One line a day

[one-line-days]

SO

Oh God, I was so innocent by thinking the pain I felt over the weekend was gonna be it. On monday, my world fell apart. He was lying to me the whole time and nothing meant a damn thing. He probably threw my shit as soon as I left and he already knew, we would never see each other again. 

It still hurts, im not gonna lie. I thought he was it, because I deserved for him to be it. Apparently he didnt deserve me, and thats ok.I still think he did, but life will show me whats next and he’ll probably be stuck.  

I was finally able to eat today, so thats a good sign. I have no doubt ill be a puddle of tears again. its a process. Im working on it. Trying to concentrate on the important things again. 

Yes, I want an explanation, but ill probably never get it. All I want right now is to move to SF, have him text me, meet up, telling him how much he disgusts me right as he thinks hes about to do me and throw him out. A girl can dream. 

its been like 10 days since we last spoke, 7 since i told him off, 4 since i crumbled. Yet, im still alive. i know ill make it. 

Hope I remember this in a few hours, mornings tend to be very difficult. 

I gotta say it on my personal space tho: F’ you Frank Sean Z. F you so much. I trusted you with my life (quite literally) and this is how you show your appreciation. Getting into a relationship by tearing apart someone else is never a good thing to do. You probably have not even read my inbox but I hope you feel just a tiny amount of my pain. It’d be unfair of the world to have you smile until at least I get my sense of self back.  

Again: i’ll live. 

The good thing is i’ve got the female version of 500 days of summer inside me. (And if i sell it and make millions by using your name, you wont get any cent because you’re such a coward you wont have any evidence of us knowing each other to prove its based on you and that’ll feel great.)

[one-line-days]

I said everything, its oficially over.

It amazes me how the same person for who you just want all of the goodness and you have nothing but love to give, is the same person that can cause you to cry and stay in bed all weekend. If he doesnt text me even a single line for my birthday in less than 2 weeks, its fucking over. I cant believe something so awesome and with so much potential ended like this. It hurts as much as last time. Even worse probably. I have not learned a single thing in all these years.

[one-line-days]

For the first time and w/out hesitation

When someone asked for my age, I typed 25.

[one-line-days]

What about MY feelings?

Ive been tiptoeing around yours for a year and a half.

[one-line-days]

You were glad I could make it

And i thought our time was infinite.

[one-line-days]

05/06

That was it...im even more most in those big blue puppy dog eyes.

[one-line-days]

t-22 days

Dont tell me weve come THIS far just so you can screw it up now.

[one-line-days]

My words will bite me in the ass

I give this guy 3 years. At the most. Well see.

[one-line-days]

I blame Taylor Swift

For showing me its ok to be 24-25 and still love like at 16.

[one-line-days]

Being driven is such a curse.

When ill be able to relax: If I keep going down the advertising path: when I get a lifetime achievement at Cannes Lions and give my own conference. (Only if Im worldwide chief creative officer and have tons of awards under my belt) If I keep going down the comedy/movies path: when I get a lifetime achievement and standing ovation at the oscars. (only if ive already won tons of oscars and other awards for directing, writing and acting) I expect nothing less of myself.

[one-line-days]

I told you I was an experiment.

Something you kept on going for months and months to take you a bit out of your everyday life. When your new life came, you bailed. Im just collateral damage in what youre doing, and in your "let go" upbringing. This is why I dont let down my walls easily. You just felt so right and it was naive of me to let it happen.

[one-line-days]

OBSSESED with Revenge (the tv show, you guys)

i can't be happy for your engagement this young my friend, live a little before. 

(Maybe i'm secretly jealous)

[one-line-days]

Into the wild

'' It hurt a little, but I told myself it was good. He knew I loved him enough to bear with the not knowing. ''

I don't know if he knows. He bears with me apparently, and im refusing to let go. My gut feeling is extremely strong this time and even from a distance, I feel safe when we talk. Theres nothing that can go wrong, not even the things he's kept a secret from me. 

[one-line-days]

Bending my own rules

I cant even remember the last time I cried over someone. Maybe i'd be a little better if I had a way of knowing what happened, or if hes ok. Scratch that. I'd still feel like this. Without even knowing, he became my best friend this past 5 months. I was certain he was gonna make me laugh when we talked, and some days we just were each others "how was your day?". Always nice to know someone cares. Im giving him time to come around/regroup of whatever has kept him away from me for 9 days. 9 excrutiatingly long days. But im not gonna give him up, hes my favorite thing since Peanut Butter. Ill fly to California if I have to. PS: 1.- dont fall for someone online unless you have a way of knowing if theyre ok other than their own words. 2.- Its 330am, I cant think in anything but him, much less sleep, and yet I have to be productive tomorrow. I wish there was a pause button. I just wanna keep on crying and listening to music. 3.- Ive never missed someone ive never had between my arms so bad. Its the worst feeling. Please come back. (This is as personal as ill ever get)

[one-line-days]

Extra post.

Reading back, I realized I started slacking once I met him and started talking to him everyday <3 Ugh, he can go rot in hell. 

[one-line-days]

Hey Lloyd, i'm ready to be heartbroken

(I'm back bitches)

Lifes been good, shitty, and busy. 

I now know its true when people say you fall in love when you least expect it, and who you least expect it with. 

Oh Lloyd, I wasn't ready, but i'm already heartbroken. 

[one-line-days]

I've sucked, I know.

But hey, trust me when I tell you 7 months constant beats slacking for 5. I'll keep doing this even tho the year is almost over.