One Click From Chaos @oneclickfromchaos - Tumblr Blog

Summer joy today is a water fountain + a friend ❤️

Enveloped Scraps

When my three year old, Lily, goes to the bathroom she has started helping me get toilet paper. She pulls at the roll until she has her little hands grasped around many little scraps of toilet paper. She smiles so big and hands them over happy to help. I don't think I could even wipe off a dolls bottom with this multitude of pieces, but I'm warmed by her joy in helping. I envelop them in larger layers of the paper and then we get to it. She sees something she can attempt to do, does it, then happily gives over her work to me. Sometimes I feel like I need to have the nice, neat, folded life in action to hand to God. The right plan or method. I think it's all in what I'm giving to Him that makes it worth something, but it's not like that with our Father. He takes our attempts to help and He envelops them in His power and ability and gets to the task. His heart is warm towards His children and it isn't perfection He is desiring from us. It's is a trust that He can use what we give, all the flawed, messy, teeny tiny grabbed at scraps that some days feel like leftovers to me. We need to believe in His ability so that we have freedom to look around the place we live and work and see where we can help. Where we can use our weak hands and grab the pieces that we can, then hand them over to a God who is our Stronghold and who is able.

#apresenthelp #ourgodisable #liveworkdo #christalone

Married

(This is an extremely vulnerable post for me. I had not really felt how deeply the effects of my husband's sin could hurt me until a year in. This is about that day.) I was now facing down the paths of my life. Toe to toe with each. Would I listen to the oppressive defeating cry of my insecurity or the gentle freeing call of God? One was familiar like an old sweatshirt...it felt like me. I knew it. We were too good of friends. The other was fresh and crisp, so much more distant in feeling but like the beginning of spring rain in its hope. At that time our oneness was so unknown to me. All of one year in the books as a married pair. The practical thinking of being one with him in the reality of our marriage hadn't had the richness of time to seed into my mind. I still lived solo. I wasn't fighting for him, arm and arm, with the same scrap and grit as I did for myself. Our oneness was breaking into my life in ways I was unprepared for. When I had my first child my body hadn't done this hard work of birth before and the only way it could be a body that had birthed life was to do it in all the painful, bloody, ripping and stretching ways. This moment felt like that. As if in my battle, through my pain and ripping apart of my solitude, I could birth life into that oneness. Unlike childbirth which comes even to the woman refusing to acknowledge it, the life of a marriage could be dammed up and brought to a stillness...the beginnings of its death...by my choice in forgiving or not. The floor of the bathroom was cold and the walls beige color felt a million times more neutral to me. The door lock was turned solid but I felt him waiting for me on the other side. Waiting for whatever his hurting me would return to him. My heart hurt. My mind was trying to fight the reality I was seeing. I wanted to fold into my familiar sweatshirt of insecurity and be hidden. But that easy comfort was wrapped in a darkness that pressed in hard. Getting up off that floor felt heavier and heavier as I saw the strand of connection to my husband as the anchor taking me down past where I could grab at air. It could sink me. If I believe this oneness is true and I let go of myself, he could drown me. The tension of our strand was tight and I thought I could hear the snap faintly like a future echo that hadn't been spoken yet. My eyes fell closed and I breathed. Hope can sometimes have the texture of a con job on this side of things. Could I believe it? Could I trust the hope of this? Could I trust God beyond the smudged up edge of my insecurity? If I let go...really truly take off my sweatshirt and stand bare, stark and hollowed out in my desire to be enveloped in something, someone who could swallow up my lacking...would he be the God who envelopes me? To be seen fully and still taken in whole reached out grasping at me. I couldn't stop myself from moving towards God, to choose belief at the end of sight. My mind screamed FOOL but the rest of me stood. And in my steps, those shaky braveless steps toward God. I found my feet standing toe to toe with Dave's feet. And we physically bore out the reality of the slow break from two into one and I held onto him. Like a wave finally cresting the pull of the tide and crashing over the dry sands my body, mind, and soul released itself and the heaviness relinquished. I felt my God crash over the dry sand in my soul and soak it full. The once screaming cry of FOOL drown out by My Fathers words... I love you. I am for you. I do not give as this world gives, like a shadowy con man, but I give as only as I can...fully, truthfully, ever faithfully. In letting go of your life you are finding it. I see you and I know you and I love you. Keep stepping towards me. Keep fighting...I am. Dave crumpled to the floor his eyes redder than I've ever seen. A weary gave out red. Watery and weak. And I saw him. My pain and hurt had distorted seeing him as he was. A man in need, waiting at the same edge I was, wondering if he could know that I could drown him, take him out, and still trust God instead of the fear. His fight is mine and his failures are mine. We are not apart, even in this. We were at the edge side by side at that moment, not standing across a canyon from one another. I felt that strand pull us together. In that way we both stood quiet and still, breathing the air in the space between us and we took step after step after step until we are here a decade later. What the torn man within me tried to sever, the good God mended and kept whole. Our seams were slowly fading out. One. Dave stood up strong and I lifted my head up and we walked.

#marriage #oneinchrist #forgivnessheals

entertainmentweekly

Revisiting Ramona Quimby’s greatest mishaps, in honor of Beverly Cleary’s 100th birthday

As Cleary writes with the perspective of an adult but enormous empathy for children, it’s no wonder that Ramona has charmed readers for more than six decades.

oneclickfromchaos

My favorite as a young reader. I have always wanted to yell out, "BOING!" but I'm still waiting for the exact right moment😁

The Cracked Lantern and The Perfect Light

Her struggle is a weight that scorns The actions leave her gospel shredded, torn As she cries out again for this heavy sin to fly She wants to want Jesus more than a shadowed sexual high "But God, the pull grows strong sometimes inside." You take the way of shame and you take the way of pain She is made so new under the Christ who knew Of all her wrongs and wrongs again she would choose to do. You take the way of shame and made her new again "Oh, God only your mercy steadies us. Oh, God, you alone are reviving us." And she's beautiful and amazing Even when she isn't singing She's the kind of bravery that crumples her down So when others take glance of her its only Christ in her that stands. "Oh, God. Oh, God only your mercy steadies us Oh, God. Oh, God you are so marvelous."

#gracerising #christisfreedom

Possibility Rooted in Deep

If you ask Callianne what she thinks of Fall, she’ll tell you…very five year old animated with added twirls. She likes that it rains crunchy leaves and she can pick them up and throw them wreckless into the air and dance underneath until the last one hits the ground. She loves Halloween and Thanksgiving. She likes the start of hot cocoa nights and wearing pink fleece pajamas. You would think Fall was her favorite. But ask her about winter…Chicago winter…and she will moon over the snow drifts and huge puffy snow flake days. She’d glory in Christmas cookies and trees and lights and Advent. She would go get her favorite blanket and start singing Away in A Manger with interpretive hand motions. She would talk about her cozy mittens and handmade snowmen in the yard after sledding. Ask her what she thinks of spring. She’ll tell you in the same animated twirling Callianne way of her love of rain jackets and rain that makes puddles just for her. She likes crocus sprouts whose blooms lay low to the ground at first and dandelions…she thinks dandelions are the best thing God has made…ever. She likes sunny mornings and longer days. She likes Easter and you would think an egg hunt in a yard with little to hide eggs under was the best. Ask her about summer and it’s all gleeful pink watermelons, water features being turned on at her favorite park, sundresses and butterflies. Warm sun filled days at the lake. She seems to love every season she gets to be in. Now, as her mom, I could talk about the fear of bees and how the 90+ degree heat doubles with a five year old climbing you like a tree to avoid them. Or the sunscream application, which is aptly named. Or the chapped cheeks and freezer burned hands after the snow adventures. Maybe I would recall the countless skinned knees or fights over the soccer ball or the howls of lament when park time is over. Perspective can spin so easily. When someone asks you how church planting is going, or how it is in ministry….what is your first thought? I remember at one conference I was at a table with no one I knew and the lady to my left asked what we were doing and when I answered she said, “Do you still love Jesus? Your husband? Kids? If you do then you’re doing great!” I laughed so hard because it was so true…but it also wasn’t. I’ve repeated what she said in passing to others. Then it kinda became what I said only with more sarcasm and bite. My season wasn’t all that fun. It wasn’t feeling good or even purposeful often. People can be so very hurtful. My response slowly eased over from the joys to the difficult parts until it was mostly just the bee stings and the skinned knees and sunscream parts. Don’t catch this as if it’s not hard. It’s extremely difficult to reach around the people near you and love them and be church. People are slam messes….me included. And mess can be painful. I can’t deny that. But it’s not everything. It’s not the total….and honestly if we look at Jesus…it’s a smaller thing that grows more and more diminished as our gaze gets trained to him. I guess I want my perspective to be is one not so heavily vested in “Its hard.” But steady on rooted into “With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God.” It’s not hard for God. Sustaining you…your sanity…your joy…your hope is not hard for God. But for you it is impossible. Building his church is not hard for God. But for you and me and our church….impossible. Changing hearts of stone into hearts of flesh isn’t hard for God. For us absolutely impossible. Giving purpose to our difficult days and cold, hard, desperate days isn’t hard for God. For you completely impossible. He is everything and it is by him everything is possible. Keep your eyes on him. Our only hope. Our only bread. We offer boasting in nothing but Christ crucified. Nothing. Spin it back. Take hold of that thought, that perspective on what God is allowing into your life and shift the view to Jesus, the giver of all life and breath and of all that you find in your hands right now. Narrow that gap of impossibility you have that presses despair into your bones and let’s open our souls up to the possibility in Christ. It’s not a pep talk…it’s the truth of who he is. His truth brightens the dark, hard, stressful places. Let him.

#withgodallthingsarepossible #seasonsofpurpose #jesuschangeseverything

Beginning Advent

But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary; God loves you dearly." - Luke 1:30 Before the pregnancy, the hard conversations with her parents and Joseph, the traveling, before the uncertainty of all of these things, there were words to her, sent by God to her. Do not be afraid. You are dearly loved. In all the things that are before you...the hard conversations, the physical weaknesses, the discouragements, and any of the uncertainties that are present with you...the truth that stands before all of it, the words for you from God remain. Do not be afraid. You are dearly loved. Settle your heart on those words. He is with us, present in our uncertainty. Fear flees and love stands in the light of Christ. When you see a Mary in your nativity or in other decorations around, remind yourself of the words that were given in the before time for her. They are true for you with what you have been given to walk through.

#advent #Godwithus #fearfleeslovestandsinchrist

orchardgroup

oneclickfromchaos

Great sorrow downcasts my eyes when I read this. Why do we run from the very places of such need? God strengthen the hands of those rising up to build and those supporting them.

The Good Hand of The Good God

I was reading through the first 2 chapters of Nehemiah and I noticed some really cool things that made my soul fill. God is so good that his word, about him, can impact us so deeply where we are sitting right now. I happen to be sitting in Starbucks when I get his fullness of Gods coolness so I might have started doing a little whit whirl head dance and some silent clapping in joy. If you know me, you know is is not an exaggeration! So I loved how he starts it with the facts of time and where he was.... "Now it happened in the month of Chislev, in the twentieth year, as I was in Susa the citadel..." I read on to the end of chapter 2 and God inserted my name in there....to remind me I am called. You are called. We are called to a time and a place and a position. It's not arbitrary crazy luck. It's God directing time. Now, it happened in the month of Novemeber, in the two-thousand and fifteenth year, as I was in Chicago... You are not where you are by chance or great insight. You are only there in that place because a God loves you and is using you to show himself to others. It's insane. I bet most days even old Nehemiah stood thinking what purpose his life would have. He chooses to write this fact of being in time and place and ends the chapter with his position..."Now I was cupbearer to the king." (verse 11.) Mine would say: Now I was wife to the church planter. It's where he has me. It's tied to why I'm here. The stand out thing in chapter one is the inbetween. The inbetween of his statements of being where he is and who he is lines and lines of dependence on God. What is filling the inbetween of these simple statements of identity are what his identity is all wrapped in. He is fasting, praying, remembering God. O Lord God of heaven the great and awesome God who keeps covenant and steadfast love let your ear be attentive and your eyes open hear the prayer of your servant I now pray before you day and night You will gather them and bring them to the place that you have chosen You will make your name dwell there We are redeemed by your great power, by your strong hand. let your ear be attentive to the prayer of your servant, give success to us today and grant us mercy That's the inbetween of a man depending on God. It's the fuel of his call. God is his fuel. Now these words might sting. Know they are coming from a mutually stung woman. When you are drained, in despair, edgy, and not joyful in life, take a hard look at your inbetween. It won't be full of dependence on God or praying or fasting or remembering. I looked at mine and it was full to overflowing with ME. Selfishness, greed, unforgiveness, absent grace, and a slew of other ugly things....mostly Julie centric. If you are empty of joy and purpose then you are over filled with you. I want my inbetween to be full of something exponentially bigger than me. I drag myself down. I fail myself and kick myself in the tail with criticism and hate. I'm not kind to me. I place all the burdens on my faulty shoulders with my failing abilities, then turn to God in anger that I can't bear it up. The "Why am I even here?!?" And the "Do you even see me?!?" Accusations come out freely in my prayers. My inbetween is what needs to switch focus. I need an inbetween interlocked in to the truth of praying to a great and awesome God who redeems me and is attentive to me because he is making his name dwell here. Chapter 2 holds one of my favorite Inbetweens. It is Nehemiah circled up with his friends encouraging one another, remembering God. They looked to God for the courage and ability to be where they were being asked and to do a hard thing. "Then I said to them, “You see the trouble we are in, how Jerusalem lies in ruins with its gates burned. Come, let us build the wall of Jerusalem, that we may no longer suffer derision.” And I told them of the hand of my God that had been upon me for good, and also of the words that the king had spoken to me. And they said, “Let us rise up and build.” So they strengthened their hands for the good work." (17 & 18) He called to them pleading at what he saw, recalling that this task was for good, and he shared what had been going on. They replied, "Let us rise up and build." They joined him. They fought alongside with him for this hard task. We cannot do this alone. We need to encourage each other, share what's going on, and rally the cry that we are rising up to build...together. I am so thankful for you guys. How could I still be hopeful and depending on God in this hard place without the echoing rally cry of my sisters. You encourage me. When I hear of your struggles, difficulty, your victories, your praises...I rally up in my soul. We can do this through a good God who has his good hand on us. Together we are looking to him to reveal his glory to the people where we live. He is fully present with you. He is good and like in 2:8 "...for the GOOD hand of my God was upon me." A good God has his good hand securely on you, around you, and all over you. He hasn't burdened you, but lifted the burden. Look to him in the inbetween, for the good hand of your God is upon you.

#goodgod #strengthforthework #jesus

A parent whose hand never holds a child to wait, whose mouth cannot say no, whose arms never stretch a safe boundary or remain open to embrace their hurting would not be said to be a good and loving parent. So it is with God.

The Marvelous Mundane

But as for me, I would seek God, And I would place my cause before God; Who does great and unsearchable things, Wonders without number. He gives rain on the earth, And sends water on the fields. Job 5:8-10 It's a new week for us all. Some of us are starting today after spending ourselves in ministry to the task God has given us in our church families. Others are trying to take a breath after a busy weekend. Others of us just experienced a couple of days we would never want to live through again. I don't know about you, but I'm beat! I think I was home about three hours out of the entire day including morning and evening hours. Now Monday and the week are here in front of me and a lot of remnants of a busy weekend are patiently waiting for my attention. I have this brooding pile of laundry on the couch. I have the crusty dirty dishes making a stink of it in the sink. I have about a million and one reminders that my children have toys and books all making themselves known underfoot. That's just what I see directly in my view! If I were honest, most of my time feels very mundane and pointless. I do the same tasks over and over and over. Things that quickly start to erode my sense of God being present in it. If you are feeling that or it's overtaken you and now you've moved from fighting it into the dark sharp world of cynicsm...listen to this verse. Read it and reread it and listen to God's view of your life. In every crack and crevice he is there pursuing purpose and bringing the smallest little task under himself to work for your good. God is in and over your story. He cares for you so specifically that not one thing is mundane to him. Your care for your little one, your bazillionth scrub of the same pot you've been cleaning for years, your rising and shining and making it to your job, your difficult moment, your annoying moment, your frustrating moment, your interuptions, your rest....it all has been given to you. Let's "place our cause" before our God who is doing the unsearchable, unseen things things that he says are great and marvelous! Let's go to him and ask, "create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me." A right spirit that sees God is the one behind our causes, our day and whatever we find in it. Fight the sharpness of cyniscm that begins to eat away at the joy of your salvation. Don't go that way! It is a place where your soul cannot find rest because your rest is in God alone. Your day is under the direction of a God who is near and able and caring for you. Place your cause before him and wait on him. Ask him for what you need. He is a Father who lavishes and provides for his children. He sees you and he is looking at your mundane and mine with eyes we need to pray to have. The pastor at COTB Streeterville shared this illustration from the Desiring God website on rain and water for the fields. It struck me down to tears at how little I see God in the monotony of my life. It encouraged me greatly to fight for the right eyes and pray for help to see my life as God sees it. I hope it encourages you! Your life is filled with seemingly small purposeless things that God is using for his glory. Let's redeem all of our seasons that he gives and look for God in them. http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/the-great-work-of-god-rain

#notsomundane #purposefullife #rain

Gentle grace is grace with wings of flight.

#gentlegrace #ephesians4:2 #letgracefly

orchardgroup

Think of your city as a place teeming with neighbors whom you are called to know, love, and engage with the gospel.

-Um & Buzzard, Why Cities Matter

oneclickfromchaos

Chicago is home.

Ropes End

Louie Giglio said during his session at the Send conference, if you're at the end of your rope, let go. I keep thinking about that. It's mind bending that in our inability, God is infinitely able. So let go of performing for other people, for yourself, for God. Stop thinking your failure or lacking undermines anything the redeeming hand of Jesys can't reach. Stop believing perfection is our goal in life. It's not perfection...it's dependence. Dependence on a God who already did perfect for us. Come to him poor and needy and failing and unable and then, then we will find the rest we strive for. In him are all things. With him nothing is impossible. By him we are made whole. Through him we walk in life that is abundant. So, if you're at the end of your rope...good! Let go and let the God who holds all the stars up hold you. This song is simple but it has really encouraged my soul this morning. I pray it encourages you guys. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-iG2wUL1vTY

The Hope of Weeds We were sitting outside, me and my rad kiddos, enjoying the day. It was sunny bright. It was mellow warm. It was a no-drama moment for the four of them which made it the best. Callianne kept bringing me these pretty green leaves on stems that looked like hearts. She would go over to this urn-like monstrosity that is basically someone who DIY'd a large tire into a planter. And it's not really pretty. And they cemented in down deep in the ground. It's not my favorite thing in the yard if you can't already tell. She digs around in this urn monster and pops up turns away from me doing something then runs over with this heart leaf of a stem. It was really beautiful. I kept holding them up against he blue sky thinking how truly cool they were. I asked to see where they came from. She was happy at that request and skipped over to me, took my hand, and led me to that urn monster. Guys, it's full overflowing weeds. More than ten or so types all intertwined and on top of one another fighting for sun and rain. Weeds. Tons and tons of weeds. I don't see the heart leaf one so I watch as she reaches in. She comes back with a larger leafed clover looking weed. She then carefully pulls off every other leaf except the biggest one, making sure not to leave pieces or to tear the one she likes. Then she hands over this heart leaf on a stem. And as she reaches back in for more to add to my growing lap full of stemmed hearts, God is tapping on my soul. I stand there and listen hard. I was pressed in you guys. Pressed in to look at what can happen when we stop seeing and having hope for people. It goes from a beautiful heart perched on a stem to a huge mass of weeds that's more annoying and ugly than anything else. Callianne found the beauty. She grabbed into the ugly mess and got down to the part where hope is. People need someone to see them with hope. They need arms and hands of believers stretching out from Jesus to them and helping get to the beauty heart that's there. It's one of the things that can wear on us. People are messed up, us included. That messed up stuff seeps over and can sting us. How many of us have had hurt, pain, or punches thrown wild at us by people? I feel like my hope for God's change fades the quickest when it meets a mess. Hurts overwhelm my fight for it. Sin shadows over it. Pride from the struggles smashes it down. I know the only hope is Jesus. Somehow that truth gets twisty and half broken when it comes to long suffering with people. I was reading in Job 17 how he describes himself as a man whose "eyes have grown dim with grief.....my whole frame is but a shadow....my plans are shattered." Being in ministry can feel like that. People around us can feel like that. He goes on to say "the righteous will hold to their ways...and will grow stronger." But what got me was his plea towards the end...."where then is my hope? Who can see hope for me?" Who can see hope? Who can see hope for that friend whose life is messy and it's affecting your life? Who can see hope for your neighborhood and all the crazy mess that's there hidden behind closed doors and closed off souls? Who can see hope for your children when they screw up? Who can see hope for you when your steps get shaky so your faith feels shaky too? Who can see hope but those who have seen Jesus? Christ is our only hope. He sees the matted up weedy mess and he reaches in, tears away, and reveals the beauty. When I stop and consider this is our Jesus, my eyes see people that way too. He is changing people. He is pulling them out of the weeds for his glory. He is using their lives to tear away what we have put in the way of seeing him and hoping only in him. I didn't even realize that most time my lack of hope for them was simply my own wrestling for hope in myself. Every time he strips it down, shining his light to dispel the darkness in me, my eyes see, really see, how that's true for others. He made them beautiful but they are in the weeds.....just like me. Let's remind each other of where we hope from. Have hope for them. See beauty in your city. Hold to your way in Christ and the strength will come. Have hope. Grab down into the ugly mess and get down to the part where hope is.

#hope #intheweeds #jesusredeems

#optimism

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