I’m going to ask that you refer to that for the apartment hunting side of things. What I am going to say is that I truly believe in the importance of a one bedroom apartment for couples. Studio apartments are cheaper, but they don’t have a door that you can slam shut if you need space from your SO. I don’t care how much you love them, you will fight at some point, and having a door to shut is so, so important. Spend the extra $100 and get yourself a one bedroom. Trust me.
Designing your space. You should both work together to create your new space. You’ll have to make compromises, and that’s totally fine. We had a situation when we first moved where we both wanted to hang posters that the other one didn’t like. We hung both posters, and then bought a third poster that we both liked. If there is something that you feel strongly about, talk to your SO! If they really hate it you can choose to pack it away for a later apartment, or you can ask if there is anything they want to change to compensate it.
Household chores. Work together to figure out your household chore schedule. I do think that if one of you works significantly more than the other (or has a heavier class schedule), that this should be taken into consideration when divvying up chores. There may be chores that it makes more sense for your SO to do than you (we have huge industrial sized dumpsters and I’m short, so my boyfriend takes care of the trash), but it’s a good idea to keep things as even as possible. Here are some ideas for you:
Split them right down the middle- you’re responsible for laundry and dishes. Your SO is responsible for vacuuming, trash, mopping.
Be responsible for chores on odd days (Monday, Wednesday, Friday) and your SO on even days (Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday) and switch off Sundays.
Be responsible for chores every other week.
Having people over. Take in to consideration your SO when having people over at your new home. If your SO has work or school early the next morning, don’t be rude and have your friends over super late! Don’t have your friends over every week and commandeer the space, you can always go out with your friends or go over to some one else’s place.
Fighting. Living with someone takes a while to get used to, regardless of how long you’ve been dating. Sharing a home, chores, and other responsibilities takes a toll on any relationship. That said, if you can make it work, it’s so much fun and worth the trouble! But expect to fight and bicker amongst yourself, especially about stupid things. Work together to find a way to get through these tough moments.
Making Space for yourself. Sometimes it’s hard to find time to take care of yourself while balancing a million other responsibilities. Moving out with your SO will be stressful enough as it is, make sure you take some time to do things that matter to you. Pursue your hobbies, hang out with your friends, treat yourself to a mani-pedi, whatever floats your boat.
Have fun. I’m not trying to sugar-coat it, living with your SO will not be an easy adjustment. Everything takes time to get used to, especially having all these new responsibilities on your plates. But with great responsibility comes great freedom, the freedom to walk around naked eating pizza at 3:30am if you so choose to. Take advantage of this freedom to create your own schedules, eat what makes you happy, and to design your new life together whichever way you see fit. Living with your SO is so much better than not living with your SO, and I am so excited for you to begin this exciting journey!
