I Want To Be Pretty

[onlineprincessdump]

When my bf leaves out of town for work , it feels haunted at his parents house (i live there)

I forgot how it felt till today , bc he left for work

It’s only 2 days but his dad lies so …idk

Its still going to feel eternal

[cavallifurs]

[accordionlover]

cross stitch, words from Jenny Holzer's Livings, 1980-1982

[kissedbythevoid]

[pi-la]

[stitchblades]

jenny holzer, SURVIVAL (1983-85)

[onlineprincessdump]

Yk what the irony is

Idk if it’s irony English is my second language it feels right to say

I got on my knees to pray this time

I’m not going to say I ever stop believing in God bc I never have even when life is shit but I don’t always get on my knees

I just have desires and God listens to me and I say thank you bc only He should get the credit or I talk to him in my head like when I’m alone and I can’t listen to music or I’m trying to dissociate

That’s why I think I’m alive bc I’m always asking Him too

But today

I had anger inside me so when my bf left the room I got on my knees and I asked God to take it away from me to help my relationship among so many things and my bf chokes me again

I have skin rash from walking his chickens and a bruise forming under it bc he punch/smacked me idk his hands are huge and now I will have hand marks too I feel sooo ugly.

I want to shower do my hair my makeup and continue being the beautiful girl that I am

[onlineprincessdump]

My bf choked me again today I’m losing count atp

[onlineprincessdump]

I’m disrespectful bc I’m angry and I’m angry bc nobody respects me

I try my best to always be out of the way. To be mindful. But nobody is mindful for me. I think maybe my bf should stick up for me but he doesn’t for his family.

He’s there for me. He’s there’s for me except when it’s his family

I brought cookies they didn’t save me one.

I brought flower and sugar and they opened. My new bags. While having tubs of their own.

If I don’t say anything if I don’t bring it in my room they will continue. But I’m a bitch for wanting to use my ebt on Me.

I’m on fucking ebt.

[saintmarc]

[gobloggirl]

[onlineprincessdump]

I don’t want to give my credit to anorexia I worked hard not eating junk food. I didn’t starve. Myself. I starved the junk food out. And I’m working out bc I want abs and I will get abs and I have pcos so I literally have to work out bc my body literally hates me and I can’t afford to be ugly my looks are literally my job.

[onlineprincessdump]

My mother was disrespectful my father was disrespectful my sister was disrespectful to me

My managers were disrespectful some bosses were disrespectful guest n customers are disrespectful to me

But when I’m disrespectful

The audience pauses.

I don’t want to be disrespectful

I think people think I want to be

I feel like I have to be

[onlineprincessdump]

I love my friends so much I don’t want to open up to them.

[onlineprincessdump]

My bf doesn’t think he’s abusive bc he only hits me when I say something disrespectful

[onlineprincessdump]

I want to stuff my face

But bc I’m sad I’m not hungry

I want to eat something n feel the food replace the love I don’t have but

I have a goal be skinny at least

[onlineprincessdump]

I’m sad

But what’s new