and i'll never go home again

Aoibh | 20s | writing & radiance, music & magic. I want to learn everything and absorb knowledge like a sponge and travel the world. sometimes nsfw so no minors

[stillgotscars]

the bomb - florence + the machine // the smallest man who ever lived - taylor swift

[onetosaveyou]

one of my problems genuinely is that I'm just too smart.

[sinsear-aisteach]

and another thing: no child should ever be made fun of for things they love especially by their parents

[sinsear-aisteach]

it should go without saying but apparently it needs to be said over and over and over again because every time i hear my mom tease my sister for playing wolfquest, every time i hear a teacher tease a kid for doodling, every time i hear a babysitter laugh at a kid explaining the plot of a show they like, it drives a fuckin stake through my heart because i was that kid once.

i was made fun of enough times by adults, by peers, for liking something and wanting to share it that i just. didn’t. anymore. 

dont fucking tease kids for liking things. even if you think its cringe. ESPECIALLY. if you think its cringe. because the way you speak and act towards them when they are sharing themselves with you STICKS and they will think of it years down the line.

BE NICE TO KIDS. BE NICE TO KIDS. LISTEN WHEN THEY SPEAK TO YOU. BE. FUCKING. NICE. TO. KIDS.

[corollarytower]

I was a substitute teacher for a little while between grad schools, and one day I had a middle school math class for the morning. The work they were assigned wasn’t *especially* hard, and one little girl knocked it out in 20 minutes. She started drawing what was very obviously Sans Undertale, and when I noticed I wanted to be supportive, and had the following exchange:

“What’s that you’re drawing?”

*panicking* “It’s nothing, I’m sorry, I’ll put it away.”

“No it’s okay, I was just curious about it.”

“It’s nothing. I don’t want to get in trouble.”

“You’re not in trouble, I just thought it looked like a character from a video game I like.”

Her face *lit up* the second I gave her the smallest bit of approval. She started asking me if I’d heard of various AUs for Undertale, and I tried to follow along as she explained her favorites. I obviously had to keep an eye on the rest of the class, answering questions and helping with algebra, but each time I passed her desk she had more things to tell me.

Anyway, it was very cute, but also a little sad how obviously starved she was for someone kind to talk about her stories with. Kids deserve to have someone in their corner, and it takes no effort at all to smile and listen if they have something they want to share. Preserve the earnestness you want to see in the world.

[kosmogrl]

I need something I just don’t know what it is yet

[kosmogrl]

this has been going on for like 20 years by the way.. I will let you all know when I figure it out

[onetosaveyou]

if I was just going to end up with people treating me badly anyways maybe I should have just stayed integrated into my family. like is this is all love or connection is what's the point? if I'm going to be hurt either way?

[onetosaveyou]

don't you know that abuse is the point and pushing people beyond their limits and making it so they're overwhelmed, terrified, punished for any type of regulatory behaviour or trying to communicate is the goal. how much can you push someone then demonise their smallest reactions

[onetosaveyou]

there's no way to make this end there's no way to escape. I just want to feel fucking safe.

[onetosaveyou]

I don't think I will ever feel safe again. but I have to keep him safe.

[onetosaveyou]

even when she admitted she had feelings for me none of it ever feel good I just felt terrified and pressured and overwhelmed

[andrew-garfielld]

CHAPPELL ROAN Performs "Good Luck, Babe!" at the 2024 MTV Video Music Awards (Sept 11, 2024)

[onetosaveyou]

girls will say they're over it and then have their top song be good luck babe

[onetosaveyou]

like how is she supposed to be okay or stable after everything that happened to her. but also she was treating me very badly before that. too.

[onetosaveyou]

what is the point in my life if it's not making her want to be alive but also if that's leveraged in ways to control me I fail her every time because I don't want to be the thing enabling her danger to herself

[onetosaveyou]

I always had to be more mature than I ever should have been because everyone around me was at risk and self destructing and I wanted to be stable and safe as I could regardless of my actual internal insanity, but honestly I should not have had to be more mature than her!

[onetosaveyou]

me desperately wanting to stop thinking about her and move on from how horrifically she broke my heart + her literally immediately getting forced into the marriage to the guy she leveraged being with over me making me have to obsess over her to try to save her from the horrific situation she's in... so not her fault but truly the only thing that would have worked since repeatedly threatening suicide right before didn't work!

[onetosaveyou]

like she was literally kidnapped and abused and forced to marry someone else while I didn't know if she were alive or dead after breaking up with me so messily and putting her life in my hands and threatening suicide at every attempt of my trying to get space or heal from what was happening and suddenly she's completely gone and all I can do is do research and try and tear myself to pieces while my body falls apart and I'm repeatedly sexually assaulted and can't afford food or rent just wanting her to be safe again and she comes back into my life with intermittent abilities to maintain healthy relationships or any connection from these varying situations and I never could save her but I could always be there for her right.

[onetosaveyou]

but all I ever want to ask of her is to dream sweet of me right :/:/